The morning came far too late and I was exhausted after a night of not sleeping, and I was still a bit sick from my fever and that made me weak. The sun was welcome for its heat and the dryness it would bring.
Before I rested, I wanted to find a safe place to rest. I refused to sleep on the ground, but I felt that my horse could not just keep going, it too, needed to rest. Kaine and I had traveled for the entire night and into the morning before we were just too tired to keep going. A little inn that was centered in the Wood for travelers was my salvation. I thanked that they recognized me as the princess, "What are you doing out in the Chestnut Wood, my princess?" Asked the innkeeper.
"I am going on an adventure," I said, "But I need to rest," I decided that tomorrow morning I would travel, I thought it would be better to travel during the day, now that I was out of sight. The innkeeper, who went by the name of Paul was a kind old man who lived with his wife and a grandchild of his. There were only two other patrons in the inn who were now eating their breakfast and preparing to leave. "Oh do not worry, we always get more to come by noon," he said to me, I was concerned that they would become lonely. Paul was someone who supported my father greatly, he had patriotism for Chestnut. He remembered the glory days of my grandfather Roan, who had the throne for 54 years of his life. My father had only the throne for 25 years and those years cannot hold on for much longer as he was very aged now, he was past 60.
I ate in the inn and paid them with what money Misty had put in my bag and then I went to the peasant room to sleep. The innkeepers wife did everything to make me feel comfortable here although it was different from anything else I had. I was just too tired to care, for the most part. I just wanted to sleep, but I had to wait a little bit before I did, otherwise I would be awake very, very early in the morning.
The innkeepers wife was very happy that I was in her home and she had given me the best food that they had and she offered to clean my dress for me as it was a bit muddy. I appreciated her efforts and allowed her to clean it off while I slept in the surprisingly comfortable room. It was a lovely room with flowers and white light, although tiny it was and it was odd not being wakened by my maid, Misty or Sarina.
I dreamed of my brothers, I had their names spinning around in my mind since Misty had told them to me. Abel must be close to 40 now, I imagined and he was the one who owned the throne... it was him that was supposed to take it. I thought of Benjamin, the youngest, raised only by his brothers in the forest. I thought every one of them and how their lives had been turned upside down because of me. It was a guilt that I had never felt before, guilt because of my father.

I woke in the inn the next morning, ready to leave. My horse was prepared and I had my things packed. The wife brought me some more food, which was very good, sugar cake with honey. It was lovely and I thanked her. She told me to be very careful out in the forest and she told me that in about half of a day I should hit the brother's home. They knew exactly why I was out here. That was a bit disconcerting...
So I went in the direction that I was told to go. I was singing while traveling in the hot sun, Kaine was seeming to enjoy that while I patted her neck all the while. Kaine had been mine since I was old enough to ride. She was a pampered horse while at the stables, she was brushed daily and given lots of room to run. She had the prettiest tack and a painted stall. I always wanted the best for her because I was able to get it. She had friends at the stables, especially the stable boy who seemed to pamper her as much as he could, also. He listened to every instruction that I brought up and he cared for her as if she was his own.
I wondered if we would ever see the stable boy again, or the palace. Something told me that there would be some delays... and I was partly alright with that. I wanted to get away from being smothered my entire life. There was so much on my shoulders, and too many choices to the point of where I felt like there were no choices at all. I wondered how my parents were fairing now, that I was out and in the world, out of the shelter of the palace... my father would be having a nervous break down because of that.

There was a pleasant cottage ahead of me that matched the description given to me by the innkeeper and his wife. I went to the door and knocked on it. There was a young man, close to my age who answered the door. He looked confused, and I said, "Benjamin?"
"Yes, who are you?"
"I'm your sister, Lynn," I said. His eyes opened wide and he took my horse into a little horse shed and left it than brought me inside quickly.
"You are my sister?" He looked puzzled, "Oh no, oh no, you shouldn't have come,"
"Why not?"
"They will be back soon, and when they see you, they will kill you,"
"Make them not kill me," I said, "Please, I came here because I found out what happened and it sickens me that Father would do something like that. I wanted only to meet my family,"
He sighed and said, "I will see what I can do, they will be back soon. They have gone hunting for some food..." He looked around the house, which was full of beds, very close together, but it was surprisingly clean. He told me to hide under a bed that was farther away from sight. "I see Ethan!" He called out, "You need to be quiet!"
So I was as silent as I could be, uncomfortable in such cramped conditions. "Benjamin get the door opened!" A voice called.
"I'm coming Abel!"
I heard a large amount of rumbling and saw many feet and a dead deer. Benjamin finally was able to make them listen, "Alright I need to tell you something," He said, "But you need to promise that you will not kill the first maiden we see, alright?"
"Sure, sure," Abel said, "What is it?"
"Lynn is here, our sister," I moved out from behind the bed and stepped up beside him. Their eyes widened and then, oddly enough, they smiled. I did not know why but they all greeted me and introduced to me, who was who. Noah was bright and bouncy, but Mogan, was more than nervous around me.
Finally I asked, "May I stay? I will help keep the house in order, although it seems like it is very well,"
All of them looked to Abel for him to answer my question, "You may,"
And soon I found myself more popular than I had ever before. They told me that I was really pretty and that I was very smart and that they were glad I was alive. That was some consolation. They asked me many questions, "How is Mother?" Paul asked me.
"She is doing well," I said, "She is working on a few projects in her garden."
"And Father?"
I smiled, "I assume as mad as always."
Mogan said, "They'll find us now..."
Abel said, "Mogan, calm down, they will not. The innkeepers will make sure that they do not find us. You know that, so stop acting so cruel,"
"Cruel? What is cruel is that because of her we were to be killed. It is just by luck we got away," Mogan turned and sat down on one of the few chairs in the cottage and her crossed his arms.
"Mogan, it is not Lynn's fault, she was only a child, she still is," Abel said, "Mogan come with me outside,"
We watched as he was taken outside and Benjamin encouraged the others to take the deer to the other yard to get it cleaned out. I watched as they drained the animal of its blood and then took the meat off of its bones, I was taught to cook it and clean up after it, all the while Abel was still scolding Mogan. Benjamin was kind to me and I was starting to attach myself to him more than any of the multiple others.
I was feeling a bit stupid that I had not realized I had brothers until now.
David and Ross were twins, I realized when I counted twelve but only saw 11, they were very, very alike, their eyes, their voice, everything, and yet they were very different when it came to demeanor. Ross was much stronger, a madder, David was quiet, he said ver little and only liked to watch what was going on.
"How did all of you manage to live out here?" I asked David.
He looked up to me and said, "Well we have a garden where we grow food, and we also go hunt for animals for meat. The innkeepers have been helping us the entire time, bringing us food often and sometimes we work with them to get more food and money even. There was this one lady who helped us when we first ran away, she was a little on the odd side, called herself a sorceress, which was odd, I did not see her do much, but she said that she would protect us from people who were coming to harm us. I am not sure how she is doing that, I was so young when it happened."
I nodded and asked, "Is there anyway that Abel can become king now?"
"I do not think he wants to be," David said, "He never talks about it, but he would be a good king, he likes people, and he is good with them. He is a great leader, he is leading us,"
"So he is not concerned with taking the throne?"
"Not one bit, although he was old enough once we had to run away... I was only five at the time, I did not understand what was going on, but Abel did, so did Ethan, Noah and Paul, I think that Mogan did too, but the rest of us were too young. I think that Abel was 22 at the time, almost 23, and Stetson, I am not sure he remembers much because he was 10, after that, the rest of us have been believing what our older brothers have told us."
"Thank you for talking to me, I feel that some of you do not like me. I am sorry for what happened, but I had no control over the situation..."
"And we know that, Lynn," David said, "But at the same time, it is just the knowledge that we are basically disowned because of you, no matter if you had control or not. I do not believe that like Mogan, but it is the knowledge,"
Abel and Mogan entered the house and Abel nodded to me and motioned for met to come to him and I did. He looked at me and led me outside, "I apologize for what Mogan said," He began, "But you know that it is understandable. You may stay if you wish, or you may leave, if you do not tell Father."
"I will not, but I would like to stay and get to know my family. I think it is about time to learn who you are."
Abel put his hand on my back and said, "You are welcome to, come eat,"
Food was placed on a large table and we all ate. I had never had such primarily made deer and such thin soup, but I was so hungry and so nervous I did not want to make them angry. I was trying to be as careful as possible around them.
Soon after we finished eating, Abel addressed Blaise and Ean to find a place for me to sleep. There was an extra room that was originally for storage, but it was empty other than one box full of supplies. They set up a makeshift bed for me of blankets and a bed roll. They placed some water in a pitcher in my room.
Before I went to bed, Mogan came up to me, "Do not expect us to just care for your every whim here, you are going to have to work if you want to stay." He pushed past me with acid in her voice. I went into the room and closed the door behind me. It smelled of old dirt and stale air, but it was a place to sleep and I was tired from the day. I was thinking about everything that happened, going through names and faces in my mind, trying to sort everything out. Was this all my fault? I did not know who to believe, Mogan or Abel?

I woke early in the morning to the commotion of boys talking and laughing. A thought went through me of whether or not they were considerate or not, but I said nothing.
I changed my dress and made myself looking acceptable and I went into the still dark room. The boys were stirring and eating now. David brought me over some food, some eggs with deer sausage. I ate the putrid food, and did not complain, I was still afraid to.
That day I did my share of work, it did not know if it was more or less than what they wanted, maybe they were just giving me some slack, but four of the boys, Ean, Mogan, Stetson, and Ross went to work at the inn and the others stayed to work in the very large garden. I did what I was told to do, although I was new to work. That made me sound like I was a brat, which I felt that I was, but they had to understand, I was not allowed to work. My father wanted me to be a perfect specimen of a girl. That is what he expected me to be and I hardly knew what I looked like. I was just told that I was... beautiful, often father said that every prince in the world would want me for their wife. He said I would have lovely children, and be the mother of a good king. I never liked to listen to him, it made me very uncomfortable to think of that.

After a few days it became more comfortable in the cottage. I helped to expand the space a bit as they added on to the home. It was easy for them with so many bodies and a very close supply of wood. Abel was a skilled man when it came to just about everything and construction was one of them. I did not know how to do anything of what they were doing, but I brought them food and gathered water from a stream a while away.
In only seven days the house looked different and in another two, it was reorganized. The storage room that I had used as my bedroom was no longer my bedroom and I had now my own separate room. It was fresher smelling, although it smelled a bit of sawdust.

Benjamin and Ross went out hunting, alone, this time, they were trying to prove themselves as men, I guessed, although as they were my brothers I thought of them no more than boys. I worried the entire time, but the rest of the group seemed very calm, until the sun went down and no one came home with food, not even a rabbit or anything else.
Abel and I took up some horses and followed their track. "Shh," Abel said, "Can you hear anything?"
"Yes," I said, there was some crying and I said, "Some one is hurt!" I charge toward the noise and wondered if one of the boys was hurt. Abel grasped his sword.
"Be careful!" He called out as his horse attempted to come up with mine. There was some blood on the ground and we followed it slowly, the cries becoming louder and some groans. Suddenly we were able to see two figures. It was Ross, he was carrying Benjamin.
"Abel!" Ross screamed, "Abel!" Abel dismounted his horse and ran to Ross.
"What happened Ross? What happened!" Abel was absolutely screaming.
"I... there was this large pointy horned animal, Benjamin was trying to get it, but it got him! I was up in the tree, trying to shoot it, but I missed! It was just too fast for me, sorry, I am sorry Abel! I tried, is he alright? Will he be alright, Abel?"
"I do not know," Abel said, trying to calm down. Abel put Benjamin on the horse and we hurried back as quickly as possible. Abel had the other brothers make room and Benjamin was placed on a bed. I went to work, I remembered when there was a slave boy who was hurt in the same fashion. I had to help Misty care for him, well I wanted to. Benjamin was in the same situation.
Benjamin was cut bad in his stomach and there was terrible bleeding. We tried to bandage him up so the bleeding would slow, but nothing seemed to work. Benjamin was coughing and he was screaming and crying out. I sat at the head of his bed and held him so he was sitting up, we did not want the blood to pool, it needed to keep moving. I was hugging him and rocking back and forth, hoping that it would calm him. He was holding onto my arms as I hummed. Abel was pacing now, a little bit nervous. "Will he make it?" Ross asked with a guilty sounding voice.
"He may or he may not," Noah said, "I do not know, only time will tell if he can pull through."
Stetson looked at Ben and said, "Hold in there Benjamin, you need to just hold in there. If you want to, you can pull through,"
Ben nodded and said, "I am trying, Stet, I am trying..." he looked up at me, "I feel really cold."
I then looked to Abel to ask what it was that I needed to do. Abel shrugged, "I do not know... I do not know. Ben, can you look at me?"
"Yes, Abel," Ben said and he sat back against my chest and I took his hand again into mine. It was odd to be trusted so much by my brother who I barely knew. I wanted the best for him, but I was wondering if the only thing that would come to Benjamin was death. "Am I alright?"
"Yes," I said and I moved his hair out of his face.
The night was long, Benjamin had passed out from both exhaustion and the pain. I did not sleep, I only worried. None of the other brothers slept either, they instead were watching Ben as was I. I hardly even moved once Benjamin was in a comfortable space, or the least painful spot possible.
The next morning, the somewhat cranky brothers were moving and walking. Mogan came up to me and said, "You cannot stay forever, I hope you know that."
"I do," I said to him as politely as I could, but I just wanted him to accept me. I did not want to be an object of hate... I just wanted to be their family, their sister because that is who I was.
Another day passed, Ben did not seem to get any better and I moved from my spot, but I stayed at his bed side. The others calmed down and realized that he was out of the woods. There was a possibility of him pulling through. That was the greatest relief that I ever felt. We were able to sleep when Benjamin slept, although someone was always awake to make sure that he was able to breath while he slept. The work load that we had skipped for a few days had doubled and in fear of losing the crop in the garden, we hurried to make sure all was well. No one wanted to leave Ben's side though. I did not feel the same as they did about Ben, they lived close to all their life with Ben or at least half, but I felt like I owed it to Benjamin to hopefully save him.
It was three days before Benjamin showed any signs of healing, but he was very much alive. He was able to talk now to us, but he was still unable to move or eat for the most part. We did our best to get food into him, but little was able to stay down and what did was only in small quantities. He was just in so much pain still.
We cleaned his wounds daily and made sure that he was comfortable and his bloody bedding had to be cleaned also, but it was a chore to move him out of him bed and ask him to sit in a chair. He disliked that greatly.

Then one day he seemed to have a fever and all hope just left us. I held him in my lap again and tried to make him comfortable. I sung a song and he would smile and tell me thank you. I was hugging him close to me and trying not to cry.
And yet, Ben seemed to pull through as soon as the fever had passed. Benjamin was able to sit up now and he was eating. We were all in great relief again. We fed him as much as he could eat, and he drank a great amount of wine to dull the pain, but we tried to make it so he did not lose lucidity.
Three weeks after his injury, he was able to walk around and talk like he used to and I realized that I forgot about my birthday. I was now of age and able to marry and yet I still was not thinking of it. All that was in my mind now was Benjamin's recovery.

