I tried to look for a way out of the box. I was near the top, so maybe I could crawl out. Annie hissed at me to get down.

“I’m near the top, there’s no way you’re getting above me. I don’t want to leave! You think I’m giving up this spot for you?” I settled back. She wouldn’t let me out.


The toy store seemed like the whole world. Every possibility lay there; anything could be my future. Every woman who passed by could have a daughter to love me; every girl could be my new owner.

The woman who bought me had curly blonde hair and blue eyes. She wore a black skirt with a business jacket. She didn’t look like the kind of woman to be shopping in a tiny toy store, but it was near the holiday season. Her son waddled next to her, whining about how much he wanted to look at monster trucks. He tugged her wrist and she shushed him.

“We’ll look at them right when I’m finished picking out a doll for your little sister,” she told him.

He plucked me off the shelf and said, “Here mom, get her this one. It’s great, now let’s GO!” She shook her head and let him pull her into the toy car section. She bought me, took me away from the store and put me in a box with thin, crackly, paper. I didn’t know what had happened until the box was opened up Christmas morning by a little girl, a miniature of her mother.

I resigned myself to the box; Annie wouldn’t let me out. Maybe it would be better this way. Maybe I’d get picked up by another little girl; maybe she’d like me better.



I learned about the members of the Casen household quickly. There was the mother, my buyer, with her golden hair. She was gone a lot, a business woman, Violet told me. She was an important part of a huge corporation.

The father, an older man, had brown-grey hair and small wrinkles around his eyes. He was a shrewd businessman, but loved his kids exponentially. Aside from dolls, the little girl had expensive electrical toys and a huge bed, all bought by him. He was there even less than their mother.

There were three boys; the eldest, ten years old when I first arrived, was the one in the toy store. His name was Adrian, and he was a brat. He liked to take their sister’s toys and beat up his brothers. The middle child, a nine year old named Nathan, became his second in command after he finally hit back one day. They enjoyed going on secret missions which usually involved sneaking cookies or stealing a toy from their sister.

The third child was Alissa, my owner. She was only six when I got there. She was a cute girl, though her head was a little large. When she’d first brought me out of the box, she smiled and hugged me.

“I love her Mommy, thank you!” She screamed and twirled me around. “What’s her name?” I wanted to say Emily, but my lips wouldn’t move.

“The tag said ‘Emily,’ but her name is whatever you want, sweetie,” her mom said sweetly.

“Emily,” repeated Alissa. “No, I don’t like that name.” I personally loved my name, but this was my owner. If she would love another name better, I would take it. “I say her name is Claire,” the little girl announced.

“Oh,” her mom smiled, “that’s a beautiful name.”

“Claire,” Alissa said to me, “I’m going to love you and keep you for forever.” I was perfectly happy with that.

Did she really have to put me towards the bottom of the box? I wondered. Why couldn’t I be at the very top? Annie’s at the top, and Alissa never even liked her that much.

The youngest child was the third boy, Peter. He was five and liked to stay in his room and draw pictures. I loved Alissa with all my heart, but Peter was always my favorite, though never would I admit that to any of the other dolls. Peter liked to come in Alissa’s room and read her books. He was very smart for his age, sometimes reading books before Alissa could. He was thin compared to his brothers, more of an intellectual than a sporty bully. He had something in him similar to Mr. Shrepp; he liked to talk to each of us as individuals. When he walked into Alissa’s room the day after Christmas and saw me for the first time, he greeted me and welcomed me to the house. It was almost like he could tell I was conscious. He was the only child with brown hair, looking more like his father than his mother. He had kind, warm brown eyes. Aside from being Alissa’s favorite, I was his favorite too. His father wouldn’t allow him to have dolls or stuffed animals and had nothing to say to him because he was unathletic, his mother was gone too often, and his brothers made fun of him. When Alissa was gone, all he had to talk to were the dolls, especially me. I loved listening to him.
“Alissa says your name is Claire, but your tag said Emily,” he said. His expressive brown eyes stared at my face. “I think I like that name better. Emily, do you want to see my books?” He picked me up and carried me to his room. There he showed me all his books, then his pictures, then a story he was working on called “The Invisible Boy.” It wasn’t a story so much as a list of things he would do if he turned invisible one day. At the top of the list was “kick around Nate and Adrian for a change.”
Peter wouldn’t talk to us when Alissa was in the room; he was worried she would make fun of him for being a sissy. He liked to show her his pictures and asked for help in math class. Alissa was well loved in her class though, and went out for play-dates every weekend. Peter made a habit of creeping into her room and talking to us; often showing us the pictures he drew. I loved to see them, they were only childish cartoons, but they were lovely.

