She can’t do this. She’s bluffing! She wouldn’t call Dad. He divorced her. And on top of that, he moved away, and didn’t even ask to see us. He left Mom. He left us.
I glance at the clock for about the fiftieth time. It’s 1:38 AM. I’ve been lying awake like this, driving myself crazy for hours. It can’t be true. He can’t be coming. He wouldn’t step foot here, not after leaving Mom.
I start to doze a little bit, and memories begin to bubble to the front of my mind. Ones I’ve long suppressed:
Dad teaching me how to ride a bike. Running Dad’s foot over several times with said bike. Making holiday cookies with both parents, and getting flour everywhere. Dad tucking me in at night. His magic tricks that he used to do. They used to amuse me so much as a little kid. They were simple things like, “Is this your card?”, “I can link these paperclips together.”, and “The Disappearing Quarter.” I remember being so astounded by that one, blissfully ignorant to the fact that it was just up his sleeve. Funny...Dad kind of pulled his own disappearing act.
Sure, I remember the arguments they used to have in the kitchen. And I bet the word “divorce” was thrown around a lot. But...being ten...it was kind of like the world came crashing down in a second. Dad divorced Mom, and suddenly, POOF! Gone.
Now you see him...
Now you don’t.
* * *
Slowly, sleep begins to leave, and I kind of wriggle around in my bed, like a fish, trying to will it to come back. But the morning noise won’t let it. All I can hear are those annoying robins in the backyard, motorcycles revving down the street, that old Mustang rumbling into the driveway...old Mustang...Oh, man, he’s here!
I’ve never gotten out of bed quicker in my life. What am I supposed to do? I can’t believe he thinks he can just show up again! I could call a friend, and try to see if I can hide out there. Aw, but Drake’s at his grandma's, and Johnny has church till noon. And Dad will probably want to “reconnect” or “bond” or whatever he’s gonna call it. News flash, Pop: You can’t just waltz back in here and think everything’s gonna be just how you left it. In fact, you’re the reason nothing ever can be.
I hear a key click into the lock. I can’t believe he still kept it. Boots clomp into the entrance. Suddenly. my sister’s high, innocent little voice fills the house.
“...Daddy?”
Oh, darn, that’s right. Mary Jane was only two when Dad left. God, does she even recognize him?
Then suddenly, I hear his voice for the first time in about six years.
“Hi, MJ.”
I hear feet pound on the kitchen tile. “Dad!”
A stampede of elephants suddenly parade into the house as Zeke and Mary Jane rush up to him. I creep open the door a little to make sure I’m right.
There he is, on his knees, hugging them tightly, like he’ll never let go. But he will.
He looks almost exactly the way he did last time I saw him: Dirty black hair that’s short, choppy, and just kind of everywhere. Pale skin, blue eyes.Old, ripped up clothes that are partially covered in paint stains. And those boots. Those old, torn up, filthy, smelly work boots that used to sit by the front door. 
I look away from them for a second to glance in the mirror. I look just like him. I always knew I did, but having him in front of me again makes me realize it even more. We have the same eyes. The same hair. I hate that. I hate, hate, hate looking like him.
I look back out into the living room and see Mom come into the room, juggling suitcases. Dad gets up and brushes himself off, like he’s trying to impress her. Uh-uh. You had your chance.
“Here, let me help you there, Rose.” he offers.
“No, I’ve got them, I’ve got them.” she tells him. “Okay, I left a list on the table about everything that needs to be done around the house. Where’s Griffin?”
“He’s been staring at me through that little crack in his door for the last couple minutes.”
“Griffin, get out here so I can say ‘bye’ to you. You’re not spending your whole suspension sleeping and playing video games.”
Busted. Again. I open the door all the way and walk up to them, making sure I don’t even glance at dear ol’ Dad. I have to ignore him. All week, I’m totally blanking him. He walks back into the house after all these years, and expects  all of us to just run into his arms again. Zeke and Mary Jane already made their choice. I can’t really blame them. But me? I’m not gonna let him in. Not again.
