A wise somebody once told me that they can feel it in their bones and soul that one day God is going to give each of us an earth shaking love of our lives, but that we have to make mistakes and love the wrong people before we find the one. While finding the quote on quote right one is a difficult task, beginning to understand the average boy is an even bigger one. This is a feat no lady has yet to conquer, however identifying four common ones is a different story. Needless to say, there are four males that nearly any female can relate to someone in their life- the As Ifs, the Eye Candy, the Big Screens, and the Sour Patches.

The As Ifs
There is such thing as a purgatory for boys that have nothing to offer, at least not in your eyes. This place is more commonly known as the friend zone, and this is where you can locate the as if boys. More often than not, these boys have what it takes to be any average girl’s boyfriend, however on the topic of them dating you, you would rather turn the page. They are the kind of boys who make phenomenal friends, and they are also the type of boys who whine and complain when that is all they get to be. When you think of these boys, you mumble and groan to yourself, exasperating in the most sarcastic tone “as if…” you would ever date them.  As time wears on, these boys dig themselves a hole so wide and so deep, that with every effort to escape it, they appear more and more pathetic. No one ever told them that they had to remain in the friend zone forever, however their exaggerated attempts to force leave most definitely booked their stay for a lot longer than they expected. You cannot help but feel sympathy for these boys, the as ifs, who appeared not so bad to begin, but slowly made an image for themselves they cannot take back.

The Eye Candy
These boys put credibility in the statement "the best things in life are free." When they walk into the room you cannot help but double take and bask in all their glory, in simpler words they are a blessing to your wandering eyes. It is typical that the eye candies are leagues (and years) above you, and you would probably have better luck licking your elbow than dating one of these. Since a young age you have been taught that if only you believe, you can achieve; little did you know that boys like these were written in the small print. You can never get much more than a hello out of these boys, and even then you still murder your best friend's ear drums out of excitement when even the slightest wave is directed your way. In the very slim occasion that college dimes approach you, as tempting as it may be, you cannot fall victim to the eye candy. Even something as minuscule as sharing the digits can be fatal with these fellas, they may be smokin' hot, but you must recall they are also four years older than you. Eye candies such as these are so dangerously sweet.

The Big Screens
They say movies never add up to reality, but I beg to differ. There is a rare gem of a boy, that if you met him on the street you would swear he materialized from one of your favorite chick flicks such as the Notebook or Endless Love. However do not take the adjective rare lightly, to find one of these men is as probable as stepping on a crack and your mother’s back actually breaking. These are the boys who will lend you their umbrella when the heavens are pouring out their wrath, blindfold you in their pick-up truck to take you on mysterious dates, scratch your back and feed you soup when you are not feeling up to par. They fight for you even when the going gets tough, instead of throwing in the towel and moving on to the next girl. Even your grandma calls you to let you know you have a good catch, and you cannot help but smile in agreement. You cannot help but question their existence, and often you wish that they were a ghost so that you could simply wave a hand through the air to know. Life with a big screen boy is not always easier by any means, but they do bring color to a rather dull life.

The Sour Patches
The infamous candy slogan goes “sour then sweet,” however sour patch boys are the inverse of this. When they meet your parents they are nothing short of polite, and your mom does not shut up about how poised he was. Countless months of memories are forged from the dust, and feelings you have never even given a thought to begin to surface. Day after day is spent discussing favorite cereals and Netflix series, even conversations as deep as your father’s unemployment and his sister’s rebellious character. You learn to love The Office and Corn Pops, despite your previous prejudices, and you find yourself praying for his problems more than your own. But without so much as a forewarning the texting becomes more and more sporadic, and instead of hello hugs, shoulder pats become the norm. You have no choice but to go cold turkey after they tell you they simply do not see “it” anymore. This boy leaves you in the utmost heartbroken stage; you cry before you even sit straight up in bed in the morning. They make every Taylor Swift song relatable and leave you to scream out the lyrics slumped on the floor of your all familiar bedroom. Everything about him, and about the relationship appears lovely and desirable to begin, and maybe even remains that way for some time after; but when your heart is whole again, you realize how distorted your image of them was. Sweet, then sour, in the blink of an eye.