Alissa came back into the room. She grabbed her cell phone off the desk and walked out again. She didn’t even glance my way.

The day Violet arrived, I was immensely excited. We hadn’t gotten anyone new for a long time. Her painted red smile and sweet green eyes looked friendly. Her dress was new and made of black velvet, but her porcelain skin showed a little bit of wear. When Alissa left, I crept over to talk to her.
“Hi!” I happily welcomed her, “This is the Casen household! You’re going to love it here. I’m Emily, but Alissa and the family know me as Claire. I heard Alissa call you Violet. Is that your name?”
The little china doll looked over at me and her smile drooped. “Yeah, yeah.” She looked at all the other toys and muttered miserably, “You won’t think it so loveable in a few years.”
I tilted my head. “What are you talking about?” I asked.
“When she grows out of dolls. You won’t like it here then. You’ll be stuffed in a closet and eventually sold. If you’re not so broken you get thrown away.”
“Violet, what do you mean? Alissa’s going to love me forever.”
“She’s what, eight now? How much longer do you think she’ll like dolls? She’s got three, four years tops. Then it’ll be on to makeup and boys. She’ll keep you in the closet and never take you out until it’s time to throw you out.” She sighed.
I held up my head. “Maybe that happened to you. But Alissa loves me and so does Peter.”
She shook her head. “That’s happened to me six times now. I’ve had plenty of Alissas. They’re all the same.”
The other toys and I ignored her moping. Alissa never really liked playing with Violet; her mother wouldn’t let her take her places because “china dolls break too easily” and she stayed on a shelf, miserably watching us all.

Annie sighed.
“I really was hoping she’d see me and grab me,” she complained. Princess Barbie looked over and scoffed.
“Oh please, you’re just a fat rag doll. Like she’d keep you.” The other Barbie dolls giggled. “The only dolls she’d keep are collector items like us.”
Another Barbie glanced down at me and added, “Or maybe Ca-laire.”

Alissa really did love me. I think she tried to keep loving me for as long as she could. She spent time with me all during her childhood; even in her teens she would pick me up sometimes to play with me. It upset me at first, her leaving me and playing less, but I could see the pain she felt sometimes about it. She put me and the other dolls on a shelf one day, clearing out a lot of them. Annie, her first doll, sat near the top with the ones she’d never really cared about. With her sat Violet and a few of the other nicer dolls her mom bought her. I sat on the lower shelf where she could take me down if she wanted to play with me. Around twelve, the periods between her taking me down got longer. I missed her, but I couldn’t do much about it.
More than that, I missed Peter. He had others to talk to and, as he grew older, stopped coming to show me his pictures. Once in a while when he was sad, he’d still walk into Alissa’s room, pick me up, set me down in a chair and complain.
“I know this is incredibly weird,” he’d say, “but it’s still better than talking to myself.” He complained about everything and anything, but I didn’t mind listening. These “therapy” sessions were so few, that they updated me about his life. I liked hearing about it.
I remember him crying one day, a few weeks after Alissa’s sweet sixteen party, which I spent stuffed in the closet. He got home from school, and even from Alissa’s room I could hear his wails. No one came to say anything. He burst into Alissa’s room, grabbed me off the shelf and made me listen.
“I asked this girl out,” he explained. “I’ve liked her for a really long time. Her name is Shannon, and she’s completely beautiful, and she’s so…perfect. And she turned me down flat.” I watched a tear fall down his cheek and wished I could wipe it away. “I just…I don’t know what I was expecting. I barely ever even talked to her. Why would she notice me?” Never before in my life had I wanted to speak more than that. I wanted to hug him. To tell him it was all right. To list all the reasons why this girl should notice him. To be real enough to comfort him. “I know, I know. Why am I even telling you? I’m talking to a freakin’ doll about my love life. But seriously, who else do I even have? Alissa’s been hanging out with all her new popular friends. Nathan and Adrian well…we both know that’s not going to happen. Like they’d even care. Mom and Dad are never here, and my friends would just roll their eyes and tell me to check out some girl’s ass.”
I struggled to move my mouth. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t weird. I could hear him; I cared. But he was human, and I wasn’t. I could never speak around him. It wasn’t possible. If I could have cried, I would have.

