Hello Kaeli. It’s your mother. I know that since you are reading this it means that something has happened to me. I know you must be upset or even thinking that you should just give up on life. But my daughter doesn’t give up on life just for the fact I’m no longer here. Your special, Kaeli. And I’m not just saying that because you are my daughter. I’m saying that because it’s the truth. You can sing as if you have a private teacher, but you don’t. You dance as if the music speaks right to you, and the way you play instruments. My dear, you are amazing. I don’t care what some people think about you. But I think one day, you will be so amazing that everyone will wish they would have believed in you like I do.

Kaeli, I know that since something has happened to me that you will be going to your father’s. I know that you guys haven’t really been getting along with everything that has been going on. But don’t let your dad moving on ruin what you guys had when you were a little girl. Yes I know what you are thinking, “hello mom, he left us. His wife and child for some girl he rarely knew.” But my dear, he has always loved you. And me. Though we did get a divorce and everything. Him and I...We’re still connected through you. Our precious daughter.

I know you most likely won’t like having to listen to your new step mom. But sweetheart please. Don’t give your father a hard time. He will have one already with your older brother. Trust in your dad though, I know how hard it is for you to trust. But I know some how you will be able to trust him again. You just have to find a way. I also know that you aren’t going to be happy for the fact your father is taking care of your step siblings and yet he was never truly there for you. But Kaeli, he is a guy. And you know what I say about guys. They sometimes are so stupid they don’t know left from right.

Before I finish writing this letter, I want you to remember what happened here in Coconut Creek. You forgot who will matter, never matter and who will always matter. Baby girl, don’t forget who you are. And let the world see you. But don’t let people use you just because of your talents. Because if they don’t like you the way you are at first then they start liking you after you show you. Then they aren’t friends. And they truly don’t matter.

Let your talents show my dear. But don’t be afraid of trusting in someone you thought you never would. I love you with all of my heart Kaeli. And no matter where I am, I’m with you at all times in your heart. I miss you. And you better know now, I always will.

Love forever and always,




Mom



Tears were rolling down my face as I finished reading the letter my mother wrote me many years ago. But gave it to me before she died, a day ago. It hasn’t even been forty-eight hours since she has been gone and yet I feel like I’m all alone in this big world. Even when my brother, Trevor, would hold me close and tell me everything was going to be ok. To me what he was saying was a lie. A lie I wouldn’t believe, or even think was true. Though a small part of me wishes that the lie was the truth. That everything is ok no matter what happens. But I thought to myself, if I believe everything is ok...Then I’ll look like I don’t care or that she wasn’t even apart of my life.

I knew though that I needed to be strong for the fact that my father was coming back into my life. I haven’t seen or even talked to him for nine years now. Though, there were times in the past nine years that I wished for him to pick up the phone and call me. But right now, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. He broke our family apart when he decided to walk out of the door one stormy night. So why, now after all these years would I want anything to do with him especially because my mother had died.

But now without her, I feel empty. I feel alone in the world even when people I know and are friends with are around. My best friend, Sally, she could try and try to cheer me up but she can’t. And to a point I believe no one can. Not with my true best friend and mother out of this world.

“Kaeli?” my brother Trevor was slowly opening the door to my mother’s closet where I sat holding her favorite shirt and letter.

I knew my voice would show my weakness so I just shook my head no while the tears in my eyes grew.

“Sis, come here.” He stepped in front of me and put out his hand for me to grab it. I sat there for a moment trying to figure out if I really want to get up from the floor to be held in someone’s arms. I knew I would rather be held then on the floor.

I put out my hand and grabbed his. As he helped me up, I knew it would be a matter of second before the tears forming in my eyes would be running down my face. And there would be no way to stop them from coming down. He pulled me close into a tight hug that seemed to last for hours. Even though it was truly only a few minutes before he pulled away from me and looked at my face.

“Kaeli, it’s ok to cry. You should not have to hide that you are upset or even kind of depressed. We just lost someone we loved and cared about. People will understand that. But don’t hide what you are feeling. It isn’t good for you to do that.” He said as he wiped away all my tears and tried to keep my head up.

I could tell by his eyes that he wanted me to understand what he was saying. And I did but just because I did didn't mean that I am okay with what he is saying. I mean I can’t let my feelings show or I’m going to get made fun of. Which if I get made fun of then its just going to make me weaker. And I don’t need that to happen right now. Not with everything that is going on.

“Ok. But Trevor, don’t make me talk about my feelings when I don’t want to. You know...” I wasn’t able to finish my sentence as he talked over what I was going to say.

“I know Kaeli.” He looked at me as if he had been told this for the millionth time. “I know that if you don’t want to talk that I can’t make you or even that I shouldn’t push you into talking or it’s just going to make you shut me out like it did dad. I know.” He had a smile on his face when I finish talking though, I could tell in his eyes that he was so tired of hearing about how he can’t make me talk even if he wanted to.

“Ok...I was just making sure you knew where I stood about that situation. If you know what I mean when I say that.” I haven’t always been as open with my brother as I am now in days. I used to hide things (a lot of things) from him just for the fact he is my older brother and what would he think if he knew some of the things he didn’t.

