I transfer to Luther Burbank High School for the last two months of my freshman year. Within a month there I met a guy. I thought he was sweet and nice. He sent me to all my classes and he would spend every day at school with me. He made me feel special. We were talking and getting to know each other for a little over a month. He asked me out on May21, 2012. We only had a couple of weeks left before summer started. I was worried and he told me that for me not to be afraid because he will be the same person when we get back from summer break. So I believed him. On the last day of school he gave me an early first month anniversary gift also he gave me his necklace so that it would remind me of him.
Once summer started he changed. He wasn’t the guy I knew. He started to ignore my calls and text. So I ask one of his friends to check up on him for me because he wasn’t talking to me. When his friend messaged him he told his friend what was going on. But then his friend came back to me and said that they weren’t able to tell me what was going on and that they were sorry. I was mad and angry. I was his girlfriend and he wasn’t even able to open up to tell me. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. On June30, 2012 I was hurting and crying so I decided to message him asking him to be honest with me for him to tell me the truth. He said to me “I’m sorry but I lost feelings for you. It’s nothing personal; it’s not you it’s me. I just been busy with Drill, Geometry and friends but I hope we can still remain friends.” We broke up through email. I broke down crying. I was heartbroken. He was the first guy that I thought would never have the heart to hurt me. So over the summer I got over him. I moved on and I forgot about him.
Towards the ending of my summer on August 4, 2012 I started talking to a new guy. He asked me who I liked and I said that I didn’t know. So I asked him the same question back. He answered me “look in the mirror and you will know who I like.” I was flattered. We joked around and messed around with each other a lot. Sophomore year started. After school started we both attended the same school and we were both in ROTC.
He started to walk me out the gate after 7th period was over. He was a busy person but he tried to find time for me. Everyone in the ROTC program knew that we liked each other. On September26, 2012 he ask me out. He was hugging me and he said that he had a question to ask me. He said “will you go out with me?” I answered him back saying that I had a boyfriend. He was shock and said “what?” I told him I was playing and that I would love to be his girlfriend. His friends were shouting at us telling us that we been hugging for over two minutes.
His birthday was coming up on October 12. So I wanted to do something special for him because it was his sweet 16. I asked him what he wanted and he told me that he didn’t want anything because what he wanted, he already had it. I ask him what was that and he said to me that he wanted me and he already got me so he didn’t want anything else. That was so sweet of him. On his birthday I bought him a chocolate cake and a panda full of kit-kat chocolate. He loved eating chocolate, especially kit-kat. I tried to surprise him during 7th period. I had a friend call him to the front and I came out with his birthday cake. He was wondering what was going on and I started to sing happy birthday to him. He was so happy. I think I was the first girlfriend to celebrate his birthday for him.
The sad thing was that he didn’t even spend his birthday with me. He had to practice for a ROTC competition the next day. We been together for about 2 months and we didn’t even hang out. He was a little too busy for me with his team and his friends. So the last day before winter break I asked him to hang out with for once. So he said okay. It was the very first time we had our alone time as a couple because he had a friend that follows him everywhere he went. I felt like the third wheeler in my relationship with him. During winter break was the day of New Year. He called me at the strike of 12 to send a kiss to me through the phone. It was the sweetest thing ever. Once winter ended we went back to school.
Each and every day being with him was so special but then there I was feeling that he didn’t have time for me. I started to get depress once he started breaking his promises and once he started to forget about me. He always choose his friends over me and he always let me walked away crying. But then when we talk to each other we tried working things out. He said that he will try to change that fact that he didn’t have time for me. So I believed him.
The month of valentine I planned a date to ask him to be my valentine. I had his friends help me hold up the signs and I got him a cheesecake because he said he loves to eat cheesecake. I had one of his friends walk him around the school while I was setting up everything. He came back and the signs were being held up. He looked around not knowing that it was for him. He notices that I was a part of it and he came to me and hugged me telling me that he loved me. I told him that he didn’t answer if he was going to be my valentine or not. He said that he will be my valentine. I was happy. I gave him the cheesecake and he ate it all. On the day of valentine he bought me a giant monkey name Coconut. The eyes were huge; he told me that the monkey represented him.
We have been together for about 6 and a half months. He still broke promises and he still didn’t have time for me. He told me that he was trying to change his ways but that it was just hard for him to. I gave him time but it never really seemed to change. I started to feel like he was taking me for granted. He gave me a million reasons to leave but I just kept fighting and believing that he’ll change for me, but that never happened.
On February 23, 2013 I confess to him about my feelings. I told him how I felt like he was taking me for granted, how he let me walk away crying, how he always choose his friends over me, how I felt alone, how I was the only one fighting to keep the relationship alive. I blamed everything on myself and I told him how I got tired of waiting for something that wasn’t mine. I was tired trying to get his time when he had no time to offer me, how I was the one in a relationship with him but I felt like the wheeler in our relationship. He told me that it was too much for him to handle so he broke it off through text. I broke down crying again. I ask him what went wrong and he said to me that he lead me on for two weeks that he didn’t mean to hurt me. He thought it was best for us to go our own ways. So we did.
Whiling I was going through hell with the horrible breakup a good friend was there to boost me up every time I fell. He told me that it was okay for me to cry. I open up to him. I told him how much I was hurting and I told him all my secrets. He was sweet and I fell for him. He cared for me he was there to protect me. He was more than everything I asked for.
I confessed my feelings for him. I told him I liked him. But then he told me that he didn’t like me that he didn’t know how to feel. He bought me a panda that represented our friendship. We named the panda with both our two name. We started talking and he told me that he wanted to be official, like in an actual relationship. So on April 16, 2013 we made it official. But then the weird thing was that he wanted for us to act normal. Like as if we weren’t dating each other. I was a little confused but went with it anyways. He told me not to tell anyone so I didn’t but he told his friends. I kept our relationship a secret for about 2 weeks I wasn’t even able to tell my best friend.
