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Love has no Boundaries
July 19, 2013
Summary:
Love has been known to stand the test of time. This is especially true for a vampire named Aiko who is reunited with her long lost love after hundreds of years. After experiencing the worst heartbreak of her life, Aiko and her two friends enroll at a school of humans at the command of the higher- up vampires who want to give them something to do rather than just roam for hundreds of years. Aiko doesn't think highly of school in the beginning and her friends Isamu and Hajime try to make sure she stays agreeable with others. However, Aiko's life takes a different route as a long lost love comes back in her life making her time at school a bit more interesting.
LaChouette
Love has no Boundaries
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This book has 12 comments.
Well... that was something. Are the names Japanese? They seem to be translated from a language with composite word formulas. Anyways, first up, this novel is written in the present tense. Make sure you are comfortable with writing in this tense (most people prefer past tense, including me), and don't slip up on your progressive and perfect tenses. Next, besides the obvious "use showing langauge, not telling language" (ask if you want clarification), I really feel like you need to work on your descriptions more. The first half of the novel was really confusing, since I had no idea what the setting looked like. It would really help if you included some key objects or directions in your setting to give the reader an idea of where everyone is. This piece also seems very dialogue centered, which is fine, but you'll want to make sure it's clear who is talking at any given point, especially at the beginning since none of the characters are known yet. I don't really comment on the plot of a novel, since ideas are variable between people. I'm not really good with romantic/emotional pieces either, so I'll withhold my opinion there. Hope I didn't rant too much, and good luck on your writing.
LaChouette GOLD said...
on Sep. 2 2013 at 1:45 pm
Thank You!
GuardianoftheStars GOLD said...
on Sep. 2 2013 at 12:25 pm
I think the story is very cute. :) There was a lot of dialogue and I kinda would have liked for more details, but that really is my only suggestion. The names were neat and it was a good read. :)
LaChouette GOLD said...
on Sep. 2 2013 at 11:41 am
Thank You!
vegetariangirl said...
on Sep. 2 2013 at 11:11 am
I really like your story. The names are so creative!
LaChouette GOLD said...
on Sep. 1 2013 at 6:35 pm
Hey jazzwarrior! I submitted a new poem to the site and I'm currently waiting for it to be released. It's called 'Instinct' so if you're curious, you can read it once it's out!
LaChouette GOLD said...
on Aug. 30 2013 at 10:41 am
Okay and thanks for reading!
Hey LaChouette, Dawnie here. Chapter One: I think this is a great introduction the the book. It left me wanting more I really like the original and interesting names! Ican't wait to meet all the characters, and Him. :) Really great grammar and spelling. Can't wait to read the next chapter! (I think i'll try to comment on every chapter or so.) Love Dawnie
LaChouette GOLD said...
on Aug. 23 2013 at 11:07 pm
Okay, and thank you for the comment! It means a lot!
jazzwarrior GOLD said...
on Aug. 23 2013 at 10:41 pm
WOW. I was not expecting that. Throughout the story I was so sure Aiko would die if she fell in love with him, but what really happened was even better. And Kazuhiko's decision was unexpected, too. Great story. Promise me when you write something else, you'll keep me updated. :)
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Favorite Quote:
“And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.”<br /> - George Carlin