“Nice pjs, Grif.” he smirks.
I look down at the Muppet pajamas I forgot I was wearing up till now. Good one, Griffin. Great way to show your Dad how much of a mature person you’ve become, how you’re not the child he remembers. I’m sure Kermit’ll teach him a lesson.
“Alright,” Mom chimes back in, and kisses Mary Jane and Zeke on their foreheads. “I gotta go, or I’ll miss my plane.  Love you guys. No fighting, okay? Behave.” She turns around, kisses my head, and gives me one of her looks. “Especially you.” 
“Love you, too, Mom.”
“Have a safe flight.” Dad smiles.
She smirks. “Don’t set the house on fire, okay? I don’t want a repeat of the Thanksgiving of ‘01.”
“Hey, that turkey looked undercooked. Are you ever gonna let me live that down?”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” She thanks him one more time, and starts heading to the door. “Oh, Jack...could you do one more thing?”
“Name it.”
“The minivan isn’t working, the engine’s making this weird noise. Zeke’s starting wrestling soon, and I don’t have time to take it into the shop. Can you look at it?”
“What kind of noise? Like a ‘klunk, klunk, klunk’, or a ‘tick, tick, tick, tick’?”
Zeke and Mary Jane start giggling. Dad always uses such technical terms.  Wait, am I smirking? No, no, no! Stay strong, Griffin! It’s not that funny! Nothing Dad says or does is funny. You can’t let him back in. You won’t!
“Umm...the first one.”
“I can fix that.”
“Thanks, you’re a lifesaver. Kids, be good for your father. And Jack, don’t make turkey!”
“I’m never living that down.”
We all stand there and watch until her Cadillac is out of sight. She really did it. She really left us with him.
        Dad opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, the house is filled with the sound of a yappy kind of bark. Scout slides on the tile as she makes her way up to him. “When did you guys get a dog?” he asks, over the noise.
       “That’s Scout.” Mary Jane tells him.
       “Yeah,” my brother starts, hesitantly. “She was kinda a ‘Sorry your dad and I are splitting up, here’s a puppy’ kind of thing. Guess Mom forgot to bring it up.”
       Ooh, that’s gotta sting. Replaced by a dog.
       "Aww, she’s so cute.” Dad reaches down and pets her. Scout rolls on her back, happily. A strange man opens the door, walks into the house, Mom leaves us with him, and the first thing our faithful animal protector does is ask him for belly rubs. Scout, sometimes I wish you were a Rottweiler.

       Alright, Griffin, it’s Day Four of Dad-Mageddon. You’ve done great so far, but you can’t slip. You need a new way to avoid him. All your friends are at school still, so that’s out. What have I used so far? Sunday I just stayed away from him, even though he kept trying to talk to me. The next day, I stayed in my room until Drake got home, then went over there, but he’s got football today. Yesterday was pretty easy, since Mary Jane puked in her PE class, and had to come home. Dad totally babied her all day: Making her soup, watching TV with her...taking care of her. No, no! You are not jealous! You’re mad at Dad! He left you, remember? It’s his fault everything’s like this!
       “You feeling okay today, MJ?” He’s right outside the door.
       “Yup, I’m all better. When I come home, will you play dolls with me?”
       “Sure.”
       “Great! I’ll be Barbie, and you be Ken, her boyfriend.”
       “Really? Huh. All this time I thought he was gay.”
       “What?”
       “Never mind. You better go, or you’ll miss the bus.”
       “Okay. Love you.”
       I feel so bad for her...
       “Love you too, Honey.”
       Then why’d you leave her? Leave us?
       Leave me.
       “Griffin, you might want to get up, or your internal clock thing will get messed up.”
       “It’s seven in the morning!” I yell at the door.
       “And you're wide awake. That’s your body’s way of saying, ‘Get out of bed’.”
       I get up, even though I hate listening to him. He wants me to talk to him, or something, but I’m not falling for it. I make some toast, and go right back to Halo.
       Before I know it, a little over four hours has passed. He hasn’t come to check on me. Guess he’s figured out that I don’t want him here. Good.