“Kaeli…We need to go downstairs where the guest are and thank them for coming and showing support for us. I know it’s going to be hard on us but that’s the least we could do to let our friends and close neighbors know that we thank them for everything they are doing for us during this time of need.” He said as he pulled me into another hug.

But before he could walk away, I knew I needed to tell him what I want to tell him.

“Trevor,” I said with a shaky voice.

I waited for him to answer before I went on to tell him that I love him and to thank him for everything he has been doing this past almost forty-eight hours.

“Yes, Kaeli?” He stopped and turned around to face me.

“I love you. And I want to thank you for everything. For skipping swimming practice and weigh lifting and everything just to be with me. Not a lot of people I know would do that. And it’s helped me a lot with you being here.” I knew I had tears running once again down my face. But then again who wouldn’t.

“I love you too Kaeli. And you don’t have to thank me. I’m your brother and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Plus I don’t care if I miss a few swimming practices and some weigh lifting. I can do that some other time. But right now, I don’t think the swim team or anyone else needs me but you.” He had a smile on his face as he finished his sentence but I still knew that he was missing the swimming and the lifting. Though, I don’t know why someone would miss that.

“Ok.” I said as I brushed off the dust I got on me in the matter of sitting on the floor for almost an hour.

I start you walk out of the closet when my brother and I came face to face with our father, Chris Hanson. It was awkward to see him after all this time. He didn’t even look the way he did nine years ago when he walked out of my family’s life. He had light blonde hair and had a really dark tan. Though, he most likely didn’t get it from hard work in the fields, it still looked a little bit nice on him.

“Honey, did you find the kids?” Helene walked through the bedroom door to find the three of us not talking but just looking at one other.

Helene is our dad’s new wife. They have been married for almost five years now though I didn’t attend their wedding. I really didn’t even want to be there. Not for either of them. They weren’t apart of my life or even my family.

“Oh…Hello Trevor and Kaeli. How are you?” she said with a smile as if your mother had just died. “Oh my. Why did I ask that question? Sorry. I didn’t...”

“Mean to what?” I said to her with an angry voice. “Mean to ruin my family or to sleep around with a guy that was already married? Which one was it?”

“Kaeli, don’t use that voice with your mother!” my “father” yelled at me.

No one made a move to talk or to even walk. I thought in the back of my mind how in the world he could say that the witch standing before me was my mother. No she wasn’t. She wasn’t even close to my mother. She wasn’t sweet, caring, loving, honest or even pretty like my mother was.

“Dad...why did you just…” my brother was about to finish his sentence when I started talking

“Mother? Did you really just say she was my mother?” my voice was shaky and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

“Kaeli, no...He didn’t mean it like that he just was…” Trevor the person that he is was trying to find a way to protect my dad though he knew that it wouldn’t be much of help.

“No, Trevor he meant it like that. Stop trying to protect him. He’s a coward and a fake. You should try to protect him when in the end he will just hurt you more then he did when he walked out on us. You might as well not even try...because the trying will go to a waste.” I finished talked as I pushed past the horrible monster that my dad just called my “mother” and started down the stairs.

I didn’t care what was happening behind me. Not even if my “father” was talking bad about me. It doesn’t even matter. I was so upset that I didn’t care who are in front of me all I knew was that I needed to get out of this house far away from the people I just walked away from. But I didn’t get far when I ran straight into Kenny.

Kenny, he was my mom’s friend. Though, I always counted him more then just my mom’s friend. They would cuddle and sometimes when she was upset or thinking that the world was coming to an end he would pull her close and kiss her. Kenny had muscles on his arms in which I swear he could pick up a whole family. With his dark hair and green eyes, my friends use to say that I didn’t look like Chris but I looked like Kenny. They use to joke saying that Kenny could be my father instead of Chris. I use to go along with it because sometimes I wished that he was my father. But I never told anyone that but myself.

“Oh, Kaeli!” he said with his eyes red and a small smile on his face. “What’s wrong?”

But before I could tell him, the monster came down the stairs holding my father’s hand.

“Oh, hello Chris. Helene. How are you doing?” He said with a smile on his face though I could tell that he wasn’t even happy with them being here.

“Hello Kenny. I’m glad to see you here with us during this time of need.” My father said with a small smile on his face.

“I’m glad I’m here too. I figured that the kids needed someone. I know how hard it is to go on with life when you lose a mother.” He said with a look in his eyes that said he understood what we were going through.

Which he did understand. Kenny understood perfectly because when he was a teenage boy, he lost his mom when a drunk driver ran straight into her car. He use to talk about what had happen to Trevor and me. But I knew right now he wouldn’t want to talk about his mother because he was trying to focus on the fact he lost this high school sweetheart and best friend.

“Oh, you shouldn’t worry about the kids. Helene and I got it under control.” My dad said with a mean smile on his face.

“But I do kind of need to worry about Kaeli and Trevor. And as of running into Kaeli just now, and seeing her very upset not just because of the death but because of something else really worries me. So I do think that I should worry about these kids.” Kenny said with some attitude.

“And they are my children…So please leave them alone.”

Everyone just looked at my father as if they couldn’t believe what he just said. To a point I couldn’t believe it either. Trevor and I didn’t want Kenny to go away. Kenny was there for us when our dad wasn’t.