It was raining out and the muddy ground didn’t help to make the situation any better. I placed my head in between my knees to try and block out the world. Earlier today I was excited albeit a little apprehensive about finally breaking down the wall. 

This wall, which has been here for as long as I could ever know keeps me in and everyone out. I guess you can say that the existence of the wall is a good thing. In the past I’ve always said that. Well, actually I didn’t really say but wrote it in many notebooks that act as my only social interaction. There is nobody else who lives inside this wall, and I’m not so sure there is anyone outside of this wall. If there are people outside this wall, I wonder if they look like me or even speak my language? Are they friendly people or a murderer who is looking for their next victim? I don’t know the answer to these questions. This doesn’t stop me from trying to break down the wall though. I know that breaking down the wall could be dangerous, suicidal even, but I have got to try.

The thing is, I have tried countless times. Nothing ever works. I’ve used everything at my disposal from an axe to my own fists. Today I used a sledge hammer but it didn’t even leave a dent. Nothing works and it’s getting on my nerves. There is nothing new here. There is nothing left for me to do in this cage. How do I get out? I need to get out of here now!

My fists slammed the ground as teardrops fell down my face and then onto the ground. I didn’t bother wiping them away as nobody was there to see me cry anyway. I was all alone. I was always alone.

Maybe I should be okay with this. After all, it was just two years ago when I used to relish the fact that these walls were built for me. They kept me from harm and I didn’t have to worry about impressing someone. Now though, I would die for someone to impress or even just to make small talk with. 

The tears didn’t stop, I couldn’t get them to stop. Wallowing in my own self pity I stayed with my head in-between my knees, blocking out my sad reality. I’m not quite sure when but I began to feel a sense of numbness and my eyelids began to feel heavy. The piece of mud that I had been staring at was now suddenly blurry and the world started to disappear. Embracing me was a sleep devoid of dreams. I welcomed it.

The Same Old

I woke up to a double rainbow and a beautiful orange sunset that was just beyond the walls. It smiled down at me, as if it mocked me. The rainbow was able to get past the wall but I wasn’t. I had to stay pent up inside this cage that had always been here. I screamed as hard as I could out to the world. It echoed itself past the walls and into the unknown. Maybe someone would hear it and let me out of this prison. Maybe the rainbow would become annoyed from the noise and leave me alone. It did none of that though. Nobody came and the rainbow refused to leave. I was still stuck here in my miserable prison, all alone. 

I picked myself up from off the ground. As I did thick slimy mud ran down from my shorts and onto my leg. I was very disheveled and was in desperate need of a shower. So I walked away from the muddy spot by the edge of the circular mossy brick wall and went inside my sorry excuse of a house. It was one story and seemed to be designed as if they knew that this house was for one person. That one person being me. 

I entered the bathroom and turned on the shower head. Water poured out of it like a fountain. Then I turned to my mirror and stared at myself. 

Staring back at me was a man who looked in his thirties. His face was stained with water marks from the many tears that have passed from his eyes and his brown curly locks were very long. This man was me. I sighed, even if I met someone on the other side of that wall, who would want to talk to me? I was a mess, but I was a mess alone and that felt better than being a mess for someone else to see. The shower was starting to fog up the room so I stepped in. The water was cold and chilled me to the bones. Today wasn’t a good day and neither would tomorrow be. Each day was the same and there was nothing I could do about it. 

As I hopped out of the shower and slipped a green towel around my waist I headed into my bedroom. Then I pulled out my old black swivel desk chair and sat down. In front of me lay a stack of books that I had studied countless times. These books held the secrets to getting out of this cage.

They were old brown books with ruined spinal columns. Pages had been ripped out and some were heavily annotated. Most of the annotations were not my own and therefore made it hard to read. Regardless, I didn’t care. 

My hands grasped around one of the books, “A Wall Of Sorts.” It was a poetry book and while it wasn’t the most helpful of all the books it was the only one that I hadn’t tried yet. Mostly because I didn’t understand it. 