It was a bright morning, the light was warm and smelled sweet. I sat beside Benjamin's bed, it was my turn to watch him through the night. We had talked a little before he wanted to sleep. He was a bit jumpy around loud sounds, but he was doing well. Then Benjamin woke, "Hello, Lynn," He said, "Good morning," He sat up, "Help me stand, please,"
I stood and grabbed his hand and help him, he shook as he moved. I walked him across the room and then out the door. All the others were out doing other things, not even on the property and we had room to move. Benjamin was slow, but his feet were sure and he was doing quite well. "Do you think I will make it?" He asked.
"Yes, I do, I am very sure, now," I said to him and he was now going around the garden. "You just need to eat more now,"
"I know, I know, but I am not hungry,"
"If you want to heal faster, you need to have energy enough to do it,"
He shook his head, "I am trying,"
"That is all that you need to do," I said to him and helped him turn around, "You just need the will to keep going."
"And I do. I am too young to just go down like this," He smiled and we walked back into the room and to his bed. He lay down and closed his eyes. I went to the food that they left me for him to eat, I handed him two chunks of bread with butter I spread upon it. He ate it as I watched. "Happy?" He asked as he swallowed the last piece.
"Can you down any more? I can put jam on it," I smiled and cut another piece of bread and did as I said. He said nothing more but ate. "Thank you, do you know where the brothers are all at? They said very little to me,"
"They always travel in pairs, or at least more than one in a group, two of them went to the inn to gather some bread from the keepers, we are very near the next kingdom over, Liesta and they are going to get supplies there, at least three of them, two more are out hunting. Other than that, I do not know." That was at least six of them accounted for but that was not enough for me. I was just hoping for the best and trying not to expect the worst. "Are you concerned?"
"A little bit," I said and I began to clean and make food for when they returned. The stag that had almost killed Benjamin was hunted down a few days ago, he still had a few bits of flesh attached to his antlers by then even. Now we were eating it. No one had told Benjamin that, we could have become unhappy about it.
Throughout the day I did the best that I could to make sure that everything was in order, hoping that everyone of the brothers would come back. It was Ross and David who returned first, they had gone hunting and returned with three rabbits. They were happy when I told them how much Ben had walked. Then Blaise and Elijah returned with Noah, they had gone to the inn and returned with some bread and more jam. Abel, Ethan, Mogan, and Paul came back from Liesta with supplies and it was just Stetson and Ean we were missing. No one knew where they went, "Did they go with you?" Benjamin asked.
"No," Ethan answered, "But they said something about Lilac, which I do not know what that is,"
Abel looked him, "What! Oh no... oh dang it!"
"What?" Ethan said, "What is Lilac?"
"A stew-house of all things!" Abel said, "Ethan you are coming with me,"
"Of course!"
"Not for that, Ethan, come on, they will get themselves drunk while they were there and they may not be able to come back," The two left and I felt confused.
"Do I want to know what a stew-house is?" Benjamin laughed and shook his head no. "Well?"
"Some of us go there a few times a year, but one always has to stay outside to make sure the others are able to get home if they drink too much." I felt a bit sickened then, but I did not saw anything. It was odd to think of those two going against their brothers to go to a stew-house. "I know, I know, but none of us are married, what do you expect?" I only shrugged, "So are you going to get married?" He asked.
"I assume so, Father set up a ball to have every available royal to come... I was not looking forward to it, but he sure was. He just kept on telling me that I was perfect and that it shouldn't be wasted... I do not know what he was thinking,"
"He was thinking right, you are very lovely," He said, "And just because I'm your brother does not mean I was making it up. Ask any one of these men, I do not lie, trust me if you were homely I would be the first to spit it out and you are not." I almost laughed at him, but there was very little to answer to that.
The others were laughing, trying to plan an outing out to Lilac that they all could go to. Then they looked at me, "Maybe she could wait so we all can,"
"Or Stetson, he hasn't for a while,"
I shouted, "Ah no, I am staying right here, not going to happen, no, no, and no," They laughed and acted as if they were drunk themselves. It was angering, but I had to remember to be patient although as difficult as it was.

As soon as morning came I was happy to see that everyone had returned to the house and they were all eating the fresh food that had been brought in the previous day. Abel was very angry with Stetson and Ean. He was giving them a long lecture about how that they need to stick together and tell them everything. Ean sighed and said, "Really? No, no, just because we are brothers does not mean that we have to share everything, personally I am getting tired of all of this. I want to get out of here. I need to get out of here, I cannot stand this anymore, Abel, I cannot,"
"Ean, please, you know why you must,"
"No, I do not, by now I should have a life, I should have a family or something, I should have a career, or something that I am good at. I shouldn't have to scrape to live."
Abel looked at him and said, "And you think that I do not feel the same way! I am 38 years old, I should be studying to be a king right now, because that throne is mine, I should be out and learning about my people, instead I am out here and hiding away. I should be able to have my own family too, but no, I should be able to have all the knowledge I could possibly want to possess, but no, you do not think that I have lost everything that I could have living out here too?"
Ean shook his head and stormed out. He took a horse and stormed away. I followed outside with the others. I looked to the garden where the others look, there was a flower that wilted, and a horse ran back alone. "Damn it Ean!" Abel cried out. He looked at the flower and he looked back at us.
"What happened?" I asked.
They all looked at me like I was stupid, but I really did not know what happened. I looked around as they all were, they were looking into the sky. Benjamin walked out slowly and stood by me. "He is a bird now,"
"What?" I almost laughed at how he sounded.
"He is a bird now, you heard me, if one of the brothers breaks off, a flower wilts and he turns into a bird. Also, if the flower is picked, he turns into a bird. That is why we always have to travel in twos or stay at the house."
I nodded slowly, feeling like this was about the most absurd I had ever heard in my entire life. Abel walked back inside and he just looked like hell had came into him and ripped him up. I went to him and said, "How can he come back?"
"He can't," Abel said, "He is like that for the rest of his life... he can have what he wants now... he will still be scraping for a meal."
The others were broken, Ean, I found out, was not able to come into the house any longer... he was gone.
The next day was slow and painful, everyone was grieving as if Ean had died, but it was as if he did. We were never going to see him again.
The others were out in pairs doing chores again, and Benjamin was asleep. I was cleaning up as well as I could, I wanted them to be happy. When Benjamin woke up and he said, "Why did Ean turn into a bird?"
"Because he left the group with an intention not to come back, I think,"
"So it would be safe for me to go on a walk? I have been alone before, so I think it is alright,"
"Sure," I said and he smiled.
"I will be back," He took a bag with him and he limped out the door. I went to the vegetable garden to water the plants, although it took a good amount of time to get it to that point, all nice and watered. I went to the single fruit tree and picked a few pieces of fruit, one for each of us, and put it in a bowl inside. I went back outside to the garden. I went to the flowers that grew, and I noticed that there were two that were wilted.
My heart immediately raced, I ran from the house screaming, "Benjamin! Benjamin!" I found his bag of things and there was a raven standing near it. It was flapping widely and I touched it. It flew away. I had done this, I had done this... Ben was with Ean now... I fell down and cried, feeling more guilt than I thought was possible.
I did not move, I just felt exhausted and crushed and sad. I fell asleep next to Ben's bag.
I waited... in the cold of night until Abel found me. He said nothing yet of Ben, instead he brought me back to the cottage, "It is my fault! I told him it was alright if he walked alone! But it was not! I was wrong!”
Abel looked into my eyes, "It is not your fault, directly, anyways. After Ean left, we will all turn to birds. Youngest to oldest and Ben is the youngest,"
I nodded, feeling just a bit better of my guilt, but knowing now that all of them would succumb to that fate brought me great distress. Ross and David looked at each other. Ethan immediately said, "Ross, you first,"
"I am the youngest?" Ross crossed his arms.
David said, "Hah, I actually did think you were the older one. Guess I was wrong, I have a little bit longer than you!" I had never heard David act so immature, but it was funny.
Ross cried out, "That makes no sense, why do the oldest get the most time?"
David smiled and said, "Remember, the first are last, and the last are first."
"Oh shush!" Ross looked angry for a moment, "Come on David, we should go to the Lilac. Might as well make the most of our last moments as men!"
"Really?" Noah cried out, "Isn't the Lilac what got us into this problem? Why not spend time with us, your brothers?"
"Well, because," Ross said, "I have spent a good majority of my life here with you, and still will, so why not get out?" He took his twin's arm and left the cottage.
"You are not going to stop him?" I asked Abel.
"No," Abel sighed, "I have but nine days left,"
"David and Ross will go at the same time?" I was confused.
"No, but the same day, at different times. One in the morning, and one at night," Paul answered instead. My head was swirling in all directions, trying to keep us, "And then Blaise will come after them,"
Blaise held up his hand, "Yes sir! I am starting to wonder if I should not have gone with Ross and David!"
"Oh you are staying here," Paul answered.
Abel began to lay out a plan of what needed to be done. He ordered that extra food needed to be taken to the inn and given to its keepers for all they had done to help
"What about the lady who planted the flowers?" Blaise asked, "See if she can reverse that,"
Abel answered with a angered voice, “When we made the deal-"
All the remaining brothers answered, "When YOU made the deal!"
"Fine, when I made the deal, we were desperate and she was offering safety, although at a cost. We were desperate for help," The others opened their mouths to rebuke him and Abel quickly said, "Do not start, we all did need help. She was terribly clear about that none could leave,"
"So she will not help?" I asked again.
"Do I need to reiterate that entire speech again? No, she will NOT help,"
Mogan looked at me with fiery eyes, "We were fine until you came! You did this to us!"
"Mogan!" Abel scolded with a harsh heat in his voice, "It is done! What happens, happens, and no blame can be rested upon anyone of us!"
"Besides Ean," Blaise uttered under his breath.
"No even Ean, Blaise," Abel said to him. "Now, we must all get some rest,"

But it was difficult to rest with the knowledge of what was happening. I was past mad and past insane; it was difficult to not believe anything anymore. All was possible as much as I wished it not. It was odd to have no control of the situation and any options or ways out. This was now a straight road leading to a dead end. No escape routes in sight.
I was not returning to Chestnut, I now knew I was going to find a way to fix this. If anything was possible, there had to be a cure. I was going to find the sorceress, even if it would take me years. I had taken these young men’s lives away and I planned to give them back.
David did not return the next day and by morning it was safe to assume that Ross had gotten his wings. Abel was in a sour mood, trying to mask it with a phony headache. He just wanted to be alone and we all knew it. So I let him take my room where he stayed most of the day. At times I was able to hear him holding in his sobs.
Stetson, though, had said nothing since Ean had left. Inside, he was taking the blame. He needed to talk.
"Stet," Is aid to him, and he looked up from his hands, "Please talk to me, I am here to listen," I took his hand and brought him outside.
Finally he said, "I was the one who gave Ean the idea of going to Lilac. He was acting sulky and I wanted to cheer him up. That is what gave him the idea to go. He did not even go with one of the girls, and many of them were liking him, nor did he drink a single sip. He told me that he wanted to get married, to actually be able to love a girl. He said that he wanted to prove our father that he could be better, that there was a reason he was put on the earth. I told him that I was starting to feel that same way, but there was nothing that we could do about it. I had a feeling that he was going to run away because he asked me if birds had partners for life. I said yes and he smiled and said that 'Is our only option' I told him it was either staying together, being birds, or being dead. He only smiled." Stetson looked flustered, "I may not like the current situation, that we are in, but I do not want to be a bird. I prefer opposable thumbs and a brain my size,"
"Birds can fly though," I said, "Would that not be a consolation?"
"I am not a fan of heights, Lynn. I like the ground."
I giggled, Stetson put his arm on my shoulder like it was an arm rest "You are a smart kid. Father must have known you had a lot to give,"
"You do know he is mad, right?" I answered to that.
"There is always a bit of sanity in every person. That dash went to you. He may not have the best mind, but he is a good judge of character. He knows a bad seed a mile away, and he knew how special you are before you were born."
"Thank you, Stetson," He gave me a hug.
"We need to get you inside now, it is getting windy,"
Blaise was pacing when we entered, "What is it?" I asked him. Frightened, he looked around.
"Well, mostly everything, but Abel is up in a tree and Ethan cannot get him down. He is crying. I have never seen that man cry in my entire life, and I have seen every other one of us cry, just not him." Blaise pointed out of the house and Stetson and I ran out. I was then next to Ethan at the base of the tree.
He had no rope, so he was not going to kill himself, but he was surprisingly far up, "Abel!" I said.
"I am sorry, Lynn, but I am not coming down,"
"What is it you are going to do then?"
"I'm not sure yet, I just need to think! And I cannot think when you all do not let me be! How difficult a request is that? Please! I looked to the two others and asked them to come inside.
Ethan was reluctant, "What if he jumps?"
"He will not," I said, "He would never leave any of you. There is too much grief already, he knows better than to cause anymore,"
Ethan took that as a good explanation, and we all waited, some more patient than others. Mogan was not and Abel was not near enough to calm him. Mogan had blew up in a rage. He was going to hurt me, "You did this! You did this!" He was just screaming so terribly. Stetson and Blaise sat me in my room and stayed.
"Why does he hate me?" I asked, tears coming quick to my eyes.
Blaise shrugged, "He has trouble liking anyone,"
Stetson said, "He is an angry man, been angry all his life. I do not think that anything can change that,"
"Are you younger or older than him?"
"I am four years younger, but the next one born after him, he is thirty, I am 26." He shrugged, "That sort of signified one of the only times my father went off to war. Ean's after me, then Elijah, then Blaise,"
"Elijah is not much of a talker, is he?" I questioned if I had heard him say more than two sentences in a day.
"Never has been one. He loves to read, though, so he has gone to the inn before, just to read. He does not like noise all that much, and he likes to be alone, but I have a feeling that he likes one of the innkeeper's daughters."
"I thought you said that you'd kill maidens,"
Blaise laughed, "Yes, key word there, maiden, she's not. She was married to someone for like a year and then he died, I am not sure how, but Elijah sure does like her,"
"Alright..." I said, wishing that I was around some female at the moment. Blaise looked up from his hands.
"I am going to check on Mogan now, see if he calmed down a bit," Blaise left the room and I fell onto my bed feeling exhausted.
"Can I sleep?" I asked Stetson.
"Yeah, I will sit outside your door, alright?"
"Yes," I said, he sat outside the door and I went to sleep. I felt safe, very safe with them making sure that Mogan was calming down. I just wanted to rest, there was too much going on, but that caused my mind to swirl and go mad.
It was difficult to fall asleep with so many thoughts, but it was possible.

The next day Mogan was sleeping well into the noon hour, he was just lethargic and slow. I was fearing that Blaise would disappear soon, we were all watching him closely. He was just sitting and eating everything in sight, "I do not know why I am so hungry!" He called out, "This is ridiculous,"
"Do you feel different?" I asked him.
"Yes, I do feel different," He looked around and stood up. "I feel really different... ah damn it!" He went outside, "Bye!" He called out. Soon I could see that there was a large black bird sitting in the window.
"Is that Blaise?" I asked, and Abel went outside and brought in his clothes.
"Oh..." Elijah said, "I'm next, correct?"
Stetson said, "Yes,"

It was hard to believe that the same young man I was talking to last night was now attempting to fly around in the sky as a bird. I did not know if it was going to be easy to get to know Elijah in the time that we had left, I hardly knew him, although my brother he was. He was so quiet, he did not like to talk, but the only way I was going to get to know him is if I began to push him to speak.
I went up to him later that day and said, "Hello,"
He looked at me with a curious look, "Hello?"
"Would you like to talk?"
He did not look like he knew what to say to me. I led him outside underneath of the tree. "There is not much to talk about," Elijah said.
"There is plenty, and you know it. I do not know much about you and I want to." I looked at his light blue colored eyes, "You are my brother."
"I do know that, Lynn, but there is not much to know about me. I am not interesting, I had done very little worth of recognition, I am normal,"
"There is something that makes you different, right? I heard you like to read, and that there is a girl that you like,"
He nodded, "Well both of those are right, and now because of Ean, I can never see her again... not as myself anyways. I will miss her greatly, I wanted to marry her, but I knew that if I did I would end up as a bird and so would all of my brothers..."
"I am sorry," I said, unable to come up with anything better to say.
"Like Abel said, the only person's fault it is, is Father," He looked up to the ceiling, "I almost forget what he sounded like... his voice. I never expected what came to us, he was really nice to all of us, he loved us, or so I thought, but I guess he just loved you more. You deserved to have everything, and if we were alive, we were taking that everything away from you. I guess that it was an absurd thought, but you did have everything, I imagine,"
"Yes, it seemed like I did... but sometimes everything is not as great as it seems it should be. I did not have everything, I did not have freedom... I was not allowed to leave the palace. He kept me in what he called perfect condition, making sure I had a perfect diet and walked a specific amount of time every day. He would have a practically have a fit if he knew I was not doing what I needed to do. "
Elijah smiled, "I imagine he had a point to all that or he would not have you do it,"
"He wanted me to be a perfect child, and not by my own doing."
Elijah laughed, "Father always said he was going to send me away to a scribe school so I could end up doing something worthwhile with what I wanted. He said that if I was not able to talk to people, I might as well leave Chestnut to go to Kenna for schooling. He was going to send Benjamin with me for some craft also, because there was almost no hope of him getting the throne, well, or the twins, or Blaise, or me, there is just too many of us, and the funny thing is that the youngest of us all... and a girl, you, would be getting the throne."
"I do not think that will happen... he will probably have me thrown out because I have been with you-"
"He cannot, he needs there to be a monarch on the throne, whether that means that you are going to be married to some other prince so put the two kingdoms together, or you keep the throne all for your own, and you said that it is your decision, so any way, this is your choice."
"Yes," I said and I said, "Thank you for talking to me Elijah, I am sorry about what is happening."