I could hear mumbling from the other room that sounded like Alissa’s. She sounded like she was whining about something, but I had no idea what. Peter’s voice soothed her, told her to calm down.
“I swear to God,” I heard her say, “if my room become a freakin’ craft room, I’m gonna flip my s***!”
“Jeez, Alissa. If anyone’s gonna end up with a converted room, it’s me. Not for a year, but still. And if they did change your room, it wouldn’t be during your first year of college.” Peter was always the more logical one.


Alissa had been too old for dolls for a while. She was seventeen; I’d been in that house for over ten years. At first I’d been shocked that she ignored me when her friends were over.

“Ugh,” she said, “my mom won’t let me just throw them away! I do NOT get it. Like seriously Mom, they’re just wasting space.” Violet had shot me an I-told-you-so look, and I stared at the ground.

It hurt less with time. The thing that always hurt though was Peter’s continuous ignoring of me. I missed him. I ate up every glance of him when he walked into the room. He stopped coming. Even when he was fifteen, he’d visited me. Something must have changed.

“So,” asked Peter, changing the subject, “when are you getting rid of those things?”

“What things?”

I could feel Peter rolling his eyes. “You know. Your dolls.”


It was night time when it happened. She was beautiful. I guess she must have been a fairy. Or maybe a witch. I don’t know. Her black hair flowed around her; her jade green eyes burned bright.

“You have served faithfully in this household for over ten years, bringing joy to this little girl,” she gestured to Alissa, “and helping the youngest child. I am here to reward that service with a gift.”

“What sort of gift?” I got the courage to ask.

“I am giving you a chance at what you want most. That boy down the hall,” she told me. She flicked her wand at me. Suddenly I felt pain.

I looked around, and I was outside. I screamed, not thinking any sound would come out. But it did. I tried to be quiet, but couldn’t. I screamed some more.

“What’s happening?!” I squeeled.

“You, my dear, are becoming a human.”


“Duh,” said Alissa. “That’s kind of why I put them all in the box. I didn’t honestly think that a cardboard box filled with dolls would be a good decoration.”

“You’re getting rid of all of them?” asked Peter.

For a moment, Alissa paused. She sounded kind, like the little girl was back for a moment when she said, “Yeah. It’s time someone else enjoyed them like I did.”


“I didn’t know being human hurt this much!” I yelled. “How does anyone cope with it?”

“It will get better. Right now you’re suffering through all the times you’ve been dropped, stepped on, bent the wrong way...Dolls can’t feel any of that, but humans can. Every time you ever got hurt is being added up into right now. It’s a painful part of the process, but it will go away soon. While you’re moaning and groaning, let me explain a little. You are in love with that boy, aren’t you?” Speaking hurt, so I nodded. Until I heard her say it, I hadn’t realized it, but it was true. “That’s why I decided to give you this gift. It’s very rare for one of you to fall in love with a human, but you have. And you’ve fallen deeply. I couldn’t see you waste that love sitting on a shelf.”

I felt a shiver on my cheek and reached up. Water. A tear? Was I crying? I smiled.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. This is…this is amazing!” I cried out.

“I hope you get all you’ve ever wished for,” she said.

“I can’t wait to tell Peter. I’m sure he’ll understand; I mean, I’ve always been his favorite doll-“

“Wait, my child. You’re not planning on telling Peter about this?”

“Of course.”

“This is merely advice, my dear, so you don’t have to follow it, but it is very good advice. Don’t tell him. Pretend you’ve been human your whole life. Humans are…less understanding of things. Things like this. He wouldn’t understand, trust me. It’s not his fault. Disbelief is instilled in humans from birth. Even the most understanding poet would think it was a lie. Or that there was something wrong with you,” she warned. I nodded. I supposed if a new doll showed up and told me she was my previous owner, I would think her a liar.

