BY: JAMIE Berry, QUILL Berry, DIEGO BERRIOS, JARINA AMORNARTHAKIJ, AND SHEP PABLO

Jeromy Magicshine, early 30s, (he/him): A wizard who wants to leave his family’s legacy and do something fun with his life. The mediator of the group.
Thirteen, 24 (they/them): A mech racer who is bad at mech racing. Big ego. 
The Silver Shroud, mid-50s (he/him): A mildly serious and dry humor-loving detective. Every time he talks, the screen turns black and white with cinematic black bars. He holsters two of his favored guns alongside his bionic arm and cool X-shaped shades.
Dusty “Roaddog” Milligan, 36 (he/him): A silly and a bit of an airhead cowboy dog-guy (has ears and a tail), has two communication dolls he loves a bit too much.  
Shen Bapiro, 22 (he/him): A fun-loving Twitch streamer with a minimal sense of morals and real life. Wants to be a wizard.

 

(THEY ARE ALL TIME TRAVELERS.)

 

 

 

 

 

PART-TIME TIME CRIME

 

1 INT. SALOON -- LATE EVENING

A tumbleweed rolls across the ground as a harmonica is heard playing an old country tune. The summer sun is on the brink of setting. Cut to the inside of the saloon. It’s rustic with various cowboy portraits and animal heads hung on the walls. Though it’s usually bustling, it’s completely empty save for our five time-traveling crime investigators.

On the ground is a comically posed white chalk outline of the dead time travel company president’s body. Cinematic black bars appear as THE SILVER SHROUD leans over it with a huge magnifying glass, stroking his beard.

THE SILVER SHROUD

It seems to me that this mystery… is unsolvable.

The cinematic black bars disappear. This happens every time he talks.

SHEN

(holding a selfie stick)

Hey, chat! Ya boy Shen Bapiro here. You think he’s right? Is the time-traveling company president’s murder really unsolvable!? Mods, start a poll. Chat, vote on who you think murdered him!

JEROMY

Shen, that’s…

(sighs)

I don’t know how you got hired. Anyway, it’s a shame he died, but if The Silver Shroud says it’s done for, then we should get going now. Dusty, can you call HQ?

DUSTY

On it, boss!

(holds the Gajeel doll up to his ear)

Hey, we’re gonna be headin’ back in a sec, an’, uh… Hang on… Is this…?

(taps on the doll like it’s a phone, then switches to the Levy doll, befuddled)

They ain’t workin’! That never happens…

JEROMY

Ah. Well, we can get that fixed up later. Thirteen, you have the time watch, right? We should probably leave now while the sun’s still out.

SHEN

Better not have lost it!

THIRTEEN

(digging in their pockets)

Tch. Who do you think I am? It’s right… here…

(holds up a very broken watch)

Aw, screws!!

SHEN

(pogging)

NO WAY. THIRTEEN. NOOOO WAY. Chat. CHAT, IS THIS REAL? WE JUST LOST OUR ONLY WAY HOME! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE HERE!!!

THIRTEEN

SHUT IT, BOLT BRAIN!!

THE SILVER SHROUD

Never fear… The Silver Shroud is here. We’ll be stuck here for a while, but I have the supplies to fix it.

He takes the watch from THIRTEEN.

THIRTEEN

I don’t know what happened. I know I kept it in the right place. 

DUSTY

Don’ worry, Thirteen! ‘S okay--we all make big ol’ catastrophic oopsie doopsies sometimes!

THIRTEEN

(sarcastically)

Right.

DUSTY

(as cheerful as ever)

Besides, yer an intern! That’s why ya have us here. We’ll be outta here lickety-split!

SHEN

But… can’t Jeromy just, like, wave his wand and magic us outta here? Chat, his last name is literally Magicshine.

JEROMY

Please don’t put my full name on the inter…

(gives up)

Whatever. No, I can’t. It’d be too dangerous, and I don’t want any of us getting hurt, or left behind. And I don’t use wands. The Silver Shroud needs to fix the watch up anyway. There’s only one for this timeline, remember?

SHEN

But like, if you taught me enough to help, maybe it could be safer! Plus, it’d be totally awesome. Like, we can just--

JEROMY

No. 

SHEN

Booooo. I’ll get you eventually.

(turns to selfie stick)

Thanks for the dono! Hey, Jeromy, someone says they’ll make both of us wizard hats if you teach me magic.

JEROMY groans and puts his head in his hands.

DUSTY

Y’all, I’m gonna head out fer a quick walk. I think I saw a deee-licious tumbleweed on the way here, but I didn’t get to pick it up!

DUSTY tries to open the door. He pushes the handle, pulls it, and twists it. It’s stuck.

DUSTY (CONT’D.) 

(scratching behind his ears)

…Well knock me down and steal my teeth. I don’ think this door’s workin’.

THE SILVER SHROUD

Gadzooks… And here I was, wanting to join you for a smoke break. I’ll get to work, then.