The poem read, “False hope, the world has much, 

I know I built these walls, I know,

Covered in spikes, cover in fear,

I thought I had known, thought I had understood,

like an owl I had to wonder,

Had I made the right choice?

This wall it kept me safe, kept me away from them.

The ones whom hurt me,

Perhaps I should have known what was to come by this,

But, brick by brick I lay each reason,

Another thought, another why,

But, I had so many reasons, so many bricks,

and now, I lay inside my wall,

I have my house, I have many things.

But alas, no one to share it with.

So now I lay down a promise to myself,

An axe if you will, to cut away brick by brick,

I will overcome, I must.  - “A Dreamer.”

The poem was okay at best. The words as far as I could guess were metaphorical and meant something other than what it had said. I just wasn’t sure in what way. There were no spikes on the actual wall, just the mossy red brick that seemed to stretch for miles. There was something useful in here though. Someone admitted to building this wall. Whoever this person was I resented them for it. Why would they think building this wall was a great idea? Why on earth would they ever want to do such a thing? It’s their fault that I’m stuck here. It’s there fault that I have nobody to “share it with”. If they were going to tear it down then why is it still here? Why am I stuck here. Tears slid down my face as I sighed. Getting upset about this wouldn’t do anything. I had to continue. 

I read through many books. Each one mentioning breaking down this illusive wall that seemed to keep that person a prisoner. 

Hours went by and one of them caught my eye. 

“If you are reading this then you are hopefully stuck inside this cage. I say hopefully because well, I am not quite sure how all of this works.  I have done this many times for different people, but never myself. This message, it may appear to you through plain text or it may work via an epiphany. I haven’t been able to work out all of the details. 

No. What I do know is that you are going to be stuck for a while and that’s alright. This wall which was built for you by someone who you know very well is more than just a wall. It is your prison, albeit a very comfortable prison. 

This is a second chance. A second chance at well, life. I’m not sure how much of this message is being delivered to you. I’m not sure if you’ll even hear it. No, that’s not important. What’s important is that you stop me. Please, stop me from wasting a decade here. You are the only one who can stop this.”

The text held a sense of urgency. It felt like it was speaking directly to me and to be honest that scared me. I wondered if the person who wrote the poem also wrote this. Maybe, or maybe it was two different people. Either way I had no way of knowing.

That was when I heard it. A “Whoooooo” sound echoed across my room from my bedpost. As I turned my head to see what was making that noise my eyes grew wide. Suddenly I wasn’t alone anymore.

A Lazy Owl 

The closest I had ever seen to anybody before was an ant. So to see an owl inside my room staring back at me with wide eyes was exhilarating but scary at the same time. Who was this owl, and could I keep it as a pet? Maybe I could somehow use this owl to escape from here. I wasn’t sure, but what I did know was that for the first time someone was here with me. 

My voice was quiet and metallic from disuse. 

“Um, He-hello.” I stammered. 

The bird seemed to cock its gray feathered head to the side and then back. A yawn escaped its lips as if it were a human and then it talked. 

“Relax kid, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Look, I’ll make this fast. I just want some snacks. The economy, well you know it’s tough out there. Do you think you could spare some food? I’m very picky as well. A steak might be nice but it better be well done. None of this raw stuff that you millennials try and force down my throats. I mean geez, what does an owl gotta do to get some quality steak these days? Am I right?” 

My eyes got so wide that if they had got any wider my eyeballs themselves might have fallen out. An owl was talking to me in plain english! Had I gone mad? On top of that he had broken into my home and asked for a steak. I didn’t know people but from what I had read in the past I could discern that it was definitely not normal for someone to break into your house which by the way, had a large wall around it and then ask for a steak. The entire idea of this happening was preposterous in the first place. I became hysterical as tears flooded down my face. For the first time I had finally met someone! Although the owl was rude I didn’t care. I finally had someone to talk to!

