I heard the sound. The sound I never liked to hear. The sound that only brought death and despair to all it touched. This time the sound came in the middle of the night. The sound didn’t wake me up, but it woke up my wife, Emily. I always hated having her wake up to the sound. Her sweet, calming voice entered my ear.

“Darling, wake up. It’s going off,” she whispered to me.

Emily was always so supportive of me. I would never need anyone else. I opened my eyes and looked at her. Her flowing, brown hair shuffled in the dark room. I saw her hand reach out towards the lamp. Click, Click. The light of the lamp flew across the room in a sweeping motion. It punched my eyes and blinded me temporarily. The light always hurt but it reminded me of what my father always used to tell me, It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. I don’t believe he came up with that. However, I have never forgotten it. This light was easy to see, but sometimes, out in the darkness of the night, it is hard to remember there is light left in the world.

I turned to see my wife sitting up looking at me. Her sparkling eyes, full of blue. But this blue was no ordinary blue. This blue glowed in a bright room, this blue filled whatever looked at it with happiness, this blue reminded me of the ocean, pulsing with vibrant shades. Her mouth moved as gracefully as a figure skater. The motions all finely calibrated to form a performance of words.

“You better get going,” she said to me.

“I know,” I spoke in a very tired tone, “Did you see who it was for?”

She hesitated for a moment. I knew that something was up, for she never did that unless she carried bad news. I worried, wondering who. Her blue eyes turned dark, filled with dread, drowning out the light near them. She spoke in a soft tone,

“It’s your best friend, Doug.”

I clenched up, I couldn’t believe it. Doug had always been there for me when I needed it most, before Emily of course. I took a moment, just hoping it wasn’t true. I hoped that maybe it wasn’t Doug. Maybe it was someone else. I rolled my feet out from under the soft covers and onto the hard floor. I pulled off my warm blanket, exposing my skin to the cold room. I walked over to the closet and grabbed the suit. I always hated wearing this suit. It’s cool, dry interior brought goosebumps to my skin.

I walked to the bedroom door, looking back at Emily. She turned off the light and was climbing back into the blankets. I paused, wanting to go back. The sound came back but this time it was a little quieter. I hit the box on the side of my hip and the sound turned off again. I walked into the hallway, past the empty rooms. We still have yet to buy some furniture, but we really don’t need it. Emily is an author and loves the empty rooms as they all give different ways to inspire her. She is still yet to be published, but I believe she will become a great author. All she needs to do is get her foot in the door. I managed to make it out of the house before I started thinking about Doug again. I walked to my car, an older, dodge challenger. Its glossy blue and black exterior shined under the dimly lit street lamp. The door opened with a satisfying click. I sat down on the cold, black leather seats that were on the edge of falling apart.

Tonight, I felt like I could relate to the car. The car was represented all of me. A classy looking outside, with an inside that was functioning but falling apart. I still was in disbelief that Doug was the person I would have to see tonight. I pulled out of the driveway and made my way to where Doug would be. I made it about a minute before I felt a sort of rage overflow within me.

“WHY WASN’T I THERE TO STOP HIM? WHAT IF WE CAN’T SAVE HIM?“ I screamed to myself in the empty car.

I hit the wheel as if it were to punish me for my actions. I felt the car swerve a bit on the dark road. I centered it out, but I hit it once again. I felt it swerve a bit more this time. I hit it one last time, swerving so much that I almost hit the sidewalk. I almost hit it more but I realized I didn’t have the time to buy a new car tonight so I stopped myself. I couldn’t understand why I felt this way. I just was mad at myself for no reason. I sped to the edge of our neighborhood. The red light just staring me down. Its red glow illuminating my face and the road beneath. The light finally took its red gaze to the other street. I drove forward, closing in on the inevitable.

I normally make this drive in the daytime, and it felt strange to drive at night. I could no longer see down into the peaceful riverside. The calming water seemed to no longer exist. However, I could see the beautiful stars in the sky. The world seemed like problems didn’t exist at this time, but somehow it made me even angrier. I felt that I shouldn’t be the only one who felt this way right now. I punched my hand into the horn. The honk sounding in the dead of the night. I rolled down the window, expecting to hear some cry from something. Nothing. The sound I caused disappeared into the night.

I pulled around the last turn and saw it. The place where people’s fate was decided by people like me. I could see the parking lot was empty but It didn’t matter. I pulled up to my parking spot in the hospital and ran inside. The car door slamming closed behind me and glass doors only slowing me down.

