I twist my fork into the pile of noodles right in front of me in the classiest way possible. I stuff the noodles in my mouth and I'm shocked. These are way better than I ever thought. I stuff even more noodles into my mouth. After five minutes of not so classy eating, I realize that I embarrassed myself in front of my relatives. I look down in embarrassment, but my aunt looks happy. Maybe I'm worrying too much about keeping up a good image in front of my own relatives. Why am I so nervous in front of them? That’s a dumb question because I already know why. Even though they're my biological family, I don't feel a connection to them.

My family's big. You're probably thinking of an image of a family composed of two kids, a mom, a dad, and four other relatives. If you are currently thinking this then think bigger. I have five aunts, five uncles, a grandma, a grandpa, and six cousins on my mom's side of the family. Keep in mind that this is only a section of my mom's family. She has a whole herd of family members back in Bangladesh.

My mom has an enormous family, but the size of her family is nothing compared to the size of my dad's family. He has six siblings that are all married with kids. And that's only half of his family because the other half is currently living in Bangladesh.

With a family of such a gigantic size, I never thought it was necessary to become close to every relative. I’m not saying that I'm not close to my family at all. After all, I love my huge family. Everytime I'm with them, it feels like a big brown celebration. But I'm only really close to my mom's family. For the most part, I never feel a connection to my dad's family.

My dad's family is full of nice and warm human beings, but we have vastly different personalities. For starters, I don't speak fluent Bengali like they do, which causes communication problems. They're also very traditional Bangladeshi immigrants that don't understand American culture, whether it's cultural trends, music, or even humor. This causes a big rift between me and my dad's family because I'm just your average American girl. I'm still Bangladeshi, but my American side alienates my dad's family.

I may not be close to my dad's family, but I still have my mom's family. I don't believe that I should force myself to hang out with family members simply because we share the same blood. There are many other people who also feel this sentiment that family is not based on blood ties, but on emotional ties.

What is a family anyways? That’s a difficult term to define because there are multiple meanings. According to Merriam-Webster, a family is defined as “the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children”. Why is family so hard to define? Well, according to the first definition of family provided by Merriam-Webster, a family should have two parents with children. What about single parents and their children? That’s not a family? What about households that have no children at all? That’s not a family? That doesn’t seem right. In the defense of Merriam-Webster, this is not the only definition of family listed. There are seven other definitions listed. So what is a family if it has eight different definitions? I believe that a family is an institution that connects people together through love, trust, care, and support. It’s more than DNA and blood. It’s the people in your life that fill you with a warm feeling of peace that can’t be found with anyone else.

I don't feel lonely because I'm not close to my dad's family. My mom's family is huge and I love them because they’re my family. But sometimes I feel that I'm not making a bigger effort to be closer to my dad's family. I feel this societal pressure to become closer to them because everyone else around me is close to their entire family. Maybe one day this will change. Maybe it won’t. But I'm happy right now with my family. Family is a complicated concept, but I'm glad that I have one.