Once, before the 1980s, there was a man who was short, ugly and had crazy hair that looked like a perm. His name was Rumplestiltskin, but nobody knew that. One day, while he was at his house in the forest, two people walked past his house, which was camouflaged, talking loudly about this woman who had been taking prisoner by the king who forced her to do impossible tasks, like spinning straw to gold. They also said she was very pretty, and had lots of jewelry. They soon passed. Rumplestiltskin, (we’ll call him Rump from now on), sat there, thinking. He could go, because he had a gift when it came to spinning wheels. He decided to go to the castle at sundown. He assumed she would be in the dungeon.

When he got there, the woman was weeping. Not just crying, bawling. He walked towards her, tapped her shoulder and said “Why are you crying?”. She said that the king had told her to spin all of this straw into gold. It was then that Rump noticed that he was in a pretty decent sized room full of straw. He also saw a pretty nice looking necklace around her neck. Rump said,”I will spin all of this straw into gold in exchange for the necklace.” She said yes. Rump got to the spinning wheel and started. All night he worked, filling the whole room with gold. He took the necklace and left. He went home to his shack and examined the necklace. It looked like a genuine diamond. So, as any sensible person would do, he took the necklace to a pawn shop and got some money with it. Then later, at sundown, he felt as though he should go check in on the girl he had helped earlier. He got into the dungeon and heard someone crying. Rump turned a corner and the door was open to a very big room lit dimly by a few candles. The girl was sprawled on the floor crying. Rump again tapped her shoulder and asked,”Why are you crying?” She explained that the king had told her to spin this whole room of straw into gold, which was bigger than the last one. He saw a ring on her finger and offered to spin the room into gold in exchange for the ring. She agreed and Rump spun all the straw into gold somehow. Right before the sun rose, the girl gave the ring to Rump and he left. Rump again took the jewelry to the pawn shop and got a good amount of money for it. That night, after what had happened to the girl that day, he knew she would be forced to spin more gold for the king. He got to the dungeon and found the girl in the biggest room, filled to the roof with straw. He spun the straw, and when he was done, asked the girl what she could give him. The girl said that the king had told her to spin the rest of the straw to gold and she would become his wife. Rump told her to give him her first kid. She blindly agreed.

Ten months later, the girl is happily married to the king and they have their first child. That night, Rump enters the castle and goes towards the throne. The queen is sitting there, her child in hand. Rump reminds her about their promise. The queen started to protest, and ordered the guards to take him to the dungeon. As he was being taken away, Rump yelled,”If you can guess my name, you can keep the child!”

That night, a guard was walking past Rump’s cell. Rump was reciting a poem. It said: She’ll never know, she’ll never know. I was given a weird name before I had grown.  My name is Rump, I say. Rumplestiltskin it is. And it is none of your biz.

The guard ran upstairs and exclaim that the ugly, little man’s name was Rumplestiltskin!

The next morning, the queen went down to the dungeon and guessed Rump’s name. “George?” She asked. “Nope” Rump said. “Harrison?” She guessed. “Wrong again.” “Is it perhaps...Rumplestiltskin?” She said. “NO… it can’t be NOOOO!!!” He was suddenly blasted through the ceiling and was never heard from again. Now, how do I know so much about Rumpelstiltskin? Well that’s because I am Rumpelstiltskin.

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