       There’s a knock at the door. I ignore it and keep playing. He comes in anyway and sits on my bed, next to me. “Wow. Video games sure have gotten a lot more violent since the last time I played ‘em.”
       “You mean back when you had to use the controller to fight off the dinosaurs?”
       He laughs a little. “Guess I walked into that one. So, I kinda wanna talk to you about something. Is there a pause on this?”
       “Pause button’s busted.” I lie.
       “Then can you shut it off?”
       “I’ll lose the unsaved data.”
       "Well can you save it and shut it off?”
       I give an annoyed sigh, save the game, and turn it off.
       “So...” he starts. “I’ve kinda noticed you’ve been trying to avoid me lately.”
       “That’s observant of you.”
       “Do you talk to your mother like this?”
       “Why do you care how I talk to Mom?”
       “Oh, c’mon, Griffin. Talk to me like a real person.”
       “My mouth is moving. Sound is coming out of it in the form of words. Gee, looks like I’m talking.”
       He stands up and looks at me. “Alright, seriously. Why have you been avoiding me all week? I did this to try to connect with you kids again.”
       He’s really starting to make me mad. “Really? That’s interesting, considering the fact that you left us.”
       “So that’s what this whole thing is about. I knew it. Griffin, just because your mom and I aren’t married anymore doesn’t mean I don’t care about you all.”
       “You made that really clear when you moved hours and hours away from us.”
       “Jesus Christ!”
       “Nope. Just me.”
       “Do you think I like not seeing you kids?”
       “I would assume so, considering you told Mom you didn’t want to have visitation with us.”
       “That’s not what I said. I said ‘It would be easier for the kids if you had full custody of them, and that they stay with you most of the time. My new job is taking me far out of town, and packing all the kids in the car and carting them miles and miles just for a weekend isn’t a very good idea. It’s too much back and forth. Maybe some time, I could take them over the summer, but for right now, I don’t make a lot of money, and I don’t want to take the kids if I can’t take the best care of them.’ That is word for word what I told your mother, and I know, because those are the words that have been running through my mind every time I wake up in your Uncle Murray's smelly apartment, and don’t hear you, Zeke, or MJ!
       “But even though I’m still working at a stupid motorcycle shop, can’t find a better job, and go paycheck to paycheck, I still try to make space for what’s important to me! I call you guys every night, unless I get off late, talk to your sister,  and ask her how everything's going. I talk to your brother, and see how he’s doing, and then I ask, ‘Can you pass the phone to your brother?’, and every time they answer, ‘He doesn’t want to talk right now.’”
       “Well, what am I supposed to say to you?!” I shout. “You left us! You divorced Mom!”
       “Yes, I divorced your mom! Because we weren’t right for each other! Because we weren’t getting along! Do you remember all those arguments we used to have over the stupidest stuff? Do you? Or have you erased all that from the picture, and drawn me in as the bad guy?! Did you want us to keep fighting like that? Because let me tell you, it wasn’t getting any better! We tried everything we could to make it work, so we could stay together for you three: We went to counseling, we tried talking about it, but nothing we did made it any better! We just didn’t fit! So yeah, I ended the marriage. Because I wasn’t gonna wait for it to get worse, for one of you to see us fight, or for your mom and I to turn into one of those couples that just want to kill the other. I didn’t want to hate your mom, and I don’t think your mom wants to hate me. So I ended it, and at a good time, because today, we can still talk, and we’re still good friends!
       “You’ve been blanking me because you're angry with me, I got that from the minute I walked into this house! You’re mad because to you, I ditched all of you. But you know what? I think deep down, you wish I was back! Well, now I am! I’m right freakin’ in front of you, Griffin! And I’ve been trying to be here all week long for you! But now you're mad because I’m here! You don’t want me to stay! You don’t want me to go! Jesus, Griffin, what do you want from me?!”
       And with that, he walks out of the room, his boots pounding on the carpet, and slams the door. I sit there for a minute, kind of taking in everything I just heard.
