They say there are two sides to every story. It is also said that everyone has a story. Well, if everyone has a story, and every story has two sides, then that means that everyone has two sides to their story, and therefore two sides to themselves. Did I lose you? To put it in simple words, if these two statements are true, then everybody has two sides to them. I mean I know I do…

I have the parts of me that I show to people. This part is outgoing, and is not afraid to speak her mind. That part of me has no filter and doesn’t care what people think; yet she loves to please them. This girl is confident and alive. She knows that she is a real human being and no one can touch that or make her feel inferior without her consent. This girl does things that make her happy, like perform, play guitar and sing. She wears the makeup and clothes that she wants whether or not people stare, and if they do she hopes they enjoy the show. I like this part of me. This is the part of me that got me to the places I am today and helped me make the crazy decisions that other parts of me could never handle. She enjoys life and makes a conscious effort to live everyday to the fullest. This is the happy version of my story.

Then, there is the other part. This part I keep inside because it is darker, and more reserved. She and everything around her is viewed from a completely different lens. Life is quieter and more depressed, and everything she once knew to be happy is different. This girl is not happy. She is completely absorbed with the negative thoughts ravaging her mind everyday. The sky is not blue it is grey, and in it is not a bright beautiful sun but just a hot ball of gas and fire. She is unsteady and tentative about every decision she makes. She tries to please everyone, but she takes no time for herself in the process. This girl has no wishes or dreams. She tries to take one day at a time but her emotions get the best of her, leaving her gasping for air at the end of every breath of tears. This part of me is heavy and hurtful. When I feel this way the entire world is a flood, and I am drowning in it. This girl is as real and alive as my other sunshiny version of myself. She needs just as much energy and takes away even more. She is real as well, whether or not people see it.

I know I am not alone in this feeling. I see it when I talk to my sister, my parents and my friends. I see it when I walk down the hall in school and see the girl from two periods ago looking as if the world had ended; when only a short time ago she was laughing and smiling with her own friends and enjoying life. It sucks to see. This girl was giggling about a boy on the field outside, and now walks with her head down, held low to the floor. The tears in her eyes from laughing are now tears in her eyes from crying. It is not uncommon for such to be seen in the minds of human beings, especially teenagers. The happy emotions are cause for jubilation, and the sad can ruin an entire day, seemingly perfect at the start. I know this girl I see in the hallway. I recognize her in myself. Her change in personality could have been a hidden emotion, repressed for so long finally coming out. Or, it could have just been triggered unexpectedly.

The curious thing about these personalities is that although they are different, they are one in the same. I do feel both of these parts of me, but sometimes they combine together to create something else: the human emotion. If I did not feel either of these feelings I would not be real. No one is always happy, and no one is depressed 100% of the time. They combine at times to create an emotion that proves that I am human, a sort of cocktail of feelings. During this time I may feel happy but shy, or I may feel depressed but relieved. People do not only feel one emotion at a time. It is what allows us to be living, breathing, human beings. This sort of middle ground is living. Of course, at times the positive parts may overcome the sad and I will feel happier, but it is that fact that I am entitled to feel both at any time. It reminds me that life is chaos, but every emotion is valid, because we can do more than feel. And to feel is to live.