I don’t think I get horror movies. Which is odd, because the structure hasn’t changed in the past thirty years. Two kills to set the mood. Twenty minutes of exposition. Then the deaths get faster. And faster. And faster. Until there’s one girl left, who somehow defeats the villain, only for him to rise again and make way for sequels.

The first kills don’t make much sense. Sure, their deaths are used to set the stage for the rest of the movie. But is that all their good for? Why is their death worth any less than the other characters later in the movie? Is it because they’re the first to die. Most of the time, they don’t even get names. They’re not worthy of even having names, let alone more than ten minutes of screen time.

You can pick out the sole survivor from the very beginning. She’s a girl, always a girl. She’s smart, but not the nerd. She’s pretty, but not beautiful. She’s friendly, but not popular. She never drinks. She never allowed to sleep with guys. She starts out as meek and mild, and somehow, is able to become stronger within an hour and a half and “defeat” the villain. She’s the only character allowed to grow as a person throughout the movie. Because no one else survives long enough to change substantially.

The first “real” death also happens to be a girl. But, unlike our final girl, she is popular. She drinks. She has has more than one boyfriend. She’s blonde. She’s sexy. Most of her outfits could be defined as promiscuous. But is that sending the right message? Hey, if you are too pretty, and wear too much makeup, and have more than one boyfriend, or, God forbid, drink, you will be murdered in a horrible, gruesome way. And people won’t care. Because YOU caused this. It’s YOUR fault you were murdered because you dared to show some skin.

The only thing I seem to understand is when the killer’s eyes snap open in the last shot of the movie, even after they had presumably been defeated by the final girl. No matter how hard she tries, the villain always survives. Because, in the real world, evil never dies, and, like horror movie sequels, it only seems to get worse.