Elijah was gone in the morning, flown away with all the others. Off into the sky, I thought of how it would be. I thought of gliding over the trees, seeing the lovely river running past. To see massive animals as little ants. The idea of safety, being unable to be captured, the hope of being completely, one hundred percent free. It did not seem bad to be a bird, but to lose one's own humanity... that was a terrible thought.
Much comes from being human, the journey of learning and discovery. Animals are born with their instinct and the basis of what it is they need to know. The want for knowledge is not there, nor the deep emotion.
Would it be nice to not grieve so heavily? To not feel one's chest constrict and burn and eyes become swelled with hot tears. To feel one's heart feel that it was going to rip in half, that hopelessness and pain this would not exist. Nor would the stabbing guilt pains that would rack one's every bit of conscience. The grating feeling of love lost would not haunt one's mind, nor could the wonders of what have been. The past would not follow, nor the future gnaw. The only worry to be would be the pursuit of food.
A mind empty of frets and stews, or wants, desires and passions. All would be gone away and ride of.
But would it also be worth it not to feel the elation of simple pleasures? To be able to be curious without danger? To search for love and find the joy of having found it? Or the end of a pursuit to find one's self? Was it worth it to have no recollection of years past to have all of the attached memories and loves? To not see a child of yours grow throughout a majority of their life and to see them love and be loved... to grow into what they could be?
They each were two separate lives, and at the fullest could both seem like the best option. The simple and the complex.

The thoughts complicated everything, as the brothers quieted and one by one, were realizing their fates. Their life had just been shortened by decades and if I was to help, I had less than ten years to do it. Abel had finally come back to his senses, although it was difficult to say he had accepted what was to come. Stetson was soon to leave us. He said, "At least it will be a little bit different," Then he ran outside and flew away all at once, there was no difficult or painful transformation process in a blink of an eye he was just a bird.
Ean was gone, and because of that, a day had been taken from the remaining brothers. The house was so terribly quiet and empty. The older brothers hardly spoke at all, as if breaking the ties prematurely to them. I did not exist, my tending to the garden or their needs went unnoticed and I felt like leaving. They were now all locked within their closed little minds, angry and terrified. I could not keep up with their carelessness and detachment. I felt that it was better for them, though. The hurt would not be getting to them that way.
Soon it seemed that only Abel was left, the other eleven had gone, and he was hardly even living. It took much for me to get him to eat, or move. He was much like a statue. His skin was as cold as hard stone that he was now encased in, his eyes just as empty. I wished that his relief could only come sooner so he could be free and with his family, "I have lost everything, even myself," He said to me.
"I am still here," I told him, "I will do my absolute best to fix this, Abel. Please have some faith in me. I will do whatever it takes so you can have you life back. All of it, including the throne. You will be the king, my brother,"
"What if I do not get myself back?"
"You will,"
And he was a bird. That bird did not move from its place, but it blinked and flapped its wings weakly. I picked him up and placed him at the open window sill, "You are free, Abel, go and find your brothers,"
Abel went off into the distance and did not return. The house was left silent and cold. Nothing moved, nor air or breath. I sat, confused of my next move, whether I could find me way to the sorceress lady, of if she would find me herself. If she was so "all seeing", I hoped that she would be able to give me aid.
I decided to wait, and analyzed the food that was still left. There was weeks worth of it, and I was able to keep it rationed out. I moved outside and tended to the garden and looked at all the wilted flowers. I dared not to move them for fear that if they were uprooted that the birds themselves would die. I cleaned out the house and moved the bedrolls together and packed them up into the storage room. Now the largest part of the house had an empty floor. I filled the house, now with the harvest of the garden and other projects that I planned to do.

There was a little knock on the door, I went to it immediately. There was a beautiful woman standing, with bright green eyes. "Hello, Lynn," She said.
"Are you the sorceress?" I asked nervously.
"Yes, I am glad they told you of me. You want my help, do you not?"
"Yes! What is it that I can do for my brothers! I must save them,"
"I assure you that they are safe and fed now. But, there is something that you can do to save them,"
"Yes!" I cried out, "Please come in, please come in," I led her inside and poured her some tea and gave her some bread. We sat at the table and I watched her carefully with painful hope inside of me. "What is it that I can do?"
"Are you willing to go to great lengths?" She asked me with her eyes looking directly into mine. She was a curious looking woman, though, her face was thin, with large and high cheek bones, but she was glowing and looked very radiant. She was thin, and tall, but she still had a un-gangly stride to her step.
"Yes," I said.
"You must not speak for seven years, starting tonight," She stood up. "Are you willing?"
"Of course, I will do as you ask,"
"That is 2555 days that you have to not speak, no words must come from you," She finished her bread, "Thank you for the meal, I will be keeping track of you. Good luck,"

The first day was easy, there was none around to talk to, but it was an uneasy to hear no noise, I could not sing as I worked, nor hum to the animals around. The garden became my lifeline and I was learning to set traps far off away from the cottage to catch small animals in and fish for food. I was prepared to live out my seven years in the cottage, living on my own. If there was no one to talk to, it should be easy enough not to talk.
That is what I believed, but by day two, my mouth and jaw just felt odd. I wondered what it would feel like in 2553 days, but I was determined that if this was what was going to end up saving my brothers, than this is what I was going to have to do. It was not a life threatening journey, nor was it too terribly difficult, I thought that I would be fine.
As the garden was so large, there was a bounty of food. I was able to eat very well, in the morning I was able to eat large amounts of bread and drink almond milk made from the tree nearby. During the midday meal I had fresh food and some soup that would cook throughout the night and by dinner time I would normally try to eat some meat and the remainder of the soup.
Day 10 I looked around for some bees so I could grab some honey, but with no hope of locating any, but what was found was a lovely waterfall with a large pool of water below it and I was able to peacefully bathe in the serenity of loneliness.
Day 16 I was still going strong, as the harvest was at its peak, I made flour for bread and preserved much food for the winter.
Day 33 I was getting very weak, all I wanted to hear was a human voice, even if it was my own. There were no other living things around, any animals that I could see, only those that I would eat and were already dead. There were no people to visit with, although I could not speak to begin with. There was no song, no humming, no whistling. There was nothing, no life. It was very unsettling. At night, though, it was easy to fall asleep to the sound to the birds to remind me why I was doing what I was doing, as it was beginning to seem absurd.
Day 60, the weather was beginning to cool as the end of the harvest was nearing, although the potatoes were coming up and I was still quite well of when it came with food. I was working on sewing now, and preparing to go to the innkeeper to ask for work. I could not sit and do nothing throughout the winter. I would end up going mad by the time spring came.
Day 68, I rode to the inn and asked for help through writing. I said that there was a problem with my throat, temporary, of course and asked if I could help with some work. She sent me some wool to spin for the time being.
Day 75, I returned to the inn with the completed work, as it took me a few days to get the hang of the work. I reminded myself that I was no longer the princess of Chestnut, I was a peasant of Liesta and I needed to get used to it soon.
Day 86, I was well into the working habit, I woke early in the morning to get the fire going and to water what was left of the plants before it became too cold and then I would work hard into the midday and then clean and eat and make the next meal. By night I would have checked the traps and reset them.
Day 99, the fall was well upon the wood and the colors had changed dramatically and the air had dried and crisped the leaves along with it. I was beginning to think silently without words going through it and it was beginning to agitate me. I wanted to cry now, but there seemed no reason although plenty there was.
Day 160, the winter had came upon the forest now and the cold with it. I sat by the fire much time and worked diligently on the work that the innkeepers wife had given to me. She was beginning to like me and I was happy that there was food to eat and a shelter above my head. It was much a curious feeling to not be spending long times in a plush bed with nice warm clothing and the best of everything. I was now with the least of all, but I did not mind. It seemed much more real, like this is what life was supposed to be like... except in real life, one could communicate in one way or another, or see other human life more than once every few weeks.
Day 186, it was a blizzard, the house was snowed in, I was not able to see out. I was thankful that I had brought in much wood for the fire and that I still had my food that would last for a few weeks still, but I was out of work and found myself sleeping large portions of the night and day and marking off my days on the wall with a wooden stick.
Day 190 The house was still very much snowed in, I felt suffocated, like there was no help of getting out and I was pacing now, trying to find things to occupy my mind. There was want to cry out and ask for help, but mental messages would just have to do.
Day 201, I was proud of myself for making it this far, but there was a great want to quit, but I was not sure if I was able to speak now. My voice just did not move or work right, I did not want to try for fear that it was gone all together.
Day 300, the winter had left, the spring was late and I was becoming much happier. I was now visiting the innkeeper's wife to get jobs to do, but was nervous each time that I would end up speaking to her on accident. I would spend days and days on one project but it was something to do. It was nice to work in the garden for hours a day to make sure each little plant was doing its best, and they were. I was relying too heavily on the garden for my happiness and my life.
Day 310 I had brought in a large harvest and shared it with the innkeeper but they refused and told me that they were going to make me a meal to take home with me and I was very happy with their generosity.
Day 340, the summer was great and the sun high and hot each day. It was hard work to make sure the garden was going its best. I was having to work with the trees so that the most sun would hit my plants, but to water them was an ordeal each day so that they did die from the sun too.
Day 359 I realized that a year was coming by quickly and I was beginning to realize that I was another year older already, and I had completely forgot. It was nice to know that I had beat the culture of my world, that I should have a child already and a husband and have everything all in order. Now nothing was in order, I had no child and no husband, I had no people, no family, but I did have a home and I did have a life. That was something.
Day 365, a year, one year had past and I had not spoken one word. It would only get more difficult from this point, but the beginning was past and I knew that this garden could not continue to sustain me. I had to remember that another garden needed to be tilled in the cool of the fall for next spring so I would have food enough to eat.
Day 400 I was prepared, very well prepared for the winter, I had plans and I was able to carry them out. It was not going to be a hard winter, as the weather was acting very mild and it seemed so unreal how things were going. I felt like I was leaving in a dream, that things, including myself, were moving without my own intentions involved.
Day 460 Now spring had come and I felt like I needed to go on an adventure.

I sat underneath of a large willow tree and closed my eyes, resting and I felt so relaxed. It was a once in a while treat to do nothing for once, although within two years my entire life had changed dramatically. It was easy to forget where I came from that I truly was the daughter of a king, a royal girl. I belonged to Chestnut, although that all seemed so far in the past.
I fell asleep to the sound of the water trickling past, to the soft swish of grasses and reeds. The birds had been droned out. I could forget.
As I woke, I woke to the voices of men. My ears were attracted to the social sounds. The voices, though, were not at all kind, but secretive and hostile. I looked to them and immediately recognized what they were. They were from Treanne, slave traders and they were looking for a steal.
I moved behind the tree and began to run forward as fast as I could and away from the slave traders. It was an unsafe territory. I ran until my stomach began to move up toward my throat. I stood and tried to catch my breath.
There were footsteps but I was unable to move. Nothing would listen to me. I could not move and I was going to be in trouble...
I closed my eyes and waited. "Oh, oh, oh, she tried to get away!" One of them said and I opened my eyes. He was right in front of me and he touched my cheek with his hand. "And she's a pretty one." He was closer and closer and I could not move back any further.
"No, do not, she looks like a virgin, you better leave her that way," The larger man said, he had cruel, curious eyes. He took me in his hands and I pushed away severely and then his hands grasped hard on my arms till they turned red. "Do you speak?" He asked.
I shook my head no, "You cannot?" I nodded yes.
"She’s an ignorant one!" The other, ruder one said. He took some rope into his hands and tied my hands behind me. I was then led to one of the horses. I thought of my house how it was going to fall to pieces.
I was tied to the horse and followed behind it. They spoke quickly and with an accent from a far away land. I listened to them carefully, although I knew that they were from Treanne from their clothing and their tattoos were evidence of their slave trading business. They were hardened from years of exhibiting cruelty on their sales.
I was scared, so terribly terrified of what was going to happen. I had worked hard on studying and knew that virgins took a much higher price than any other person on the market besides, in some areas, an able bodied young man with no scars or broken (including previous injuries) limbs.
I knew that this would be the end of the road for me...

I was growing increasingly tired as we were walking toward the city, but we stopped right outside of it. It was a large camp that was well enclosed and very well looked after by some guards who were well armed and watching us closely. I was dragged in and brought into a large building where there were few people around. It was so quiet, and I was brought into a room to be examined. There was a young nurse with stone cold eyes and a stone face.
She looked at me and I was told to lie down on a bed and she examined me to make sure I was healthy and so on. She then told me to take off all of my clothing. I reluctantly did as she asked as she seemed nice enough, but I did not want to expose myself.
I was normally used to being shown to my maids, but I did not necessarily trust this woman. She did not seem surprised by me at all but looked all over me and made sure that I was washed off. She trimmed up my hair and my clothing was taken from me. She gave me instead, a peasant's dress. Another woman came in and assigned me to ward B, she led me there and I was housed in a room with at least fifteen other girls. It was a small room with barrack beds three times high. The windows were barred and the light was dim.
I was sat down at a single empty bed and the others looked at me. They were whispering quietly. Some of them were so odd looking, one had a small head and small eyes, but her lips were massive. Her hair was short cut and stringy and she had an oddly shaped body. She just spoke like she was so confident in herself.
The others were much quieter, and they asked me my name, but I pointed to my mouth and tried to tell them that I was unable to speak, and I assumed that many of them were unable to read. They spoke deep into the night, when I was woken.
It was very dark outside, and I had not yet eaten, I would soon learn that there was no night meal, only morning and midday, and I was brought to the main trader. He looked at me and smiled. "Look at you," He said to me. The other smiled also, "Are you thinking what I am thinking?"
"This is the girl we need,"
"Yes, yes,"
And I was sent back feeling like I was going to be hopefully saved.
Gail was the name of the odd looking girl, and every time I heard her voice, I became angry. It was a harsh and raspy voice with no poise or grace at all. She was careless. I knew it was wrong how I judged before I knew, but she judged also. So I made myself believe that it was acceptable.
I learned very quickly of how things worked at Camp. By morning I had heard much basic information. There was another barracks for men, now well filled with slaves without work for the moment and because of this, workhouses had been set up. Some heavy construction work was laid in the hands of the men, and textile work to the women and girls.
Morning came before the sun did. The girls all dressed and made their bed at the sound of the bed. They then hurried to the foot and stood tall. Some had long hair, some chopped short, many had it covered by a headscarf. All had dresses that did not fit and that desperately needed a wash and repair.
All stood as straight as a pole, almost too straight, and it was easy to tell who had been here the longest.
There were heavy footsteps of a woman entering. She was a tall, thin, and straight woman with pale, grey skin and eyes to match, but yet she appeared to have humanity in her. She examined each girl and said yes or not. Gail was a no. Finally she came to me, “You are the girl?" I nodded, "Answer me aloud girl!" I motioned to tell her that I couldn't, "Speak!" She slapped me hard and I faltered, but regained my footing. I had become enraged that some on would treat the future monarch of Chestnut in that manner! It took all that I had to not react. "Ignorant girl!" She screamed at me. "But I would say yes if you were not heading somewhere else," Her eyes stabbed me angrily, but she went quick to the next girl. Gail's sister Gemma. I knew this only because they spoke of home together and their two brothers, who were now here also.
Gemma was a terribly small girl, thin and frail looking, but she was lovely her eyes were large and dark, and she was quiet, but inside she was noticeably strong. If she was not strong, I knew that she would not be here today. Only five of the fifteen girls were yes's and were led out of the room.
"Where are they going?" One of the younger girls asked.
A woman said, "Someone is here, I saw them at the door. They look really rich,"
"So, here for maids or what?" The girl asked and she looked around nervously.
"I am not sure, they were wearing odd clothing, but I do not believe that he works in the stewhouses. He does not look like Granden,"
Another girl, with a terrified voice asked. "Could he have gotten workers?"
"He works alone, trust me, I have been with him." The woman's voice was heavy with a bit of heat. "But I am sure that they will just be maids." I did not understand if she was lying or not.
We still did not move from our parts, and it seemed that hours passed before someone came back. Only one girl returned from the group. The woman came up to me and said, "In three days, you have three days."
I nodded and looked away from her terribly hard face. We were sent to the work room immediately, we had not eaten yet. The food was in the work room. One of the girls spooned it out timidly and we all ate. I had not been here long enough to feel the hunger gnawing at me. The food was terrible, it was cheap and old.
I was glad that I had lived on my own before I came to this place, or there would be no way that I would be able to survive in Camp. I needed to just keep on going, I had three days and three days could not be that bad, although with one scoop's worth of food a day, I was already feeling weak.

