It was the first meet of the gymnastics season, which meant it was the most exciting and most terrifying day because not only do you have to be physically prepared, you have to be mentally prepared. Running every routine through my head, as I imagined perfecting every routine and sticking every landing, there was also a dark side, which was one of the biggest fear factors, that was imagining landing on your head or landing short on a landing, ending in hurting your ankles or breaking your leg.

We got to the meet and we started on the high bar. I was third in the rotation and we were starting with my favorite but still the most feared event. I watch my teammate go first but I’m not really watching instead my eyes are drifting off and I can hear every pump of blood that my heart sends through my body with those dark thoughts try to push their way through my brain and make sure that I know that I could possibly get hurt. 

My second teammate went up for his turn now, which meant I was up on deck. Throwing my hands in the chalk bucket, I could feel it all just dissolving because my hands were too sweaty for the chalk to stick. My teammate was getting close to the end of his routine and now I had a different set of thoughts. I kept telling myself that I was going to be fine because I’ve done this a thousand times. 

The time finally came for my turn and my coach could see my pale, lifeless face and asked me what was wrong. I replied, “I’m scared.” He looked at me and said, “Imagine your back at the gym. Don’t think about the audience or the judge. Just do exactly what you do in the gym at home.” That brought me comfort and I went up to the high bar ready to go.

The judge raises his hand, which meant it was time to go. I look up at the bar, take a deep breath in, and get locked in. As my coach lifts me to the bar, I can already hear my teammates cheering along with the rest of the crowd. I started my routine and it was time for my first release. I was doing a back full over the bar and tried to grab on but my hands couldn’t hold on resulting in me slamming into the ground. When I was on the ground I surprisingly wasn’t hurt and stood right back up. The judge shouted “30 seconds!” That was how much time I got to get back up on the bar and finish my routine.

I got back up and did another release and caught it. I could hear everyone shouting, “let’s go you got it to finish strong.”  That’s exactly what I did as I completed my last two skills and was going for the dismount and got this feeling right before the landing that I was going to stick it and I did everyone started shouting and my teammates were going crazy. It was a great feeling even though I fell I still finished strong and didn’t let the fear get to my head.