I sat on my bed, tossing an old football up and down again, while Damien worked away on his laptop. He looked over and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you going to do work or are you going to sit there like a love-crazed twelve-year old?”

I groaned. “Please stop saying that.”

“The polar bears are melting!”

I threw the football across the room at him, then sighed. I doubt he knows about my straining relationship with A.J. Ayj has just been getting….weirder, and I don’t like it. I’m feeling a strange distance from him, and I don’t like it. All those years we’ve known each other, he’s never done this. Not even when he got me kicked out of a cafe, or when he broke my arm last summer. Not when I yelled at him for stepping on my phone when he was supposed to watch it when I was at rehearsal, or when he broke my house’s bay window. I smile ruefully, remembering the Incident of the Broken Arm last summer.

We were speeding down a hill, and A.J kicked the side of my bike. I swerved, and shouted curses at him. He laughed and sped ahead.

“Ha! That’s what you get for making me step in dog  crap!”

I shook my head, gaining speed. I saw a smile emerge on his face, and I had only a second to gain my wits. He swerved in front of me and stopped. I tried to stop, but only succeeded in cutting my speed down the tiniest fraction before slamming into the back of his bike and flying into space. I slammed back down to earth, and heard a wet snap as I fell into a construction ditch. I had landed on a metal pipe, and my head took most of the impact. I thought it was my skull that cracked, but a bolt of pain shot up my….arm. Thank god. I heard A.J drop his bike and run over.  

He leaned down.

“Holy. Sh.i./t.”

The sun turned the black stubble on his cheeks and chin to a reddish gold as he tried and failed to keep himself from laughing.

I croaked up, “You fu.ck./ing…”

He shook his head. “I always knew you were clumsy, but this tops it.”

“Help me out of this f/u.ck.ing ditch so I can beat your a.s/s.”

“Fat chance.”

“Fu.ck you.”

“You wish.”

I glared at him. He smiled and helped me out of the ditch, then burst out laughing again when he saw the state of my bike.

“It’s totaled!”

I winced as the old football hit my face. A bucket shot to the head from Damien.

“Polar bears need your full attention down on Earth.”

Dam smiled and then threw a Nike shoe at me.

And then a dirt-crusted Adidas cleat.

Then an old winter boot.

He was getting ready to throw my fresh-out-of-the-box Vans, when I got up. “No! Stop! No!”

He laughed, and spun around in my desk chair.

“So, I overheard something in Study Hall today…”

I sat up. “Wait, what?”

He smiled evilly. “Well, Colin, A.J, and the jocks were sitting by me, which, by the way, ew, when I heard Colin talking about you.”

I tilted my head. “What? What did he say?”

“He asked A.J if you guys were going out. Ayj, of course, said no, but then, Colin said, ‘talk to Jessica for me, she’s kinda hot’”

My mouth was wide open when Damien finished his gossip. “Wow. Just-I don’t know. Wow.”

Yes, I’m eloquent in times of surprise.

So sue me.

I looked outside and groaned at the state of the sidewalk. Another scorching hot day for my benefit. I reached inside my locker with no energy,  as I pondered walking all the way home. On the bad side, I could be fried to death like an egg, on the good side...I could..I dunno, no good excuses came to mind.

Fried Jessica it is.

Just like freakin’ bacon.

The mention of bacon dragged another memory from the recesses of my ADHD-addled brain. The time I got kicked out of a vegan cafe because of A.J’s antics.

Because I’m a Greek Orthodox, I have to fast for a week for Greek Easter. That basically means I need to go full vegan for a week. I know, gross, right? Ugh. The first morning of my fast, I came downstairs to the smell of frying bacon. I stumble down the stairs, miraculously not breaking my neck. I walked into the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep from my eyes. My dad was sitting at the counter, monching on bacon. I stare at him. He smirks, and says, “Not my fault your mom’s a Greek.”

So sensitive, right?

I go back upstairs and get my hungry-as.s self dressed. I head outside, and run into A.J.

“Hey there! Vegan week?”

He took the answer from my eyes. “Oh. Sucks to be you, I guess. But I do love me a nice, juicy steak, cooked medium rare. Ugh, so good! And the gravy…”

I pushed him. “Shut up! Jeez, you insensitive….SWINE!”

He raises an eyebrow. “Woah, what’s eating the vegan?”

As a  good friend once said, “XD, so considerate.”

Mood.

I push his t-shirt clad torso, with no luck. Damn, he’s been hitting the weight room. My mind, the theatrical mess that it is, switched my metal soundtrack to a Heathers song. “Freeze your braaaiiinnn…..”