I worked at a loom all day until my fingers bled, and then I kept on going after washing off the blood. I ripped the edge of my dress off and wrapped the cloth around my tips of my fingers. I was sitting next to Gemma and not Gail, thankfully, but Gail was still coming over and whispering to Gemma. I was able to hear every word, though, Gail talked about their brothers, they were planning on escaping by killing the guards and taking their keys. They worked outside and they said when the brothers and the other men were taken into the cellar to bring their harvest in, they would take the two hidden hatchets and kill the guards.
I was surprised and disgusted that human beings would do such a thing. Our lives were not completely in danger here, and yet it seemed like there was a no way out.
They planned this for the following day.

That night I sat in bed after a long day. I was feeling very hungry and I was unable to sleep although exhaustion had hit me. I was looking around. Gemma was bustling beside me putting things together and making her bed again. Then she began to pace. People were complaining, but then she doubled over and cried out. She rushed to her bed and curled up tight and was shaking. I could see the rippling on her skin from the pain. I sat beside her and she was trying not to cry. She looked up at me and said, "My stomach... it hurts, it hurts so bad!"
I nodded to say that I knew that it hurt and that I was going to help the best that I could. Quickly I remembered that at the palace, a few years ago, one of the maids was having a similar issue. Misty had taken a cloth and soaked it in very warm water and placed it on her back, then after the muscles relaxed, massaged it. So I did what I remembered. I ripped cloth from the under dress and went over to the water that was just put on to cook the food. It was rather warm and I placed the soaked cloth on the small of her back. She was very warm and had removed the top of her dress to release the heat.
"It is warm!" She cried out as the cloth sat on her skin. She looked at me and I nodded, acknowledging that I knew. Then her muscles began to loosen and the cloth had lost a great deal of its heat. I removed it and began to massage her back best I knew. She was still shaking from the pain, but it seemed to help.
Finally the pain began to subside and she lay down flat. She was sweating and through embarrassment pulled a thin sheet over her chest. There were tears on her face and she said, "I... I think I had a miscarriage,"
Her sister looked at her curiously and so did some of the other girls. "How is that possible?" Gail asked with a thick voice.
"It was when we were brought here..."
Finally I was able to see the blood on the sheets. The tiny baby was buried the next morning out near the largest tree on the property. Gemma was very lethargic the next day, she slept very little during the night, but few of us were able to from her groans of pain and I had made sure that she was comfortable, but by the time that was possible, it was very near the morning bell.
The next day Gemma was slow to work and she was doing the best she could. Gemma worked next to me and she looked up to me, "Thank you," She said, "I do not know your name, but thank you..."
I nodded and wished to say 'You are welcome' but I was unable.
I worked with my fingers covered with my bandages. One of the men who was our overseer came inside and looked at Gemma, noticing how slow she was going. "Stand up!" He ordered, nervously she did. Her dress still had blood on it. She put her hands in front of her, together. He snapped at her, "What happened?"
"I was sick," She said.
"And you expect me to have pity on you? You ruined a dress! Go to the White Room and get changed!" He shoved her out of the room, "Hurry up! You have to make up the slack or you will not eat!" That was an incentive that caused us all to keep on going although I was curious about what the White Room was.
Gemma did not come back soon. I looked to Gail as she was sweating with nervousness. Another girl moved next to her, "What happened to her?"
"They told her to go to the White Room, have you heard of that?"
"Yes, but I do not know what it is," The girl said.
Gail buried her head in her hands and was trying to compile herself yet again so she could keep on working. I wondered what had happened to her.

It was night, Gemma was yet to have been seen. Gail was close to tears, "Did they kill her? Did they take her away? Did she get sold? I want to be with my sister!" It seemed that Gail was a human being just then, she was crying now... and I was very sad. I wanted to make her feel better, I wanted to fix this all, but I was powerless... and I hated it.
Although I was understanding the feeling of humility and being so humble. I did not have a way to do anything at all. I needed to mentally step back from this.

Gemma was back when we woke in the morning. We all flooded around her. Gail hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek and cried out, "Thank God! What happened! Tell me!"
Gemma did not speak, she was looking only at the wall with blank eyes.
"Gemma? Honey, what is wrong?" Gail cried with terror. Gemma did not answer, she still looked blankly at the wall. We were given food and then sent to the work room. Gemma was sitting beside me, and she was working quickly and diligently. She did not look up from her work, nor did she say a single word. I was fearing for her.
Neither of us spoke, so there was a connection. I could feel how she was feeling, it was poured out of her. She had been dulled, and she was terrified for her life.
I remembered what Gail had said, that tonight their brother's would attempt to escape by murder. Gemma knew that, and she knew what would come of it but she did not say anything.
That night I expected the worst. We were led outside that day to help bring everything else inside as it was getting late. The two brother's did not look happy about their sisters being here for the murder, but they were not going to postpone, nothing else could be more perfect. They were both older than their sisters, and they were twins as they both looked almost exactly alike.
We were carrying heavy loads, one after another up to the door of the cellar. The men working in the fields were sweating terribly and were exhausted. We had many barrels worth of vegetables, and many loads of wheat and grains. I was surprised by the amount that could have been taken up in a single day. One of the two fields of wheat had been harvested. It was impressive.
The cellar was just filling just as fast as we could move. The two brother's were becoming anxious, they were waiting for the two guards to move down into the cellar at the end to make sure that all was well.
As we finished, the night was high above and the moon was hidden behind a grove of tall trees. The brothers brought down the last loads of wheat and the guards followed up behind them. We all waited anxiously.
I turned and closed my eyes, expecting the worst. I heard nothing for a while, then there was a commotion. There was yelling and then there was silence. Gail was smiling but Gemma was still not reacting. The two brothers ran out with the hatchet, each covered with blood. They began to run, a few of the other men followed them out of the Camp, and Gail ran with them. She was unable to make Gemma leave with her. Gemma was just staring softly into the sky.
I led her back into the barracks and sat her on the bed. She lay down and closed her eyes immediately and fell asleep. I did not understand what it was that had gotten to her. What could have possibly happened in a matter of a day that could change her so much.
I watched out of the barred window to see what was happening. I could see the group running and I was watching that the other half were racing back inside through fear, knowing what would come from this if they ran themselves. A few guards pushed past them and went after the group, but the group was out of sight.
I looked to Gemma and she said, "Did they get out?"
I nodded although I did not know if they were safe. I continued to watch but had lost sight of both the runaways and those attempting to catch them. I was staying by Gemma's side.
The man who brought me to Camp entered, "So you did not run? I am not surprised, though, I must say that tomorrow night I will bring you to your new abode." He laughed, "You must come with me."
It was late now in the night, but there was an artist sitting in a well lit room and I was told to sit. A nurse, the one who had examined me when I arrive a few days ago did my hair and gave me a clean dress. I was told to sit and have a portrait made of me.
The artist was a very young man, he was thin and scraggly but he was adorable. He was now completely calm and collected to do this, although I did not know why this was necessary.
The trader man said ,"I will send this to a possible buyer and if he will want to see you in person, we will take you tomorrow."
I nodded and I was told to sit completely still as the boy was pouring over the canvas. I was working on not falling asleep as best as I could. I was angry that I was not getting time enough to rest.

The next day was an odd day, I did not see Gail, nor did I see the others who decided to run, but I knew that Gail would not get all that far. She may speak big, but she does not act it out, and it was obvious, even in knowing her for three days. I knew that Gail would be back here soon.
The trader came back to me and he smiled, "Alright, you are coming with me." I immediately looked to Gemma to say goodbye. She nodded to me but I felt like I was abandoning her like Gail had abandoned her. It was not fair what her sister did to her, and it was rather dumb.

I was loaded into a cart with my hands bound and I watched out the barred window of a cart. It was the evening now and I was still very tired but I was curious of where I was going. I was wondering why it was that a portrait of me had to be sent to this person before I was brought to them. I feared that I was to work in a stew house, but we had passed the bad part of Liesta as we moved more toward the expansive countryside.
We were now in royal country and it was plain to see with the large homes and the lovely gardens, and then the castle. It was larger than any other I had seen. I had heard well of Liesta, it was one of the richer monarchies of thSouthlandds, only after Kenna and I could see the extravagant beauty of its richness. That is where I was to go.
The trader was sitting beside me and he was trying to prepare me by saying, "Be polite, these are royals," I knew how royals acted, I was one of them. I was supposed to be in their place, not the maid being sold to them. "And you need to make sure you stand up straight, no slouching." I nodded and I was taken inside.
The lobby was tall and very rich with gold and paintings on all of the walls. There was ivory and beauty everywhere. My breath was taken away, and I was going to be working here. That was amazing to me.
The ground was so terribly shiny it was well cleaned and the chandeliers were ahead glittering with silver and intricate patterns. There were no people in sight yet other than the door guards who signaled for the king to come to see me.

The trader and I stood at the door waiting for quite a long time before the two monarchs arrived. The Queen did not seem happy at all. "Who is this? Why is she here?"
"You know I have been looking, wife," Said the king, "For Joseph,"
"I will not have my son marry a dirty slave! Whore..." She mumbled, I was blown away, not only by her insults but that, this was the reason I was brought here, to marry her son, the prince.
The trader stepped up, "We have made sure that she is still pure and she fit everything that you asked me to find, my king."
He nodded, "Do you see this?" He asked his wife, he walked up to me and pointed at the star on my neck, "This, in the western Southlands is a sign of the first born daughter of a monarch. They are tattooed on their neck at birth."
She crossed her arms and said, "So she is not a slave?"
The trader said, "No,"
She became angry, "Who did you take her from? Why did you do this?"
"I was told to," The trader said, "I was just following orders, my queen."
"I only want the best for my son," Said the king, "I will take her, please bring her to the room over on the right. I will have my son brought here to meet her."
I was confused, my head was just swirling around in an uneasy anger. The door was shut behind me and I was hearing the trader and the king discuss pricing, "I have brought many girls to you," The trader said, "And that has taken up a great amount of my resources and I am housing many girls still that I cannot find work for."
The king said, "It was your choice not to free them, but I do agree an I am very impressed by the girl that you have found. I will offer a thousand jac,"
The trader was silent for a moment, "That is acceptable, but I was hoping for more to cover traveling expenses."
The king chuckled, "A thousand two hundred? That is as far as I am willing to go, William,"
"Thank you," The trader than left.

I stayed in the small room for a great while of time. There was nothing to look at or to occupy my mind. The small room consisted mostly of four walls, of dirty wood and a wooden floor. On the wooden floor were two rough, wool blankets and there was a bucket and a pitcher of water. There was nothing else. I focused on the sounds outside of the room.
I could hear heavy footsteps. "Joseph!" The king said, "Son! I have found a girl!"
"Father..." I heard his voice crisply and warmly, "I told you, Father, I know who I want to marry."
"But she is not perfect! This girl is also a princess!"
"Father!" Joseph whined like a child, "I do not want to marry anyone other than Sage, you know that."
"I have told you this from when you were very young, you are going to marry this girl." Joseph huffed angrily and stormed away. "Joseph come back! Joseph you must meet her and maybe you will change your mind!"
I heard the two meet and Joseph was pushed toward the heavy door that locked me in this room. I immediately stood and watched as the door opened from the key that was inserted into it. The door creaked open and the two royal men stood at its entrance.
Joseph was young, he could not be over four years older than I. His father stood proud, smiling at me. "What is your name?" Joseph asked me.
I looked to the king as he knew I could not speak, "Oh yes, I forgot to tell you, she does not speak."
The boy turned around and looked at him, "You do not even know her name?!"
"I will go get some paper, if she is a princess than she must be educated." The king left and shut the door behind himself. Joseph then sat on the ground and I followed him. I looked ahead of me. I was feeling desperately sad, I did not want this... I truly did not, but this was going to be my life, at least until I could speak. It was about day 380 now...
Joseph looked at me, "I suppose that we cannot do much talking until my father returns with writing materials. I am sorry about this, I feel very guilty, that slave trader has brought so many girls here, and all against their will, I am just glad it is over now." I nodded, he seemed like a very nice young man. "Tomorrow we will have you measured for a wedding dress and preparations will be made. I will see if I can get you out of this room by the morning."
I nodded and mouthed 'thank you'.
"Is there a reason you cannot speak? Are you not allowed or are you sick?"
I motioned that I would explain it to him in writing.
"Alright, sorry,"
His father returned with a stack of paper and a pen to write with.
Lynn
I wrote down and looked at Joseph and Joseph looked at his father to leave the room and he did.
He then asked, "How old are you?"
17
"Where are you from?"
I looked up at him and shook my head no. "Why not?" Joseph asked.
They cannot know where I am. I ran away. I will tell you eventually, though. I am sorry.
"So you would rather be enslaved than have your family know where you are?"
It is not that, I need to protect my brothers from them. Please understand that when it is safe, I will tell you. I am not trying to hide anything that is unnecessary.
"Alright, well, is there anything that you would like to tell me?" He asked with a smile now, he was warming up to me. I shook my head no. "Then I will see you early in the morning. We will start immediately on preparations." Joseph stood and left me alone in the room.

I thought of Joseph, the person who was to be my husband. I did not really look at his face, but I looked at his hands. They were large, but they looked rather unworked and soft. I thought of myself in his place, being able to do whatever came to mind and when ever. It felt so odd to have every option taken away from me, I had taken all of that for granted. I had nothing now, not even a dress that I owned myself.
I slept that night in the cool and quiet room. I was thankful for that much, although I wanted food. I was very, very hungry, but the tiredness had more effect on me.
I was woken in the morning, brought a new dress and my hair was put up by a quiet maid who said nothing to me. She pulled me out of the room by the arm and to a large staircase that was also breathtaking. It surprised me of the difference between the room I spent my night in and the royals’ world. It was so wonderfully clean and it smelled so sweet.
I was brought up the stairs and to a balcony above with three small rooms. Inside of one of the rooms were two women. It was a mother with her daughter, I imagined, two seamstresses. I had read well of the culture of each kingdom in thSouthlandds. The seamstresses were slaves, although they had more freedom than some. They were not called slaves because the only ones held in bondage were the seamstress and her eldest daughter, all other children were free to leave once they aged.
The mother seamstress's name was Tanika and her daughter was Millie. Tanika brought me over to a little pedestal and had me take off my overdress and she took a piece of twine and wrapped it around my waist, where the two pieces met were marked with a bit of red paste and she hung it on a wall next to a picture of a waist. She was illiterate. Millie helped by measuring my height from my chest to my toes and she hung it next to a picture of a body and then my arms were measured.
After I was measured I was helped into my overdress and Joseph was called in. We sat next to one another on two chairs and Tanika brought us many colors and many cloths to chose from. I pointed to the lace as it was very pretty and I smiled. Joseph said, "She wants lace on the dress, please,"
"Yes, yes, we can do that."
I motioned that I wanted the back to be laced up a certain way and I drew a picture. I wanted to feel as beautiful as possible on that day because I felt that I would never feel that way another day of my life. Joseph began to offer up things that he would like in his clothing as it needed to be finished.
It was nice to feel how I felt so long ago. I was feeling like myself now, but one thing was missing, my voice.
I walked around the top balcony with Joseph until I saw someone. She was familiar, soft brown hair and pale, pale skin with dark freckles. I knew that face and I ran to it. It was Misty. I hugged her tightly and cried on her shoulder. She hugged me back and said, "Lynn? What are you doing here? Oh we were so worried! We thought you had died!" She looked at me, "Why are you not speaking?" I pointed to my throat and shook my head no, "You cannot? Oh dear,"
Joseph came up to me, "Who is this?"
Misty said, "I was her maid before she left."
"Will you tell me where she came from?"
I shook my head furiously and looked at Joseph and he sighed, "Oh fine, oh fine, I will ask probably every day though." He bent down to look at me, "Would you like it if I assigned Misty to you?"
I nodded yes, and mouthed 'Please,'.
"I will do that, then, she will be at your side by supper tonight." Joseph walked away.
Misty looked at me, "Are you the girl they picked?" I nodded yes, "Oh dear, are you going to tell your father?"
I shook my head no.
"Why not?" I could not give her an answer and I through my hands up in the air from frustration. "Oh sorry dear, come on, let us see if I can get you some food. Did you eat this morning?" I shook my head no. "Did you eat last night?" I shook my head no. "Alright, come on, you have to eat." She led me downstairs to the kitchen which had three other maids in it, working, and she sat be down. I was given some food immediately and I ate like I was a wild animal. I tried to control myself, but my stomach was controlling me. Misty sat next to me and watched, "Would you like some sweet cake, dear?" I nodded and took it as soon as it was in sight. I ate it quickly and then sat back with a heavy stomach.
Then a girl came in, she was long and thin, she was stretched out oddly. Even her face was long and her eyes were large and prettily sparkling. She had long, light red hair that was in a loose bun with flowers attached. She wore a peasants dress that was adorned with odds and ends. Misty said, "He's in the lobby,"
"Thank you," And soon she was gone.
Misty said, "You are going to have to make friends with her, she is Sage, the girl Joseph actually likes." I sighed and shrugged, I had no opinions at this time, but I watched as she skipped off to the lobby that was in sight. She took Joseph's hands. He smiled but then the smile was wiped off of his face, he looked down and I could see that he was telling her about me. I felt so guilty, I could not believe what was happening. I was ripping these two apart, although I did not have a choice, but it was still a terrible feeling.
He sat down with her on a bench and I looked away. Misty looked at me, "I know dear... but this is not Joseph's doing, or your own. This is what the king wants."