THE SILVER SHROUD sits down at a table, tinkering away using tools from his bag.

JEROMY

Shoot. The windows won’t open, either. I guess we’re stuck in here until Silver fixes the time watch.

THIRTEEN

Right, so, does that mean I have to be stuck here with his secondhand smoke?

THE SILVER SHROUD

(lit cigar already in mouth)

I would never do such a thing.

THIRTEEN sits down in a chair, displeased and fidgeting with their mini wrench.

DUSTY

(to dolls)

Gajeel, Levy… Let’s watch The Silver Shroud do his thang! Don’t you worry, we’ll get that scrumptious li’l snack later!

THE SILVER SHROUD

Hello, you two. It’s nice to see you again.

DUSTY sits next to THE SILVER SHROUD, watching intently. JEROMY sits next to THIRTEEN as SHEN streams in a corner, trying to twirl a bottle of alcohol like a basketball.

JEROMY

You okay?

THIRTEEN

Yes, I’m fine. I don’t need your fake sympathy.

JEROMY

(restraining himself)

Jeez, alright. I just wanted to check. You’ve seen Shen do worse anyway, so try not to feel too bad.

THIRTEEN

I don’t. He’s got more than a few screws loose anyway.

JEROMY

Great, then.

They sit there in silence for a while, watching the others.

JEROMY

…Y’know, We care about you.

 

THIRTEEN

Sure.

Time passes by, and the sun sets.

THE SILVER SHROUD

Shen, would you please stop trying to play fetch with Dusty? I have something to say to everyone.

SHEN

(simultaneously)

Sir, yes, sir!

DUSTY

(simultaneously)
Aww…

THE SILVER SHROUD

Alright. The time watch is repaired now. Unfortunately, it is powered by the light of the sun. My deepest apologies for not getting it done faster.

SHEN

So what you’re saying is… it’s time for an all-nighter stream!?

THIRTEEN

(quickly, under their breath)

Oh please god no.

SHEN

Thirteen, you can show off all your gadgets! They’re suuuper cool! Chat loves it whenever I show off your inventions on stream, and—

THIRTEEN

You show off my stuff?

SHEN

Obviously! And Jeromy, I think chat’s gonna love you!

JEROMY

They’d love me?

SHEN

Yeah! You have that normal guy energy that they’d eat right up! Maybe you’d even get fanart of you as a catboy maid!

JEROMY

Okay, you ruined it.

DUSTY

D’you get fanart of you as a catboy maid?

SHEN

Obviously. It’s awesome.

DUSTY

(holding dolls up)

…Would these two get kitty cat maid fanart…?

SHEN

I’ll make it happen! Chat! Get on it!

DUSTY

(tail wagging)

YAHOOOOOOOOO!!!

SHEN

Shroud, you’d be too powerful if I showed you on screen for more than a second. You too, Thirteen.

THIRTEEN shrivels up in disgust.

THE SILVER SHROUD

I wonder if Priscilla would like that…

JEROMY

Okay, okay! Guys! While an all-nighter stream sounds great and all, I think we should head to bed for now. We can… do one later. It’s been a long day, and we need rest.

SHEN

Aww, fine… Whatever you say, magic man. I’ll be quiet! Nighty niiight!

THE SILVER SHROUD

G’night, y’all. Rest well.

It’s not long before everyone is fast asleep, whether conked out in a chair or sprawled out on the ground. The camera cuts to a hand reaching gingerly into THE SILVER SHROUD’s bag, taking the watch. Cut to black. In the dead of night, a metallic crunch echoes.

2 INT. SALOON -- MORNING 

The time-watch lays on the floor in the middle of the saloon, completely smashed to bits beyond repair. SHEN, lying down and still holding a selfie stick in hand, wakes up from a donation notification (the sound of a metal pipe falling)

SHEN

(drowsy)

Thanks for the dono! 

SHEN rubs his eyes and sits up.

 

SHEN (CONT’D)

(yawning)

Chat, good morning chat, how we doin’?

SHEN gets up, looks at the chat, and shows the stream to the saloon

SHEN (CONT’D)

(quiet)

Look at these guys, chat, they're sleepy! Should I be quiet, chat? Dono and I’ll wake them up.

He takes a few steps forward, avoiding being loud. Then, he notices the broken watch on the floor.

SHEN (CONT’D)

Chat?

He walks to and picks up the watch.

SHEN (CONT’D)

(Worried)

Chat… oh no…

SHEN looks around at the others sleeping.

SHEN (CONT’D)

(loud)

Chat I’m waking them up- chat! Hey, chat! We have a problem.

THE SILVER SHROUD gets up from sitting in a chair as if he was never sleeping. JEROMY stretches his arms out and gets up from behind the bar counter. JEROMY walks to SHEN, then walks faster once he sees what SHEN is holding.

JEROMY

(panicked)

What? No, no no what happened? No, how did-? 

THE SILVER SHROUD

(walking up to them、 Already puffing a cigar)

Of course… There’s an imposter. 