I shouted. “JESUS CHRIST, THAT’S IT!”

A.J looked terrified. “...What?”

I grabbed his shoulders. “Ayj, what’s in a slushie?”

He looked just confused now. “Um, corn syrup, dyes, ice, and a.ut/ism?”

“Yes! Seven-Eleven it is!”

“Uh, it’s closed, Jess. It’s a sunday.”

S.hit. “Buuuuuuuut, the vegan cafe is open!”

He cocked his head. “True. I’ll come with you.”

It was a quarter-mile walk to the cafe, not far, but the only one for miles. We walked in, sighing at the AC. We sat down, and a...ew...ginger came over. I asked for a vegan quiche, and A.J smirked. Lord, I knew something was up.

“How ‘bout a bacon, egg, and cheese?”

The next five minutes were a blur. I remember Ayj leaning back in his chair, smiling satisfactorily at the screaming waiter. The next thing I know, the waiter is kicking us out.

“And don’t come back, ya areses! I’ll call the cops!”

I shake my head, clearing myself from the tendrils of memory. I shoulder my backpack, and walk out into the blazing heat, wincing. I had actually made it to the molten sidewalk, when a blue truck pulls up next to me. I immediately tense. I grew up in the Bronx. I’ve been trained to the fact that, if someone pulls up to you, run. Run as fast as you fu.ck.in’ can. I relax the slightest bit when I remember this is Clarkstown High, not P.S 482. The window rolls down. It’s Colin.

“It’s fu.ck.in’ murderous out here! Want a ride?”

I smile. “My hero! Yes, I do.”

He winked. “Always call upon thy knight in shining armor!”

I got into the passenger seat, and pulled out my phone to text my oldest brother, Nikos. Hey, Nik. I got a ride, don’t need to pick me up.

I snapped off my phone, and grinned at Colin. “Thanks. Just had to text my brother, Nikos.”

“Cool. I think I’ve seen him around...tall guy? Black hair?”

“That’s him.”

I smiled. Nik would either hate or love this guy. (With Nikos, it’s really a coin toss…)

“Shakespeare dixit optimum: sed ego odi Shakespeare.”

“Latin test?”

“You know it. Tomorrow.”

We kept up a  steady stream of chatter as cool wind came in from the windows, open a crack. He dropped me off, then winked. I blushed. “S-s-see you tomorrow?”

“Yup. Seeya.”

God, help me. I’m an idiot.

As I woke up on Saturday, later than I normally would, my phone lit up with a text. I picked it up, my arms still weak from sleep. I rubbed my eyes and stared at the phone screen for a solid two minutes before my brain decided to stop being so illiterate.  It was from A.J. I smiled, and opened it.

Heyo whassap, I decided to stop being such a little bit.ch...um, what are you doing today?

I replied. Sleeping. Eating. Nothing, really. Lax tryouts don’t start until next tues. You?

He replied almost instantly. Well, you know how the Hollywood losers are remaking a ton of movies?

Yeah?

They remade The Blair Witch

Holy shoot!!! Wanna watch it??

I may pi.ss my pants, but….sure.

I laughed. Ayj and I liked to watch horror movies, but it was mostly me. I actually made him sit through binge-watching The Haunting of HIll House.

He screamed and made comments, but it was fun.

We decided to watch The Blair Witch Project at his house, because he’s scared of my brothers. Later that night, as we were watching it (him being scared to the point where he screamed), and me taking a video without his knowledge of him looking terrified, and whispering, “Please tell me it wasn’t a true story”

So that was fun. Of course, the movie came with Ayj’s usual snide comments on the characters. Here are some of the...cleaner ones.

-See, Joshua, buddy, just...no. Take your god/dam.n homemade video recorder to another freaking state.

-This is the point where you just stop…

-Yes! Excellent idea, guys! Go into the woods in the sticks of Maryland to find a serial killer! Totally safe. I’m sure you’ll have a SPLENDID stay.

-Why he remind me of Norman Bates, though?

-Oooooooohhhh, so sp00py! A BRANCH broke! Call a priest!

-Aw, it’s okay, Joshua. I bet Daddy will pay for the triple funeral.

-What do ya wanna bet those townsfolk were hicks? You know, like saying, “(bad southern accent) Papa, get the shotgun! There’s a (offensive slang term for black people that I assure you, A.J does not use on a regular basis) in the cornfields!

This is where I make a...cut. No more comments for today. A.J’s dry sense of humor is just too much for you guys to take right now.

END OF PART 1