Extract from the State of the Union

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, my fellow Americans:

Thanks to the grit and determination of the American people there is a lot to report on tonight, I am happy to report that the State of the Union is stronger. But with great prosperity there is also a lot we need to improve on here is how we our going to improve our great country, The United States of America:
We must give more money to other countries. Even though they have specifically requested that we stop giving aid. Clearly the only way to win back these countries that don't want our money is to give them more money!
We must expand our military. We must keep taking bigger loans from China to increase our military power. Even though our military spending could solve world hunger in a week I want to be able to solve world hunger in a day.
We must improve our economy. Once a again the only way to solve this problem is to take loans, we must put ourselves in unresolvable debt in order to start making money.
We must fix other countries problems. Even though the United States has an unemployment rate of over seven percent, debt of over 13 trillion and an insufficient health care system, we must start helping more countries first.
We must be the police of the world. Most of the world hates our country and the only way we are going to improve our reputation is invading these said countries.
We must be less Interventionist. The times the United States had its most rapid growth and lead up to its prime was when we were isolationist. Therefore we must be less isolationist and start to be more interventionist.
We must spread our own beliefs to all other cultures. Although our number one value in our culture is respecting others ideas and being respectful to differences we must spread our cultural beliefs and political democracy to everyone forcefully. We must not stop until the whole world is united under our beliefs.
Although our country may have a lot of improvements to make I believe that the hard working americans out there doing their jobs can help help us. These improvements will make us as a country and a people better. My fellow Americans, I believe that together we can achieve greatness.

Believe it.
God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.