You see, here’s the thing.

You were like a storm, that barged into my life; unannounced and unpredictable.

Would I be able to forget you? This I do not know. Right now I will be happy to be a simple friend, nothing more, nothing less. Yet, I fear that even that would be taken away from me. Before I knew it, you occupied a large space in my heart, so big that it became a black hole when you left. I never imagined that I will fall for you the first time we met. Honestly, you were the most annoying human being I’ve ever known, you changed everything in me, that I wanted to know more about you. I’ve become aware of your smile. I got frustrated when there are other people who knew you more than I did, but, there’s nothing that I can do, after all, they were there with you ever since.

That’s why when I learned that you like me, I felt as if I was the luckiest person in the universe, “Finally, someone who is willing to appreciate the person I am.”

Though, I realized it was not that easy. It became so complicated, since, we were only children back then, and yet, even though I was still a child, I already had too many secrets that I hid. It felt that I cannot be true to you, because I cannot even be true to myself.

I was happy just to be beside you, to simply listen to every word you uttered…but now, I cannot remember any of it.

Just your smile… it lingers.

I am envious of the people who are in a happy relationship yet, I am also afraid of that kind of commitment. Maybe that’s why I easily accepted the fact that the thing between the two of us, is no longer mutual. I think that I deserved that. I cannot be there for you when you have problems. I did not even put any effort in knowing you more. I blame myself for being immature. I blame myself for being selfish. I blame myself for being ignorant.

Maybe, you just don’t deserve someone like me.

I’m not worth it. I should just forget everything.  I should just quit this unrequited one-sided feeling. I should just be happy. No more thoughts of you and such.

But I really wanted to ask, “Why?”, yet I can’t—I’m too afraid of the answer. I want to face the truth, but I have no strength to do so.

I don’t want to bother you anymore. I don’t want to be added to the list of your concerns in life. If possible, I don’t want to exist in your life anymore because I know that I will still trouble you, every time. I want to be your friend, but I cannot stop thinking about you.

Gosh! Why am I so stupid?

I already told you that I will move on.

Probably I’ll send this message to you without even thinking the consequences. I am sorry in advance.

Probably there are also grammatical errors in this letter. Just ignore it.

Probably I’ll still be thinking of you after I wrote this letter.

Probably…

Actually… I always asks myself, why of all the people in this universe, why you?

I want to stop.

I hope that you will be able to reach your goals in life. Never give up. Just keep moving forward. There are a lot of people who are willing to support you. I hope that you always smile and you’ll have a happy life.

Someday, I know we will meet again, after all this city is not that big. Maybe, by that time I’ll become more mature, and my tendency to do stupid things will minimize. By that time, I hope we could have some nice conversation in a coffee shop, or so.
For now, I’ll do my best to forget you so that I would be able to truly move forward.

Thank you again.

Have a nice day and take care of yourself always.

Sincerely yours,
the girl who cannot forget

Disclaimer: This letter was written by my best friend, Ariadne Nina. It was only posted on my account with her consent.