“Oh my goodness. Are you crying?” The bird’s wing seemed to make contact with its face in an effort to facepalm. “Ew, I don’t do well with you emotional people. Ugh, stop crying please.” The bird flew over to me and put its wing on my shoulder. “Look, I just want a steak. I didn’t mean to break in, it’s just, well like I said earlier it’s rough out there. Originally since I’m an owl all I had to do was act all cute and you people would feed me. It was absolutely delightful and all that, but lately you haven’t been as kind to me. Is it because I’m old? That’s not nice you know! I can be cute, just give me my food. You millennials may be going through covid and can’t catch a break and all that, but my food? You can’t just take it away dude!” The owl rambled on and on about his food and millennials. I stared in awe. 

All of this was very strange. The owl talked about terms that I seemed to magically understand although I couldn’t recall ever hearing of them throughout my life. 

Eventually I got over the initial shock and decided to cook the biggest steak I had. This was my only chance at finding a way to break down the wall. Maybe this owl could even tell me what’s on the other side of the wall. 

I set the table with my fanciest decorations. Then I found a stool for the owl to sit on while I was on my finest chair. All of this felt exhilarating.

The owl devoured the steak as fast as it could. I watched it for a second. “Where did you come from, Sir? I asked. He turned his head to the side as if trying to decode me and then rambled on. “Sir? Excuse me but I don’t identify as a Sir. I am gender fluid. Ever hear of it? I bet you have, but you never even bothered to ask me. Ugh, how come you younger people are so mean to us boomers? I mean c’mon man! Sure, I admit it we never dealt you the best hand but like we really did try. How dare you try and insult us boomers by not even identifying me by my own gender!” This owl carried on about genders until I found a spot to interrupt. 

“Look, I’m sorry. This is just my first time ever talking to someone. I hope you can understand. I’ve never had someone talk to me before and I was hoping that you could let me know what’s on the other side of this wall.”

The owl cocked its head to the side once again and then it went back straight. “Oh, I see.” The owl paused for a moment and turned its head to see out the window. “That man, Ugh! He tricked me again didn’t he? I wonder who you are. Maybe you are one of his patients. If that’s the case, then do me a favor and don’t pay him at the end of this. Do you understand me? This is so rude. No wonder I felt hungry. He’s done this in the past many times. I’m a fool for falling for it over again. Now if you excuse me I’m going to leave this dump of an illusion.” I grabbed its body and held refused to let it go. “No, wait! You can’t go. Please, I have no idea what you are talking about honestly! Please, I just want help so I can leave here. I’ll let you go as soon as you help me. Please, I’m not asking for much. Just, just please.” I begged the owl. 

The owl groaned, “Fine, but do me a favor and yell at future you when you get the chance alright?” I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion. “Alright, but why?” He sighed, “Boy, you really don’t know anything, do you? Alright fine shut your yap and I’ll tell you all about a man who calls himself ‘The Dreamer’.” The name sounds familiar to me but I keep my mouth shut.  

“Basically he is a specialist of sorts. If I’m here it means you have don’ right messed up. I don’t mean right now. No, right now you haven’t done nothing wrong but your future self? Yeah you betcha. Now listen ere’, if I’m gonna continue I want a steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? You got it?” I nodded and let it continue. “I’m just an owl in reality, you see? Here I can talk, transform, do all kind of things. It’s real cool at first but it’s getting boring. This is a lot to explain so let me start from the beginning, kid. You see, the specialist takes people who ruined their lives via a drug addiction or something similar and he fixes those problems. He fixes it in a strange way that some people would refer to as down right scary or fake. Basically let’s say your problem is drug addiction. He will concoct some sort of dream in your past to put you through a similar situation. In that situation you’ll overcome and suddenly your original future reality doesn’t exist. Instead your future is much more brighter, everything is all peaches and perfect. Do you understand?” I really don’t understand. This owl is obviously crazy so I just nod. It looks at me with what I can only guess is disappointment. “You obviously don’t understand, whatever. What’s your biggest challenge here? I mean mentally or physically. Just tell me and I shall help you.”

