I was in seventh grade. My mother and father have been separated since I was in third grade so I didn't see my father as much as I did with my mother. They have both been keeping a huge secret from my little sister and I. One chilly night, my parents came together with my little sister, Karlee, and I and said that my father has stage four, terminal, pancreatic cancer. The first thing that came to mind was how we will play tackle football or soccer together now. My whole world crumbled to the ground. He was my best friend, my motivation, and I was his little girl, his peanut. I didn’t know what I was going to do from here on out. I didn’t know what was going to happen to him or to our family. He was in and out of the hospital getting radiation and surgeries but I was still in the denial phase of this whole situation. I didn’t believe that he was going to be gone soon.
   

I’m a senior in high school now. I have seen the inside of a hospital more times than I can count. The smell of the place is stuck in my nose. It smells like sickness, medicine, and death. Recently, I have been told that he has no more body tissue left so they can’t continue radiation treatments. He is contained in a hospital and can’t be released because of how high his pain levels are. My grandma told me that he’s going to be put into hospice soon. She had to explain to me what that was because i’ve never known someone to be in hospice yet. When she told me that it’s a place where they keep a dying person comfortable until they pass, I broke. I crumbled to the ground and my heart shattered knowing that my best friend is dying right before my eyes. No one knows how much longer he is going to last. He might be gone in a few years, months, weeks, or even hours. Family members are telling me that he won’t be here for my graduation, to walk me down the aisle to the perfect man, or to see my kids grow up and call him “Grandpa”. I’m starting to come out of the denial phase and accepting it. It’s hard but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m going to lose my father.
   

I’m in the last semester of my senior year. My dad has been in hospice for seven days now and he’s getting worse and worse by the minute. My family and I have been seeing him there everyday because no one knows when he is going to pass. The social worker told me and my sister that he won’t be getting out of hospice this time so every time we leave we should say our goodbyes like it’s the last time we will see him, so we did. It was Saturday in the afternoon and we just left the hospital and ate dinner. We are at a painting place in Schaumburg and my sister and I were painting coffee cup for my dad. My phone started ringing and it was from my Aunt. I pick it up and they said that we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible because he didn’t have much time left. We rushed to the hospital but we were too late. He was gone when we walked into the room and everyone from my family was standing at his bedside crying. I couldn’t help but cry as well but once everything settled down, I said that he was out of pain and up in heaven with his father probably drinking a beer because it’s five o’clock somewhere. He wanted to be cremated so I am getting a necklace infused with his ashes so he can always be right by my heart. My dad said he will live forever and he most definitely will. All the memories we shared will be cherished forever and I will never forget him. No one will ever be able to replace my father. I love him and i’ll always be his little girl.