I'm not sure if I am alive at all now. I don't know if I have a place on earth yet . If I do, i'm totally oblivious to it.The way I've felt for my whole life is a weird story and it actually starts with something no fourteen year old should know about until she knows everything about it. I've faced many questions in years so short. The questions that can stress a teen and make them depressed but not know what they should be depressed about. It is sad to say I do not believe the bible. It is sad to say that I do not support my religious family because of their beliefs. Through the article I will try to explain how the world is so cruel yet so beautiful. I will try to explain why people “would rather die than be who they are”(Macklemore and Ryan Lewis: Same Love). Why many people, including myself, would go deeper than philosophy to figure out a small science.

“Gay people should have their own country.” The words my cousin spoke were sick. They gnawed at my stomach as I watched the video same love. I screamed at my aunt and her children-my religious family- about how Homosexuals could not even go to church because they were not believed to be and sadly may never be human. They say homosexuals will not go to heaven. God made men to love women and vice-versa. At the end of the video, when the man died near his husband, I began to cry. Part of me was crying because he died. I was actually crying because when the two actors(may I note that both actors were male) began kissing, my cousins began to scream and holler, “ewww, he's gay.” Kissing: a verb that every girl dreams of and that every guy does to any girl. A verb that, when two people of the same sex do, it leaves a disgusting feeling in a cold heart. The girls do not dream of it anymore. She wishes it never existed. The guy becomes so disgusted he does not want to kiss his girlfriend when thinking about it. “...and 'god loves all his children' is somehow forgotten. But, we paraphrase a book written 3500 years ago.”- Macklemore. Has anyone realized that some religious people are hypocrites? Macklemore did. I did. Is there no one else? There is a reason why Mary Lambert keeps saying “Not crying on Sunday” in the song. It is because the religious people will not accept them. 'Go against the church, go against god.' They always say this but it is, and will remain for eternity, waste.My throat filled with extremely dry sand when my cousin said that. I did not want to talk anymore at the party because I felt, that if I talked, My words would come hoarse and the lump in my throat would burst onto the floor.

One of my friends stated that he was homophobic. Excuse my language, but that should not even be a damn word. What does it determine anyway. That you are a hateful person and if one homosexual were to kill himself you would NEVER care about it. I remember crying at the party and my cousin saying, “Rayeil, you better not be gay. Let me find out. You're gay aren't you?” I was not and still am not but, looking back, I wonder, If I had said “hell yeah, I am,” would anything in their minds be different. Or would my christian family shun me and tell me I were not to make it to heaven. They know everything because they are from Jesus Christ. They repeat everything from the bible because God said those words. But, do they know if there is a heaven or hell at all? It seems a bit discriminating, does it not? Every religious person may read this and say “May you burn in hell.” But, at least one of them will understand their own cruelty. It is not only the religious people. They may discriminate me for writing this, but who else will speak out against the hypocrites. Not the politicians. Not the descendants of the hateful. Not even the lesbians and homosexuals themselves. This may not change anything. People will still walk past you when you fall. They will still ignore you as you call for help. But, this is a damn good place to start.

A question we keep asking ourselves: are there more hateful or heartfelt people in the world? The answer is and will always be unknown. There are people whose hearts are changed over time but there is a same amount of people that are raised to be just like the cruel hearts before them. Another question: would you rather live in a world with small sanity or in a world of fairy tale? I would rather keep living exactly like this. Where there was only one Nazi member that helped 1,100 Jews: Oskar Schindler, where African Americans are being killed but no one will notice, where dishonest politicians let murderers off to live life well: Casey Anthony, and where the few people who speak out against the wrong remain unknown. I can not leave a place I know so well. It is sad to say, honest to God, That if the world were ever a fairy tale. If something could shatter all the hate in the world. If there were no killings, discrimination, war, or evil, I would probably kill myself. Honest to God.