Pardon me for being cliché, but the power of true friendship is the strongest thing on this earth. We all have people we hang out with. Classmates in Algebra II, co-workers from Tom Thumb, friends from choir. With so many people in so many activities, there's bound to be a few people that you spend most of your time with. Still, nothing can compare to the feeling of a real, true friend.
You know, the one who you met when you were 7 and would play “pretend games” with up until sixth grade?
The one who eats chocolate Frostys at Wendy's with you while you cry in her car over one boy with brown eyes and another with blue?
The one who stays up until 4:00 a.m. eating cookie dough and puffed Cheetos while watching Made of Honor with you?
The one who comes to you in your darkest hour - when the heartbreak is too much to bear - and says she'll never leave your side?
That true friend.
Lately, I have not been a true friend back. Actually, I haven't even been a friend for about a year. I ditched the girl that loved to go to Chili’s and spend all night talking about life with me. I ignored my friend, made up excuses to not hang out, was always busy with other people. She had made new friends and did different things than I did. I felt like our friendship wasn’t what it used to be. We could never agree on anything. The best friends that never, ever fought now argued all the time.
We didn't laugh like we used to laugh, we didn't talk like we used to talk, we didn't act how we used to act. So I had found “better” friends, people who I thought would never leave me. I threw her away for something, someone that didn't last. Someone who wasn't worth the sacrifice of nine years of friendship.
Because what I didn’t realize is that I was the one who changed. The person I used to be dissolved when I decided that I was too good for her anymore.
I had long given up on the possibility that we would ever talk again. Things happen, people change. I thought we had fallen apart for good. But just a few weeks ago, she came to my home unexpectedly. I had just gotten out of the shower when my dad opened the door and greeted her as if she were his own daughter. I stood in the hall, my wet hair dripping on my red shirt, unable to move or speak. So she moved. She hugged me. She was sweaty from her workout she just came from, but I didn't care. I hugged her back. We cried together in my room for a long time.
She was still my true friend after I had been the biggest loser of all time. That kind of friendship is strong. It's unbreakable. And as silly as it sounds, that friendship is meant to last forever. "BFFs," as the 12-year-olds say.
Now I know that I should have held my friend close in my heart, even if we were both different. I should have been there for her no matter what, even if I didn’t agree with some of her choices. I should have said “I love you” and “you’re beautiful” and “you mean so much to me.”
But I didn’t.
Maybe this is how friendships work in high school. I think everyone is trying to understand who they are, and everyone is trying new things and making choices. It's difficult to keep friendships strong when there are so many changes going on. I think this mass confusion that makes up high school leads to arguments and misunderstandings and joy and learning. We're all finding ourselves. And sometimes discovering who your true blues are is one of the hardest things to do when you barely know yourself.