I felt heart pounded against my rib cage as I squeezed the pendent in my hand and my eyes widened in disbelief.
She's real, My mind whispered.
No she isn't! The sane part argued. It was a dream, just forget about it, your hallucinating.
I sighed and let the necklace drop down and rest once again against my color bone. My gaze momentarily shifted to the clock that was glowing bright blue on my bed side table and groaned. Five in the morning, and there was no way I was gonna be able to fall asleep again until I got this crazy delusion out of my mind. I shook my head, trying to clear my brain.
I untangled myself from my soft warm blankets and stumbled to my door. I pulled it open slowly, everything feeling foreign to the touch even though I've lived in the same house sense I was two. I stepped out into the hall, my feet scuffling along on the worn green carpet, if you can still call it green after everything it's been through. I sighed and a sad smile spread across my face when I looked at the picture mounted on the wall across form me. Eyes identical to my own stared back at me. I felt tears begin to burn in the back of my throat. I swallowed and walked swiftly away from the memories that were trying to worm their way into my thoughts.

I heard loud snoring coming from my mom's room as I shuffled past. I smiled, at least she could get some sleep, she desperately needed it. I usually woke up when she got home late from running the bar all night but i guess the dream kinda screwed with my sleeping patterns as well as my brain...considering i normally woke up at about ten every morning, not five.
I yawned and continued to walk sleepily towards the right green door at the end of the hall. I pushed against the smooth wood, not bothering to try and turn the nob, it didn't work anyway. I felt the warm carpet under my feet stop abruptly, replaced by the smooth sky blue linoleum of the bathroom and smiled. Cold. that was exactly what I needed.
I quickly went through my routine of pulling the worn fabric off of my body and mechanically turned on the water in the shower, letting the water pound against the deep crevice that made up the bath tub before climbing in. I knew the water was a perfectly warm temperature, but it felt nearly scalding against my oddly sensitive skin. I reached down, water streaming onto my face, and turned the cold water up full blast. I straightened up and stiffened. Still too hot. I bent again and turned the hot water nob all the way off. I knew the crystal clear liquid running down my flesh was probably close to freezing by now but I didn't care, it finally felt comfortable to be under. I let the frigid water cascade down my body before washing my hair, the water turning it a dark brown instead of it usual sandy brown color.
I stood under the continuous poor of water long after the soap had been rinsed out. I tilted my head up and let it patter against my face for another minute of so before finally shutting off the water and stepping out, grabbing my puffy black towel off of the rack next to the door. I wrapped the soft towel tightly around my waist before stepping up to the mirror, clear of any steam. I grabbed my little sisters purple brush off the counter and ran it through my hair, not that the motion was needed, my hair was too limp to get knotted anyway. When it was wet, it went down to my chin, but when it was dry it hung down to my cheek bones, covering my eyes perfectly so that I could see things, but nobody could see sea green eyes speckled with a dark blue. That's the way I always liked it, on the outside looking in.
I frowned at my reflection, my eyes trailing over my bare chest, droplets of water still clinging to my skin.
The pendent was still nestled against my color bone.
There was a loud pounding on the bathroom door, making me jump.
"Mackie!!" My little sisters voice called quietly from the other side,"What the hell are you doing up so early?"
I pulled open the door and smiled at the sleep rumpled figure in front of me. Her dark brown, nearly black hair was pulled into a very messy pony tail, frizzy from her non stop turning in her sleep. Her sparkling blue eyes were narrowed suspiciously at me, her slim pointed chin tilted up at me in defiance.
"Couldn't sleep," I whispered,"and be quiet, moms sleeping."
Melody nodded smiling knowingly at me.
I hesitated before asking the question that had been haunting me for the past year. I swallowed.
"Hey Mel?" I asked shakily as she yawned. She raised an eyebrow at me." Will you cut my hair for me?" I blurted before I could chicken out again.
My 15 year old sisters jaw dropped and her eyes widened.
"Are you serious?" she sputtered.
I nodded with a wry smile. I had been dodging the subject for two years and wouldn't even let my own mother touch my head any more. Anything near my head since one of the many incidents from my past, made me panic, and don't even get me started on sharp objects.
"Of course I'll do it!" she shrieked happily.
I clamped my hand over her mouth.
"Shh!" I hissed at her and pushed her into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind me.
"Sit," she commanded, pointing to the toilet.
I obliged and watched nervously as she dug in the medicine cabinet installed behind the mirror and emerged again with a slim pair of scissors in her pail hand.
"You sure about this bro?" Melody asked skeptically.
I nodded not trusting my voice as she advanced with the scissors. They were fairly dull, but to me they looked thirsty for my blood.