THIRTEEN gets up from their sleeping place and goes to them.

SHEN

Who are we banning? Mods, Set a poll. No, make it a gamble!

 

JEROMY

Now- hold on Shen, we don’t know that yet, someone could’ve stepped on it. Did anybody get up during the night? Dusty? Where’s Dusty?

THIRTEEN

Dusty’s still asleep.

There’s a moment of silence and JEROMY sighs, rubbing his forehead stressed.

SHEN

Chat says it’s Jeromy-

They break out in annoyed bickering and THE SILVER SHROUD turns away from them, stroking his beard and raising his eyebrow.

THE SILVER SHROUD

(monologuing to self)

Hmm, it seems as if we’ve got ourselves in quite a predicament… Who could it be? we’ve got two culprits in our case to snatch now… I got a gut feeling Dusty didn’t move one bit, no, he wouldn’t do that. Jeromy? No, no, he seems too worried, The Silver Shroud? Heh… that good old Thirteen though… uncharacteristically quiet. Maybe they could’ve-

JEROMY

(shouting)

Will you just shut up!?

The bickering stops. There’s a pause.

JEROMY (CONT’D)

Do any of you, seriously, any of you have any sense of maturity?! Do any of you have the slightest bit of concern? You’re acting like- like we aren’t going to literally die if we can’t get that thing fixed!

THIRTEEN

(snarky)

…Are you sure your magic can’t do anything? 

JEROMY

Yes, I’m sure, Thirteen! Of course, I’m sure! I’ve tried everything! Looked through my scrolls, my spell book! nothing’s worked!

SHEN

Well… maybe I could help if you-

JEROMY

(Shouting)

For the last time, I swear to god Shen, you’re not becoming a wizard!! I’m not teaching you!...

I’m sorry. It’s just- we can’t die here. we just can’t… and it just seems like no one has a care in the world! You guys are so busy streaming and smoking and… talking to dolls and we’ve gotten nowhere! Sure Silver got the watch working yesterday, but apparently, the universe hates us! 

SHEN

…so… what do we do, chat?

JEROMY

(defeated)

…I don’t know. Go wake up Dusty or something, I’ll just, go through my scrolls again, practice, I don’t know.

JEROMY heads to where he woke up and starts to look through his bag. SHEN walks off.

THE SILVER SHROUD

…Well, I could try to fix her up again, but unless we find some way outta this hole we’ll all be dry as sand… pushin’ daisies… Kickin' the buckets-

THIRTEEN 

You can stop. I get it.

THIRTEEN walks off to their own little space, and THE SILVER SHROUD watches THIRTEEN as he puffs his cigar.

THE SILVER SHROUD

Curious… very curious…

There is a montage in the saloon; the lighting slowly shifts from noon to evening to night, and while all of them shift from doing one mundane thing to another, Dusty stays asleep. Now, it is the middle of the night, and all of them are fast asleep. Dusty opens his eyes and sniffs a couple of times. He gets up from the ground and yawns. 

DUSTY

(stretching his arms)

I sure got a hankerin’ for some grub, right now…

DUSTY looks around at the dark saloon and takes a quick look at his wrist which does not have a watch on it. DUSTY looks down and rubs his stomach. Quietly, he wanders over to THE SILVER SHROUD’s bag and opens it carefully. There is an array of cigarette packs, opened and unopened in the bag. Other than that, there are only mechanical tools. 

Cut to DUSTY looking through SHEN’s things. DUSTY takes one of the Empty G-fuel packets, sniffs it, licks the inside of the packet, then gags and puts it back.

Cut to DUSTY looking through JEROMY’s bag. There are scrolls and a book that looks to be a spell book. “Looks to be” because DUSTY cannot read. He opens the book and inside the front page lays a pictv ure of JEROMY and what seems to be a relative close to his age at the time. He looks at it for a moment, then closes the book and puts it back.

Suddenly, DUSTY looks alert and sniffs the air. He whips his head over to THIRTEEN’s things and licks his lips. He quietly stumbles over to THIRTEEN’s bag and opens it. In the bag, there are a few packets of fruit gushers. He takes a packet, immediately opens it, and starts eating the gummies. He shuffles his hand through the bag more, but something catches his eye. He takes out a badge on a lanyard. The badge is dotted with dried blood. It was the president’s badge. DUSTY puts another gummy in his mouth.

DUSTY

(chewing)

Now, I’ll be dipped n’ rolled in cracker crumbs…

He puts the badge back slowly and stands up. He backs up some and turns around, pulling out his two dolls

DUSTY

(worried) (to dolls)

Swat my hind with a melon rind, Thirteen did it! Oh gosh, what do I do?? Their cornbread ain’t done in the middle!

While DUSTY continues talking, THIRTEEN wakes up from the chatting about 10 feet away, hears what Dusty is saying, and quietly grabs their crossbow and arrows.

