Life as a river ain't easy, especially when you start from an glacier which refuses to stop melting. Ganges here, River Ganges . . . I figure you might have heard of me sometime or the other. And yes, I am openly envied by all my other river-sisters. They’re pretty jealous actually, thinking of me as perennial, and never ending and all that rubbish. Well let’s get something straight like a strait, life as a river ain’t easy.

I’m old, let me tell you that. So old that I forgot when I began, and I don’t forget. I remember when the President took a nice cruise over me in 2009. I can tell you that it was 29th August. Well enough of that, now where were we? Yeah, I’m old. I began when several glaciers started melting. I had fresh water, and a faint smell of lilies were all there was to me. All along my banks, civilization began, trees grew, houses were built, families were made, and myths about me were told to one and all. I was worshipped by almost everyone. And that’s when it got horrible. I began to get bathed in; they thought that by bathing in me, they’d get “pure” souls and “peaceful” courses to Heaven. All the good it did them, they could’ve just taken a bath with normal water. They sure were satisfied with themselves, but I, I was left to accept murky, sweaty, disgusting human bodies dousing themselves in me, and occasionally, defecating in me. But still, no one cared, and the other rivers, they only got more envious. They thought I was lucky that I got all the attention and said they’d trade places with me ANY day. Yeah, like I wouldn’t kill for that. Eventually, I had several marine animals and plants wishing to reside in my waters. And I didn’t mind it much. I would love to have some sort of company in my waters. Then came another phase; humans began to wash clothes and their cattle in me. I mean yeah, I could handle them, they were hardly ever that dirty, but really, clothes and animals? I was just awestruck. When people washed their clothes, so much dirt was excreted. And the animals, they didn’t give a damn about the world! They’d poop all over the place. Rubbish absolutely! And don’t tell me I didn’t warn anyone, of course I tried to! If the fools are blind enough to mistake a hurricane as a sign of anger as a ‘natural disaster’, I say to Tartarus with them! And when a tourist would come by, they’d bathe in my waters too! What audacity. I bet they have plenty of fresh, CLEAN rivers in their country where they could bathe, why me? So I’d ask some of my water-bacteria to go and give them a prick to make them learn. And they’d go home green. And that glacier! It absolutely refuses to stop melting. Well nothing’s happening to it, but I’m getting flooded so quick that people fear living on my banks nowadays. Well I don’t mind that but . . .

So I say, to everyone reading this, if you dare to come ‘purify’ your body in me, I’ll make sure that an eel wraps around your leg! Ha! So that’s that then, this is River Ganges signing off, and be sure to spread the message!