Once the minute bell signals the end of each hour, a five minute trip in the hallways and an occasional walk outside, surely follows. Along the way, you may witness poorly arranged fights by little boys who desire to prove their manliness rather than pass high school, people who even if you were driving a bulldozer still would not move out of your way, and the most loved of them all: the many types of couples who are more educated in the opposite sex than in the English language. You have the Snoggers who exchange more spit than a grandma with dentures, the 2012s who get their name because the world might as well end when they are forced to wait a whole 55 minutes till they are reunited, and lastly, you have what are classified as the Diamonds. They are the most rare and mature of the group and most certainly the most tolerable. Mindful of the surrounding students, these couples respect that not everyone would like to see them sucking on each others’ faces.

The Snoggers:

The Snoggers have a unique relationship that they share with the world whether you or anyone else wants to witness it. These are the many boys and girls who make-out under the staircase, around the corner, during Spanish class- you name it they have most likely kissed there too. They throw themselves on each other, barfing their so called ‘passion’ on any sore eyes that accidently discover
them. With each saliva filled, slobber spurted lip embrace they profess the love they have for one another while you are innocently left to dodge the spit like projectiles ricocheting off their faces. The best way for them to identify each other is when they swap spit. They hold the ability to describe one another’s tongues better than they are able to describe the American flag. Now I enjoy a guy’s attention just as much as the next girl but I’d rather not show enough PDA for over 20 hormone enraged teenagers, in one sitting. That is a bit much.
Though the Snoggers may act like they are the coolest cats in town, I guarantee you it is quite the opposite. These are the couples that steal 30 seconds of your life that you can never get back. You catch sight of things they are doing in the hallways that you can never unsee and your eyes literally burn from the lack of maturity and grace. Sadly,no matter how hard you desperately try to avoid the Snoggers, they are in fact everywhere. So stay on your toes and pray you never cross paths with these couples and if you ever do, note you have a huge possibility of being scarred for life.

The 2012s :

Awkwardness takes on a human form in the 2012s. They are clingy and terribly unsociable and mostly show no PDA regarding lip locking. Mostly, the boy will place his hands on her waist and she will wrap her hands around his neck reenacting many instances of unfortunate middle school slow dances. The 2012s are the ones you see blocking the doorways and hiding in nooks and crannies along the hallway walls. Often, well more like every single time, you will witness them holding onto each other for dear life all the while basking in their love. Similar to the Snoggers, they are also immature but mostly do not know the proper way to have a true relationship. Clearly, not even an hour of class is too much to bare apart from one another. Their world basically ends when the bell rings, screaming it is time to go their separate ways and actually learn something for once. However, the 2012s part without a word, awkwardly walking away from their ultimate soul mate. Their actions are rehearsed-like and staged meaning they rarely act themselves when they are together. Instead, they just sit there and look like they are the coolest candy bar on the shelf because they are in a relationship. It is almost painful to watch how uncomfortable and self-conscious they are together. My only wish in life is to enroll these 2012s into a class that teaches them what a real relationship is like and how not to act so socially incompetent around their so-called one true heart’s desire!

The Diamonds:

Obviously the Diamonds are my all-time favorites out of the other two and my mind will never change regarding this subject, I guarantee you. These couples are the most ‘rare of them all’ and they are in possession of many mature qualities that the Freshman are in dire need of. The Diamonds are more than aware that there are certainly a lot of surrounding students and the world does not revolve around their romance. They hold back the urge to rub their love on you as an innocent bystander but have a relationship that you may envy or feel particularly happy for. They know where their priorities lay when they are at school and when they are not in public functions. The Diamonds are not to be classified as a walking couple of nuns but as a respectful group of teenagers who are acting their age and presenting an alarmingly smart example for their fellow die-hard love fanatics. PDA is virtually non existence while they are in in school, at least with the few exceptions of holding hands or a peck on the cheek/lips every now and then. They are best friends at heart and are so incredibly comfortable around each other. Usually, their relationship has been constant for a long time, including years. The Diamonds have unmistakably discovered the secret to a successful and real relationship that you will continuously be jealous of and base your understanding of a perfect significant other.

High School is a place where anything can and will happen which is on many levels, greatly unfortunate. The best anyone can do is not represent visualizations of how babies are made throughout the hallways. We have all suffered through Health Class and have no excuse not to be aware of that particular blossoming of life. Lets take our raging love hormones and not engage in grossly animated spit spurting, snogging rituals while innocent bystanders are left at your mercy.
Sincerely,
The entire sane population of high school students.