”Yeah, I guess you’ve had them for a while,” Peter said.

“My whole life for some of them!” Alissa exclaimed.

“You’re sure you’re not keeping any?”

“Yeah.” Some of the Barbies huffed.

“She is making a huge mistake.”

“Yeah, we’ll be worth a fortune some day.”

I rolled my eyes. They weren’t special, collector’s edition, mint-in-box Barbies. They were just regular Barbies, most of which had gone through numerous makeovers and haircuts. A few of them from when Alyssa was three were nearly bald.


“So…what do I do now?” I asked hesitantly. If I couldn’t go to Peter and explain, what could I do? I couldn’t just show up at the house. I couldn’t meet him at school. I couldn’t go to school at all; I had no parents or guardians, no abilities, no knowledge of anything but life in Alyssa’s room.

The fairy/witch/whatever looked at me a little sadly and replied, “I’m not in control of that. I’m sorry, but you’ll just have to figure something out.” She started to disappear.

“Wait!” I called. “You made me human just now! You’re telling me you’re not responsible for what happens to me?”

“I wish I could help, but I can’t. I can’t mold you parents, I can’t give you education,” she responded sadly as her figure faded into mist. It was like she could read my mind. (I now had a real mind!) “I’ve done all I can. She smiled and said quietly, “But I hope you’ll be happy.” I nodded and sat down on the ground as the last of her silhouette blended in with the air.


“I can’t believe she even kept you guys for that long,” groaned Annie at the Barbies. “You’ve been dented and had so many arms ripped off, it’s a wonder she didn’t let the dog have you for a chew toy.”

“Oh please,” laughed Vet Barbie. “Like she liked you at all!”

“Yeah,” agreed Scientist Barbie, “She would’ve gotten rid of you years ago if it hadn’t been for her mom.”

Annie turned away in a swift, angry, motion. I would’ve felt bad, but Annie had always had a certain air about her that said she was better because she’d been there the longest. It was kind of worth it to see her finally get sent away.


I couldn’t go to school, that was certain. But I could pretend, couldn’t I? I spent the rest of the night asleep in the bushes and early the next morning, I peeped in the windows. Breakfast. Okay. I had time. I looked down at my clothes. A white dress with cherries all over it. More from Alyssa’s nine year old days, but it was acceptable. I looked over to where I knew Peter’s bus stop to be and walked over. I passed the time looking at all the things I’d never really been able to see before. I picked flowers and held them to my nose, smelling them-I could smell now!-and feeling the petals. I was standing under a tree, feeling the bark and picking leaves, when Peter showed up.

“Who are you?” he asked.

I lifted my head immediately at the sound of his voice. I could’ve recognized it anywhere. And it was so…clear. I could hear things when I was a doll, of course, but…never like that. Every sound resonated in my brain, loudly and perfectly. It was like how people hear things differently when they’re underwater, muffled and sometimes unintelligible. I looked up and there he was. I wanted to run up and hug him. He tilted his head as though I was a painting he was starting to see the meaning in. His mouth hung open a small bit.

“I’m Emily,” I replied. His expression didn’t change.

Finally, he shook his head awake and said, “Sorry. You just look like a friend of mine.” I smiled.

“It’s uh…nice to meet you.” He gave me a look.

“Wow…so…polite.” He seemed slightly amused. “Are you new? I’ve never seen you before.”

“Yeah,” I answered. “I just moved here.”

He smiled and offered me a seat next to him on the bus. He also told me he could take me to my first class; I shook my head, saying I already got a tour, but I’d love to meet him after school.

Alissa and Peter walked into the room. A ray of light hit my eyes as one of the dolls is picked up.

“Do you remember when I got this one?” she asked. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Peter nod. He picks one up, one of the Barbies. “Ugh, I hated that one. Kailee pulled the head off that one when I was little and it’s never looked right since.” Some of the other Barbies gasp. Annie wears a smirk.