The worst thing that I could imagine was that my husband was not going to love me. But I knew that there would be stability from now on, at least for a few years.
I hardly was able to see Joseph for another week while preparations were made for the wedding. There was food being made and the dress was almost finished. The Great Hall was furnished for the ceremony. The wedding was going to be in a matter of days now and I hardly knew the man that I was going to marry.

I spent days with the seamstress as she was a perfectionist, I was learning to fall asleep while I was standing, but she would snap me back up so I would stand up straight. Joseph's mother, Elisa, still hated me. She gave me an evil glare every time that I was able to see her. I did not want her to dislike me, but I knew what I was taking away from her son. I was taking away love from him an happiness... but it was not just me, it was Elisa's husband that was doing this.

Finally the day came. I was in my little, disgusting room with Misty holding up my dress to me. I stepped into it and she tied it tight behind me. She combed through my hair and then braided it with a ribbon through it and put it up in a bun. She looked at me with a proud smile, "You are beautiful," She hugged me and said, "Now come on,"
She opened the door and led me out. There were many maids looking at me. Some of them were smiling, others had large eyes and awed. I felt special now. Misty kept on leading me to the outside. I was herded into a carriage that was well adorned with plush red cushions and gold lining. I closed my eyes and searched for Misty's hand. I took it and also sighed heavily. "You are doing just fine," Misty said, "Just hold on and it will be over before you know it."
I smiled and wished that I could say 'Thank you', but I could not. I would need to find another form of talking to her.
"Do not worry, this will all turn out right."
We went past the streets, they were filled with Liesta's people, all calling out and smiling and waving. They did not know me and yet they already loved me. They thought I was the perfect girl. That made me want to cry, I was beyond embarrassed, I did not want to be here. I just wanted Benjamin at my side, I just wanted to see his shining, lovely face and tell him that I was sorry and that I was going to fix this, but I cannot tell him if I cannot speak, and I cannot save him unless I do not speak.
There were flags and girls with flowers in their hair and boys sitting on their fathers shoulders trying to get a peak in the window of the carriage. I had an urge to push back and hide completely, but these people wanted to see me, they were accepting me.
I did not understand the reason of going through the town if the wedding was being held back at the Great Hall of the castle. We went throughout the city until we came back to the castle. There was great fanfare, there were little girls standing on the rock fences. The carriage stopped. I was supposed to get out and walk down to Joseph. There were so many people and it was so long to walk. I was terrified and Misty could not go with me.
"Come on, you can do this, Lynn," Misty said to me, "Let us go."
I looked to her with a burning feeling in me, it was a sickening feeling. A guard opened the door to the carriage. I stepped out, trying to feel like I did back in Chestnut when I was a princess. This was my life, this was how I am supposed to live. I was supposed to live with the jewels and the adoration and the doting. But I did not want to live like that anymore, not when it was against my will.
I felt so graceful though, these little girls were looking at me and they wanted to be like me. They wanted to be me... and it was a good feeling that all of these people were here because of me. I was bringing Liesta back together.
There were fathers with children around them, trying to keep them from running into the streets. Some people were throwing flowers to me. I was not allowed to pick them up, but some of the maids were doing that for me.
I began to look straight ahead, I was looking into the Great Hall and I was looking for Joseph. I just wanted to see his face because that meant that this was coming closer to an end.
But before I was able to find Joseph, I saw Sage. She was well dressed, and I imagined, in her best clothes. She looked at me, with no rage, with no hate, with nothing except a sad little look in her eyes. We made eye contact and I walked past. I hoped that she did not hate me.
Then I was able to see Joseph. He stood tall, but not proud, at the end of the aisle. He was wearing his armour and he was looking now to his feet.
I entered the Great Hall and the people who were seated inside stood and faced me. I thought of every step that I took toward him. I did not want to let him down, I just had to make this easier for us all.
Joseph had a smile on his face now, but it was small. I came up next to him and stood beside him. The ceremony began, and we were wed.
The reception was large, it seemed like every person within reach of Liesta had come. We sat at the head of a table, together and had a toast, then ate. The people were mad while they ate and I watched them curiously. I was not hungry. I looked at Joseph.
"Will you eat?" Asked Joseph.
I nodded to make him happy and I did eat. I looked at my food the entire time, picking at it. Joseph made his rounds talking to some people and he continued to look back at me. He wanted me to come over, but I did not want to.

I sat back in the castle in the washroom. Misty was brushing my hair out, it was wet and I was in a crisp nightgown. "How are you feeling, Lynn?"
I shrugged and looked back at her.
"Your husband is waiting for you," I shook my head and took her hand, trying to get her to continue to brush my hair. "Alright, alright, but you cannot keep him waiting forever,"
I was thinking, 'Yes I can. I can stay in here for the rest of forever.'
It was now later and Misty said, "Come on, you have to move, let's go."
I stood up and she opened the door and I walked to the door of Joseph's bedroom. I knocked on it and opened it up. Joseph was reading a few manuscripts and sipping some barley water. He sat up and lifted up the glass, "I do not drink at night, would you like some?" I shook my head no. "Come, sit down," He patted the space beside him. From beside the bed he pulled out some paper and a writing utensil. "Thought this would make it easier to talk, yes and no answers are kind of difficult."
I smiled and took them in my hands.
I wrote first: Tell me about Sage.
"Oh, yes," He put his hand together, "I met her a few months ago when she decided to come work with her mother and two sisters Aspen and Ariel. She was working on training the horses, or learning to at least and I met her when I went to go take my horse out. I had never seen someone who looked like her, she was just so different and her smile was just so bright, she was talkative and funny. She was so easy with everything," And I knew that I would never been able to be any of that, but this was a doomed marriage from the beginning, "I knew what my father was doing at that time, because he had been looking for a few years, but... I never thought he would find anybody because he was just so picky. Sage and I just started to see each other." I nodded to what he was talking about. "Is there a hobby you have?"
I like to work in the garden and horseback riding in the countryside, especially in the spring. I like dancing too. I took classes back at home.
"Well maybe we can dance tomorrow, if you would like." I nodded yes, "And maybe go to the country also, and have some time together to get to know each other. I imagine that you would like me to bring some paper so you may speak." I shrugged.
It is up to you.
"Was there a time when you could speak?" I nodded yes. "Where you talkative then?" I nodded yes again, “So did something happen?"
I do not believe now is the time to tell you. I am not sure how it is I could explain what happened. I am sorry, Joseph.
"Alright... alright, I will plan our day early in the morning, if that is alright with you," I nodded yes, "So dancing or going to the country?"
I would like to go to the country, I need to get out of the castle for a little while. The country sounds very nice.
"Yes, yes, I will even get you a horse of your own. We can have a midday meal and go along the river." I nodded and smiled. "Does that sound nice?"
Yes, it does.
That night I slept well in the soft bed with the down pillow and in the morning I had sausage and broth to eat and Joseph and I left soon after. In the stables there were many horses that had no specific owner. Joseph said, "Pick any one you like,"
I looked at each horse and fell in love with a single dun horse with large black eyes and I just smiled and Joseph had the horse tacked up and we left. We went onto the road with our food and I looked around to the lovely forest that we were going into. We followed the stream closely and I was now beside Joseph, "I apologize that we had to leave so early but my father planned a dinner for tonight. The royal family from Anwell is supposed to come over to celebrate. I am not sure why they did not come over yesterday, it seems like it would be obvious, but my father is not thinking clearly these days. “And I was thinking, my father said that in the part of thSouthlandds that you come from, they tattoo that star on the first born daughter's neck, right? There are only two kingdoms that way, Caithere and Chestnut." I nodded, I obviously knew that, "So... I was trying to decide from which you came. I had met the monarchs from Caithere about a year and a half ago, and they do not have any daughters. So I decided that you are from Chestnut." I did not react, although I wanted to applaud him on being so smart. "I assume that you not saying anything means that I was right." I just smiled, "So I am correct! That is great!" I shook my head no, "So I assume I am not supposed to tell anyone that." I nodded yes. "My father would be so excited, and maybe my mother would like you." I shrugged, "Well, Chestnut may not be that big, but it is still land." I looked at him with an angry face, "Oh no, I really do not think that way, but my father sure does."
I looked back down, feeling discouraged although Joseph said, "I am sorry, I was just... oh I do not know. I'm not sure how to talk around you, sorry, I... I want to ask you something though, well a few things, while we are out here."
We came to a large meadow, a clearing in the forest near the stream and we dismounted the horses and Joseph laid down the blanket. He pulled out the paper for me to write.
"Do you think that it would be alright for me to keep seeing Sage?" I shrugged, "Are you going to write something?" I shook my head no, "Lynn, this is important."
I do not know. I wrote something.
"I do not want to make you angry, Lynn... I just want to make sure that this is alright with you."
If you want me to talk selfishly, and truthfully, I will say no. If you want me to talk like I care, and I do, then I will say then do whatever you want if it makes you happy.
"I do not want to be like my father, when I was younger I knew that my father was having an affair and it broke my mother's heart. I do not want to do that."
Seems like you made your mind up all on your own then.
"So what do you want me to tell Sage then?" He asked with a sad voice and he buried his head in his hands.
I'm not sure, but you can tell her the truth, you are married now. You do not want to be like your father. Tell her what you told me.
"Alright," Joseph lay back and looked at the clouds.
Do you think that you could ever love me?
He looked down at the piece of paper and he said, "In time, I suppose. In time..."

We sat next to each other and then he took my hand in his. His fingers caressed my hand and then he kissed it idly. "Are you hungry?" he asked and he pulled out some food. I did not answer. I had eaten so much last night and this morning I was not hungry at all but I ate anyways. "I am sorry about this," Joseph said. We sat awkwardly next to each other. "This is ridiculous, we are married and we cannot even look at each other."
I agreed, I wished that I could feel comfortable around my husband, but it did not seem like it was going to be possible anytime soon. Then he just acted a bit odd and then he suddenly kissed me. I was completely surprised and I kind of jumped a bit at his action, but then I began to melt into him. Then he pulled away and sighed, "There..." He said, "I hope that helped," I did not answer to him. "Lynn?" I nodded then and looked at him. I reached my lips up to him and kissed him back this time. He chuckled under his breath and hugged me close. "I must admit, I feel like the guiltiest man in the entire world." I sighed and retracted back. "I am sorry, maybe we should go back home,"
Neither of us said a single word or communicated until we returned to the castle. I was dressed for the dinner with the people from Anwell. There were just two of them with a young child. It was a girl who was about three years old. Their names were Rowan and his wife Christabel, and their daughter Lucielle, although I had heard rumors that Lucielle was the daughter of a slave instead of Rowan. Joseph appeared very happy to be able to see Rowan and before dinner, they went off to talk. Christabel approached me and said, "Hello, I have not met you before, what is your name?" I motioned that I could not talk. She smiled. "I had the same problem, I was not allowed to speak, but I did."
I looked for paper hurriedly and I wrote down that it was not that simple. I just couldn't speak. "Alright," She said, "So how did you meet Joseph?"
I did not... I was kidnapped and brought here and we had to marry each other.
She looked surprised, "Really? I am surprised. Liesta is not known for their slavery."
The traders were from Treanne.
"Ah, that makes more sense," She then told me her story and I was amazed that I was not alone, but the difference was that she was happy with her husband. I needed to just give him a chance it seemed.
We then went to dinner and ate with the three. Rowan was recently king as his father had gotten killed in war. He was new to the throne and he was nervous with his rule. Joseph said, "I am not sure how long my father is going to hold onto the throne, but I fear that I will be in the same situation soon. His mind has been going for a while, and it is just a matter of time before his body goes along with it." The two nodded and Lucielle moved from her place on her mother's lap to me. She proudly climbed up and watched the talk from my quiet stance.
The dinner went on in silence for all others than Rowan and Joseph, I decided to tell Christabel what had happened, at least in writing. She smiled and said, "I am happy that you are doing this, but it is dangerous, the Queen is a suspicious woman. She feels that the reason you do not speak is because of a guilty conscience.
I did nothing other than run away and that is not a crime.
"Well, she feels that you must have done something terrible, Lynn," I sighed and went to sit down. I was beyond frustrated.
Why did Joseph not tell me?
"He did not want to burden you," Christabel smiled and put her hand on my shoulder. "Where did my daughter go? Hmm," she stood and I followed, "Lucielle!" She called out. I silently giggled and followed after. The young child was sitting in the kitchen with sweet honey on her fingers. She squealed, "Look Mama! Honey!"
"Oh dear, come on, wash up," The golden haired child had no resemblance to Rowan, she did not have his round face, or his height, she was a small child for her age. Christabel smiled, "Lucielle is happy she'll have a sibling coming in a few months," I nodded ,"She told me that the baby should show up today, but I told her that it was not possible."
Lucielle came up to me, "What is your name?"
Christa said, "This is Lynn, she is a princess,"
"Like me, Mama?"
"Yes, dear?"
I wrote: Are the rumors true?
"Oh yes, I suppose that a lot of people know now, but we have tried to keep it quiet, although it’s obvious. I had Lucielle before I even married Rowan." She placed Lucielle on her hip and she kissed her rosy cheek, "Her father's name is Conrad, he was a slave, but he is free now. She gets to see him often,"
Good
"Christa!" It was Rowan and Joseph was fast behind. "We must go, I did not realize how late it has gotten."
Joseph chuckled, "You may stay here, if you wish. We have plenty of room,"
Rowan answered, "It is a lovely home, Joseph, but we are meeting the people of Caithere tomorrow morning." It seemed odd that they would go back up north just to end up going back south in the morning, unless they were going to head that direction now. Then I thought of the map, Anwell did have a deep spot in its land that almost touched Caithere, which made sense. The family was trying to make a treaty to make sure that there was no war behind fought over that rich plot of land that was hardly inhabited.
"That is fine," Joseph said and the two men hugged, "It was great to see you."
Christabel looked at me, "I hope the best for you, Lynn," I nodded to her and she left with her husband.
Joseph put his hand on the small of my back and we walked upstairs. I yawned as if I was tired, but I was so nervous about Joseph's mother hating me. We entered our bedroom and I took out some new paper.
Christabel said that your mother thinks that I have done something terrible and that is why I am not speaking.
Joseph sighed and sat down. I followed him and then Misty entered. Terrible timing for me. Joseph smiled, "Thank you Misty!" She looked concerned.
"Ma'am, are you wishing to prepare for bed?"
I nodded, sadly, wishing just for an answer, but while Misty was in the room, Joseph was safe to think. I was put in my white nightgown and Misty brought in some of the barley water for Joseph.
You must tell me now, Joseph and tell me the truth.
"The truth is, is that my mother is as mad as my father is. She does not like outsiders and she believes that those who have that marking on the neck are related to the evil race of nomads and she wants nothing to do with you. She keeps telling my father that you are some devil spawn and that you should be burned at the stake. Happy that I told you now?" I almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of that all. "But my father thinks that you are some angel sent from the far reaches of paradise to help make him feel like his delusions were all for some divine reason."
I nodded slowly and then lay down. I put the paper beside me.
So which do you believe?
"Neither, I do not think that you are some evil nomad girl, nor do I think that you are perfect, no one is. I must admit, though, that I doubt I have ever seen someone who looks quite like you do, but I feel that you are just a normal girl caught in a terrible situation you cannot get out of. So somewhere in the middle,”
What do you think will happen then? I am concerned. I am scared and this is just plain stressful. I assume you feel the same way.
"Are we all not?" He smiled and then he scratched his head and sighed, "Would you like me to rub your back?" I nodded and lay on my stomach. I felt like he was starting to care for me. "I am sorry about the Queen, but she is who she is."
And I apologize that I have been so moody. It is just that a lot has happened in the past year and the months following that even. My father was trying to get me married, and I found out that I had twelve brothers. Before I was born my father got a notion in his head that he wanted them all killed if I was born as a girl, and obviously I was and my mother helped them to escape. I found them in the woods and lived with them... but something happened and now they are in danger. If I speak, they would be in a lot more danger. So there is what I needed to tell you. It is just that I cannot speak...
"I am a little bit more than confused but, alright." He chuckled and continued to massage my back. I was able to relax.
Have you ever been to war?
"No, not really, but I have been trained for it. I have training every other day, swordsmanship, horseback riding, archery, defense, and how to kill someone with my hands if I did not have anything else available. Liesta has been in war a lot and since we are still hungry for more land that is not going to end."
Are you really going to kill people over land?
"No, but my father will... and from what he started, I am going to have to end it once he is gone. There is a lot at stake, if the land is taken from us, all of our people will be taken into slavery and some killed, but we are also being threatened by a nomad tribe from the Northlands, they are convinced that the little point of land to the south is going to be theirs, the one that meets with Anwell, so we are going to have to get together in the future to end it,"
And how will you manage to do that?
"I suppose that we will just have to kill them... I know it sounds bad, but they are mostly bad... and putting them in slavery is too much risk. It is because of them my mother wishes to have you burned."
I looked now to him and away from my paper. I watched his face, it was calm, slightly amused now with my attempts to see him.
Joseph, when do you think that you are going to become king?
"My father is convinced that he can hold on as long as he wants, he said that he'll just go with fate as soon as I have a son. So that could be quite a long time, years even."
That would be funny if it turned out like my parents, well with the opposite. I am the only girl, after twelve boys, but do not expect me to have that many. I will go sleep in the barn if I have to. I refuse.
Joseph just began to laugh and he would not stop laughing. I sat up and his face was bright red and his smile was large and rather adorable.
So what are you going to name him? The first one?
"I think I will name him after my father's older brother who died a few years before my father became king, in the war. His name was Luca."
That is a good name, but I want a girl named Adria. I believe that is a very lovely name.
"Alright," Joseph said, "So is that a deal then? Luca and Adria?" I nodded yes and looked back to my paper to watch my hand writing to make sure it was not too messy. I sat up and sat close to him.
Did you talk to Sage yet?
"No," He said and he looked down to his hands and he put them together. He looked up to me with sparkling green eyes that I had never noticed before.
Why not? You have to talk to her Joseph, it is not fair to her for you to just leave her in the shadow like this.
"I am not sure, I just want to take my time with this." He touched my cheek and then said, "It is not easy for me."
And I obviously know it. Hurry up.