DUSTY (CONT’D)

And they probably broke the watch too! By hook or by crook we gotta do somethin’! But what if they think I’ve lost my marbles? What if they think I did it? I already touched the badge! My print is on it! Oh tarnation, we’re really in this rodeo now… I-

DUSTY turns around after hearing a shuffle, to see THIRTEEN aiming a crossbow at him from about 15 feet away. THIRTEEN is visibly nervous and attempting to hide it.

THIRTEEN

(somewhat shaky)

I-... I can’t let the others find out. I’m sorry.

Thirteen releases an arrow, but DUSTY just barely dodges it, the arrow just scraped his shoulder. THIRTEEN aims another arrow quickly, but released it too late. DUSTY had somersaulted into a lunge in THIRTEEN’s direction and knocked THIRTEEN down. THIRTEEN landed a punch on DUSTY’s nose but then DUSTY managed to grab his lasso from his belt and start to tie THIRTEEN up, with a somber look on his face. The noise woke up the Others. THE SILVER SHROUD headed DUSTY’s way to help him. JEROMY got up from where he was sleeping and ran to the trouble. 

JEROMY

Hey, hey, what’s going on?!

SHEN runs to them all worried, and sees THIRTEEN.

THIRTEEN

(struggling)

Let go of me!! Stop!

SHEN

Guys, stop! What are you guys doing? What’d they do?

THIRTEEN

(struggling)

Shen-- help- me!

THE SILVER SHROUD

Dusty’s caught our culprit, right Dusty?

DUSTY gives THE SILVER SHROUD a troubled nod, eyebrows uncharacteristically furrowed. JEROMY takes a step back and assesses the situation. He sees DUSTY’s nose bleeding, and a few feet away from him is an empty fruit gusher packet. THIRTEEN’s crossbow and arrows were a few feet behind THIRTEEN.

JEROMY takes a step back, takes a deep breath, then holds out a hand toward THIRTEEN. JEROMY closes his eyes. The lasso around THIRTEEN glows purple, and THIRTEEN is dragged to the closest pillar. The rope ties itself around the pillar and THIRTEEN is stuck there. The rope stops glowing, and JEROMY’s hand lowers. JEROMY turns around and sits down at the bar table, facing away from everyone. JEROMY’s expression is conflicted and he seems deep in thought.

The rest of them look back to THIRTEEN. THIRTEEN looks at them all, waiting for what’s to come next. 

 

3 INT. SALOON -- EARLY MORNING 

THIRTEEN is tied up in the corner, pouting. Everyone else is avoiding them. SHEN is sitting in another corner, looking at his phone. 

SHEN

Chat… what was that.

JEROMY

I don’t know, maybe our-

(JEROMY gestures to THIRTEEN.)

-buddy here has something they want to share? 

THIRTEEN rolls their eyes. THE SILVER SHROUD silently walks up to THIRTEEN and pulls out one of his pistols. 

THE SILVER SHROUD

Listen here buster, now you tell us what you were doing trying to give my partner a big ol’ shiner, or you get a bullet in the back of your head. 

DUSTY looks up from his dolls and nods in agreement. THIRTEEN flinches but puts up a facade to mask it. 

THIRTEEN

Right, so… you’re gonna want to ask someone else. I’m not really an explain-y type of g-

THIRTEEN gets cut off when THE SILVER SHROUD points his gun at their head. THIRTEEN tenses up. 

 

THIRTEEN 

(Whispering)

Screws. 

THIRTEEN (CONT’D)

(Normal voice)

I broke the watch. And killed the President. And there is no way back. 

SHEN

(gasps)

Why would you do something like that? Mods, send this guy to super hell. 

DUSTY

(upset, to his dolls, ears drooping)

What’d I say?

JEROMY

You’ve- doomed everyone including yourself and for what purpose?! What are you getting out of this?

THIRTEEN

If I didn’t find a way to get rid of you guys and the president, it’d be over for me! 

…Look around for a second. Everyone here has been promoted, except for me.

DUSTY

So ya’ tried to kill me because ya’ wanted some promotion? That’s a bit far, don’cha think? 

(looks at his dolls for confirmation 

and makes them nod)

THIRTEEN

(rolling eyes)

No, you don’t understand. Just think about it for a second. Have you ever seen an intern work at the company for longer than six months?

THE SILVER SHROUD

Those rookies always end up quitting by that time. 

THIRTEEN

They don’t quit. None of them have ever quit and it’s not because they’re in love with this job. Do you really think the President would let someone run around with the knowledge of a top-secret organization that travels through time and space? 

SHEN

Hm. They might have a point chat… 

JEROMY

Sure, let's say that's true. Then what?

THIRTEEN 

Right, so you get told you’re being sent on a special secret solo mission, but once you’re there, your watch deactivates and you can never leave. I was going to be abandoned because you bolt-brains are better than me, and since I’m ‘just the intern’ you probably wouldn’t care anyway. You guys don’t even remember my real name!

SHEN

(genuinely surprised)

Thirteen isn’t your actual name!? 