Pam, our secretary, pointed me to the room. I didn’t need her though as I already knew where he would be. I burst through the door into the room and saw what I didn’t want to. There, lying unconscious, was Doug. I hesitated, trying to wake up from this nightmare. I didn’t wake up, so I began to do my thing.

I threw on the decontaminated suit and gloves and walked to the screen next to him. I could see why they called me in; brain injury. It seemed like that was his only injury surprisingly. The cause was unknown but it didn’t matter. We only had one thing that might save him. I walked over to the other surgeons there and they gave me a look. They knew what had to happen but they wanted me to tell them to do it. I told the least experienced one to go grab it. This was the worst part.

I grabbed my lucky knife from the tray near his head and hovered it near him. The silver knife was cold, just like my hands inside the gloves. For the first time ever, I was worried that I couldn’t save him. Never had anyone I treated had an injury this bad. I brought the knife down into the hole in his head. I covered the last remaining strand that was keeping his brain entirely together. I prayed to God that this would work. If it meant giving up my life I would. I just hoped God was listening.

I cut down with a smooth stroke and the brain separated. The surgeon ran through the door with the machine. I put the cut half of the brain in the slot as the other surgeons raised Doug’s lifeless body into the other compartment. His body seemed to reject them at first, pulsing with a last jolt of energy. The door closed and Doug was hidden. This technology was still a work in progress, but it was our only hope. I looked over to the big red button on the side of the machine. I leaned over and pushed it. Immediately, a loud banging began ringing in the ears of all around. The banging sounded as though a gun was being shot nonstop. After what felt like 5 hours, the banging stopped. The computer on the machine began speaking.

“Body transfer: Complete.” I felt a sense of happiness overcoming me.

“Reattachment: Complete.” My heart began jumping with joy.

“Complete Brain Functionality: Failure.”

I felt the room’s mood fall down with me. I looked back and saw all of the faces on me. I wondered what had happened that caused the failure. I stood there in complete shock. I waited for someone else to break the silence.

“What do we do now?”

someone from the back of the room responded, “I guess we just have to take him out.”

I stayed silent. Not knowing what to do next, I walked over to the machine. The cold, steel exterior put a chill down my spine. I reached over to the button once again. I felt my finger touch it and I hesitated. I didn’t know what would come next. Maybe he would just fall out onto the floor. Maybe he would stand there just staring blankly. Maybe he would be just fine. I couldn’t force myself to do it. Out of nowhere, I felt a soft hand push on my finger. I looked back to see Emily standing there wearing all of the protective clothing required. She never came with me to anything work-related, let alone a life or death situation. Before I could say anything, I heard a loud click and the door slowly started to open.

“Man it was dark in there,” I heard Doug’s voice coming from the inside of the machine, “what took Y'all so long?”

Immediately I heard people doing a sort of quiet cheer as the worst outcome didn’t happen. Doug emerged from the machine with a smile on his face, looking as normal as ever. Never did I think I would be so happy to see him in my life. I ran over to the extra clothes bin and gave him some, so he wasn’t there in just his underwear.

“Man, I really wanted these!” he sarcastically stated, “It's like Christmas.”

As soon as he got on his clothes, I ran over and hugged him. I felt Emily’s arms wrap around Doug and I. The warmth of both of them reminded me that this is real and everything is ok. We never really hugged much, but he understood. When we finally unembraced from each other, he looked to me and asked,

“What happened?”

“Well, we just did surgery on you. Do you remember anything?” I replied.

“All I can remember is that I was at home, then something hit me and now here I am.”

“Trust me, we will find out what happened, but you probably need some rest.”

“You’re right,” he spoke in a tired tone, “you got any beds here?”

I looked at the nurse behind the glass. She nodded and left the room. We stood there for about a minute in silence until the nurse appeared through the main door.

“Come with me Doug,” she said as she nodded towards the hall, “We have a bed for you”

I knew that he probably won't be leaving the hospital for a while until we find out what went wrong. He disappeared through the door and left the room in silence. Emily and I looked at each other and walked outside. I returned the suit for decontamination and walked to the front door. Emily followed, saying nothing. I started walking out the door when she broke the silence.

“Are you ok?” she asked.

“I hope so, but why did you come?”

“I thought you would need a little extra light tonight,” her voice was filled with love and support.

“You didn’t have too, you know that right?”

She stared me in the eyes and whispered just loud enough for me to hear, “I know, but I wanted to.”

We walked towards our cars under the peacefulness of the night. I sat down behind the wheel. After that all I could remember was driving home, falling asleep and waking up in the morning. I headed off to the hospital again, but before I left the house, I heard Emily from one of the empty rooms say,

“Bring back good news please.”

