I remember the first time I let her go. The good, catholic, and pure girl I once was. I remember the first time I replaced her with the not-so-good, not-so-pure, not-so-sweet girl I’ve seem to become. It all started last March, my boyfriend I had been dating for a year named Zach had left to the Air Force on January 2, 2012. Soon after, we parted our ways, with no promise of ever seeing each other again. I never did see him again.
It was then that I finally got to feel the emotion of truly being alone.
Around March, I started to talk to a boy who I knew from my freshman year at Kennewick High. His name was Marquez and he seemed to be the only person there for me. I remember how I was with him the night I first took that hit. I remember how that night was the start of my downfall.
Now, back then, I was a lost girl, I didn’t know any better, and my naïve judgments had the best of me. Though, I know better now. Marquez was an eighteen year young hippie, who had dropped out of high school during his senior year at Kennewick High. He would wear his loose-fit, light blue, ripped up jeans with an old t-shirt and he would rarely wear his worn-down shoes. His hair was a dark brown and was long enough that it barely grazed his eyelashes and his eyes were the sweetest and most pure blue eyes I have ever seen.
I should have wanted to avoid him. Back then, I was blonde haired girl, barely five-feet tall, who was a happy and perfect girl, with my designer clothes and wearing pounds of makeup. I had gone to Saint Joseph’s School from preschool to eighth grade, I had graduated the D.A.R.E. program, I knew the evil drugs have on people, and back then, I knew what faith was. Though, it all disappeared once I saw him. I was mesmerized by Marquez. He was such a care-free soul, he seemed to love the world even with all its flaws, and for some reason I saw no flaws in him.
Later on, he broke my heart, I got in trouble with drugs, and I even tried to kill myself. But, before all that happened, he showed me the beauty of the world, he showed me what true love really was, he showed me everything he had to offer, and it all started that one night I decided to get high.
It was March, 21, 2012. I had snuck out of my house to see my Marquez. By then we were secretly dating, because my parents didn’t accept him for who he was, though I did, and I wasn’t going to let my parents ruin that for me. Though, I was still drug-free, I hadn’t even thought about drugs or about the consequences I would face if I did them. That night, Marquez had offered me hit from his beautiful glass bubbler. Now, I had been taught that marijuana was very bad for you. That you would die if you even tried it. I sometimes wish now that what I was taught was true, though, that one fateful night, I forgot about the warning I was told.
I trusted him.
I loved Marquez, I knew he wouldn’t cause any harm on me. I remember how I thought it wasn’t a big deal. I took the hit and coughed my lungs out. I look back and think about how I thought Marquez was my everything after that night. It still hurts to come to terms about how foolishly wrong I was.
After that night, I snuck-out more often for him; I lied to my parents more and more, saying I was staying the night at Brenda’s house when I wasn’t. Saying I hadn’t done any drugs, when in reality I was so far below the influence; I didn’t even know how to get back up. That summer I shared with Marquez was the most magnificent summer I’ll ever have, whether it was doing acid and talking to the trees or doing sassafras and making sweet love to my Marquez, I thought I knew it would last.
Though, I was wrong.
The week before school started, my parents found out about us and they had given me an ultimatum. Either leave Marquez, lose all contact with him, and forget he ever existed, or get sent away and have a restraining order put on him.
They say if you truly love someone you’ll let them go.
So I did.
I look back and realize how it was the greatest decision I’ll ever make. Soon after that, I got caught at school, I got put into rehab, and I even tried to kill myself. Marquez had moved on, and he now has a beautiful girlfriend and a baby boy on the way. I realize now that even though he opened my eyes to the real world, he had also opened the dark side of the world; drugs.
I am better with my parents now, though they don’t trust me like they used too and I have been sober for two months now. Addiction and the loss of someone you love is hard, but it has made me who I am today. A strong and liberal girl who knows who she truly is and who sees how the world really is. I thank Marquez for that, but I’ll never forgive him for taking me down the treacherous path of drugs.
Through my experience, I have learned that drugs are okay, until they start to take over your life, like they did with mine. I have taught myself that addiction is real and eventually you’ll life will end from it. I know if I was still using, I wouldn’t be here today. I would be in a grave.
All in all, I have learned that drugs are not who I am, I never was that, and I am thankful that I have quit, because I am a happier person than I ever was while I was high with Marquez. I’ve grown up and matured from this experience, and even though it took me a while, I am glad I finally did quit.
I can now say, with great regret that I have truly learned the lesson of the saying “Just Say No”.