Even though I didn’t think this owl was exactly sane, It had offered to help me and it was all I had. So I decided to give this crazy owl a chance. “Alright then, I do have a problem. You see, there is this wall that surround me. This wall has keeps me in and everyone out. Could you knock it down for me? I want to see what’s outside of this wall.” The owl cocked its head at me. “That’s weird. Usually these dreams are literal. I mean, if you have a drug problem then in your dream you are facing a drug problem. Perhaps since yours is a wall does your dream self want you to be strong enough to knock down a wall? Maybe you were some sort of prisoner or something. Hmm, no. My master would never help a prisoner like that. Plus, that’s literally impossible.” A laugh escaped the owls lips. “Okay, lets go see that wall then.

I don’t know exactly how but suddenly I was magically right next to the wall. I didn’t walk here or anything, I was just magically put here. The chilly air greeted my skin and gifted it with goosebumps. We were standing in a muddy spot. It was most likely the spot where I had cried the other day. 

“Hmm, interesting. Okay you want to break down this wall right? Easy peasy.” The owl suddenly transformed into a cat that had a pink poptart as its body. It was flying and behind the flying body was a rainbow path. “Ahaha, do you like? For I have chosen the deadly annoying Nyan Cat!” It meowed then the meow turned into a catchy song that was slightly annoying. The wall stayed strong though and soon the owl turned back into its original owl form. 

“Ugh, fiddlesticks! You really do have a wall problem. No worries though. Perhaps you have other clues. Oh my goodness! Earlier I saw you reading some books or something. Let’s go look at them books!” 

Instead of being teleported I was flung from an invisible force straight into my window. Strangely, it didn’t hurt and felt like walking through water. I was dry though and starting to buy into the idea that all of this was a dream. It was either that or I had some really bad brain damage. 

“Mmm, let’s see.” Its hands opened the books up and my eyes lit up as he flipped to the pages that had caught my eye earlier. 

“Oh, I see. So these pages are important then.” It quickly read the poem and letter and then a smile crept upon its face. “Haha, I understand. My master, it all makes sense now.” The owl turned towards me and stared at me as if it was seeing into my soul. “Master, you have always complained about your wasted years. /You always say that you could have started all of this sooner, helped more people.” The owl turned its glance down at the floor and sighed. “Very well, since you have helped me in the past I shall help you. Just please, don’t forget me, alright?” The owl kissed me on my forehead and a wave of nausea hit me. I swallowed for air but none came. It hurt really bad and I felt like I was suffocating. “You are resisting. Stop resisting master! These are your memories. You must accept them.” Accept what? I didn’t understand. All I knew was that the lines around my vision got blurrier and blurrier. Suddenly I felt very light and sleep greeted me with open arms. 

One Of Many Realities

It hit me all at once. Memories of my past, present, and future flooded to me like a tsunami. I suddenly understood what was going on.

The owl was a normal owl I had found in a barn. It, in my actual reality had became my pet and only companion when I had cut everyone off. The owl was the reason why I had got my job as a reality switcher. My job is to switch realities from ones where they have ruined their lives to one where they are better off. The only way to do this is to make a dream reality where they overcome this before it happens. A dream reality exactly like the one I am facing now. 

I remember it clearly. I had purposely concocted a dream world for myself. One where I would go out and meet people instead of wasting a decade by myself. This was the chance I had given to myself. 

I looked the owl straight into the eye. I smiled and hugged it as tight as I could. The owl responded by rambling on as it usually did but I ignored it. “Hey! You’re squeezing me. Master stop it now! Ugh, see I told you! You millennials have no respect for us boomers. Stop, ow!” I stopped and walked outside from my bedroom down next to the wall. 

This wall was a representation of my fears about meeting other people. This wall was so much more than a wall. It wasn’t built by a stranger either. It was built by me. I built it and It was time to finally tear it down. The best part was, I had my owl to help me again. I smiled and punched the wall as hard as I could. It shattered into dust. The world around me begin to dissolve like an eraser erasing lines on a paper and suddenly I woke up in a barn and beside me stood a baby owl who looked very hungry. I fed it some candy that happened to be in my pocket and smiled. 

I was twenty again, with a brand new start in life. This time I won’t waste time cutting everyone out. This time I will give people a chance.