The one constant in my life throughout my whole life is baseball. I have been playing since before I can remember. Its part of me, it is in my blood. I love the game, I love the atmosphere, the certain sort of chess match that baseball is. I love the bonds I have made with guys that live hours away. I would have never met all of my friends if it weren’t for baseball. Baseball is my life and it is my inspiration to work hard.

I got my first taste of what losing baseball is like. I got hurt really bad this summer, we were playing in a tournament in Nashville, Tennessee. It was a very hot day, I had been having bad back pains pretty much all summer but I never told anyone because I wanted to keep playing. I am the type of athlete that plays until I physically can not play anymore. We were halfway through the summer season and in the biggest tournament of the year. We were playing in front of 50 to 60 college scouts a game.  Some of the biggest schools were watching us play. I had a couple coaches coming to watch me play that weekend. In the third game of the tournament I was getting stretched out and I could tell that there was something wrong with my back. I figured i could push past it.

We were tied with a team from Texas, it was the top half of the 7th (last inning in high school baseball). We had the bases loaded with two outs, by this time in the game I was hurting, bad. I limp up to the plate, my coach calls time out and comes and talks to me. He said “can you do this?” As any athlete would do I said “yes sir.” I go into a two balls, and zero strike count. The next pitch was a fastball right down the middle of the plate, I hit it into the left center gap for the go ahead double. I limped into second then dropped to the hot dirt. My back was throbbing in pain and my legs went numb. My coach called for a pinch runner and I limp off the field on my own power.

When I got to the dugout, I sat down on the bench and knew that my year was over. It was a helpless feeling and knowing that it could possibly be my last game ever, my heart hurt more then my back. We stayed in Nashville for the rest of the tournament to support the team. It was hard seeing them out there playing. I wanted so badly to be out there along with them. I hated the feeling, I knew that it was going to be a hard recovery period.

We got back home and went to the doctor. The doctor told us that I had hip spurs, which make my back hurt as well. He said that he would do some tests and then we would set a date for surgery. I knew it wasn’t a hip issue. I got a second opinion. They took an MRI on my back and found two breaks in the left and right sides of my lumbar spine. They decided the best treatment was to put me in a back brace for 4 months and have the breaks heal themselves.

The doctor ordered in a back brace and my mom, my sister, and my girlfriend at the time went and picked got it. The brace was giant and uncomfortable. I knew I was going to hate every minute of wearing it. The doctor ordered me to wear it all the time other then when I showered and slept. The longest four months of my life were about to begin.

I have always had baseball in my life for a stress reliever or a go to when I needed space. When I lost that, my personality changed for the worst. I was always mad, I had no patience. My relationship with people I cared most for were being affected. I felt empty and I lost my way. I constantly was fighting with people I loved. I would push them away and all I ever wanted was to be left alone. I wanted nothing to do with anyone. Even my best friends that I have had for years were being affected by this. They understood it because they are athletes too but I know I was not the best friend I could have been.

I was constantly fighting with my parents, I was letting my grades slip. I just didn’t feel like it was worth it anymore. I felt like the only thing I had going for me in my life was baseball and without that, even just for a few months. It killed me. I turned into the guy that no one liked. I was a jerk and I ruined a few relationships along the way. The people that truly mattered stayed by my side though. My friends were there for me even though I was being an awful friend. My parents helped me through it and I realized that the harder I worked right then on my grades and in my recovery, the easier things would be when I came back from it.

I started working harder in school and being a better person. I felt fortunate for what I had and didn’t complain about what I didn’t have. The one thing that still was hurting me was baseball. After three months in the back brace, I started physical therapy. It wasn’t much exercise, but it was something. It gave me hope. I started feeling better and I got released from the back brace. That might have been the best news I had ever heard. The doctor then took another MRI and my lumbar spine fractures were healed and better. I still had three weeks left of physical therapy.

Physical therapy was tough but I got through it. I had little to no pain in my back for the first time in a long time. We went back to the doctor the next week. He then cleared me for full activity. That was the best news I had ever heard. That day, I felt my mood change. I started to see life in a more positive way. I felt happy again, things felt worth doing again.

I started working out and running and throwing and hitting. I felt so good and I felt so relieved. The one thing I needed the most in my life was back. I was whole again. There was a happier side of me. People noticed my mood change, I began having more fun and feeling better about myself.

I lost all of my self confidence when I was in that brace, after the first workout back I felt better about myself. I am a happier person with baseball in my life. Baseball will forever be a big part of me, it was my first love and I plan on playing it as long as I possibly can. If I am the person that gets to decide when to hang my cleats up, then it will be a successful career. It would mean that I squeezed as much out of the game as I possibly could.

I know that the day I hang them up, will be the hardest day of my life. I also know that when that happens, if I am lucky. I will be making the call and I will be ready. Until then I will treat every game and every workout and every practice as if it is my last. I’m blessed to have been able to play this game for as long as I have. I hope that I get to play for many many more years.

Baseball has been the one constant in my life since I was a kid. It will forever be a part of me and a part of my family. The day I do decide to hang up my cleats. I know I will be putting on some old man turf shoes and coaching the game I love. I will never let baseball go and I will always be grateful for all the good things it has brought to me. I am very excited to see what my future holds regarding my baseball career. As for right now, I am going to enjoy every minute of it. I will not take any of it for granted. I know what it is like to lose the thing you love most and I know if I work hard enough it can be a long time before I have to give it up for good. I will be in this game as long as I possibly can. My happiest place on the earth is on a baseball diamond and as long as I can play I will do it to the best of my ability.