Thump. Thump. Thump. I could hear my heart beating through my chest and my stomach was tied in knots just thinking about the race.

“Fifteen minutes ladies. You all need to be moving towards the start line for your final warm-ups.” My coach instructed us all. I finished tying my brand-new spikes, got up, took my Cross Country sweatshirt off, and began walking towards the start line. This was my first high school cross country meet and my coach was already expecting so much from me, more than I thought I was capable of. Why am I doing this to myself, I thought, I’m just going to get hurt again.

It had been five months since I was sitting in my doctor’s office and she had told me that I would be out the entire track season. “At least six weeks on crutches and after you’ll need to do about six weeks of physical therapy still with no running.” She said to my mom and I. It was just four days into the track season and a week before we left to go to Florida for spring break.

This wasn’t my first time in this situation. A little over a year before that I had walked out after seeing the same doctor the day after my cross country season ended in a boot. I had to sit out my final few soccer games that season. As bad as I thought that was, crutches were way worse.

I had miserably crutched all around school and the Florida beach for what felt like decades. I sat in the bleachers and watched my friends run during all of the track meets and I really didn’t want the same to happen this cross country season. Getting back to running after all of that was tough because I had to limit my time and distance and I was very frustrated because I wasn’t as fast as I was before I got hurt.
Now, today, the stress is unbearable. I don’t want to let anyone down, but more importantly, I don’t want to let myself down. “Out and back a few more times.” My coach said to the team. We now had about five minutes until the gun would fire and we would be off. The season was beginning. My friends and I all looked at each other but no one had anything to say. You could tell everyone was nervous but with that, we proceeded to get our final stretches in and run a few more out-and-backs to keep our legs loose. We all had worked so hard all summer and it was finally time to begin.

After jogging out a few more times, we lined up. I looked down at my wrist and saw the number twenty-four written with thick, black Sharpie. I needed to finish in under twenty-four minutes. “This is crazy. There’s no way I can do this.” But then I thought back to my first practice as a tiny seventh grader.

I was so excited to try something new and train for my soccer season ahead. My life revolved around soccer and I was doing everything I could to try to get better, stronger, and faster. I showed up to that first practice so nervous. I didn’t know what I was doing but I had a lot of friends there so that made it better. My coach, who I had never met before but turned out to be one of my favorite coaches ever, introduced herself to all of us and then we began.

We had only gone about two miles and I was already ready to quit. Why do people do this to themselves? I thought. It was terrible. That first practice was awful for me and I was ready to quit after about twenty minutes, but I stuck with it and went to the next practice. After the first week, I started liking it more and more every day.
By the end of the season, I decided to just stick with running from then on and quit soccer. Yes, I then decided to stop playing the sport that brought me to this point. I had been planning on playing high school soccer since I was in about fourth grade and now I was quitting to be a runner?

We all got lined up and waited for the gun to go off. Next to me stood my friends, Jillian and Avery, who I was planning on running this race with, however, in the back of my mind, I was really hoping to beat them. A little farther over from me on the start line was Anna, and I was really going to challenge myself to stay with her through most of the race. She was faster than me but staying with her would help me do better.

I took a deep breath and the gun went off. I took off and at this moment I realized that I was ready. I had trained very hard since my last injury and realized that all of the setbacks that I previously had made me want this even more. I was going to run until I couldn’t anymore.