“Can’t promise anything,” I said as I walked out the door.

It felt like 10 minutes ago I was driving down this road, coming back from the hospital. I saw out of the corner of my eye the river flowing beautifully, wildlife all around. There was even a fly fisher in the river, spending his Saturday peacefully. I had the urge to hit my horn and scare him. Make his day a little worse because mine was going to be terrible. I resisted the urge and drove past. It took even longer this morning to make it to the hospital even though there wasn’t any more traffic this morning. I pulled into my spot again and walked into the building.

Pam stood up when she saw me. She knew why I was here and checked me in. She then guided me to Doug’s room. To my surprise, he was awake, eating some food and watching the tv. I knocked on the open door and walked in.

“Oh! Hi, Jeff.” He turned the tv off and questioned me, “ what are you doing here?”

“I came in to check on you.”

“Missed me that much huh?” he mockingly asked

“Only on days that end in y,” I joked back

I was so happy he still had his joking spirit. I walked over to the desk and sat down on the cheap chair. The squeaking sound that came from it scared both of us. I looked to Doug, just silently waiting for a sign to tell me that something was wrong.

“What am I, The Mona Lisa? Please stop staring,” He blurted out of nowhere.

“Sorry, just a little beat up about yesterday.”

“What even happened? Why was everyone so surprised?”

“Oh, uh, well… How do I put this…? Let's just say that you almost died.”

“WHAT! I thought I had just a small injury.”

“Yeah, the machine also said your brain didn’t come back with complete functionality.”

“I don’t feel any different. I guess I just have a small headache.”

“We’ll get that checked in a bit, I just wanted to come here and how you are doing right now.”

“Oh not bad, just feeling a bit guilty.”

“About what?” I asked.

“Just everything recently, the pain I have been causing, the lives I am disrupting. Really just don’t want to be the center of attention, but it seems like that won't be happening any time soon.”

“Everything will get better, it will just take some time.”

We looked at each other in silence for a few minutes. His black hair combed up to cover the stitching and his mouth slightly smirking. His look brought back memories of when we were just kids. We always used to play around in my backyard, jumping around on the small playset we had at the time. The hot sun torching us as we ran around playing as cops and robbers. I remembered how my father would come out and yell to us to be careful, and occasionally tell us to come in and eat our food. I would always pour salt on his food and tell him I just a-salt-ed him. I miss those days. When the worst thing was a scraped knee, and the most confusing thing was why the sun didn’t stay out forever. I also thought back to my sophomore year.

That year was probably the worst year of my life because I met and lost Ben. That year, a new student came to our high-school. Being the good person I was, I immediately became his friend. We arguably became almost as good of friends as Doug and I. However, near the end of the year, around the time that the juniors and seniors were asking others to prom, he left me. I found him blasting music, overdosed on drugs. I never expected him to leave me like that. He was always smiling and joking around, being the life of any party. Ben was the reason I became a doctor. He was the reason I spent the next 10 years of my life focusing on becoming a doctor to help people and save lives. Doug was the reason I accomplished this goal. He knew just what to say when I was thinking of giving up. My flashbacks were short-lived as many loud noises forced their ways into my thoughts. BANG, BANG, BANG. Something was happening in the hall.

“Sorry, I gotta go check on that,” I told Doug as I ran out into the hallway. I looked down the hall to see what was going on. I saw Pam walking towards the surgery room with the security guard right next to her. I ran down and caught up. They heard the same banging coming from the room. We walked in, security guard up front, Pam and I in tow. The lights were off but the room was aglow. I felt some heat coming from my side. I looked to my right and saw the machine was sitting there on fire. Pam reacted quick, running and grabbing the fire extinguisher, and sprayed it on the machine. The fire quickly disappeared underneath a blanket of snow. The room was still dark, but the glistening snow seemed to glow. Once the fire extinguisher was empty, we looked at each other and knew. I broke the silence.

“Pam, if you could, please let the manager know and start a report for them.”

I turned to the guard and commanded, ”Sir go grab some people to get this to the engineers that would be amazing.”

They both nodded and went to work. I walked back out of the room. Back down the hall, back to Doug. The door still open, Doug still sitting there.

“What happened?” he asked as soon as he saw me.

“The machine we used to save you just broke.”

“Oh dang, well let’s hope nobody needs that anytime soon.”

“Yeah, here is to hoping.”

Another awkward silence later, I asked,

“What you planning to do when you get out of here?”

“I dunno. Probably go to sleep in my bed and get caught back up in my home duties.”

“Well stay safe,” I proclaimed as I stood up again, ”See ya on the flip side man.”