       Then, I just go crazy.
       I punch the pillows, I scream, I just let everything out! Liam, Mom, Dad, Zeke, Mary Jane, that girl in English class that wouldn’t go out with me last year, that senior that always rubs it in that he beat Halo 3 before me, that book worm that spoiled the ending of The Storyteller for me, and all those stupid freshmen that don’t know how to walk in the halls!
       I lay on the bed, breathing heavily from the sudden tantrum. I don’t know how long I stay there, but eventually I hear a light scratching at my door. Scout wants to see what I’m up to. I lay there for a little while longer, but the noise persists. I get up and open the door just enough for her to wiggle herself in. She runs in a little circle around me, then looks up. A rubber ball is in her mouth. But I don’t want to play. I just lay back on the bed, and pretend she’s not there.
       She continues to look at me with that irresistible face. I sigh, and sit back up. “Alright you win.” I bend down and take the ball from her. She pants, excitedly, as I prepare to throw it. Tossing it across the room, she bounds after it, barking happily, and quickly brings it back for Round Two. I throw it again, but this time it hits the wall, bounces back, and rolls right under the bed. Game over, I guess.
       Scout barks at the bed, every few seconds looking up at me. She’s not gonna stop until I get her stupid toy.
       Getting up again, I lay flat on my stomach and look under. It’s in the corner, mocking me. Alright, if I just get the ball, I can toss it out of my room, Scout will go away, and I can go back to...whatever the heck I feel like doing after my “chat” with Dad.  I reach my arm under, since it’s all I can fit. I feel around trying to find the dumb ball. No, that’s lint. Dust bunny. Old underwear? Okay, that’s kinda gross. Wait...what’s this?
       There’s something hard and flat under my hand. I grab it and upon pulling it out, I see it’s a large, old book. It’s dark blue, with a gold border. It’s kind of dirty, and on the front is the word “Memories” in the same gold color. I totally forgot about this. This is my old photo album.
       The dog finally gives up on the game, and goes to lay down by the air vent. But I’ve kind of forgotten about her.
Just put it back. Put it back, and you can forget it all over again.
       But you want to know what’s in it. What did you put inside?
       If it was that important, you would’ve remembered it. Unless...it’s something you wanted to forget.
       Oh no...I know what’s in here.
       Don’t open it! Just...throw it out, or something! Or hide it.
       But you tried that already, that’s why it was under there.
       I have to open it. I don’t know why I want to torture myself like this but...I just have to look at it again. Just one more time. One more time,  and then I’ll have no problem getting rid of it.
       Dust comes up like a cloud as I flip it open. I forgot how many photos I took when I was little. Some of the pictures are kind of random, like one of a squirrel in the yard, or Mom cooking something. Others are more important, like my kindergarten graduation, and birthday parties.
       And there they are. Pictures of me and my family. All together. Back when  life was...not...this.
       There’s one of us in Wisconsin Dells, in front of the animatronic clock tower that tells the tale of the Pied Piper. We’re all smiling, except at this point, Mom was still pregnant with Zeke.
       Dad holding Zeke for the first time, and a four-year-old me looking at him, thinking what a great big brother I’m gonna be.
       Gee, I sure lived up to that. But either way, once again, we’re all smiling in the picture. Even mom, who just finished child labor.
       One of all three of us celebrating New Years, but I’m not quite sure what year we’re celebrating.
One of us at Brookfield Zoo, standing next to the statue of a gorilla. Who’s taking these pictures? Some random stranger?
       Another few pages, and Mary Jane is finally born. Dad’s crying, I’m glad I have a sister, and Zeke’s poking her. Great first impression, dude.
       Page after page, my grin gets bigger, and the hot tears in my eyes are getting harder to fight. Every picture in here, we’re smiling. Where did those smiles go? When did they leave?
       Was it when Mom and Dad started having issues?
       When he left?
       What?
       Why can’t we be happy?
       ...Why can’t I be happy?
