Parents aren’t always certain how to handle their child when they have caused trouble. They usually chose to embarrass and criticize their child in hopes of changing their behavior. This technique is not the best way to change a teenagers behavior. It makes them feel like they can’t communicate or come up with a workable solution when they are judged for their choices. There are better ways to go about situations. 

Shaming your child doesn’t make them feel good about themselves. Parents are supposed to be the ones who support you the most, shaming them can take a negative toll on them. In the article “Think Hard Before Shaming Children” by Claire McCarthy, she says “Shaming may make children feel bad about themselves. When the people you love the most, and whose opinion matters most, say bad things about you, it can be more than hurtful — it can affect your self-esteem in ways that can become ingrained and permanent.” Hearing shameful things can stick with a person. Making them lose their confidence makes it difficult for them to change. As a child I would be shamed for telling people how I felt even though I may have been wrong in certain situations. I didn’t want anyone to tell me what I was doing was okay, I just wanted to be heard and understood because not all my wrong doings were intentional. This childhood experience took a big toll on me because when i was younger i would be told to be quiet and just listen because what i had to say wasn’t important, even if i wasn’t wrong in the situation and now when there’s a problem i rather not say anything because i feel like no one will even listen or understand me. 

There are various ways to influence your child without shaming them. You should always think about the situation your child was in before speaking to them about it.  Claire McCarthy says, “We do best as parents when we take the time to understand why our children do what they do — and find collaborative, supportive ways to help them make safe, kind, and healthy choices. As parents, our words have power; as much as we can, we need to use that power for good.” Hearing your child out, evaluating the situation, helps them come up with better choices because they aren’t being criticized for something they know they can change in the future. There are many things you can say during these conversations. For example, in “Why Shaming Your Kid Isn’t Effective Discipline” by Jennifer Wolf, she says,”"What could you have done differently?" This is a big one! Ideally, you want your child to name for himself or herself the alternatives that might have been more effective. At this moment, it's important for you to affirm ideas that could have been effective. The idea is to empower your child with strategies for 'next time' rather than shaming your child for not choosing those options the first time around.” Having conversations with your child about their choices and what they can do differently is very important. Your child can come to their own conclusions and express how they feel without losing their self-esteem.