“See ya.”

I heard him mutter something under his breath, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. I walked back out to the car, seeing Pam being interviewed by a few people and the security upped around the entrance. I walked to my car. The blue exterior welcomed me as I went closer. The door opened the same, the car started the same, but I felt different. The way back home was a long one, but I didn’t mind. More time alone means more time to not think. Before I knew it, my home was there, light from the car shining in to reveal Emily sitting next to her work station. I pulled into the driveway, parked the car, and made my way inside. Emily looked like she had ideas flowing so I let her be. I went back to my room, back into bed, and fell asleep. It wasn’t until the next day when I woke up to Emily holding breakfast in her hands, setting them into my lap as I sat up.

“I figured it would be best to let you sleep,” she spoke.

“Thanks for all of this, I love you.”

Her blue eyes smiled at me and that was all I needed to be happy. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. Her warmth soothed my soul as I sat there. I looked down to see what the beautiful smells were coming from. There, sat my favorite breakfast. Bacon, pancakes, syrup, orange juice, hash browns, and a few scrambled eggs. I knew she was the right one the first time we met. I ate the meal while thinking back to how we first met. It was actually my senior year of high school and It was so strange how we met. It was the first day of my English 4 class. The teacher sat us next to each other and told us to meet each the other as a sort of breaking the ice game. She also said to be ready to share out with the class. Immediately we hit it off. She was so nice and fell in love with me and I fell in love with her. Throughout the year, we always sat next to each other, until on the last day of school, she came in with a nervous look on her face. She walked next to me, grabbed my hand and handed me a note. On the note, in her handwriting, was just a heart with the words, ‘You + Me?’. I said yes, and from there, we dated until I was out of college with my doctorate. I then proposed to her when we were out to dinner with some of my friends, Doug included. She, of course, said yes and now here we are.

I remembered that I was going to visit Doug today. I quickly finished the rest of my food.

“Honey, I am gonna go check on Doug, you wanna come with?”

“Sure, I need some inspiration.”

We both got ready, leaving the door at 9:00 am nearly two hours later than when I planned to go over. I drove my way over to the hospital. It felt like the hospital was becoming my second home more and more recently, as I have been here every day for the past few months. I think the drive to the hospital became muscle memory the 500th time I did it. I think I am well past 3,000 times now. I know every turn, every building, and I am working on memorizing the light patterns although those are hard to catch. I pulled into the spot, my car yelling at me when I hit the curb a bit. Emily and I walked into the hospital. Pam wasn’t there so I checked us in. In the hall, we saw the door to Doug’s room was open. When we walked in, again he was sitting there, wide awake.

“Morning sleepy-heads,” he exclaimed when we came in.

“Morning,” I replied.

“What are y’all doing here?” he asked.

“Coming in to check on you, you are my best friend.”

“Oh, I don’t deserve it but thanks.”

“How long have you been up?” Emily chimed out of nowhere.

“Uh, I think I have been up for like 5 hours.”

“So you were up at 4:30 this morning?” Emily continued.

“Yeah, been having trouble falling asleep. That headache has really been hurting.”

“Did the doctors come to check on that?” I asked.

“Yeah, they just gave me some drugs but it didn’t go away,” He muttered something under his breath.

“What was that?” I asked as he wasn’t one to mumble.

“Oh nothing, I am just a bit tired,” Again he muttered something else.

“Seriously what are you saying.”

“NOTHING!” he yelled at me.

“Why are you yelling at me? If you have something to say to me I am right here,” I said it as calmly as I could, being that he just yelled at me.

“I was just sitting here, minding my own business and then you barge in, demanding I talk to you. Honestly, I want to leave this prison of a hospital but nobody is letting me. Can you please make them let me out?”

“I can’t do that, I’m sorry.”

I realized that I had been so caught up in the conversation that I didn’t realize that Emily sat down and was looking through her bag for something. I looked over to see that she grabbed out a book and a pen. She started writing stuff, and it really set off Doug.

“WHAT ARE YOU WRITING?” he yelled directly at her face.

No response from Emily, just more writing.
“I SWEAR IF YOU ARE USING ME TO WRITE A STUPID BOOK OF YOURS THEN I AM GOING TO GET REAL MAD!”

“Hey, stop yelling at my wife!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I not allowed to do anything in this stupid hospital?”

“You are, just not yell at my wife.”

“You know what, can you just leave? Just leave. I know you don’t want to be here with me. So please leave.”

I looked at Emily, her blue eyes wandered back down to her bag. She put her book in, stood up, and started walking.

“Where are you going?” I inquired.

