I really like your book so far! I really like the conflict with the little sister.

I would just look over your work again, you forgot to add some commas before quotation marks and also repeatedly use "defiantly" instead of "definitely". I know a lot of people have trouble spelling the word (I do), but spellchecks might change it to "defiantly" if the incorrect spelling is close enough.

Anyway, great job! I'm looking forward to reading more. :) If you have the chance, could you please check out my realistic fiction novel, The Formation and leave your thoughts about it? Thank you!

It continues to be written very honestly and realisticly, which is sure to earn you a large readership.

Of particular note in this chapter I liked the "clothing rules" as it seems to be a sort of universal thing that all teens (boys and girls) have but rarely discuss.

You have a natural talent for writing and you even managed to turn a shopping day into an interesting read!

haha thanks a lot!!! I'm glad you liked that sentance, I had kind of forgotten about it, honestly. It's enjoyable to write with Diana's personality. :)

I have some plans, but then, a lot of my ideas come up along the way. Thanks for commenting!!!!

"I wasn’t sure how much I liked being an Otter, but no one really cared what animal your team was supposed to be anyway."

You hooked me in with that sentence. Self-awareness is the key to realistic fiction, and you've nailed it. The heart-to-heart between Diana and Lannie was perfect, too- it came across very naturally and authentic.

I'm looking forward to see where you take this-- it's got a lot of potential!

Thanks so much! Yeah, it has some issues, I supose I should edit, but I just haven't yet. :):):)

Lannie is one of the main conflicts, but there's another one too that is kind of introduced in chapter 2. (I'll finish it soon, then i'll post)

I think I need to put more of Diana (Idk if her name was mentioned in there, but that's what it is)'s personality into it. Yeah, I try to add detail, but idk, I'm still working on it.

Thank you for commenting!!!

Alright, here goes some constructive criticism. Just going to rattle off stuff as I read. 

Very first sentence - water is already blue. A bit redundant. (Sorry, being picky). From "8 free style laps" it should be "eight freestyle laps". 

There are some little details that I think aren't important to the story. For example: The part about swerving to avoid the kid in front of the main character, is not necessary unless it has some kind of significance later on in the novel. And those other tiny details, drying up legs, grabbing the towel to wrap around for a minute... All can be summed up. "I got out of the swimming pool, and dashed toward where my towel lay. 'God, it's cold...' I whispered to myself. With a wet swimsuit, sweatpants and a towel wrapped around myself, the cold Florida weather (winter?) still bit through to the skin." Something like that. 

Write out the numbers under one hundred. 

I like the character development of Lannie. She's very real and relatable, how others give her those all too familiar looks. 

Try to show more, not tell. 

I also REALLY like the part where the big sister stands up for her little sister. You don't see a lot of that these days. And how Lannie can't stand up for herself, just nod mutely while the wannabe girl keeps attacking? Love it. It's already introducing a conflict, and automatically hooks in the reader. That wannabe got what she deserved. 

Lannie's reaction was also intriguing, though avoid using too many exclamation marks. One is adequate. 

A couple of minor grammar mistakes, but that's all. I like where this story is going A LOT. This story establishes a strong, building relationship between sister and sister, not boyfriend and girlfriend we see too much of these days. Well-written. Great. Awesome. 

POST MORE. I'll be looking forward to reading more.