THIRTEEN

No! Thirteen is my racing number! My real name is [REDACTED].

Everyone cringes a bit at not knowing. 

SHEN

Chat, did you remember that? I didn’t remember that. 

THIRTEEN

I wanted you all to get a taste of what it's like to be deserted. To be a failure. To know that you weren’t good enough no matter how hard you tried. Your promotion should have been mine! But like I always do I screwed up… and now you’re stuck with me. 

There is a pause where everyone takes in what THIRTEEN just said, and the tone of the room shifts.

THE SILVER SHROUD

Well, that would explain why that darn contraption stopped working. Looks like we’ve solved the case, but at what cost…

He lowers his pistol and takes out a cigarette to smoke.

SHEN

Can we get some BibleThumps in the chat? Also, mods end the gamble, we have our culprit…

DUSTY

…Aw buddy, we don’ think yer just some intern yer but a part of our saddle ‘n ya belong just as much as any of us.

THIRTEEN

I was going to shoot you in the face! I’m worth nothing to this team anyways.

Dusty’s ears flop. 

JEROMY

…So, that’s it? You didn’t have some elaborate plan to escape or something? 

THIRTEEN

No…

JEROMY

Great. 

JEROMY runs his fingers through his hair in stress and goes to sit at the bar again. 

DUSTY

(tail wagging, trying to be positive)

It’ll be alright fellas! I can teach ya’ll how to run in a pack and chase after some of them deee-licious tumbleweeds!

THE SILVER SHROUD

(puts a hand on DUSTY’s shoulder)

I’m afraid the rest of us don’t consume tumbleweeds, partner.

(sighs)

It seems that the case has closed on The Silver Shroud’s career… and his life.

He pulls out his wallet and as he opens it many photos of him and his wife unfold. DUSTY’s tail stops wagging as he watches THE SILVER SHROUD look longingly at the photos.

DUSTY

Aw shucks man…

———

The Silver Shroud plays with his ring, whilst drinking his Kentucky bourbon. He places his cigarette on an ashtray near the bar. He walks over to Jeromy and sits next to him. Jeromy is looking at a photo of him and someone else longingly. The Silver Shroud slides his drink over to Jeromy. 

THE SILVER SHROUD

Might as well, right? 

JEROMY

…sure. (pause) …tastes like crap.

THE SILVER SHROUD

Better than nothing… At the expense of havin’ a rough taste, it makes up for being in this crap hole to begin with.

The Silver Shroud looks at Jeromy, who has his hand over the photo now, concealing it. The Silver Shroud pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and takes a cigarette out, but he decides to put it back. He sighs.

THE SILVER SHROUD (CONT’D)

Y’know… times like these really make us thankful for the good things in life, the people we care for… Priscilla, the love of my life… I remember each day I came home from work and the way she always looked at me; her eyes were bright as sky-blue lilies in a daisy field, beaming with joy. Heh, It never got old. 

He chuckles, but then his smile fades.

THE SILVER SHROUD (CONT’D)

I know she can manage without me, but… I’m gonna miss my lady. I’m sure she’s lookin’ at our weddin’ photo in a gleam of joy. Per usual.

(A slight grin and a chuckle escaped 

SHROUD’s lips.)

There is a pause, and JEROMY flips his photo back to look at it. There is another pause.

JEROMY

…Her name was Calantha. She was my older sister… We called her Cal. I was seventeen, and she was 23. We were out camping and… she got shot. Someone… someone mistook her for… yeah.

THE SILVER SHROUD

… I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like she meant a lot to you. I’m sure you guys had good times together, right?

JEROMY.

(soft)

…Yeah. She did… And yes… we did. Until she… 

(Jeromy leans and shifts uncomfortably)

Jeromy gives a warm look to THE SILVER SHROUD.

THE SILVER SHROUD

You ain’t gotta say anythin’ else, 

partner. What’s said has been said. 

But if y’ want anyone to hear you out or talk to y’, I’m always here for you, 

partner.

SHROUD places his bionic arm over Jeromy’s shoulder, readjusting his uncomfortable lean into something more comfortable.

JEROMY

…Thank you. Your arm’s… cold…

(They share a laugh)

THE SILVER SHROUD

…Don’t mention it, y’know I’d do it again if it meant making y’ happy' or even somewhat pleased.

There is a pause, and then JEROMY gets up from his chair and walks over to his things. 

SHEN shuffles over to THIRTEEN’s corner and sits criss crossing applesauce in front of them. 

SHEN

Heyyy! Thirteeny-tiny! Chat said I should come over here and talk to you!

THIRTEEN

(bitter)

What is there to talk about?

SHEN

Well, let’s say, hypothetically, you murdered the president--

THIRTEEN

Not hypothetical.

SHEN

Right, right.

(eyes sparkling)

Weeeelllll. How’d ya do it!? Chat’s waiting!

THIRTEEN

Shen… I don’t have time for this right now.

SHEN

We’ve got all the time in the world, actually!

