Our parents teach us to “Just say no” to drugs, to sex, to alcohol. I agree, with the drugs and alcohol anyway. I don’t think that premarital sex is the end of the world, I don’t think that sex in high school is the end of life. I think that we would know better when’s right for us; that maybe if we were taught to know when we will be ready, when’s really right, that there wouldn’t be so many secrets, and there wouldn’t be so many problems with today’s teenagers.

I know that our parents and the other adults who tell us these things are only trying to protect us. But as is so clear from the perspective of someone who hears every day about the secrets that today’s teens keep, they’re failing. They can’t protect us from the world forever, and they certainly can’t protect us from our own bodies. In our teen years our bodies wake up, the sex hormones start flowing, and we see the world, and those around us, anew.

The CDC has found that by 12th grade nearly 70% of all teenagers have had sex at least once. That number is probably higher because so many teens are afraid of telling anyone but their friends.

This is also why we have so many teen pregnancies today. Teens, especially teen girls, are afraid to buy contraception. They’re afraid that someone will see them and tell their parents, and then that they’ll get kicked out of their homes. It’s an irrational fear in most cases, but a fear nonetheless, and one that causes so many teenagers to be unsafe.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that for some waiting until marriage is the right way to go, that that’s when they’ll be ready. To those people I wish all the best, but it’s not for me, and it’s not for most people. A wedding band won’t make me suddenly feel ready to have sex. That’s what love is for.

I believe that when we are in love, head over heels, unbelievably in love, that we should start making love. That degree of love is different for different people. We all need our own time, and for no two people is that the same. Similarly, no one can say when someone else is ready.

My generation doesn’t know enough about protecting ourselves; we don’t know how to listen to our hearts and not our bodies. If our parents had taught us to be in charge of our own hearts, our own bodies, and our own minds we would be better able to decide for ourselves when we each, individually and separate from all our peers, are ready for such a huge, life and relationship changing step as sex.