still remember the day mom and dad left. Very faintly, however the image still appears in my mind on occasion. It as a cool wintry day, the blinds were drawn and sunlight gleamed onto the hardwood floor in our living room. Modern Japan. “A dream world” some called it. But that house brought me more bad memories than I could count.

It was February 26th, about 10 years ago. I was a measly 7 year old with a dreams and hopes one could only achieve by believing. It was about 8 in the morning, early enough where I could still eat breakfast without complaints. I was a very mature 7 year old, I grew up with my parents in and out of the house because of work very often.
I learned how to properly cook easy meals and shower and take care of myself, even read. I might have not known how to do all of this very well, but I had the outline of it which was enough of a start. Mom and dad weren't home. Common. I knew they would be home soon enough. At least I had Toto. He was he only real friend I could make.

It was nearing lunchtime at this point, I had grabbed a book off of the shelve in our basement and took a nap for a few hours. Usually mom and dad would have been home by now. How strange. I had never been good at talking to other people, so when I went to call the police at about 3:30, I couldn't say anything except I misdialed.
As the night slowly came, I decided to go to bed. By the next morning I wouldn't have been so anxious and I am sure they would be home. The next morning I awoke. Nothing. I had to fend for myself for however long they were gone and I wasn't ready to accept my faith, but I soon came to the conclusion that I needed to.

“Stupid alarm clock.”
It seems to be time for work. See the misconception here is that me, Jinsang, a 17 year old world-class idiot, wouldn't be able to land a job at an audit firm. By any luck, my life is full of misconceptions, and it has since I was young.
I have always strived to be more than myself, have some kind of job that would affect the world. Recently I have been thinking more and, I can’t really do anything that I'll be remembered for. Everyone eventually forgets about everyone else so why try and make my mark if it eventually washes away along with memories of me?
Anyway, that's me. An overly insightful and alone 17 year old with a passion for philosophy. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but I have had ideas of expressing my philosophy to the outside world. I have a friend in the publishing industry and I really just want to share how I think with the minimal people that will even think about my book.

My workspace is very calming, I am not close with anyone that I work around but I keep a very clean space, with a Joy Division poster and a small lemon tree next to my monitor. My desk is white which causes for an aesthetic burst of light whenever I enter my space but I love it.
So many people do not understand how important it can be to work somewhere that you actually enjoy and this is why I love having a section for myself. I can listen to some coffeehouse jazz and just… function. This way I can stay home and enjoy my time with Toto, my Shiba that I have had for years.

I live in a decently sized studio apartment, my room is decorated similarly to my office, with a summer aesthetic and music posters everywhere. I love winter with all of my heart but summer is a close second and I love too much about summer to not live in it all the time.
Most of the walls on the east side of the house are brick which I absolutely love. In fact, I wouldn't change anything about my life right now. I am floating in ecstacy, not to quote the legend Freddie Mercury.
The best thing about living in Japan is that everywhere I go I can find an accessible coffeehouse and just relax. The only way I am truly happy is either in a book or listening to music with a warm java in my hands, lying next to Toto. Especially when I was a child I never had opportunities to be in serenity. I was too busy thinking of excuses on why my parents weren't with me when I was buying groceries or checking out books at the library.

I was always looking behind my shoulder because I was sure one of these days my dad would run up from behind me and sweep me up in a big hug. Maybe tell me how much he missed me. It's possible that is the one thing I would change right now in my life. I have few memories of my parents and growing up by yourself can be a struggle.

I never went to school, everything I learned was from books or movies or podcasts. Anything I could get my hands on. I do not have good social skills which I am sure is why my closest friend is a dog and I can’t keep a steady romantic relationship. It's fine I guess, I have studied enough to know that if people do not appreciate or want me, it's not my fault. Never change yourself because someone won’t accept you for the way you are. Love yourself and understand that you can thrive without anyone else holding you down.

This is why I should write a book. I am sure i’ll start it eventually, I just have a lot on my plate right now. Work has been stressing me out and I can’t seem to find the time. I also just do not totally have the inspiration right now to do much, I know I talk about being happy and although I am a happy person, we all have days that we might not feel the best.

I have been having more and more of those days recently, I might start seeing a therapist or something. It's okay to not be perfect, no one is perfect and no one should expect perfection. I think a recurring issue that we have as people is that if our expectations aren't met, we have a problem with that. I think everyone has a little to learn no matter age or intelligence, and we can learn from each other. But anyway, I am getting off topic. I should really just set a deadline for myself, otherwise I know I am not going to start my book. “All The Answers” I’ll call it.

Love can be a very “controversial” topic. Many people have many different opinions on what it means to love or be in love or feel love. I… do not think I have ever felt true love. I have maybe felt the idea of what love really means. Love is when you aren't scared of being different. Love is when you come home and you realise how perfect everything around you is. How happy you are in that moment because you know that this life will end and that’s fine. You'll be forgotten but that’s fine, because right now, you have this moment. This little moment that will never go away. Where nothing is wrong. Love is like LIVING in moments similar to that.

This is why I feel like I have never experienced love. I have only lived moments where I feel like nothing else bothers me, but not moments where I wouldn't change a thing. Maybe this is good for me, some people fall in love too much. To pull from “I Fall In Love Too Easily” by Chet Baker: “I fall in love too easily. I fall in love too fast. I fall in love too terribly hard, for love to ever last.”
This brings me to my next point which is, if you love someone, why would you not want to express that love? If you sincerely, wholeheartedly think you love someone then tell them. You never know what might happen.
Let’s say, for example, that they do not feel the same emotions back to you. So what? At least you have the feeling off of your chest that you just confessed your true feelings to someone, and that takes guts. Trust yourself, love yourself, follow yourself. Follow these words and I promise you that one day you will find your love. Your star. The thing that keeps you going everyday.