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It's a Breakdown
You've reached that point. That point where you kept telling yourself you're okay, you can still do it, you'll be fine.
But at the end of the day, when you're alone in your room, lying on your bed, and that single question pop up.
Will things ever get better?
And then you just.. burst. Your tears fall nonstop. They fall so fast, your vision gets blurry. Your shoulders shake. Your eyes sting. You bite your lip, trying so hard not to make a single sound. Just so no one would know that you're falling into pieces.
It's a breakdown.
But why?
Was it because of the loneliness of the room?
the silence?
Or your thoughts?
Maybe.
But perhaps those reason aren't enough. There could be more, there could be a much broader explanation.
Like, what if..
You break because you just can't take it anymore?
You break because there's just so much going on, and you can't hold it all in?
You break because, for the past few days, you've been telling yourself you're okay, and when the end of the day comes, and you're alone again, that's when reality hit you real hard. That's when you realize how hard it is to pretend you're doing fine when the truth is.. you're not. You're not okay. Everything's not okay. And the pain hurts so damn much, it's eating you whole, it's killing you inside, it makes you fall apart.
And while you're at it, the only thing you kept repeating on your mind is,
God, help me.
You don't know if he hears it, you don't know what his answer would be, but you've got nowhere else to go. He's the only one who knows what you're going through and all you want is to feel his comfort.
And after letting it all out, everything comes down to the point where you feel a lot better. You feel lighter.
Maybe breakdowns are natural occurences. It's like a cycle. You feel bad, you break, you fall apart, and then you fall right back up again.
And you've reached another point. That point where you wipe all your tears away and tell yourself,
"You're fine. You're fine. Everything will be back to where it used to be before you know it. So no more crying, okay? No more crying."
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It's like a cycle. You get hurt, you break, you fall apart, then you stand right back up again.
It's a breakdown by TheAnon