In My Mind (full) | Teen Ink

In My Mind (full)

July 17, 2013
By theporcelaingirl BRONZE, Austin, Texas
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theporcelaingirl BRONZE, Austin, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't point the blame when you can't find nothing, look to yourself and you might find something..." Sleeping With Sirens


Author's note: Life is full of many surprises. I thought that this book would express that in many different ways, even though mind reading is fictional. Or is it...

I feel a cool breeze. It blows my blonde hair back behind me. The grass between my toes tickles as I continue to walk through the park. I stop suddenly as I hear something..."Those pesky dogs, digging up my garden..." The voice is not mine, and it is echoing in my mind. I look over to my right to see an old lady in her lawn shaking her head at some crushed flowers. I frown to myself as I begin to walk again. As I walk through the park, I continue to hear weird voices inside my head. "Gotta find some nuts! Gotta find some nuts!" I hear in a high-pitched squeak. I jerk my head to my left to see a squirrel running around a tree, occasionally stopping to dig. My head starts to spin as millions of voices crowd into my brain at once. I can't see as I fall to the ground. I hear a person yelling as I pass out. I only remember a soothing hand stroking my cheeks.


I open my eyes to see a fire blazing. I start to panic as I realize it is only a fireplace. I sit up and look at my surroundings. I am in a house. A house I don't recognize. I rub my eyes and I get up. I am about to walk around when my legs give way and I stumble. I fall but someone catches me. A boy. About my age, black hair, brown eyes. He smiles at me and helps me sit back down on the couch. "You okay? You took quite a fall earlier." he says sitting down next to me. "Yeah...who are you?" I ask, confused. "John," he says handing me a cup of tee. I take into my cold hands and take a sip. So far so good, no voices. But as soon as I think that, I hear something: "She's so pretty..." That sounds like John... I can't tell if he said it out-loud or not. His lips didn't move...maybe I'm seeing things. "Thanks." He looks at me, confused. "What?" "Thanks for calling me pretty." I smile weakly. "H-how did you do that?" he asks, backing away from me. "I don't know what you're talking about!" I exclaim. "You read my mind! Are you some kind of witch?" he smiles awkwardly, but I can tell he's scared. "No...I don't know how I did it..." He shakes his head. "Never-mind. So what's your name?" he asks me. "Sailor. Sailor Tucker." I say smiling for real this time. He smiles a beautiful smile. I look into his brown eyes. I blush as he looks into mine. He seems to notice, and looks down into his own cup of tea. I take a sip of mine and look into the fire. "I better get going...my mom will be worried about me!" I say standing up. I wobble a little, but I manage to walk to the front door. John follows me and opens the front door. "Can I walk you home?" he asks shyly. "I hope she likes me..." I hear in an echo. I smile and blush. "Sure." We arrive at my house soon enough, and I introduce him to my mom. "Ooh! Sailor! You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend!" my mother says happily. My face turns bright red and John smiles at me. "Mooooom! He's not my boyfriend!" I say awkwardly. She looks sorry but she gives me that "look" that mothers give when they know something. "I'm so sorry, John!" I say smiling at him, my face still red. He winks at me when my mom looks away. "That's okay, I don't mind." There I go again, all the blushing. "I wonder if they'll go to prom together!" I hear my mother's voice in my head. I chuckle to myself and say good-bye to John. But not before my mom invites him for dinner. Gosh! She must think I like him! Well...I guess I do... Soon dinner is over and I say good-bye to John. When he leaves, I find myself wishing the night would end so I could see him again. I think I finally found my Prince Charming.



I wake up in the middle of the night. My heart is racing. I am sweating. I sit up and turn on my lamp. I stare at my hands as they shake wildly. I bite my lip. Why is this happening to me? I look out my window. Full moon. The stars twinkle brightly as if they were winking at me. I am still shaking when I get back in bed. I remember dreaming about John… It wasn't a nightmare, was it? "Sailor!" I hear in my mind. Is that John? He sounds worried! "Sailor, are you okay?" I hear again. I am almost certain that is him! I ignore it and I soon fall back asleep.

