This is to the black girls who are struggling with their hair and what the world has to say about it. My hair has always been with me and we’ve been through the ups and downs of life. As I have grown into the person I am today I have learned to care for and love the hair that grows out of my very own scalp. It has taken many tears and heat damage to realize I Love My Black Girl Hair. One thing I realized while learning to love my hair was the struggles of being a black girl with black hair, especially with the world telling me everything wrong with it. This manifesto isn’t only towards black girls but anyone who wants to know the everyday struggle many of us go through just to meet our own and the world's standards. Dear everyone, especially black little girls, your hair is beautiful and nothing or no one can tell you otherwise. You are blessed with the hair you were born with and you don’t have to change anything to be a better you because if you look in the mirror you’ll already see that beauty. You are enough, you are beautiful, and your hair is luxuriously dazzling. I see and understand you,  here are a few of my takes on the struggles of black girl hair. 

First Struggle: 

For as long as I can remember I’ve been seating in chairs or makeshift ones for hours just to get my hair done. The pain, and the amount of time it took just to have a cute hairstyle. It doesn’t matter what hairstyle you're trying to do, you'll be doing it for a minimum of an hour. And no I am not talking about the quick slick-up puffs or the taking down of your head scrap from your silk press, but all the time it takes to get towards those points. A normal washing day for me takes about 2 ½ to 3 hours, and that's on a good day. Having to plan out your schedule all around doing your hair gets annoying especially when you have your natural hair. The time isn’t the worst part, the pain is. I was tinder-headed, especially as a kid. I loved how cute my hairstyles were but I hated the pain I had to undergo just to look presentable. The hard brushes and the detangling of my hair felt like constant yanks and pulls from all different directions. I would cry, scream and kick from how much it hurt. But what was I to do, have my hair all over my head and be a disgrace towards the black community or suffer through the pain to feel and look confident and pretty? I chose the pain.  I remember being young, maybe 6 years old while my mom did my hair and I had to take breaks because I had been sitting for so long my butt was going numb. I had to learn how to make chairs more comfortable, adding pillows and blankets to them. As I got older I thankful got used to the pulls and yanks and learned to enjoy the process of getting my hair done, but have never gotten used to the pain of braids. I love braids because they allow me to not do my hair for a month or even longer, but I hate how long it took me and more specifically how much it hurt. The phrase “beauty is pain” has become my new motto. There is nothing that can prepare anyone for braids because you will never know until you’ve had them. The first time I got braids with extensions I was about 9. I sat in the chair for about 6 hours waiting for what I thought was my makeover. It’s crazy how braids can really boost your confidence. I felt like a goddess with long curly braids, I felt invincible. I loved them but they hurt so bad and the lady had done them less tightly. The pain lasted a week. I could barely sleep and I took pain medicine. Towards anyone who isn’t black or has never had braids before might think this is crazy, and yes it might seem this way, but what would you do if you had to suffer a little pain to look amazing and get time off from doing your hair every day? I’m not saying to suffer through the pain and sit in chairs for hours to get your hair done,  or that beauty is always a pain.  Sadly you’ll have to suffer through some pain sometimes but if you learn how to love your hair and to care for it the less physical and emotional pain you’ll undergo. You’ll make mistakes but the sooner you learn the faster you’ll be at it. This is unfortunately the burden of being a black girl but learn protective styles and comfortable seating positions to enjoy the beauty of doing your hair. Doing your own hair can sometimes be painful or time-consuming but learn, perfect, and enjoy your very own hair that grows out of your own scalp. 

Second Struggle:

What do a zoo, a circus, and black people all have in common, they are always looked at as an exhibit or something to always be amazed about. Hair is hair at least towards me, but apparently not towards everyone else. In elementary school, I went to a pretty diverse school of all different races and cultures. I never really felt like I was on display. This all changed when I changed schools from the end of elementary all the way to middle school. My school was predominantly white. During this time I would always wear my natural hair, whether that was in puffs or buns or any natural style until I felt the need to conform. The constant questions and shocked faces always made me feel inhuman, on display. There are countless times when people have wanted to touch my hair or touched it without permission. Black people aren’t displays for everyone's own enjoyment, we aren’t a petting zoo. Our hair might be different textures from yours but that doesn’t give you an excuse to treat us like animals. I have never asked to touch a person's hair unless I had to and was given permission. Ignorance, lack of knowledge, or information. Ignorant is the description of those people, do you have to touch a porcupine to know it’ll pock you, or do you have to pet an anaconda to know how it feels? The answer is no. Some questions are okay until they become offensive. No, I don't wash my hair every day, and neither should you. My hair likes oil and if I wash it too often my hair will be brittle and unhealthy. And yes I do take showers, I am not dirty, I just don’t wash my hair while I take a shower. I understand that you are curious but don’t try to act like your mother’s friends, sisters, sons, girlfriend has black hair so you seem to understand because you don’t.  Being looked under a microscope isn’t fun, so say a nice compliment and ask maybe one question and keep it moving. Learn to read the room and learn their comfortability, put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel? Uncomfortable, angry, scared, sad, annoyed? If you have a question ask it in a nice respectful manner, because that is the only way to be received in a positive way and the only way to make them feel safe in an already uncomfortable situation.  

Third Struggle: 

Doing hair isn’t easy, especially when you don’t know how to do it. Around the age of 12, my mother gave me the responsibility to do my own hair. 12 might seem like an older age but you have to understand the complexity of doing one hairstyle. Unlike other girls my age, all they have to do is wash their hair with shampoo and conditioner and lightly detangle their hair. They can air-dry their hair or put it under a blowdry. They might also do cute french braids or curl it on special occasions. I wish doing my hair were that simple. Just to wash my hair I have to pre-poo my hair, which is lathing your hair up in sections with conditioner to detangle before the initial wash. Then I wash my hair, shampoo it twice and then add conditioner and detangle more and then rinse it out. Lastly, I add a mask to my hair to strengthen and protect it. This four-step process is double that of a two-step washing process of other girls.  As I speak of my current washing routine now, it has taken me so long to get to this point. At the time I started to do my own hair, it was damaged because I felt the need to straighten my hair to conform. I had to learn what products worked best on it and how to bring my hair back to life. I had to learn to do different hairstyles. Youtube was my best friend because it taught me so much, but there are fewer videos on 4C hair than 3B or even 4A. It's a struggle to find women who have hair like yours so you can follow what they do to make your hair look the same. These women make doing these hairstyles easy, but it's quite the opposite. I still don’t know how to braid or install wigs or weaves. Until recently with youtube and the internet, learning how to do hair was harder unless your moms, aunts, grandmas, or sisters taught you. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to learn how to do hair. I have made many mistakes with doing my hair and have looked a mess a lot because of my lack of skill, but I am glad I have learned and practiced to get to the place I am today. I feel like more people, especially black women, should be teaching black girls how to do their hair and how to know what products work best for their hair. I feel as though insecurity in black girls is heavily based around hair and if more girls knew how to do it the less insecure girls there would be. The black community and family members should make it their responsibility to make sure their black girls know how to do their very own hair because it becomes a life skill like cleaning and cooking. 

Fourth Struggle: 

Self Love having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. My hair is a feature that I believe makes me me, but that hasn’t always been the case. In middle school I was very insecure, I hated that I was taller than everyone, especially the boys, and how people could see my sweat through my shirts, and my natural hair. The only thing I could change was my hair. I used to always straighten it, to conform. I thought losing one thing to be looked at for was better than embracing myself. Towards the end of 7th grade, I realized my hair was unhealthy and I wanted my puffs back. My hair looked so sad and dead because I hadn’t learned to love myself and my hair. Self-love is the most important form of love because if you don’t love yourself then how can you love anybody else. Black women have had to learn how to conform to society because our big natural hair was too distracting, or unprofessional. We’ve learned all the way back to the 1920s to straighten our hair, just to appear more normal. I hate the beauty standards of blue eyes, blonde girls. Long beautiful coiled hair with nice chocolate skin is nowhere in that standard. Why can’t every race and color and culture and hair type be the norm for beauty? There shouldn’t even be a standard, it just forces people to conform and not be their authentic selves. With Black Lives Matter and all other movements emerging a lot more representation has been shown for our black women, but there should be more. I want to see more women with their natural hair, like celebrities and models. I want to see more women with 4C hair to show young girls there are women just like them with beautiful 4C hair. We as a community of people need to start teaching the younger generation their worth, especially with features that form them. 

You are enough, you are beautiful, and you are strong. 

Sincerely, 

Black Girl