I walked into the school building and was met with chaos. There were people everywhere; I’d never seen so many in one place. Bodies pushing past me, laughing, talking, yelling. Couples holding hands, friends shrieking like they’d never seen each other before, girls sneering, it was terrible. I suddenly felt so small. I looked up at Peter.

“Maybe you could give me that tour…there weren’t this many people when I went before.”

“Yeah, I can see how it could get a little overwhelming,” he said. “What’s your first hour class?”

I froze. First class? I called to mind all the classes I’d ever heard any of the kids talking about, but couldn’t. What were they? Suddenly I remembered.

“English,” I said.

“Who do you have?”

This was an even bigger problem. Names?

“Um…Mrs. Rrrr…”

“Roberts?”

“Yeah. I think that was it. I don’t really remember.”

“Don’t you have your schedule?”

“I uh…think I left it at home.”

“Oh, that sucks. Well, I’ll take you her room and I’ll meet you there after class to take you wherever you need to go. Just wait outside the door.”

We walked there and I kept close to his side. So many people, I was so glad to know one.

“See you next hour,” he said as he walked away. I looked through the doorway. I couldn’t go in; the teacher would know I wasn’t supposed to be there. I looked around. Well, there was a bathroom. I could probably hide in there for a while. I sat in a stall and did not enjoy it. I tried to wander out once, but a stern looking teacher walked past. I saw her make another kid show her his pass, and when he didn’t have one, she made him go with her to the office. I wasn’t entirely clear on what “the office” was, but it didn’t sound good.

Suddenly people walked in.

“Oh my god, Shannon, what?” said the first voice.

“I know, I know,” said the second, who I sort of assumed to be Shannon.

“Why?” said the first.

“I don’t know. Maybe his poems got to me. You know he drew this little cartoon thing of me the other day. At first I was like, ew, what the hell? But it really is sort of cute.”

“So…do you think you’re going to tell him?”

“Yeah, of course. Why else would I have broken up with Todd? I’m telling him today after class.”

I peeked out at this girl. She wasn’t too tall, her hair was a little past her shoulders, and a shiny mahogany. She wore a floral top with a cardigan and jeans. She smiled at herself and her friend, a blonde with curly hair and an annoying, whiny voice, and gave a haughty giggle. A memory surfaced. Shannon? Wasn’t that the name of that girl Peter had asked out and gotten rejected by? She reminded me of one of Alissa’s Barbies. She was probably asked out by lots of guys. Had she just changed her mind about one?

“Well, he might not be up to your usual standards, but he’s still pretty cute,” said the blonde.

“So how do you think I should do it?” asked Shannon, starting to leave. “Should I just rush over to him and go, ‘Peter, I know you’ve liked me for a while and I just…’” Her voice faded off as she left and walked down the hallway. My breathing stopped, and I had to remind myself to continue. Peter? My Peter?

Alissa and Peter continued to reminisce about us. Sharing how they felt about us, laughing, stories, and in their voice, I saw a flicker of those children come back. Alissa, talking about which Barbies (and Kens) had relationships and the fact that she always got creeped out by Annie, laughed and for a second, I thought I saw a little eight year old girl again. I shut my eyes. I had finally gotten used to being without her; it hurt to relive all the times she’d cared and then thrown me away when friends came. I suddenly felt myself being lifted up. I opened my eyes and stared into the milk chocolate eyes of Peter.


It felt like the hour lasted forever. I heard some sort of long beep and suddenly a rush of loud voices. Was it safe to come out? Would I be trampled? So many people. And where was Peter? I stood by the door to wait. He did say he’d be here there, right? A voice cut through the hallway. That girl. Shannon.

“I can’t believe it. You’re forgiving me?” A little bit of dread slipped through my veins.

Another voice, incredibly familiar, shot me through the heart. “Of course. Shannon…I don’t even…” I told myself not to look up. It would hurt. It would hurt more than even turning human did. But I did. I just glanced up. Shannon, with her hands running through his hair. Him, hands around her waist. Lips touching. I felt sick. Finally she pulled away and smiled. “Shannon, I kind of have to go. I offered to show around this new girl and then I’ve gotta get to class. Meet me at lunch, though.” She gave him one more kiss and flounced away. He looked around and caught my eye, walking over. I could feel the misery on my face, but either it wasn’t that obvious or he was too distracted. I would guess the latter.