No response. I decided to walk out into the hallway with her, leaving Doug alone in his room. We walked all the way back to the car in silence, and it wasn’t until we were almost home when the first word was spoken.

“Jeff, When we get home, I am going to need you to go take a nap, you’ll need the sleep and I need the quiet.”

“What?” I asked.

“Just do it.”

I didn’t argue with her. She always knew what was best for me, even if it didn’t seem like the right idea. We walked into the home, Emily stopping at her desk, pulling up her computer. I continued past, going into my bedroom. Lying down on my bed again, the soft warmth pulling me into a trance. Before I knew it, it was 6:00 pm and Emily was rubbing my back, waking me up.

“Alright, I have a theory that I really think you need to hear,” she spoke softly.
“What?” I said, still a little groggy from my nap.

“Ok. You know how the machine stated that complete brain functionality failed, right?”

“Yeah, and he came out completely fine.”

“No he didn’t,” She paused again, bad news forming at her mouth, “Today confirmed what I had only thought, the first night. I believe that the failure was not in a core function of the brain, rather something changed. I think the machine caused him to go into a serious depression.”

“Wait what?”

“You saw it today, irritability, guilt, insomnia, all signs of depression and possibly suicidal tendencies. I didn’t want to say anything before I was sure. But I really think we need to call in a professional. I think he is reaching a point where he might go through with something irreversible, suicide.”

I was left without words. Memories of Ben flooded my mind. I worried that the exact same thing will happen to Doug. I moved as fast as I could, telling Emily to call someone at the hospital and tell them to reach out to a professional. I jumped into my car and drove as fast as I could to the hospital. I think I reached 100 mph at one point.

The drive took very little time, but I was too slow. I saw Doug running outside, with a gun in his hand. He saw me and ran in the opposite direction to me. I never ran faster in my life, running to catch up with him. I saw him stop in the middle of a dim field. The darkness covered much of the background but I could see him. He stood there, tears in his eyes, pain pulsing through his body.

“Stop right there!” he yelled at me.

I stopped, worried about what I am about to have to do. I knew that people have saved lives talking down suicidal people, I just never thought I would be the one to do it.

“Doug please tell me what you are doing, I am worried about you,” I yelled to him

“Why do you even care? All this time you have worried about me, all this time you have spent time with me, what is it even for?” he screamed back.

“Because I care about you, Doug. You mean the world to me.”

“You are just saying that. Nobody in this world cares about me. They all care about themselves and you are just the same. You don’t know what I am feeling right now,” he whimpered, tears falling after each choked up word.

“I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help. You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.”

“It doesn’t get better. They always say it will but it never does. I just want all of my pain to end.” more tears were falling.

“I understand. But there is hope for all of us. I love you and I will be there every step of the way.”

“I just, I am, it’s.” His voice trailed off.

I knew that this moment would decide the future, and it all hinged on my abilities. I just hoped that help was on the way. I stood there, tears starting to form in my own eyes, voice breaking.

“I just don’t deserve anything anymore. I am worthless, why can’t you see it?” his sad words cut through my skin.

“Because I see all the good that you have done to this world. You were the reason I made it through high-school. You were the reason I stand here today. Your feelings will pass eventually, I know they will.”

“But I can’t take it anymore, the pain is so terrible.” His words began showing even more pain.

“I know it hurts, but there is hope. Your life is valuable to all of us.”

I heard a car pull up, and so did Doug. He looked over, looked at me, and his words hit me harder than ever.

“Goodbye Doug, see ya on the flip side.”

I ran forward, running to save him. But I was too late. BANG. The sound of the gun rang through the night. Doug’s lifeless body falling down to the floor, gun in hand. I kept running towards his body. From behind, I heard Emily yelling, but it didn’t matter. I fell down right next to Doug. His black hair covered in red. His voice lost into the night. My tears fell down like a storm, washing away the blood.

I sat there, arms unable to hold my body up, head falling down with the speed of a rocket. I wished I never left. I wished my wife woke me up sooner. I wished I could have saved him, unlike Ben. The cold of the grass cut through my jeans, only cooling the already cold heart.

I felt arms grasp my back, the warmth fighting to stop the darkness from flooding my entire body. I felt even more arms, more warmth, more power. I still sat there, in the darkness of the night, the sound of crying being the only sound around. I never thought that I would lose both of my best friends to the same, terrible thing. Memories of Doug flooded my mind, full of us having fun and living life to the fullest. Full of memories where the worst problem was a scraped knee and the most confusing thing was why the sun didn’t stay out forever. I also remembered my father's words, It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. However, this time I knew, that his light would never come back to me.