We started to act more like a couple but yet he was busy with sports. He always found time to hang out with me, but then he was giving me a lot of confusion. He wasn’t able to open up to me and he wasn’t able to trust me like I trusted him. Every time we talked about our relationship he always said to me that he wanted to leave. He was going off to college while I was still stuck in high school. He messaged me about not waiting to try long distance because he didn’t really believe in it. He understood that there’s the loyalty and the trust thing, but like seriously you never know when one is going to lose feelings.
On our first month anniversary he left me to go play sport with another girl. On the second month anniversary he left me and went to hang out with his friends then left to San Francisco. I was hurt so on our third month anniversary I told him I was too busy to hang out with him that I had plans with my guy friends. He seemed like he really didn’t care.
One of his friends told me that I was a “test subject” to him. That he didn’t have feelings for me. I was lost, confused, and hurt. I didn’t know what to do. I kept asking myself was he serious about us, was he fighting for us, was he able to tell me the truth. He kept giving me mix feelings because everywhere we went he wanted to take another girl with us. We never had that alone time. He hugged her like they were dating he was with her more than he was with me. I wasn’t sure if he had feelings for her, and I wasn’t sure if she had feelings for him. I was crying myself to sleep and I was hurting so much that I wasn’t even able to tell him.
He was heading off to college in a month. He made a date to break up on September first. I said okay to it but I was hurting. It was so close to when I started my junior year and I didn’t want to cry. I held so many feelings inside of me that on August22, 2013 I messaged him on Facebook telling him that I was sorry that I wasn’t able to take the pain anymore that it was too much for me to handle. I felt like I was the only one trying and every time I tried he puts me down by telling me that there was a close percentage of him leaving me. I got tired of the pain. I broke up with him. He told me that he was sorry that he wanted to give us another try that he changed his mind of leaving that he wanted to stay but didn’t know when to tell me. I told him I was done dealing with pain.
Junior year started not so perfect. Horrible things happened and it’s going to be an unforgettable year. I started talking to a guy, he was sweet and he was everything a girl would want in a guy. I met him in the 7th grade but then I never really talked to him. Also my sophomore year I kind of really didn’t know the difference between him and his twin but then I started going to church with my friends and so I started to get to know him more. He started to hang out with me at school. I was so happy because I didn’t have to go looking for him. He came looking for me. He was the first guy to be a man. I fell for him fast.
My friends and I planned to go to Arden Mall so I invited him to go with me because I wanted to get to know him more. I got us a pair of matching necklace that said Best Friends. Everyone was telling me that they knew something was going to happen between us. That day we came back from Arden I started crushing on him. I guess he figured it out. But then I confessed my feelings to him. I told him that I liked him. He said I was cute then he told me that he was planning to go on a mission for two years after he graduated high school and that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was hurt but then okay with it.
He told me that he wasn’t looking for a relationship and I told him I didn’t want to get into a relationship if he was going to leave me because I got tired of guys always leaving me like it’s okay. We both understood each other. On September25, 2013 I went to his house so that he could help me with my letter to my pen-pal. He was trying to get a photo of me but I wouldn’t let. So then we ended up taking a picture together. He told me that I looked pretty and that I should be his girlfriend. I wasn’t sure if he was asking me or if he was just saying. But then when I ask him he said that he was asking me to be his girlfriend. I was so happy.
He was different from all the other guys that I met. He opened then car door for me like a gentlemen would. He was sweet and kind. He was busy but he always made time for me. I never once felt alone with him. He made me feel special and he made me feel loved. I was the happiest girl in the entire world. He was everything a girl needed in a boyfriend. He was with me every morning, every passing period, every lunch, and every day afterschool. He was boyfriend material. Everyone was happy when they found out that we were together even me myself was happy. But I guess this was only in my eyes.
On October 9, 2013 he texted me around 5 in the morning telling me that he was going to seminary but he wanted to talk to me alone. I was scared, because we were always alone and when a guy says we need to talk alone that doesn’t usually ends well. I was afraid. I went to school waiting for him to come. He came to me looking all depress I knew then and there that it was over. He asked me to go walk around, but it was different because when we walk around he would take my hands but this time he didn’t. When we started to walk around he told me that he didn’t want to say it, but he needed me to understand. I started crying and ran to the restroom. He tried pulling me to stay, but I kept pushing him away. I didn’t want him to see me cry. And I didn’t even let him finish saying what he had to say. I was afraid to face him that entire day.
I cried in all my classes I failed every test that I took because my eyes were blurry with tears. I couldn’t understand what went wrong. I didn’t know why I was crying so much. I got my heart broken so many times that I didn’t understand why this one hurt so badly. I tried not to cry but when someone came up to me and asked me what happen or if I was okay I would burst out crying all over again. I told myself that I was going to be okay that I didn’t need him.
We talk things out and we were fine the next day. We figured that we had confusion with our feelings. But we decided to remain the best of friends. And honestly that’s all I can ask for because I loved him a lot and I didn’t want to become strangers. Sometimes I still don’t understand why he left, but then I figured that I’m no longer the happiest girl in the entire world.
Here I am still in my junior year, I’m single and I’m pretty much okay with it. I get tired of guys or boys trying to get to know me like wanting to be more then friends. It’s like no matter how many times I tell them that I’m too busy for a relationship they don’t understand. Junior year has been full of stress. I admit that I am still hurt but I’m also moving past it. I love to smile because it can help shine some ones day even if I can’t shine mine.