THIRTEEN’s face sours.

SHEN (CONT’D)

(to chat)

Oh, hey, thanks for the dono! Someone from chat says, “Why didn’t Thirteen just talk to you guys instead of trapping you all there eternally? LOL let’s have a Thirteen therapy stream. Kappa, kappa, kappa.”

(to himself)

Hey, wait, that’s kinda mean! Mods, send that guy to time out!

THIRTEEN

Right, so, I think you should leave me alone if all you’re gonna do is read hate comments about me out loud. Besides, it’s not like talking to the president would’ve gotten me anywhere. Circuit heads, all of you…

SHEN

Hmm! Someone else in chat says that hypothetically, Shen Bapiro is the least scary guy around, and maybe you could have talked to him about feeling left out!

(to “chat”)

…Aw, wait, I’m not scary? C’mon!

THIRTEEN says nothing, but they look uncomfortable. They fidget with their mini wrench with a frenetic sort of energy. 

JEROMY

Wait… 

Jeromy stands up abruptly from his seat. 

JEROMY

Wait, I’ve found something! A- a spell! It can take us back! It can take all of us back! But…

(to SHEN)

It would take two wizards…

 

JEROMY smiles knowingly at SHEN. SHEN lights up and starts jumping up and down.

SHEN

CHAT! CHAT! IS THIS REAL!? AM I REALLY BECOMING A WIZARD!? SPAM POGS IN THE CHAT. THIS IS A MAJOR SHEN W MOMENT! 

SHEN continues to babble at chat and presses the “yippee” button on his soundboard while JEROMY smiles softly. SHEN is far more excited about learning magic rather than the idea of escaping.

THE SILVER SHROUD

Gee willickers, we can escape? I was about to flip my lid! Just about thought of doin’ so anyway…

(Lights a cigarette and French Inhales)

DUSTY

‘M happy as a hound dog with two tails! AWOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

His tail starts wagging uncontrollably and he hugs THE SILVER SHROUD. 

SHEN

But you’re slash s-r-s? You’re gonna teach me wizard magic? 

JEROMY

(laughs warmly)

Of course. There’s… no one else I'd rather have as a student. 

SHEN

LET’S GOOOO! I promise I won’t disappoint! 

SHEN props up his phone in front of him and JEROMY. 

Alright chat it’s time for the first Shen Bapiro wizard training stream! If we pull this off, I’ll gift 100 subs!

JEROMY

Alright gang, let’s get this bread, haha!...

SHEN

(cringing)

Chat, can you believe this guy? 

JEROMY

…What? I’m using the slang you guys use?

 

SHEN presses the “bruh” soundboard button and says nothing else. JEROMY is confused but starts pulling scrolls out of his bag anyways.

 

4 INT. SALOON -- NOON 

SHEN

Jeromimi, I’m ready to perform the spell, but I need to look at the scroll one more time. Just to be sure, Jeromy. Can I see it?

He hides the spell from SHEN but SHEN insists on seeing it 

JEROMY

Don’t worry, you’ve got the hand movements down fine, and I don't think you’re much of a… textual learner anyway.

SHEN

C’maahn man, I gotta look at the spells! Without them, there's nothing we can do… Perchance.?

JEROMY

You can't just say perchance after that! 

I’m not giving you the scroll, all you need to do is follow my lead when we do the spell, alright?

SHEN ends up taking the scroll by slowly pickpocketing behind JEROMY’s back pocket in a cartoonish gesture when he was distracted by SHEN’s chat.

The amount of hype is unreal in SHEN’s chat until his expression changes into something more sour.

SHEN

(muttering)

Wait. No, that’s… Chat, there’s no way this is real.

(to JEROMY)

Jeromy… It says only four people can travel with this spell-

 

JEROMY quickly takes the scroll back from SHEN, then looks around at the others hesitantly. JEROMY’s expression is full of guilt. The others stare confused, waiting for JEROMY to say something.

JEROMY

…You weren’t supposed to-... yes… yes I’m sorry it can only take four people. There was just- no other way out regardless, and I thought- If- if I-

SHEN

Who were you going to leave behind…?

SHEN’s chat spams Ls, and JEROMY sighs with guilt.

JEROMY

Well- I wasn’t going to leave any of you behind… 

He looks to THIRTEEN with some sort of lament, then looks away. There is a pause.

THIRTEEN

He was gonna sacrifice himself… For me… 

SHEN

Dude! Why would you lie to us?! You could’ve been honest with us! Me especially!

JEROMY

I just… I thought that if no one knew, then everything would’ve been fine and you guys would be okay and it’d just- all be over with. I just- couldn’t leave anyone behind again- I-... wouldn’t be able to live with myself… I’m sorry…

THIRTEEN

(Fidgeting with their wrench)

It should be me. I’ll stay behind. I made this mess so there’s no point in anyone else staying. (Quietly) I guess it was going to be my fate anyways. 

As the gang says their final goodbyes, THE SILVER SHROUD makes one last speech and announcement.