I wake up thinking about Sailor. I feel scared, but of what? My hands are shaking. My heart is racing. I get this weird feeling that Sailor is in trouble. "Sailor!" I call out in my mind. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like we're connected. I feel as If she can read my mind! "Sailor, are you okay?" I say again, this time, louder. I get no response. Of course, I can't mind read, I'm just a normal teen-aged boy. It was a stupid thought anyways. I soon fall asleep to the loud thumping of my own heart. But I swear, I could hear her breathing. It was as if she were in the same room with me…

I wake up again, this time, in the morning. The memories of last night echoed in my mind. I swear, when I fell asleep, I could hear his heart-beat matching mine. I get out of bed and stretch. I scratch my head as I look out the window. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, John is standing in my lawn, all perfectly normal. I am about to walk away when I back-track. I open my window. "John?" I yell. He looks up at me. He smiles uncomfortably. Something is troubling him. I can feel it. "Sailor, I needed to talk to you. Can you come down?" he yells back up to me. I nod. I walk up to my mirror and look at myself with disgust. My hair is a mess and I have dark circles under my eyes. Maybe he won't notice… I practically run down the stairs. My mom must still be sleeping, because she is usually up making breakfast by now. I open my back-porch door and see John pacing back and forth. He smiles when he sees me. I walk up to him and he looks nervous. "John, is everything okay?" I ask. My hands are shaking again. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." he says kindly. I bite my lip as I start to shake more violently. It's happening again! John notices. He grabs my hands and leads me to a swinging chair on my porch. I sit down and I look him in the eyes. "Sailor!" he says my name. I barely hear him. I was just fine five minutes ago! He sits down next to me and embraces me. I am shaking so hard now that John starts shaking with me. "Please be okay…Please be okay…" I hear in my mind. John is praying for me… Does he actually care? My ears begin to ring. After a few minutes of torture, I finally stop shaking and I can hear again. John looks at me from head to toe. He is gripping my hands so tight that when he let's go, they are white. "Are you alright now?" he asks, his voice wavering. I slowly nod. He sighs with relief. "Thank God!" He folds me into his arms and I press myself into his chest. "John?" I ask, my voice sounding small. He lets go of me. "Yes?" "Why are you here?" John sighs. He looks at his lap. He takes my hands again. "Last night, I woke up at midnight…" he begins. This sounds familiar. "I couldn't stop thinking about you. My hands were shaking, and my heart was racing." I shake my head. "What is it?" he asks me, worry filling his eyes. "That…that happened to me too…You were in my dreams, and then I woke up…at midnight…" I say tears filling my eyes. He squeezes my hands. "I'm scared!" I say, my voice barely a whisper. He nods and wipes away one of my tears. "It's okay, we can figure this out." he says, smiling weakly. I shake my head once more. "John, there is something I need to tell you…" I start. John nods. "You can tell me anything!" "I just figured this out myself…but I think I can mind read…" I say. My voice cracks. He doesn't say anything. He isn't thinking, I can't hear his thoughts. "I know, It's pathetic. You probably thinking I'm a lying loser." I look down at our hands, still tightly wound together. "No, you're not a loser. I think that's amazing! It's a real gift!" John says smiling at me. My tears stop running down my face. "So you're not creeped out?" I ask. John laughs. "Well, I didn't say that…" I giggle. "But anyways, I kind of figured this all out when I met you… So I called your name last night… I was worried." He has a pained look in his eyes. I catch my breath. "I…I heard you!" The tears start coming again. I didn't know I could hear people from that far away… John strokes my cheek. He kisses my forehead. I move closer to him. "This is going to sound crazy… but I feel like we're connected!" John says as he rests his hand on my knee. I look at him from over my shoulder. "Me too." I say simply. John turns my face up so that I am looking directly at him. He then kisses me. A great feeling of warmth encases my entire body. I feel as if a fire has ignited in my heart. I truly feel connected to John now; it is as if this kiss sealed our love. It seems as if we are connected by an invisible thread running from our hearts. "She is so beautiful. I love her." he says in an echo. I stop kissing him and look into his eyes. I smile. "Thanks, I love you too!" I whisper to him. I know it is all sudden…I had just met him… He laughs and kisses me again. "You know it is actually kind of rude to enter people's minds!" he says to me, his voice sounding the happiest it has ever been. I giggle. This is how we spent the rest of our afternoon together. Kissing, snuggling and talking. I will always remember this as the happiest evening of my life.


I sat in my room reading a book. I heard my phone beep. I quickly closed my book hoping it was John. My heart skipped a beat when I read the message.