His smile only widened as he got closer. He clasped my hands.

“Emily, guess what just happened?” he asked, smiling.

I managed to choke out, “What?”

“Did you see that girl I was with?” he asked. I nodded. “Well, I have had this huge crush on her for like…three or four years. I’ve written poems, drawn pictures…hell, I even asked her out once. She turned me down. I was so depressed, I-”

There he paused. He looked into my eyes. I prayed he found something there. He shook his head.

“I was just miserable all day. I tried to get over her, but…it just didn’t really work. I just felt so…”

“Invisible?” I asked. He nodded. “Like everyone sees past you. And then there’s that one person that you felt really saw you. For the first time, someone saw you. And then…they crushed that hope.”

“Yeah, that…that’s it exactly. I read too much into her glances, and I built her up too much in my mind. I thought she’d always be like that, but she…she…”

“Just asked you out?” I supplied.

“Yes!” he said. “She said she was sorry about all the times she ignored me. She just didn’t know how to feel about it; no one ever wrote poetry like that for her. She just…”

As he searched for the words, I searched his face. And on it was exuberant happiness. Some sort of ecstasy that I hadn’t ever seen before. A tear rolled down my cheek, but I wiped it away before he could notice.

“She made your whole world shine brighter.”

He looked at me. He tilted his head, oh that perfect head. His eyes. His lips. His nose, his face, his hair, everything. It was all so perfect and I loved it all. I wanted it all, I wanted him. I wanted to reach for him and pull him to close to me. I was so close. I had lived in that house for over ten years and this was my chance at happiness. It was my chance and I deserved it. His eyes stared down at me, trying to pick out how I could describe his feelings so well while barely even knowing him. Those eyes were filled with some sort of love and happiness. I could explain. I could do something. I could burst into tears and melt into a puddle in this hallway. But that glimmer in his eyes would disappear. I couldn’t do anything to take that away from him. He was too good.

“So…take me to my next class?” I asked.

“Where are you off to?” he asked.

“Um…Spanish.” I answered.

“With…Sra. Rodriguez?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

And so we walked. And when we got there, he said bye and I stopped him. Because I had something more to say.

“Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“I um…just wanted to say thanks. You’ve been so nice to me. You didn’t have to do this, show me around. I didn’t think anyone would even really notice me. I mean, no one ever really does. But you did. I guess it’s kind of silly, but I really am thankful for it. And I…I see you too. And I hope you are very happy with Shannon.” I gave a little half smile. “Bye.”

“Bye. See you next hour,” he said, walking away.

No, you won’t, I thought. As he left, he turned and glanced at me. I thought I saw something in that glance. I’ll always maintain that on some level, he understood.

“You know,” said Peter. “This was always my favorite of yours.”


I ran away with the pain of knowing I had thrown away my chance.


“She always had such understanding in her eyes.”



Out the doors of that high school and back to the house, feeling as though I’d been stabbed through the heart.


“You know, one time I met a girl that looked just like her.”


I ran into Alissa’s room and I screamed.



“She just showed up at the bus stop one day and we started talking.”



“I don’t want this! I don’t want any of this! Make me plastic again!”


“It was that same day Shannon asked me out.”


“If you have a heart at all, make me plastic again!” I wailed.


“She was really nice, so I offered to show her around.”


A bright flash of light and I felt myself going stiff, numb.


“I took her to first hour, then second hour, and then she…just left.”



I saw my hands growing tiny once more. My hair felt fake. Sounds became muffled again.


“I have no idea what happened to her. She was so…understanding.”


My last thought as a human was of him.




I sat in her room from then on, until the day she packed us all up. She would be leaving for college and finally decided to organize her room. She pulled us out for one last reminiscence.

“Yeah, Claire was my favorite, too,” said Alissa.

“Emily,” he said. “It’s Emily.”

I smiled a little. I swear he could tell.

“Are you happy?” I asked silently. Because more than my own happiness, I wanted his happiness. And he looked down and smiled at me. I’m sure he said yes.