On somewhat of a private setting, Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison has shied away from cameras, but did agree to chat with several reporters on the subject of being released by the team. Presented is the simulation of what, perhaps, very well could’ve been discussed (as we hoped it was on camera), along with responses that sail along the lines of what was actually said (see: discussion on potential teams he may play on). Other than that, don’t take the dialogue from this fictional conversation too seriously.

Interviewer (INT): Alright, Mr. Harrison. Before we start—hey, put the matches away. You don’t have to light your old jersey on fi—too late.
James Harrison (JH): I just figured we could add a mini bonfire to the interview, help ease the tension in here a little, you know? I even brought the old copy of my contract with Pittsburgh in case we need to help feed the flame.

INT: I think we’ll be set, Mr. Harrison. Let’s stay on track here for a few minutes.

JH: Just tryin’ to help, man.

INT: You’re a 2-time Super Bowl champ with these guys. You were the 2008 NFL AP Defensive Player of the Year. You have had 64 sacks in your nine-year career with Pittsburgh. Whether the games are home or away, you’ve contrived thousands of enthusiastic fans to flail those Terrible Towels around like rag dolls for 130 games, as you’ve dog-piled your way to a combined 617 tackles. Your teammates love you. The money’s good; you contract has said to throw a heavy dose of $6.57 million at you next season, which would make you the sixth highest paid linebacker in the league. Now my question to you: At this point, why are the Pittsburgh Steelers closing ties with James Harrison?
JH: You know, as much as I hate to say this, it’s got to be the money issue. Ben Franklin may have brought a nation together, but his green face sure ain’t bringing the Steelers’ front office and I together. If the money makes ’em scowl, they’re throwing in the towel. As ugly as it sounds, that’s all there is to it in this business.

INT: Of course, you have to take into consideration the fact that your fellow linebacker, LaMarr Woodley, is the third most expensive LB in the league. Financially, that’s a rough go for a team that already has serious salary cap issues as it is.

JH: (sigh) True.

INT: Any other clues as to why you’re being released?

JH: We just couldn’t come to an agreement, man. Other than that, I don’t really know.

INT: Aside from the strict standards that have caused conflict from a financial standpoint, what do you have to say about the league-wide controversy you have stirred after countless ‘helmet-to-helmet’ fines?

JH: Hey, it’s a contact sport.

INT: Any remorse?

JH: People are going to say what they have to say about my reputation as somewhat of a ‘dirty’ player or whatever, but as far as that goes, I can’t say I didn’t give it my all between every whistle. At least I’m no Ndamukong Suh; I could bet that hits, dirty or not, don’t faze him, regardless if they’re before or after the whistle.

(Laughs)

INT: Tell me about Twitter.

JH: It’s a crazy thing now. With a few clicks from my thumbs, I can now make my official announcement that I’m no longer a member of the Steelers. I didn’t want to go public with anything until I sent, “It’s been a great run, but all good things must come to an end. Thank you Steelers Nation; I will miss you all!” From there, I just let the blue bird tweet my news for me, and my work was done.

INT: No grudges with anybody from Steel City?

JH: Nah, no hard feelings. The Steelers organization has done me great justice this past decade, and I can’t be more proud with what my team and I have been able to accomplish through it all.

INT: Even last year? The playoffs turned their back on you; that has to be a rude awakening for a guy that’s known nothing short of success!
JH: Yeah, last year is last year. Although, the upside to being released, as opposed to being fed to the wolves in the trade market, is that I can explore and weigh my options.

INT: Define options.

JH: Preferably somewhere warm, so don’t get excited, Packers.

INT: Are there any quarterbacks in particular that you’d want your team to be led by?

JH: Listen, I wanna win more than Charlie Sheen does. That could mean joining forces with Peyton Manning and adding to a preexisting dominance on the defensive side in Denver. Who knows, it could mean Tom Brady.

INT: I thought you said somewhere warm?

JH: I said “preferably,” not “definitely.”

INT: Any last words? What’s next for James Harrison?

JH: Well, right now, admiring this bonfire.

INT: Okay, now where’s the fire extinguisher?!?