I woke in the morning before Joseph, which was an odd occasion. He was asleep peacefully in the bed, sprawled out like a child on a hot day. There was a little smile on his face. He was very different looking. He was muscled but not like a worker in the fields. He was noticeably unworked although he was not a large man in the case of weight or height, instead he was quite thin, but it was from his training. He was very well toned and beautiful. I always thought that the word beautiful was reserved to women and girls, and young children. The term handsome was reserved for men and boys, although he was handsome, he was also beautiful. It was everything about him, his was kind and he was good, which added to every bit of physical look that he had.
Joseph stirred from his peaceful sleep. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "Good morning, Lynn," I knew he knew I was thinking the same thing. "I have training this morning."
Misty knocked on the door and entered with breakfast, "How are you both this morning?"
"We are well," Joseph said and she placed the trays in front of us. We began to eat and Misty placed out our clothing for the day. "Misty, I have my training and lessons today."
"Yes, sir, it is on the schedule."
"I need to have my midday meal in the small dining room near the library." He then stuffed a roll into his mouth and swallowed it whole. "I am hungry,"
"Yes, sir, I will bring your meal to the small dining room at noon. Your father is expecting you in the sparing room in an hour."
I immediately pulled out my paper.
I want to learn, Joseph. I want to learn to fight, I will not fight in a war, but I want to know.
I was feeling very excited now and Joseph wiped his mouth, "Really? I'm not sure if that is a good idea-"
I spent months in a small little cottages with 12 men, and I had to go hunting with them and clean their kills, I can learn to kill a person. Do not think that I cannot.
Joseph shrugged and said, "If you really want to I think that I will be able to get my father to oblige."
Thank you!
Joseph finished his meal and we were both dressed, and I in looser clothing so I was able to move. Joseph took my hand and dismissed Misty from us. "Are you ready to go?" I nodded yes and he kissed my cheek and we were out the door to the training room that I did not know of. We passed Sage in the hallway. She waved at Joseph and he just looked down awkwardly to his feet. "Joseph?" She said and ran after us, "Joseph! We need to speak!"
"Yes, I know that we do."
I stuffed my hands into my bag with my paper and kept on walking toward where I was told to go. Joseph ran after me. "Oh... I do not know what to tell her. I... still want to see her but it does not feel right anymore."
I shook my head and pointed back at her trying to make it obvious that he needed to break things off immediately. He did not respond but instead led me into the training room where a younger boy ran up to him and led him to a armor room. I was curious and came in with him to watch what they were doing. There was so many pieces, none of which I knew the name of other than the breast plate. The boy had him go down to his skivvies and then he had the armor placed on him. It took a while, but Joseph looked older, like a warrior.
Joseph told the boy that I was here to learn to. "I hope that is alright with your father, sir. I am not allowed to equip her without his consent."
Joseph walked out to the training room where his father stood in armor with a sword sheathed at his side. "Joseph, you are late!" Called the old king. There were others in the room, other warriors who were here. "What is Lynn doing here?"
"She wants to learn and she said she is not taking no for an answer."
The king smiled and said, "Anything she wants! Boys get her a sword!"
"Um, Father, this is her first day... that may not be a good idea."
There was a boy bringing me a sword but he stopped as Joseph held it back. The king said, "Well... she must be a quick learner, right?"
I made a motion of a bow and arrow so that it would calm Joseph down a bit. "Get her a bow instead." He pointed me to a large target with little x's. The boy ran back with a bow and a quiver and led me to the target range. I tried to remember what I had done while at the cottage. I thought of each target as a living animal, what would make their passing the easiest. I had to hit the target. I aimed for the one in the complete center and focused all of my energy on it. I shot and hit it. Joseph was now at my side, "Did you do that?" he asked. I nodded yes, "Then I better not mess with you," he chuckled, "Good job,"
I continued to practice, blocking everything else out while I shot the targets, each of the marks on the canvas covered hay bale. I did not know how long it was that I was shooting, but the targets had to be replenished multiple times. Joseph was sweating and tired when he was finished. He sat down on the bench beside me while I was finishing up. He asked me, "Would you like me to get a target set up outside? That way you can measure wind and such, I'm not very good with the archery, myself, but you seem to be," I nodded right before I shot the last arrow. I turned to him, feeling absolutely great. He was now out of his armor and in a loose linen shirt. "Does defense training sound interesting to you?" I shrugged and nodded, "How about tomorrow?"
I looked for a piece of paper.
What did you do that could possibly make you so tired looking and smelly?
"That armor is pretty warm, and that did not help that I was like running around being attacked from multiple angles. Did you not see anything at all?"
I was not paying attention, I was focusing completely.
"It is a good thing that I will not have to worry about you going to war because with a single track mind that would never work, you would be dead really fast." He chuckled and shook his head, "I should not be laughing, that is not that funny."
I crossed my arms and felt really angry, I wanted to take this challenge all of a sudden. I wanted to show my husband what I could do, well, with the right training.
I want to learn to do everything, then. All of it. Swords, to think in multiple directions, hand to hand, I want to be able to kill a man three times bigger than me.
"That still does not make him that big, but alright, whatever you wish. My father encourages me to let you do whatever you like." Later he led me to the library, a large expanse of every manuscript and book ever imagined. "I have my lessons back here," We walked until we were at the other end of the library in a small room. There was an old man in that room with things laid out for him to learn.
Would you like me to leave?
"I imagine that this is going to be quite boring, so if there is something you would like to do by yourself, this is the time to do it?"
I rushed back to the training room to make sure that the man was still there. I wanted to make sure that I was going to learn. He equipped me with a sword and showed me how to properly move it and swing it around with control. That was all today’s lesson was off. He showed me, slowly how to hit, "You might need to start working on some strength though," he said, "If you want a hit to be effective." So I tried lifted the sword up and down to make sure that it worked.
"Lynn!"I heard and Joseph ran up. I realized I went past his lesson time. "Lynn! When I said something, I pretty much meant anything but this! Come on, I thought we were only going to do this at my training time. Lynn... you are worrying me. I need to make sure you are safe."
I pulled out my paper.
I can handle myself, I lived alone with myself for over a year in the woods. I am just fine.
"I think that this is for my own good, Lynn. If anything happens to you, my father will have my hide." He took my arm, thanked the trainers and led me upstairs. I fought against him and crossed my arms. I shook my head no. "Lynn, what is up with you!"
I am mad.
"Lynn, I can tell that, obviously. Just calm down, come here, Lynn,"
I had wanted to give up then, and scream. It had been so long, I deserved to speak, I had tried... but I did not speak. It had been so long, and that is why. If I had made it this far, I had to keep going. I walked away and into the bedroom and through down my bag, papers flew all over the room.
"Lynn," Joseph sighed, "I am sorry, I am just scared for you. You are bottling up so much. I just do not want it to blow." Joseph put his hands on my shoulders. I was shaking, he was right, I was going to blow. The shaking was overwhelming. I no longer had control. I began to pull away until it was dark.

I could not see, but I was able to hear. I could tell that time had passed "What did you do?" The king bellowed. "Is she alive?"
Joseph's voice cracked, "Yes, she is alive. She was training without me there. I got scared, we fought and she just started to shake and did not stop for a long time, not even when she blacked out. Misty, though, was able to relax her."
"Did you get a nurse or a doctor in here?"
"No,"
"Well why not? If she could be carrying, the child could not grow!"
Joseph sighed again, "She's not, alright? Please leave, Father,"
The door was slammed shut and my limp body jumped a bit. Misty was shuffling around, "Shall I bring your paperwork to you?"
"No, Misty, not now,"
I could feel that she had lifted my head up and placed a down feather pillow underneath. I fought to wake up, my eyesight was at first cloudy and blurry. As it regained, so did my movement.
"She is waking!" Joseph cried out, "Lynn, can you hear me?" I moved my hand to meet his, "How are you feeling?" What kind of question was that? How I was supposed to answer him?
He helped me to sit up and put the thick quilt over me. I wanted to walk but my body did not want to. It was being difficult.
That night I was tired or my muscles were, but I still wanted to move. I had no appetite, but I felt a bit better than before. I felt like my mind was stabilized and open.

A week had gone by and things had settled. All seemed well and easy going. I was beginning.
Joseph had left for the morning to meet with his father. I was in the room, looking through the books he had left behind. They were each of law and ethics and tradition, not only of Liesta, but surrounding areas, specifically Caithere and Anwell.
There was a knock on the door, "Joseph!" It was Sage. I brought my paper and Misty, "Is Joseph here?" I shook my head no, "I have not spoken to him in two weeks. I must speak to him,"
He is with his father.
"I cannot read." Sage said, and Misty read aloud for me, "When will he be finished?"
Before noon, for sure. The King is having his midday meal elsewhere.
She walked away. Joseph had not yet told her, I hope that he was ready today.

Joseph returned, I was in the outdoor archery course. "I talked to Sage..." He said softly. I lowered the bow, "She is not terribly happy, though. I am not surprised." I lifted the bow and shot the target. "So you are improving!" He smiled nervously, "Good job,"
I put my bow and quiver into the barn and I followed him inside and we sat for honey tea. I was unable to see Sage anywhere, "She left," Joseph said, "And told me that she'd find word elsewhere. I gave her some money for food," He finished his tea.
I wrote: Do you have any siblings?
"Oh no, I was just lucky. I was born late in my parent's life,"

I woke to Misty's voice, "Ma'am," She said. I sat up and pulled the quilt with me, "I have a letter for you. I apologize, I have told your Mother that you are here safe. She has promised to not tell the king,"
I shook my head and read the letter.
Dear Lynn,
I am thankful that are safe. Misty told me why you do not speak. I wish you the best of luck and I love you.

Your Mother.
I looked to Joseph and he stirred. His hand moved a bit and he yawned, then complained as the blinds were drawn open and light flooded in, "Lynn?" He mumbled, now blissfully, eyes still closed. "Let me read it," I moved letter into his waiting hands. He read quickly, "So they do now, and you will not tell me?" There was no answer, "Well? Please?"
I pulled out some paper and said:
Must I tell you? You will have thought I had gone mad... or I am already.
"I will not. There were going to be a lot more reasons of why you are speaking which are a lot odder. Besides we are already married, there is nothing I can do now," We both laughed.
I am trying to protect my brothers and that is all. If I speak, they will stay in their dire situation. I just need to stay silent. I am not sure how to explain anything else to you.
"What are you protecting them from?"
There is no one thing that they are being protected from. If I do not talk then they can become themselves again. They are not who they once were now. That is all I can tell you Joseph!
"I am glad that you are trying to save them, Lynn, but can you really not speak for years?"
Seven to be exact, and yes, I can. I have already made it over a year now.
Joseph sat up and rubbed his neck and then said, "One year is nothing to seven years."
Joseph, the first year is the hardest. It will be difficult to start talking after this point. It would be odd to use my voice.
"Lynn, will you ever talk to me?" He asked softly and touched my face. "Ever?"
Well yes, and the word is eventually. There is still six years left.
"By then we will have children, how will you raise them without words?"
I know the problems associated with this. You can teach them.
"I cannot do everything," He said, then he placed his hand on his stomach. "Do you think that there is a baby in there yet?"
How would I know?
He shrugged and said, "Come on, we have training today."

I was not completely focused on training, the more I focused on it, the less I had to focus on not speaking. It was hard to express how hard I was working, but it was a relief. I was learning very quickly to defend myself, not only with a weapon, but my hands. I was able to make a man, only two times bigger than me, land on his backside within five minutes of fighting, which felt like a long time, but I had outsmarted him. The men focus more on their muscle than their wit, and when there is a very limited amount of muscle involved, in my case, it was all wit.
With the bow, I was able to do long shots accurately, I was trying to make sure my eye and hands were steady. I was being proud of my abilities.
Joseph was still working with his trainer and was doing very well. He was impressive, really with a sword and on a horse. He wanted me to learn, but I decided I should focus more on the foot work currently than anything else.

It was about 60 days after we married and 428 days had passed since I had stopped talking. I was feeling odd, and different. I was sick around noon for about a week and I was just feeling awkward. I started to thing that I was with child.
Misty, I need to see a nurse.
"Are you alright, Lynn? Stay here, I will bring her to you."
I think I am fine, Misty, I think that I am pregnant though.
"Alright, dear, I will be back, just lie down." I did and waited for her, feeling my stomach churn, I pulled the pot out from under the bed and threw up and then placed it underneath the bed, looking for my water to clean my mouth out.
Misty came in with the kind nurse. The nurse looked at me and asked me some questions that Misty had to read for her. The lady then examined me and she then smiled, "Congratulations, Princess," And I knew that I was right. "Shall I tell your husband?"
I will do that, thank you.
The nurse left and told me that I needed to eat extra meat and to make sure that I drank no wine and made sure that I had extra meal a day. I ran to find Joseph after I had heard the news and I found him outside talking with a few soldiers. "Lynn, what are you doing out here?"
I had already written: I have some good news for you.
"What is it?"
I pulled out another already written note: The nurse told me today that you are a father.
"Really! Oh Lynn!" He hugged me and twirled me around, "I will get some flowers for you later." He acted like this had anything to do with my will or work. I wanted to laugh at him.
The news spread to the King and Queen. The King was elated, the Queen, was not. She said that this child was going to be a evil spawn, a terrible weak link in the chain of kings. She said that because of me, Liesta would fall. I did not want that to happen, but I doubted that because a child came from me would cause it to become a bad monarch. It had no real reasoning to it.