       I close the book gently, and look at the wall. I just kind of think. About everything. About nothing. About my life. How it’s the same, and how it’s changed. I want to be that smiling kid I saw in those photos. I want to see that family smile back at me. Why can’t that happen?
       Then it occurs to me.
       Maybe...maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the reason my family can’t be happy. Mom’s been trying everything to help me, but I just won’t let her. Zeke’s been begging for my attention, but I ignore him. Mary Jane, too. All she wants is to hang out, and I always shut her down.
       That answers my second question. Why can’t I be happy?
       Because I won’t let myself be happy.
       I complain about issues in school, and when Mom tries to help me out, I just let it go in one ear and out the other. Why fix the problem when I can mope about it for days?
I always wanted siblings, and now that I’ve got them, I pretend they don’t exist.
       I waited for six years to see my dad again. He’s right, I missed him. I wanted to see him again. Now he’s here, and I’ve spent all this time being a jerk, and waiting for him to go away again.
       It hurt when he divorced Mom. It might always hurt. But part of me understands now why he did it.
       He wanted to see us again. I think I’ve always known that. And I bet when he gets a better job, and a house away from Uncle Murray, we’ll be seeing a lot more of him.
       But all this leaves me with one more question:
       How do I fix this?
       Hours slip by. I haven’t eaten lunch. Mary Jane and Zeke are already home. I had to let Scout out of the room so she could go outside. Still nothing from Dad. But what did I expect?
       All this time I’ve been trying to think of a solution. I owe Mom a serious apology when she gets back, I know that much. But what do I do right now? With Dad, and my brother and sister? I need something. One thing that can tell them all what I need to say, without me having to write a whole speech. I’m not really good with my words. C’mon, Griffin you gotta do something. You have to have one idea in your head. Something that’ll just make all these issues disappear.
       ...That’s it. That’s it!
       I jump up off the floor, put the photo album on my bed, and empty my bank. Found one!
       Running out of my room, I try to find them all. I need to get them all together for this. Lucky for me, they’re all in the same place: Sitting in Mary Jane’s room in little tiny chairs, around her small tea party table.
       “Oh, Barbie, I love you more than my glitter tuxedo.” Dad/Ken says.
       “Oh, Ken, you don’t know what that means to me.” Mary Jane/Barbie swoons.
       “Why am I doing this again?” Zeke asks, holding another male doll.
       “You’re ruining it.” my sister tells him.
       “Who even is this guy?”
       “I told you, that’s Allan, Ken’s best friend! Didn’t you read the box?”
       “Now MJ,” Dad starts, smirking. “We all know your brother doesn’t read.”
       “At least I don’t walk around the house in Muppet pajamas.” Zeke gestures to me with the doll. They all look at me.
       I can’t do this. What if it’s not enough?
       But I can’t do nothing, and this is all I got right now.
       I walk up to them quietly, and hold out the quarter. They’re all silent as I perform the trick. Suddenly, POOF! Gone.
       “Whoa!” Mary Jane exclaims, beaming. “How’d you do that?”
       “A magician never reveals his secrets.” I tell her.
       “Taught him everything he knows.” Dad winks at me, and leans back in the child-sized plastic chair. A huge weight comes off me. Now I know it’s okay. By that wink, and the stunned expressions on my brother and sister’s faces, I know somehow, they got the message.
       I love you Zeke, and Mary Jane. And I promise to be a better brother.
       And Dad, you’re right. I did miss you. I’ve been missing you since the day you left. I just had to let myself finally admit it. I want to see you again. I will see you again, if it means I have to walk to Uncle Murray’s. You’re my dad, and even though you might be far away, you’re always there when I need you.
       That’s why you came here this week. You knew, somehow, I needed you.
         I’m sorry.
         I love you.
         I never stopped.
       “Can you do it again?” Mary Jane asks. “Please? Pretty please, with Ken’s glitter tux on top?”
       “Alright, alright.” I turn for a minute so she doesn’t see where I hid the quarter. Holding it in my hand, I suddenly get this feeling that...everything is gonna be okay.
       And I smile.
       “Okay, here we go. Now you see it...”