I couldn't stop touching my now short hair -now coming down to the middle of my forehead- after Mel kicked me out of the bathroom so she could get ready for school. I ran my fingers through it as I shoveled oatmeal into my mouth.
"Time for a new start," I muttered to the bowl,"For Elaina."
I barely whispered the last part. Nothing was going to get in my way of being with her.
Nothing.
Melody came rushing into the kitchen then, breezing past me in a hurry towards the still warm pot of food on the stove.
"You want a ride to school today sis?" I asked as her piled the lumpy substance into a porcelain bowl.
She looked at me gratefully and plopped down into the padded wooden chair across form me.
"Yes please!" she exclaimed and began to eat.
I smiled and pushed up from my chair,"meet you in the truck." I called over my shoulder as I walked over to the front door. The cold air hit me like a slap in the face. The frigid wind plastered what little of my hair was left onto my forehead.
"I can't believe I talked myself into that," I muttered to myself as I jogged over to the sky blue GMC sierra parked in front of our double-wide trailer.
After unlocking the doors i climbed in the chilled interior and settled back into the worn leather seat. The key slipped into the ignition smoothly and the engine started up with a muffled roar.

I carefully pulled into a parking spot in between a shiny new Dodge challenger and a beat up old charger. As I slid the key put of the ignition, shutting down the vehicle, Mel looked at me with eyes the size of dinner plates.
"What?" I asked defensively.
"What are you doing?" Mel demanded, a hint of panic in her voice.
I sighed and looked up at the towering four story building in front of us. I felt a shudder run through me as memories from my first and only year at public school flashed in my mind. My hands tightened on the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut against the images bombarding my brain. I felt something soft and warm settle on top of my right hand. My eyelids fluttered open and I looked over at my little sister, who had covered my hand with her own, and gave her a weak smile.
"Go home, Mackie." Mel whispered.
I shook my head and pealed my other hand off the steering wheel and wrapped it around Elaina's necklace.
"I need to face this place sooner or later, Melody." I sighed.
"I know, but your therapist said you should do it with family and when he isn't here." Mel insisted.
"But I need to do this for me, and honestly, how am I suppose to resolve my issues with him if he isn't even here?"
"Fine, but what exactly are you planning on doing with the fifteen minutes before class starts?"
I paused and took a deep breath then answered," I'm gonna talk to the secretary about registering for the rest of my Junior year."
A loud gasp came from Melody and I smiled at her. "I'm done being scared, Mel."
Mel smiled tentatively at me and nodded,"If you're really sure."
I nodded and opened the car door and Mel followed my lead.
"Mel!" a deep male voice called from the top of the front steps.
I frowned at my little sister, she gave me an apologetic look as a bulky football player looking guy came jogging up to her with a grin on his face.
"Hey, beautiful." the guy said before wrapping my sister in a tight hug and planting a firm kiss on her cheek.
My eyes narrowed on the scene in front of me and I felt a surge of protection course through me.
"Uh," Melody stuttered with a scared look at me. "Hey Jackson."
I raised an eyebrow at her as Jackson finally pulled away from me and his gaze shifted to me like he was just now noticing that here was another person standing there. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked pointedly at Mel.
"Uh, Jackson this is my, uh, brother." Mel explained with a nervous quiver in her voice," Mackie this my... friend Jackson."
"I'm her boyfriend," Jackson said pointedly before his eyes widened, my sister's words just now sinking in.
I unfolded my arms and held out a hand for him to shake. When Jackson just stood there looking dumbstruck and staring at my hand, I raised an eyebrow in a clear challenge as I slid my gaze slowly over him. His nearly platinum blond hair was practically neon in the September sunshine, his wide honey colored eyes were clearly his best feature. He was a good six inches shorter than me, although considering I was now six feet five inches tall it's not easy to find people taller than me. Jackson's square jaw was coated with thin stubble, his nose was slightly too large for his face and his skin was speckled with pimples.
After a shake of his head, Jackson finally grasped my hand in his and I wasn't surprised to feel cold sweat coating his hand as I shook it.
I grinned down at him and shook his hand in a firm welcoming grip,"Mind if I get a last name, Jackson?"
"Reed," he said in a calm voice.
"Nice to meet you, Jackson." I released his hand, keeping my grin in place even though I had begun seething when he told me his last name.
"You too."
"Well," I said clearing my throat," why don't you come over for dinner some time, I'm sure our mother would love to meet you."
"That would be great," Jackson replied with a slight smile.
"If you'll excuse me, I have something I need to take care of."
Jackson nodded and stuck his hand out toward me for another hand shake. I smiled and grasped it one last time.
"See you after school, Mel." I said as I gave her a hug and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Call me if you need a ride."
Mel squeezed her arms around my waist and for once didn't punch me for kissing her in public.
"Thanks, Mackie, good luck." Mel replied with a smile and untangled herself from me.
With a final nod to Jackson, I marched up the wide cement steps to the double wide doors of the school and pushed inside my former personal hell.