it's 8:21am I'm just gettting home from one of the best nights of my life having fun and partying with my friends in celebrations that spring break is here. I drank more than I should have and smoked more too but nothing can compare to this amazing high I'm on. Maybe its the acid or the positive vibes i've been feeling all day and all night but I never want it to end.

It's 8:30am and my mom came into my room in tears telling me i need to leave because,"Of my s***ty choices I've been making and she no longer wants me in her home" I'm confused I told her last night I was leaving and I wouldn't be home but she said I never did but I have the read reciept saying she read it at 10:32pm All i want is too sleep and enjoy what i've been feeeling but I know that wont be the case.

It's 8:48am I'm still tripping on acid. My brothers on my bed and my dad is on the floorof my room in tears because of the choices the brother and I have made. Which isn't really helping my trip. But I need him to know I'm tryin and I'm sorry for being such a mistake and I'm so sorry for not being the daughter you wanted me to be. But i cant make the words come out of my mouth. I'm numb and my whole body is locked up and I cant move. the feeling of disapointment is crushing me and I can't breathe.

It's 8:58am and my mother just told my brother and I that if she were to get cancer again she would skip treatment.

It's 9:07am I'm numb and tripping and I wish I didn't feel like the worthless piece of s*** I am. Things were so much easier at the party when everyone was okay with me and who I was and the s***ty choices I made.

Its 9:14am and I'm wondering if my mother realizes just how much her words have impacted me. I no longer wish to be alive. And to continue to be a failure in my parents eyes

It's 9:20am. I'm numb but I need to sleep. Hopefully this is all a bad dream.

It's 10:30am And I've done nothing but cry because of the words that have been spoken to me. I can't see striaght because of the mix of tears and mascara running down my face. All I can think about is how easy it is for my mom to say that she would rather die then be our mom but when I tell her I'm having thoughts of suicide and I want to die she doesn't take me seriously and I'm creating drama. How I'm not actually upset I just want attention. But she is so quick to pull that card so we do nothing but feel sorry for her and want to change our ways. but when I need help she just gets another therapist on the phone telling them its for attention. I can't stop seeing images of  my brother on my bed crying while my parents tell us these horrible things all while not giving us a chance to tell them we're trying to figure this life out or how to be adults. They just tell us how s***ty we are and they'd rather die right now.

It's 10:45am and I no longer want to be alive. But I'm hoping this is all a really bad dream I have yet to wake up from.