THE SILVER SHROUD

(Smoking a cigar and French Inhaling)

It was an honor being with y’all. 

I will never forget the efforts y’all have put to this unfortunate circumstance and mission. I can’t wait to see you again, Priscilla. Your sacrifice and farewell is beyond appreciated, Thirteen. Remember, your cockiness has nothing to do with who you truly are. Don’t ever forget that.

The atmosphere became very heavy as THE SILVER SHROUD spoke once more to the rest of his gang.

THE SILVER SHROUD

(Inspecting and holstering his guns and making sure the safeties are on)

Everyone, be sure to pack your things, 

and Dusty, friend, don’t forget your dolls and tumbleweed.

DUSTY

(Holding and playing with his dolls)

Don’ worry! I won’t be forgettin’ anything, promise, ya old pops!

(Talking to his dolls)

I promise you guys I won’ call ‘em that again.

THE SILVER SHROUD

(Whips out another cigarette and French Inhales once more, making an O-ring)

What did I say about callin’ me that! Anyways, any last goodbyes anyone? to Thirteen over there.

SHEN

(Reading chat one last time)

Thanks for the bits, chat. Let me lock in for this one, though.

SHEN takes a deep breath and sets his selfie stick to the side. He walks over to Thirteen who is leaning against the bar counter now, away from everyone else.

SHEN (CONT’D)

Thirteen… you're a real bolt brain yourself, y'know! But… the time with this group has been the most hype time in my whole entire life! You were a jerk sometimes, but you’ve helped me and chat to not feel the BibleThumps in our hearts! You’re not a creep, and you’re not a weirdo, either… You’re like the G-Fuel to our Raid Shadow Legends!

(sighs, then smiles)

I guess what I’m trying to say is--thanks for everything.

THIRTEEN

(holstering their wrench in their side pocket)

You’re not too bad yourself. Your obsession with becoming a wizard and being a twitch streamer is really annoying but… admirable… I guess. Also… I’m sorry, by the way. 

Thirteen places a hand on their scar, in thought. 

 

THIRTEEN (CONT’D)

For all of it. 

There is silence for a moment. Shen smiles and pulls Thirteen into a tight hug. He accepts the apology. Thirteen slowly lifts their arms and puts them around Shen, accepting the embrace. The hug was very heartfelt; very genuine coming from Shen.

DUSTY

Oooh! I want in! I want in!

DUSTY runs over and squeezes the two of them and lifts them off of the ground. SHEN is unphased and THIRTEEN is struggling. He drops them, and both Shen and Dusty head back to the rest of the group. 

DUSTY (CONT’D)

(to dolls)

Alright you guys, time to go innie ‘n outie! One last time… I suppose… 

DUSTY waves to THIRTEEN and they wave back awkwardly.

 

DUSTY (CONT’D)

Take care Thirteen!, ‘n always remember to remember us! Don’t git too fuddled without us!

With JEROMY and SHEN making the portal, a big ocean-blue wavy portal opens, wide enough for someone who’s really tall to fit in with ease. Everyone departs warping through time as they go back to headquarters. DUSTY, with his dolls leaves with giggles of sadness, missing THIRTEEN already, even after the altercation. THE SILVER SHROUD, monotone and serious-like behind to shed a single tear –perhaps the only tear he’s ever shed in his life– and JEROMY looks back to THIRTEEN. THIRTEEN looks at both of them.

THIRTEEN

…Will you guys… try to get me back… somehow?

JEROMY looks unsure, then SHEN puts a hand on JEROMY’s shoulder. JEROMY looks to SHEN, then back to THIRTEEN. JEROMY hesitates, then SHEN smiles warmly and speaks for him, or maybe, for all of them.

SHEN

…With our lives.

JEROMY takes one last look at THIRTEEN, and smiles kindly.

JEROMY

(warm)

Goodbye… whatever your name is.

JEROMY walks through the portal.

SHEN

(picks up his selfie stick)

Alright chat… here we go! Stream might end, but we’ll find out soon enough!

SHEN ends up last, closing the portal behind him. THIRTEEN stands there momentarily before sitting in a corner and curling into a ball of self-loathing.

 

5 SHEN’S HOUSE -- MIDDAY

At a time in the future, everyone mingles in SHEN’s streamer house. However, there is a slight melancholy due to the missing part of their team. DUSTY and THE SILVER SHROUD lounge on SHEN’s couch. THE SILVER SHROUD is smoking a cigar, while amusedly watching DUSTY maneuver his dolls in a complicated dance routine. JEROMY is looking out the window as if reminiscing about something (or someone). 

DUSTY

(Not looking up)

’S been a bit since our last break, eh? Sure is nice ta finally have some time ta ourselv’s. 

THE SILVER SHROUD

Ah, indeed. I can finally rest these old bones. 

THE SILVER SHROUD starts blowing smoke rings, getting DUSTY’s attention. DUSTY stares in awe until THE SILVER SHROUD’s words click in his mind. 