John: Hey beautiful. I have a surprise for you! <3

I typed my next message, as I heard my mother come into my room. I look up from my phone. She has a worried expression on her face. I stand up and walk towards her. "Mom?" I ask. She stumbles. I catch her, my eyes wide. She coughs and I help her sit down on my bed. "Are you okay?" I ask again. "Sailor, there is something very serious we need to talk about." She begins. I swallow hard as I listen. "I am very sick. As you may have noticed, I slept in very late today. I went to the doctors because I didn't feel well…" I sighed as she took my hand. "Honey, I am dying." Her voice cracked. Tears stung my eyes. I couldn't speak. I searched her mind; she was telling the truth. She was thinking about what she would do with me when she died. "Mom, how is this happening?" I ask, my voice a whisper. "I don't know. All I know is that I will die. But the doctors don't know when. I could live another year, or only another day…" This is when I break down. I sob in my mom's arms. She is all I have. My dad is gone, he left us. My mom is the one who raised me. What will I do when she dies? Where will I go? "Now Sailor, I want you to listen to me." my mother states, her voice stern. "When I…leave, you will go live with your grandparents." I break out of my mother's embrace. "But they live in Kentucky!" I say, my eyes wide. My mom's eyes are sad. "I know, but it's either that or the government takes you!" My mom yells. Another tear escapes from my eye. "What about John? I can go live with John!" I yell back at her. "Sailor! You're only seventeen years old! You can't go live with a boy!" she screams. Her face is red. "I thought you liked John!" I say simply, my mind a scattered mess. Her face turns soft. "I do, honey, he's sweet… But you're still young!" "Mom! He's still living with his parents! It's not like we're gonna be living alone!" My voice is hoarse from all the yelling and crying. I only wish I could be in John's arms. My mother just sighs. "The plans were already made. You will live with your grandparents." She hugs me as I begin to sob again. "Now, I want you to be strong! I could leave at any moment…" she says sadly, but firmly. I bite my lip and nod. She kisses my fore-head and leaves my room. I hear my phone ring. I look at the screen, it's John. I take a deep breath. "Hello?" I say. "Are you okay, you never answered me." he asks sweetly. I guess my text never sent… I sigh and I look at my door, and I hear my mom washing the dishes downstairs. I try to decide whether I should tell John about my mom. I think against it; what if it ruins our relationship? "Yeah, I'm fine." My voice sounds sure, but my heart is not. What will I do? I talk to John all night. When I finally go to sleep, I realize that I have been only thinking about what I will do when my mother dies. I don't even stop to think about what my mother feels as I fall asleep. If only John knew… I feel my heart skip a beat as I think of him.

After I hang up with Sailor, it is early in the morning. The sun hasn't even risen yet when I climb into bed. My parents are asleep as I text her good-night. She doesn't respond; she must already be in bed. I feel a strong sense of sadness. Where did that come from? I start to think about Sailor. But as I do, the sadness begins to increase, until I can't take it. A tear rolls down my cheek. I place my hand over my heart; it is beating rapidly. I shake my head, I am certain it is her. Something tugs at my mind. I concentrate very hard. Something comes to me. It is Sailor's voice. "If only John knew…" I hear in an echo. Flashes of pictures of me and Sailor pop into my mind. A smile spreads across my smile. A image of us kissing sticks in my mind as I fall asleep. I can't help but feel that Sailor sent these memories to me.



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This book has 2 comments.


on Jul. 24 2013 at 10:03 pm
theporcelaingirl BRONZE, Austin, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t point the blame when you can&#039;t find nothing, look to yourself and you might find something...&quot; Sleeping With Sirens

Yeah I tried to do that with the POV's by stating the other's names, but I guess it didn't work haha. I am working on the chapter and I am still trying to figure out what to do next!

on Jul. 24 2013 at 12:00 pm
MorningStar921 PLATINUM, Cheshire, Connecticut
21 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;They made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn&#039;t that kinda the whole point? No doubt - endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it?&quot;<br /> --Chuck, &#039;Supernatural&#039; Episode 522

I like this; great transition from short story to novel. Can't wait to see new chapter. One piece of criticism though: when the POV changes, make it evident. Maybe you could put a heading called "Sailor" when she is telling the story and vice versa when John is telling the story.