I want to be me. I want to be something else. There needs to be something that is entirely mine, or something that absolutely defines me. Unfortunately, that thing really does not exist right now. I need to decide who I am, and I need to show that to the world. I don’t really know how to do that, and I don’t even know what I want to do, but I’m getting to the point where I don’t just want to be the product of someone else’s work. I need to be me.

My fingers are flying so quickly across the keyboard so quickly that I hardly know what I am even putting into this paper. All I know are my thoughts. My thoughts exactly as they happen. I need a sign. I need something to stir me and prepare me for my future. All these years, I have just been listening to what my teachers and other people in life have been telling me. Now that is over. More and more, I am becoming my own person, and yet it feels like the more I know, the less I am myself.

Why do we always do what people tell us? Why do we just go along with everything we are handed? I’m sick of it! Everybody always just accepts the world for face value. I can’t bring myself to do that. I just can’t. I know there is so much more out there and I want to find it, whatever “it” is. People tell me that I am in the generation that is too late to explore the world and discover new continents, but too soon to really explore space. I reject these statements. I refuse to believe that we’re just here. There’s some purpose. If we just didn’t listen to the people that tell us these things, we might actually discover something interesting, or at least learn how to be ourselves.

We are expected to just follow through with each step. We grow up, we go through school, we settle down, we have a family, and then we leave this world. What’s the point of that? Why would we even exist if that were all we’re good for? Sure, maybe this is just me, hitting that rebellious stage in life, right when I’m supposed to, but I really don’t think that’s what this is. Sure, maybe I want to change my hairstyle and my clothes, and get away from society and my parents, but this is something different. I have always wanted to lead a revolution. I’ve always wanted to be a leader, and show people the part of life that I believe in. I’m the kind of guy that believes in fun.

If you told me that the entire reason I’m making myself miserable is so that I can make myself even more miserable, but get paid for it, I might just go crazy. Oh wait. That is what people have told me, and I am going crazy. I need to get out of here, and clear my mind. I need to figure out what I really want to do. And I don’t care at all about money. For whatever reason, our entire society revolves around money. I just want anybody who’s reading this to think about what would be like if we didn’t care about money. Seriously, just stop and think about it for a second. We would all get along so much better and everything would just be simpler. I understand that simpler isn’t always better, but in this case, I think it is.

What happened to growing our hair out, wearing unconventional clothes, and just saying no? Did the rebels die out or something? Does no one care about anything anymore? My life is going to be different. I’ll take road trips, and live my own version of life. I’ll stick with the people I love, instead of the people that give me money. Why wouldn’t you do that? Why would you choose to make yourself sad? There is way too much sadness in this world to keep us from having fun.

I recently lost a close friend. In fact, that sounds way too formal, and not accurate enough. He was my brother. That’s the truth. We were brothers in every respect except for by blood. We spent so much time together. He taught me how to screw around and be myself, regardless of what others thought. He was always having fun. It didn’t matter what was happening at the time. We all need to be a little bit more like that. Losing him made me realize just how important it is to smile. If you don’t, you might land yourself in a very bad place. So who cares about what we’re “supposed” to do? Aren’t we the ones that decide that? We get to take control of our lives. We get to be who we want to be. And I want to be myself. I just need to find out what that means.

I hope anybody else sick of being a mindless automaton takes something from this. We are not who our parents want us to be. We aren’t just robots, getting updates and bug fixes until we are perfectly operational by society’s standards. We are people, and we can do what we please! We can lead our generation into a different kind of future! We don’t need to become our parents! Let’s be something else. I’ll be waiting for anyone else that will join me.