The night Joseph did bring me flowers as he said and he had me eat some extra food at night. He began planning out meals for me, saying that I needed to eat meat at least every other day for one meal, that there needn't be any wine around me, and he said that he would have no wine also. He asked that a nurse would bring me an extra serving of bread every night after supper, and that in the morning I needed to have a larger meal. He was excited for this. He wanted this child to be very happy for when it entered the room. Luca and Adria were the names we had discussed.
The second day after I found out of my pregnancy, Joseph was eagerly going to the seamstress to make two quilts for the baby, one if it was a girl and one if a boy.
Dear, you know that there is a possibility that this child will not live. You are becoming too hopeful.
"I am not," He said with a smile. "Maybe you are being too pessimistic." I agreed with that and I ate when I was supposed to and for the first few months I planned not to do the hand to hand training and work only on the archery. I did not want to risk the health of my child. Well not until it was large enough to handle anything, I needed to keep things easy.
Joseph was thinking that I should just stay in bed for every week of this pregnancy and I told him that was the dumbest thing that I had ever heard.
No you must be mad. Joseph, this child is not going to make sure that I never move again. You are thinking far past madly. I am a person, who needs to do things, like, I do know, walk, see people. I will not stay in that bedroom for another nine months of my life, just waiting for it to come. I do have a life, Joseph and you know it.
"I did not want you to become angry, Lynn. I know, I know," I walked out of the bedroom and went to the library with him. I took a few books off the shelf and told Joseph that I wanted to study also.
If I am going to be a Queen, and the mother of a King, I feel that I need to learn of the Southlands as much as possible. I want to make sure that I am not one of those Queens that stand around and does nothing, just stands prettily at their husband's side. I will not do that. I want to be involved and in the discussions of my people, I was raised to be the sole monarch of Chestnut, and I know what it is that it takes to be a good leader.
Joseph then kissed me sweetly and pressed me against himself. "I agree," His breath carried his words. "I must go now," He went to the studying room and I sat in the middle of the ocean of books with the stack beside me. I went through each book carefully and noted some things in a leather bound notebook that Joseph had given me.

It had been another month and I noticed some more changes, I had been around two and a half months along, or so. I was noticeably putting on weight and my chest was often sore. Preparations were high, and Joseph wanted a feast prepared. I thought that he should wait until the child was born and lived for at least a week. Joseph was ahead of himself.

Joseph was walking with me outside of the palace on our way to the garden. "Father is preparing for war," He rubbed his forehead, "Against the nomad tribes, they had moved to Caithere, but are returning. Their numbers are large, over 200 in each tribe and there are multiple different tribes. We are in danger. They want the human race to die out, they are following their leader's orders. The Northlands are in a mess because of them. An entire race of creatures has been killed out, an entire world, sealed off, and another race about gone. Barzilla's idea of a perfect creature cannot be reached without an abundance of resources, and to achieve that, he wants complete control, including the Southlands. They were flown on the backs of Tiers to the coast of the Carberry where the most people would be, the east coast. The tribes numbers have expanded greatly in the past two hundred years." Joseph was so passionate about this subject, he had studied and studied and it was very obvious to see, "He said that within a few months, or even within the next two years, at the most, they will have sucked Caithere dry of resources and come back to us." I nodded and he shoved his hands in his pockets of his cloak. "And I will go with my father. I have been working hard so I will be able to go with him."
I quickly sat down with my paper: You are still so young, too young to go.
"We are so desperately in need, Lynn, for anyone who can hold a sword the right direction that there are boys much younger than I already signed up to go."
Then I want to go.
"Are you mad?" He laughed, "You are with child, I will not allow that."
You said two years. In two years, I will have had this child, then I can go.
"No, Lynn, I will not allow that. You are my wife, and you do not need to risk your life in that manner."
I could say the same thing that you are my husband and you do not need to risk your life in that manner. You will have a child to raise.
He laughed and said, "Stubborn, aren't you? I am going and you are not. That is that, my father is making me go, even if I did not want to."
And you do.
"Well, yes, it is my way to be accepted into kingship. That is something that I will need."
Joseph, what if you both are killed?
"Then everything is left to you, and you will have to tell your father where you are, so that Chestnut will be held jointly with Leista."
My father is ill, he will pass soon, Joseph.
He shrugged and helped me stand, "Then it will just be you then, just like you said it would be if I never came into the picture, except, now you will have two kingdoms to look after and a child, well, we hope so with the child part, not you on your own, because that would sort of be bad for me." I smiled and hugged him. "I need to go meet with a landowner, and you need to come with,"
I sighed and looked down. We walked toward the barn and then past it. "Up on that hill that is where we are going." The hill was not large, but the house atop it was. I was surprised by its great amount of workers in the orchards. Not only in the orchards but they herding some animals also and in small work houses. I wondered if I was not sold to Joseph if I would have ended up working there. I feared what the man who owned that property would be terrible.
We reached the home and a man was standing outside. He had this odd smirk on his face. "Hello!" The man said and he shook Joseph’s hand. "How are you doing, prince?"
"I am fine, what is it that you needed to speak to me of?"
"Oh sir, I need to renew the contract I have."
"My father revoked it for a reason." Said Joseph and he put his hand together. The man sneered.
"I did not understand his reasoning."
"You have stolen slaves illegally and your conditions are also illegal."
"Slaves? Oh yes, it would not be illegal if I lived in Treanne, and besides you bought your wife." He was calm and I was feeling a bit angry at this time, although I did not react.
"You do not live in Treanne, you live in Leista, and here, it is illegal. You cannot just take someone and force them to work for you. You will not have your contract renewed, instead I will have some guards come here and confiscate your workers because it seems that your conditions have not improved. I see many underweight and sickly looking workers in that field of yours. I will need that to be fixed, but instead of you doing it, I will do it myself. Expect to see guards here by the end of the day."
"So what if they are thin! They are just slaves!" The man called out with the look on his face expanded.
"They are people, sir, and they will no longer belong to you."
Joseph and I walked away, he had a proud look on his face, when we were out of hearing distance he said, "I hate that man, so that was great fun,"
I nodded.
"And about that comment he made about you, I know that-"
I just held my hand up and he stopped talking. Instead he took my hand and we continued on in silence.

Quickly after Joseph refused he bellowed in the hallways, "All guards to lobby! Guard! All guards to lobby!"
Soon there were about twenty guards standing in a line in front of Joseph. He began to yell out orders of what needed to happen. Soon I was finding myself in many of the small empty rooms, including the one I stayed my first few nights and set up bedding and readied food. In a small steady stream there were many girls, boys, men and women being brought in, most of them were thin, overworked and sick. Each of them were sat in the lobby of the palace on the floor and were given food while we counted how many people were here. I was in charge of the women and children, of which I counted thirteen girls under aged, three were under the age of 12. There were 20 women who were under fifty and only one over that. I was able to fit three of the underage girls, who were without parents, in the room I had lived in. I made sure that the ground was covered thoroughly with blankets and there were buckets of water. In another storage room, we moved things about and had been able to fit the rest of the women and girls.
There had to be at least thirty men and a few young boys who were then put in some of the extra rooms, and the rest were put in the library.
Joseph, what are you going to do with all of these people?
"We will make sure that all of the children are returned to their parents, we will also make sure that they are given freedom. We will help them find homes and work." I nodded and Joseph was walking around furiously, I jogged after him. Joseph called out for a few of the maids to go to a bakery who had a contract with the king to get a great amount of bread. They returned an hour later with baskets full. I took a basket and distributed it, a half a loaf for each person to hold them over until the morning. Some of the men were becoming agitated, "Why did you take us away from our work? We will starve without a home and job! My wife and children need me!" I was feeling bad, but all of the men so much needed some food and some rest. So tired they were.
It took so terribly long for the people to settle down and Joseph was willing enough to go upstairs to sleep. I pulled on his arm and took him into the bedroom. He fell down on the bed and curled up. I tapped his shoulder and handed him his night shirt. He growled and took it into his hand. He sat back up and undressed, pulling the shirt onto his body. I was now in my night gown and then he yawned. "I am so tired," He curled up once again. I lay down next to him and his hand searched for me and rested on my back. "Good night, Lynn," He said.

The next morning was a great amount of chaos. There were people in the hallways, walking around, making the shiny floors dirty and clouded. The maids were having conniptions saying that the king was going to go mad on them for not cleaning. The around fifty slaves that were now being freed were taking up the food supplies quickly, although the landowner, Becker, was ordered to help pay for costs associated with this all. The man was angry and refused, and then he was jailed before breakfast was finished.
He was brought through the crowded lobby screaming of how this was an injustice. Joseph was laughing under his breath. "Oh this man is the oddest thing I have ever seen. He really thinks that he owns the world... and that the world thinks that he is right about everything."
I had met few people like that, only the rich landowners, they suddenly think that with their small amount of responsibility and their abundance of money, much associated with their previous family's hard work, they are entitled to anything and everything, although they are not the monarchs. Even Joseph's family had reality come to them, with that subject anyways.
"When can we get these people out of here!" One of the maids cried to Joseph, "They are filthy! Dirt is everywhere and so is hair! I must clean it!"
"We will get the people to clean," Joseph said, ordering a few of the maids and nurses to go clean off the people, or at least draw some water for them to bathe in. That was a task, the two washrooms were filled with water and a cart was driving people down to the nearby river to bathe. It was absurd, large chunks of soap were handed out to the slaves after they ate their food.
Wine was then distributed and a nurse took two injured men away to get them bandaged up. We were losing everything because of Becker’s irresponsibility.

After the people were nice and clean, at least as clean as they could get, and the lobby was cleaned back up by the antsy maids, all seemed much better. Two of the girls, 10 and 12, were found their parents and left before dinner. Another child who was 5, had his parents located but was not yet brought to them, they would instead pick them up by the morning.
One woman was reunited with her husband, who was freed and we were thankfully three people shorter to feed in the night. Much food was prepared, a large amount of meat, as two goats had been slaughtered for the occasion. It was able to feed them all, including the maids and other servants. That was around 75 people worth. The bowls were distributed to the hungry people.
Joseph came up to me, "Thank you for helping," He said, looking beyond exhausted. "But there is still work to be done. All of the maids are busy, could you bring the bread to the soldiers for me?"
I nodded and took the cart down to the tented area I had only seen once before. There were lights from within the tents and I was able to hear laughing men and loud voices. The horse was walking at a nice pace and we arrived quite soon. Then they congregated around the cart and began to move the food into the tent, crate by crate.
There were two men, though, that startled me, they were both drunk. They were wobbling from side to side. They gave me an odd eye and started whispering to each other. The men were approaching me and there was very little I could do to stop them. I went over the training in my head, although it had been so long. I had been trying to keep from anything that could potentially harm the child now growing inside me, but if I did not, we both could die.
I looked at the men with my eyes, watching each of their movements carefully. There was every nerve in my body on wire. They were all talking to each other, preparing each other and I was listening to their heavy, wobbling footsteps.
One of them attempted to grab at me, I swatted away his hand and moved away, "Feisty!" One of them called out with a slurred tone. The other one laughed and threw their bottle against the wall of the one solid building. There were some watching, others were inside finishing their meal. "Hey mute!" The bottle thrower screeched. "See if you can stop me!" He ran at me and I took his arm in my hands and twisted around his back and kneed him as hard as I could so he fell down and rolled on the ground, but he was so drunk that he felt very little. He was getting angry.

The other man was coming near, he had a bottle of ale in his hand. I took it immediately and shoved the man against the shed and hit him with the now broken bottle. He fell, with cuts on his forehead and he did not move. I knew he was alive, but the other men were angry. The man I had kneed earlier was not screaming, he ran at me and I moved to the side quickly so he rammed into the cart and fell back.
The others screamed at me, others clawed at me and sneer. Others acted like the two drunks. I had to get out of this mad house. It was not at all safe.
I went to the cart and jeered the horse forward. It felt my terror and it hurried through the jumbling, screaming mass of men.

I jumped out of the cart and ran inside. I was crying and searching for Joseph. I found him in the kitchen and rushed up to him, still crying and hugging him tightly. "Lynn? Lynn what happened?"
I pointed toward the camp and jumped.
"Honey, what happened?"
I buried my head into his chest and he hugged me to himself.
A man ran in, I recognized him from the mass, "The b****! She-She's violent! Arrest her!" I shook my head against the claims and searched for the paper.
They were attacking me! I did what I was taught!
Joseph sighed and ordered the man to leave. "No!" The man said, "She seriously injured the men!"
They were drunk and trying to take advantage of me, I did what I had to.
Joseph became angry and ordered all of the men to be harshly reprimanded for either taking part in the event or ignoring it completely. He led me upstairs and had me rest. I sat beside him and he said, "I am sorry, I should have never had asked you to go to the camp alone." I shook my head no, "Well, it is my fault. They have never tried anything if I was there. I have been just so busy lately that I did not think. How could do they do that?"

Day 489
Still some of the slaves remaining in the home, although they knew that they could not stay. It had been five days since they arrived.
The king ordered that all registered slave owners homes needed to be examined to assure that the conditions were alright. So over the next month all was going to hell. The war with the nomads was forgotten and the war on slavery was pursued.
Day 529
Many homeowners were furious with their privacy being ripped apart. There were always complainants around and displaced slaves. Joseph was overwhelmed with the activity, as was I. I always had someone to feed and clean and things to do.
Day 532
All of the slaves had been moved out and to a large home owned by a widow wanting some company in her house. Each little day was getting better and thankfully, quieter. Joseph was gone each day, though, sometimes I went with him to get things done.
Misty was also beyond busy, the king had doubled her responsibilities. She was running around constantly, a bit mad. She had this exhausted look on her face and I had not known if she had slept in two months. I asked Joseph if he could order the king to allow her to rest.
I found her fast asleep in the hallway, blissfully resting. One of the servants came by and picked her up and placed her in her tiny room. She slept for about two days with little waking time.

