My Memory



My memory is about trust, love, and respect for people. Many people today don’t love, trust, or respect people still today… and I am one of them. I mean I do respect people and I also love and trust but, it’s very hard for me to do that WHY? I feel as though people can NEVER be trusted and people only love until they don’t want anything from you……respect….I think respect is only for people who respect you.

I remember last year I was in a relationship with a boy and we were together 6 months. He told me that I had to trust him and show him all the love in order for us to move together….so I did just that. I put all my love and trust into him and what happened??? He stabbed me in the back! He cheated on me and left me for my best friend well who I thought was my best friend. After all I did for him he goes around and takes my best friend. I was heart-broken….that isn’t even the word for how I felt. I cried for almost 3 weeks and to this day I still think about it. Sigh…..he is the reason I don’t trust, he is the reason why it’s so hard for me to love. The closest person to you could be your worst enemy.

I felt used and very disrespected and idk I just went downhill from that I see myself changing each and every day. From the girl who always had a smile on their face and always finding the good part in people now barely cracks a smirk and can never forgive those who have done her wrong. I don’t want to be this way; I want to be a regular teenager. Why can’t that happen? Why can’t I let the past go? So many questions that need to be answered. I feel that nobody gets me…I mean they understand the outside and the basic human feeling. But that’s not what I’m talking about I’m talking about the true ME the true US. The feelings that I and others keep held in thinking that there is no help. Is there help? If so how come it hasn’t helped me?? After all I been threw….after all I’m going through?? Where is help?
I have a question?? Why do we humans hide themselves in a mask?? Not a mask that you can wear, I mean a mask that covers the true us up. We feel that people don’t deserve or can’t help us. Maybe that’s true nobody can help us. My grandmother always told me that if I felt that there was nowhere to go or nobody to talk to I can always depend on GOD. Hmmmm god…..and I am not saying it like I don’t believe in him because I do… it’s just that I wonder if he is really there or not. I mean some people go through tough situations 24/7 and it doesn’t seem like GOD is helping….idk I need to really sit down and think about that. What if there was no god would things still be the same? Or would they be worse…or better? That’s another story……