We are only young for so long so why not live a little. At this point we have no real problems or responsibilities. Things are going to be quite confusing for you as a teenager so whatever ideas or opinions you think you have, don’t. Instead let these simple tips and rules make choices for you.

1. Claim other people’s opinions as your own. Do exactly what the previous sentence says. As we all know there are few things in life that haven’t been thought of before so why try thinking of anything new. If there’s a trend happening you should jump on that bandwagon immediately. Make it your new life and own it until the trend dies. Originality is dead, bandwagoning clones are in.

2. Other people’s suggestions on your life are more important than your own.
Don’t forget you’re a teenager. That means not only that you’re young, but you’re also stupid. You’re incredibly stupid and very inexperienced in life. With that in mind always take life advice from your elders to heart. Even if you haven’t known them that long that random senior girl you met at a party is right, you should get that tattoo who’ve wanted for all four days now. Who cares what your parents say, they don’t even understand what it means to be a teenager now. Plus your senior friend is a whole two years older than you, and they go to college parties. Obviously they’ve been around long enough to know what they’re talking about better than you do. So don’t question, because remember, just because it’s your life, doesn’t mean your input matters.

3. Procrastination. There’s always time, just not right now. You can put it off for another ten minutes from now, or an hour. Two hours? You can do it the day of. Like everyone says, time is your most valuable gift so why waste it on a paper about your opinion on World War II or answering math questions about Jenna and her cake shop. If Jenna can’t figure out the ingredients for her own cakes then she has problems to work out, not you. Homework’s adds up to nothing, the tests are where it’s at and tests only need two hours of studying. Three hours of studying at the most. Skimming the chapters in class beforehand works too. You know you’ve been paying attention in class. Not doing homework in any of your classes is just plain stupid so switch off everyday.

4. SAT and ACT testing. DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. These two tests are the sole things in life you can’t mess up on, because if you do, your life is basically done. Everyone knows your life goes nowhere unless you score in the top 2% of the country. Don’t ever forget that. You can forget your lunch money at home, you can forget to put on a shirt as you leave the locker room, but whatever you do you cannot forget these standardized tests. They literally define your life. In the upcoming weeks just take a hammer to your phone, cause you’re spending the next two weeks curled up in your room finding comfort in the practice books you just picked up from Borders. Yeah, you did tell Mom you’ve been studying for the test since you signed up for it, but who really has time for that. Well now you do, because it’s studying all day every day for you. Developing a coffee addiction is perfectly normal, and if you’re not a coffee drinker, Red Bull isn’t that toxic. You’ll study before school, on the bus, during lunch while Sam keeps asking why you’re ignoring his texts, after school, in the shower, in bed till three in the morning. Sleep is for the weak! Never give up either, even if sticking hot pokers through your eyes sounds better to you than taking the ACT, your friends will want to be the ones blinded after seeing the little gremlin you’ll turn into days before the test. Then the night before, pray. Or if you’re not the religious type make up your own religion because we all know you didn’t do squat to prepare for this properly. To help on the vocabulary sections here’s a few synonyms of you: SAT/ACT= anxiety, insomnia, permanent fate, failure. That early Saturday morning, you’ll be driving off to someone else’s high school, or your own if you’re lucky, all the while trying to memorize every little detail from what you’ve been cramming into your pathetic teenage brain. During the test, make sure to have a face that says ‘I got this!’. You can always cry on the inside but you can’t let the genius next to you see. This entire test they’ve been a page ahead of you. Cheater! After the test, give yourself a pat on the back, the battle is over. You can also cry yourself to sleep later that night. Both are very acceptable.

5. Wild Parties. Never take pictures. If there are no pictures there was never a party. Yes, there will be gossip all over school, but if there are no pictures there’s no proof. Also remember that if nothing is broken or stolen you didn’t party hard enough, and if the police aren’t called to the house you weren’t going crazy enough. In the case that random strangers show up to your house, let them in. Yeah, they may be from a school two towns over or someone in their twenties, but that’s rude to not welcome someone into your home. Even better parties require zero control and common sense. In fact some parties don’t even have to involve the host of the party.

6. Internet Behavior. Hastags and selfies. That’s all people want to see and that’s all you want to deliver. Take pictures of your food, your dog, your outfit, yourself, yourself with glasses, yourself with glasses and a duck face. Take as many artsy pictures as possible. Add in song lyrics, make them black and white and act super dramatic. You know you can be a model so why not show the world why. Sitting on a rock staring off into the distant or taking a eight different group shots with all your friends at the same party are good examples. Make sure you include lots of hastags so the photo gets more exposure and remember that you can edit a photo and still say all natural. Also remember to put yourself down in the comments so you can be lifted up by others who see your photo with their compliment on you later.

7. Driving. You’re the envy of all your non-driving friends. Soak it in because they’ll be waiting on you on their hands and knees now. Abuse this newfound power and fame. Abuse all your newfound powers! You can drive now and they can’t, so they should know the drill. Your friend lets you copy all the homework you didn’t do so they aren’t stuck in the rain after practice waiting for Dad to get off work. Now you can drive down to Starbucks or Chipotle everyday and it will cost $15 in gas each way. These easy to remember road rules will also help with the protection of your car and yourself. Park between the lines in the parking lot, you need the room more than others do.When animals are in the road continue to speed on by, they’ll move. Need For Speed is a perfect example of how to drive your car defensibly and flipping people off is highly encouraged. Having them acknowledge your dissatisfaction with their driving will help them in improving themselves for the future.

8. Crashing. Take pictures of the scene of the crash, lots of pictures. Then when your parents hear about it, lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. It’s not actually your fault the radio changed to that one song you can’t stand you just had to change it. It’s also not your fault that the radio changed to that one song you can’t stop listening to, you just had to sing out to everyone on the highway. That fact that you missed your turn and T-boned a truck is the truck’s fault. If you would have know trucks took such wide turns you would have slowed down. It’s also not your fault that the yellow light was so short. How were you supposed to know that the yellow light didn’t give you enough time to speed through the intersection. It’s the other driver’s fault if anything, they hit you while you were still in the intersection. When you really think about it everyone is out to get you.

Other Random Rules to Live By
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You’re not an individual, you’re one of many, so act like it
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Nothing you say will matter to anyone but you, so don’t say anything at all
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Don’t think for yourself, that’s what other people are for
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Life experiences aren’t as important as popularity among strangers
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Stupidity is perspective based
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Your dreams and goals are unreachable and unrealistic, so don’t have any
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Give up when it gets hard

Now that you know the basics, you can live life to the extreme. We’re young, alive, and invincible!