Day 560
I was now showing, and this caused Joseph to fret even more. He had me see a doctor once a week as my nerves were still frayed from the incident that occurred a few weeks before.
All calmed down, though, and each slave owner had to register each slave and all others, now in the care of the king, were placed, most were freed. Those who were enslaved for criminal reasons, were either kept in the palace grounds or sold for money to pay for the things used in the raids.
The idea of the war on the nomads was returning, although the bitter people were fighting back. I was hearing rumors of people trying to assassinate the king. That put Joseph on edge, he was scared for his entire family's life. "I am trying to grow a family and keep the family I had before put together and these... these bastards just want to outright destroy it! Even the soldiers... we took their slaves for what they did to you... some have tried to kill you."
My eyebrows raised, You never told me.
"Because I did not want to believe it Lynn, there are soldiers, especially the ones with their heads bashed in, who want revenge. I guess they just could not believe that you, a girl, had attacked them so." I smiled and he said, "It is not funny, they are still after you, and they are after me and my father and my mother... and yes I know what you are going to say about my mother, I know you do not like her and I know she does not like you... but she is still my mother and I want her to be safe and I cannot do this all at once!"
Isn't that your father's responsibility?
"It should be, but he is focusing so much on a foreign war at the moment to not think of the problems that are right here! We need to make sure that our people are protected from their neighbors! I was at a raid just today and there were children, little children locked in this tiny little room with no light and no air and no food. I was so angry that someone could even think about doing that! Children! There were four of them and for that I sentenced that the man be hung tomorrow at dawn."
Have you ever killed a man before?
"Not yet I have not, but I will tomorrow. I want to make sure that nothing like that happens again, and if I have to kill to make sure, than I will."
That seems a bit out of proportion.
Joseph shook his head and stood up from the bed and paced, "It is not! Think of this! That man has destroyed how many lives? The lives of those four children, and eight more beyond that, those children and their parents! And past that the others that we found, there were at least eight other slaves in deplorable situations and this man just did not care! He thought of them as less than human..."
Then end it.
"Lynn it is a worldwide thing, I cannot."
There are very few slaves in Chestnut, only those who are sent into it for criminal reasons, and unless their crime was terribly terrible, than it is not for the rest of their life. They will have a chance back at freedom if they get their act together.
"We are not as small as Chestnut, Lynn, we just are not, so we cannot do it."
I figure that it would be easier if you were big, you have more power over people than, say a little country with few people. It is not a tradition, thing, Joseph, it is people following what you are doing. YOU are their example.
"I am doing the best I can, what else do you want me to do?"
Free all of your slaves. All of them. Including Misty, please.
"What? I cannot do that..."
When you father passes, and you take the throne, you can. You can do whatever you want. It is your decision.
He shook his head and then sat back down. The clenched his fists together and looked up toward the ceiling, "That is absurd, dear,"
No it is not! Do not say that!
I looked down, feeling like he did not appreciate what I was saying. It apparently did not matter, but if he wanted change to ensue, than he would have to begin it himself, even if it took years for that to happen.
Day 564
The war was increasing, the number of soldiers increased and all was getting prepared. Joseph was forced to leave his old ideas into the past and focus on what was coming. "I do not know when we will leave," He said, "But it will be months before I return."
Will it be in days, months, years?
"Father has not said..." Joseph muttered softly and he led me down the stairs and into the lobby. There were people running about, there were soldiers, new ones, and there were maids who were bringing in meat to be dried for the trip. Everything was far from ready. "Would you like to help?" I slapped him on the arm for not already giving me a job. I made a motion like I had a bow in my hands, "I already told you that you will not be going out into a battle field,"
I shook my head no like I was not stupid.
"Then what do you want to do?"
I acted like was tip toeing.
"What? No, you are not going to do anything risky, nope, I will not allow it," He looked up and smiled and then I tried not to burst out laughing, "What? I am trying to be serious here, Lynn, and it is important," I shrugged my shoulders and acted like whatever it was that was important was now gone, "You do not think so?" I nodded yes, "Oh you are making me mad," But he was still chuckling softly. "I do not think you killing anybody is a good idea."
I think it is.
"You are being mad."
I am not being mad, I am mad.
We walked outside now into the garden, we were surrounded by dead flowers, the time had come for winter to arrive, and my thin cloak did not seem to be doing its job at all well.
Have you spoken to Sage since she left?
"No,"
Come on, we are going to find her.
I took his arm into mine and rushed to the stables, I had already a pair of horses in a carriage set up for us. It was nice and warm inside, well it was shielded from the wind and a servant boy was driving. "I guess you are not giving me a choice... she said she was going to find work elsewhere and she trains horses... so... I do not know."
Flustered and shook my head, signaling that that was not enough of an answer for me to accept.
"Well, let me think. I know that there is a horse ranch up north a bit and they do allow people to live there and work." I nodded yes. Then Joseph gave the directions to the young man and we were on the road. "Why do you want me to go see her?"
I searched around for a paper with room on it. You did not give her much of a notice. You just left her without words for two weeks and then told her that she needed to leave.
"I did not tell her to leave,"
I bet it was implied.
"Well... maybe implied but I did not actually tell her to leave. I still do not understand,"
If you have not noticed, we are not exactly the most loving couple, we are but friends, Joseph, friends who live together. You loved Sage, and I could see it in your eyes that you really, really did not want to tell her to leave. You hated the idea of us getting married.
"You make it sound like I do not even like you in the least," He shook his head angrily.
Oh I know you do. I smiled and kissed his cheek. That still does not change the fact that you miss her. You have just been busy enough that your mind has been able to concentrate on other things.
"Are you think it will be easier for me to see her?"
I did not say that it was to help you. I think it will help Sage. I am only here to make sure that you get to her.
He crossed his arms, "Do you really think that I do not love you?"
I did not say that. I said that we did not love each other like husband and wife, we love each other like close friends, companions instead.
"How do you know what I think?" He kind of pulled back in a playful manner.
I am not sure what you think, I know how you act.
"And how do I act?"
You act different than any other couple who married out of love. You find that ever situation that we are alone together as awkward. You talk to make things easier for you. Now that I am with child you act like everything is easier for you, the weight has been lifted off of you.
"What? No I don't..." He lowered his head and I lifted it back up and gave him the really? look. "Well I do not…” I gave him the look again, "Fine, I do, but... I feel sometimes even still that I am going against her."
See? Am I right or am I right? That is why you need to go see her.
"So you might be right," He chuckled again and he kissed me, "You are very smart."
Thank you.
"I am glad that you are able to write, otherwise this would be terrible." I nodded and I rested my head to his arm and watched as the land went by. I was able to see some horses in pastures. "I think we are almost here," Joseph said to me and we both sat up straight and watched. The servant boy bent down.
"We are here, sir," He said to Joseph and we were here. Soon the cart was stopped and we were helped out by the servant boy.
The sun was high ahead and Joseph was acting a bit nervous. I took his hand firmly and stopped him from walking. Joseph looked at me and then moved forward. I looked around, there were dozens of horses watching us carefully. Some of them were foals running around madly. Joseph knocked on the door.
A man answered it, "My prince? Come in, please,"
Joseph said, "I would like to know if you have a girl named Sage working for you,"
"How did you know?" The man laughed, "My name is Jarrett, nice to finally meet you, sir and your beautiful wife!" I smiled and looked Joseph, watching him talk closely. "Would you like me to get her?"
"Yes please, Jarrett that would be nice."
The man ran out of the house and to a barn. "Oh gosh..." Joseph said, "I hope she is still not mad at me." I shrugged and watched as Sage moved toward the house. She looked up and her eyes were so wide. She opened the door and came up.
"Good afternoon, sir," She said, looking down to her feet now.
Joseph looked at me and I left the room and stepped outside. I was still able to see, but could not hear. Sage was pacing now, walking around quickly. Joseph was standing still, trying to convince her to slow down or at least calm down. She began to yell, and I was able to hear that. She was furious. I opened the door and came in. She looked at me and then screamed, "You said you loved me! But obviously you do not... you got that girl pregnant," She turned around and was beginning to leave.
"Sage," He said, "I am doing what my father expects of me."
"You will be the king soon... you should not have to listen to him,"
"It is too late now,"
"Why?" She screamed, "Why?"
Joseph almost laughed angrily, "We are expecting a child,"
"I know that," She turned and stormed out of the house.
Joseph looked at me, "I think your idea was not a good one,"
I shrugged and pointed for him to go after her.
"What? No... she is angry enough," I still pointed, "And you want me to fix it..." Joseph ran out and followed her into the barn. I waited at the kitchen table and looked around the house. There were many little plates of ceramic sitting on a shelf. Bread was sitting out and barrels of apples against the wall. It was a large home, very well built and surprisingly well furnished.
I attempted to focus on the house instead of what was happening in the barn. I thought of Joseph, I thought of how happy he had been, his bright smile that stretched across his face. I could see the laugh lines around the corners of his mouth so brightly. I loved his bright, smiling eyes. I just hoped that Sage did not take that away from him. I wanted to make sure that this guilt did not get to him.

It seemed like forever went by before Joseph returned. He was not happy, nor smiling. He was quiet and he was looking down. I took him into my arms and we went to the carriage. He said to the servant boy, "We are leaving,"
As soon as I was sitting beside him I took out my paper. Oh, dear, what happened? Joseph did not answer, he just shrugged. You have got to speak.
"Why? You do not... it seems that whatever I say or do just ends up hurting people."
Do not say that! You are wrong, people love you, and they love what you are doing to help others. You are a good person, Sage is just being bitter.
"But she is right... I am mean... I mean, I pushed her away and forced you to marry me."
You did not force me to do anything, it was your father who brought me to the palace, but I am glad I am with you now. I am happy with you, Joseph.
"You are probably just saying that,"
I am not saying anything, I love you Joseph. Stop fretting, please.
“You are delusional,” He told me.
Joseph was quiet into the night. He went to bed early and did not sleep. He faced away from me and retracted when I touched his shoulder to ask him a question.

Day 540
Joseph was still quiet but he was recovery slowly. He was still working, and each day he was working more and more. Since that day with Sage, he had hardly looked at me. He just looked away, had not kissed me or spoken much. I was concerned.
I began to write to the king so he would speak to his son.
My king, I have some terrible news. I have done something that I should not have. I asked Joseph to make amends with Sage so that they both could move on. Instead they fought and now he is depressed and will not speak. I am concerned for him and I am wondering if there is something you could do to help. My husband needs you.
I had Misty deliver this to the king. I got a reply from Misty, "He says he will speak to Joseph immediately and he thanks you for telling him." I nodded and went to the archery course.

Day 620
The war on slavery was decreasing as things had settled completely. The angry landowners had shushed their grief’s. Joseph was lighting up greatly although two months had gone by. I was now close to six months along. I was missing my family more than I had ever believed possible.
I thought of my brothers day and night, I cried over the missing of my mother. I had to write to her.
Mother, I miss you... I miss all of you, I miss my brothers... and I am going to have a child of my own within four months. How is father doing? How are you doing? Tell me everything. I want to know that you are alright... if not I will find a way to fix that also.
It was four days and I had a reply. Misty was my confidant. She gave it to me and sat beside me as I read it.
Dear Lynn,
You father is not well, my dear, he is ill, although he has been for quite some time. He misses you, Lynn, and he talks about you every day. He wants to see you, just one more time. I had to tell him that you were alright. He was grateful to know that you are married and are expecting a child, but I feel that he has little time left on this world. I want you to see him Lynn, you need to say goodbye. I know that you cannot speak, but I have told him that you have recently caught a throat infection, so you could not. I did not tell him that you have spoken to the boys, but I have told him that they are alive. He cried in relief, he told me that he was so sorry for what he was going to do. He was crying on my shoulder like he was a bear. I am scared for him, Lynn. You must come out and say that you are the heir, otherwise Chestnut could fall into the hands of anyone. It belongs to Liesta now, and I know your father would not be happy about that if he found out. He dislikes Liesta, or at least its size, so I dare not tell him that much. Please come, please.

I love you, my daughter.
I was practically in tears. I had to leave that day to see my father before he passed. I had to see him again, see his face. I asked Misty to bring Joseph to me. She ran down the stairs immediately after hugging me. Joseph was soon next to me. "What is it you need?"
Misty said, "Her father is dying, sir, and she wishes to say goodbye to him,"
My tears were staining my face and I handed him the letter. He smoothed it out and read it. He nodded once finished, "Alright, we will do that. Tomorrow morning we will leave."
I motioned that I wanted to go now.
"Dear, that is not possible, we will not be able to even get to an inn in that time. You are going to have to wait,"
I crossed my arms and closed my eyes. "Lynn," Joseph said, "I am sorry," I nodded at his comment and he left me. I tried not to cry, but I was shaken. I could not imagine my Pa sick... my great big bear of a Pa... sick... I could not understand. I knew that he was old and age was going to catch up to him eventually, I just wished that it was not right now.

Joseph was being cold. I wondered where that happy man I knew was. He was not smiling nor laughing, but I wanted to change that. Up to this point I had done all that I could to make him happy. I tried everything and nothing worked. He would not kiss me or hardly even look at me. I was scared. I needed him to love me, I needed him to love his child.

By the time we left in the morning I was desperate for him to acknowledge my presence. I wanted him to look at me. I could not plead through my voice. I could not persuade him with my body. I could do nothing. I asked him, though, to leave with me in the morning. I was not going to travel alone to Chestnut. My mother was going to meet my husband, because he was still my husband.

We sat next to each other in the carriage, some of our things packed up and we left. Joseph only looked out the window. Do you hate me? I asked through my paper and he looked at me.
"No," he said, "Why would you think that?"
Then why do you not acknowledge me?
"I do,"
No you do not. You say good morning to me in the morning and good night at night. There are hardly any words besides that. You won't even kiss me or touch me anymore.
"And that is a crime? I just need some time to myself which I apparently cannot get anymore. There is just so many people."
And this is about Sage still, is it not?
"It is not!" He screamed out and he hit his fist against the side of the carriage and the horses stopped.
"Is everything alright sir?" The driver boy asked.
"It is fine, keep going," And the carriage jerked forward. "It is not..."
Then what is it about?
"I do not want to be the king, Lynn, I do not. I do not want to live this way. I want to chose my life, I want to have a tiny little cottage in the country and much less responsibility. I do not want this! I hate this, I hate this..." He shook his head as it was becoming red.
Tell me what I can do to help.
"You cannot do anything, Lynn," he said and the conversation ended.

We ended at the inn I had lived near later that day. The innkeepers wife was ecstatic to see me, she hugged me and ordered for everything to be prepared. She had a large supper prepared for me. Joseph went straight to the bedroom to sleep. I sat at the table and the innkeepers wife was giddy about my being with child. "Lynn! Oh when you were still living in that little cottage, I had made you a dress, here you are, I know it is not as good as you are used to, but I worked real hard on it," I smiled and hugged her. "It is getting late, dear, you should go rest after such a day of travel."
I went into the bedroom. Joseph was still sitting on the side of the bed and he was staring at the wall. He did not move when the door shut behind me. I sat next to him and wrote: She made me a dress, before I was taken.
"Are you going to wear it?" He asked with a soft, lost voice.
I will wear it tomorrow.
"That was very nice of her." Joseph huffed and he lay down. I lay next to him and watched his face. I smiled and touched his cheek. He did not move. I reached over to kiss him and turned around. "Let me sleep, Lynn," He said.
My chest burned with embarrassment. I almost cried I felt so ashamed, so I stood up and put my night gown on then went to bed. So badly I wanted to speak, there was so much I wanted to say, but there was no way for me to say it anymore. There were just so many things that could not be said through writing, they had to be spoken.

I could see Chestnut, my land, my world. I was so happy to see it, so excited to run into that palace and cry and smile at the memories, I wanted to get my things from my bedroom. I wanted to see my mother and my father. I wanted to see my dog that I had left here. I wanted to see everything again.
I ran up to the doors the guards were shocked to see me. Billy and Ronnie were their names, they were kids when I first left, they liked me then, but then they saw that I had a husband and they bowed to me respectively. Joseph was sluggish slightly when we got inside.
I searched fervently for my mother. Suddenly I was able to see her thin frame and I ran to her. I hugged her warm body and felt safe again. She cried, "Oh my baby, I am so glad you are here," I held onto her, not wanting to let go ever again. She looked up and said, "Is that young man over there your husband?" I nodded yes and motioned for him to approach.
"Hello ma'am," He said to her.
She hugged him tightly he hugged her back and then looked confused. "Oh I am glad to meet you Joseph!" She said with a smile, "I hope you are taking good care of my little girl." He nodded, "Or her father will be very angry, he is picky, you know."

We walked along the tiles to my father's bedside. He was awake and he smiled as soon as he saw me, "Oh Lynn... I am so glad you could be here! I wanted to see you so bad!" I knelt beside him, "I heard you could not talk, that you had a bad throat problem... I just want to hear you though," I shook my head no although I wanted to just tell my Pa that I loved him and that I wanted him to keep holding on. "I know, I know." He looked at Joseph, and said to me, "Your Ma told me you had gotten married, to a prince, I am glad. Joseph, yes? Where of?"
Ma came up and said, "Pa would you want to eat?"
"Oh no, I want to know where Joseph is from. He looks familiar,"
Joseph stepped up, "Liesta sir,"
"Liesta!" Father laughed, "My pretty little daughter with a man of Liesta! Now that is absurd, now that is a joke, it must be."
I shook my head.
"It is not? Oh well... huh," He huffed, then he began to cough heavily. I felt helpless. He groped for his water and then struggled to get it down, "I am sorry," he said. "But Liesta... what does that work with the land?"
Joseph said, "Sir, we do not know. Lynn has not told my father that she is of Chestnut,"
"Oh yes, well you will find out soon enough." Then he looked to me, "I hear that I am to be a grandfather?"
Yes Pa
"I can hardly imagine that, my little girl... going to be a mother," I nodded. I felt like there was just so much I wanted to say to him, but I did not get a chance to. Soon, my father was tired after only a little while longer of talking and we had to leave. I had written that I loved him. Joseph said that it was alright if we stayed a night.