DUSTY

(playfully indignant)

Well, ain’t that just a load 

of burnt baloney? Yer still 

busier than a moth in a mitten. 

THE SILVER SHROUD hums monotone and starts flicking the ring on his finger. DUSTY blinks at him and is about to pry further, but JEROMY’s very not discreet cough makes DUSTY whip his head to him. JEROMY purses his lips which makes DUSTY want to laugh, but shrugs and makes Levy throw Gajeel into a quick spin instead. 

SHEN

(walking from the kitchen, drinking a Hype Sauce flavored G Fuel) 

Hey, chat. Stream’s about to start in a min’, you wanna watch or something? 

(he tilts his head at THE SILVER SHROUD)

Maybe not you Shroudster, the smoking might get me banned again… You can come in when you’re done though!

THE SILVER SHROUD

Maybe. Wait, what did I tell 

you about calling me that?! 

SHEN sticks out his tongue and ignores his question. THE SILVER SHROUD huffs and goes back to smiling at his ring. 

DUSTY jumps up excitedly, his tail wagging, bounding over to SHEN. 

DUSTY

Well snap my garters! Can I show your little critters on the screen their new outfits? 

(shakes the Gajevy dolls towards SHEN) 

 

SHEN

(does a double thumbs up)

Course, chat!

(looks back at THE SILVER SHROUD waiting for an answer)

DUSTY bounces on his feet behind SHEN, eyes set on the streaming room. THE SILVER SHROUD looks up from his ring and raises an eyebrow. 

 

SHEN

Soooooo, whaddya say, Jeromy?

(his glasses sparkle with hope) 

JEROMY

I don’t know…

SHEN

C’mooon! You want to stream one day, right? You can watch and learn from a pro, and you don’t even have to pay! 

JEROMY

People… pay to learn how to stream? Do they not have anything better to use that money for?

SHEN

Hey, I don’t judge! Whatever makes chat happy, amirite, chat? Speaking of chat, do we think Jeromy should join the stream? 

(looks at the audience and winks very obviously)

Well, Jeromimi, they said yes. And they even gifted 10 subs for you. Thanks, by the way!

 

JEROMY makes an unsure noise. DUSTY leans over SHEN’s shoulder and shares a look with him before unleashing his Dusty Puppy Dog Eyes™️.

 

JEROMY

(shielding his face) 

No, no! Not the eyes, again!

Through his fingers, JEROMY sees DUSTY deepen his pout, eyes tearing up. He holds up Gajeel and Levy and even their plastic eyes are somehow shimmering. SHEN also joins in.

 

JEROMY (CONT'D).

ARGH! I suppose it wouldn’t 

hurt… 

SHEN and DUSTY cheer and the three make their way into SHEN’S streamer room. JEROMY sits in a chair he deemed normal enough and DUSTY lays precariously over a bright pink bean bag. 

The stream starts and people flood into the chat, excited to see the familiar faces.

SHEN

(reading “chat”)

“When’s the next sleep stream?” Chat, I don’t know… maybe if we get some subs, though? 

 

JEROMY

What the heck is a “sleep stream”? 

SHEN

You leave the camera on and then you go to sleep, duh. 

CHAT is amused at the interaction. Emotes flood the chat box.

JEROMY

(mildly disgusted)

Please don’t tell me that’s a normal thing…

SHEN

Don’t worry, usually sleep 

streams are for the real 

pros, heh. Like me!

(points to himself)

SHEN’S stream notification goes off, the metal pipe noise startling JEROMY and DUSTY.  

SHEN

Niceee, chat! Thanks for the 13 gifted subs!

JEROMY

(sighing)

You gotta change that to something 

else, dude. You got Dusty’s hair 

and fur all frizzed up

now.

DUSTY has now puffed up so much that he looks like a pom-pom, he doesn’t seem to care though. THE SILVER SHROUD makes his way into the room and leans against the wall.   

STREAM’S AUTOMATED NOTIFICATION VOICE

“Hey, bolt brains, I finally 

got Wi-Fi to work at the 

saloon. Also, I want my money 

back, Shen.”   

SHEN

Sorry, dude. I don’t think 

that’s how it works—

(he trails off) 

As he reads the username, “Xx_TH1RT33N._.R3AS0NZ_xX,” out loud, he realizes the familiarity of it all. The rest of the gang peer over to SHEN’S screen at the mention of the name.

SHEN (CONT'D). 

(gasps)

Th…Thirteen?

JEROMY almost bumps his head into the mic in anticipation. THE SILVER SHROUD almost starts to light a cigar before he fumbles the lighter back into his pocket at the sight of the camera. DUSTY looks at everyone’s faces as they read the message, and starts just staring at the chat, as he wants to feel included. SHEN adjusts his glasses, the light glinting off them. Another metal pipe noise.

 

THIRTEEN 

“Your screws loose or something? 

Who else could it be?”

 

EVERYONE

THIRTEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fin]