ABC’s The Bachelor reached a soaring level of success this season when the Bachelor found not only one “love of my life,” but two! Imagine, within twelve weeks, finding two loves of your life. That’s twice the success of the average happily married couple. With this record, it’s safe to say The Bachelor is the future of dating.

Forget eHarmony.com, Farmersonly.com, and ChristianMingle.com. The Bachelor offers a unique, fool proof opportunity to compete in a lavish setting with twenty-four other women for one dream guy. It all begins when the group of women step with shaky legs into the luxurious Bachelor mansion, like little hatchlings—or better Batchlings—seeing the world of love for the first time. Most Batchlings braving this uninhabited world of revolutionary dating are striking in looks and dramatic in behavior, complementing the exotic destination dates.
What young single women need in their life is to sign up for The Bachelor, where the roses handed out as validation for feelings are as red as the fresh blood of the twenty-five Batchlings that step out of the limo to compete for the same true love. The Bachelor has a 100% success rate in narrowing down the twenty-five women to one ultimate winner (or two), sending twenty-four losing Batchlings back to where they came from.
Viewers often ask, “With such small odds in their favor, why do Batchlings sign up to go on this journey?” Studies of the psychology of these reality show subjects suggest, the best answer is that they are tired of real dating. At roughly twenty-one or twenty-two, they’ve had enough years of trying (and failing) to find a match. To avoid dying as widows, Batchlings sign up for The Bachelor to date what’s-his-face (whoever the producers choose) because this stranger has to be the one after all the years of heartbreak. Another reason is that in this fast moving age of immediate gratification, who has time to date anymore? Not the busy Batchlings whose occupation descriptions contain serious titles like “Free Spirit” and “Twin.”

Dating is dramatic. The goal of The Bachelor is not to bypass the dating process, but to fast forward through it so that finding the love of one’s life is just one less thing to worry about, one more item checked off the never-ending, sweat-inducing “To-Do” list. The Bachelor condenses years of real life dating drama into twelve weeks of the same drama escalated by raw emotions brought out by female competition and the desire to be the center of attention on prime time television. The show simply aims to make the dating on the show as identical to real life dating as possible. The producers even cast several delusional individuals and add plot twisting rules to Bachelor ceremonies to recreate the dramatic setting of real life dating scenarios. In this way, the show keeps the Batchlings thinking realistically and learning the lessons that love teaches over long periods, but in this expedited television time frame. One fan favorite demonstrates the invaluable lesson that stable, healthy relationships contain raging jealousy and two-faced backstabbers.

As the process progresses, Batchlings are sacrificed for the ultimate happy couple. At the end of her twelve weeks of fame, one Batchling becomes engaged to be married. With every concluding season, The Bachelor produces efficient love. The show has revolutionized speed dating.

Now some might be concerned about the setting of The Bachelor, arguing that the exotic destination dates and camera infested atmosphere cannot possibly produce an authentic relationship. Yet in almost every season, multiple women attest to their true, once in a lifetime love for the same Bachelor after about their second one-on-one date. The romantic candlelit dinners and female competition are scientifically proven to induce helpless Batchlings’ feelings of love. The show never fabricates, but merely induces, which is the genius of The Bachelor. 
If that’s not enough proof of real love, many engaged Bachelor couples, who live apart and wait to be together publicly while the show is airing, immediately appear on After the Final Rose at the end of the airing and announce that they are, in fact, still in love. They gush about their future engagement endeavors, like being exclusive! Most couples don’t want to wait too long to be married, which shows the urgency of their love. Speed has worked thus far, right?

Now what about the sacrificial Batchlings? There are plenty of opportunities for them to re-enter the show through the sister productions, The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise. With fame on their side now, who wouldn’t want to love them? This is how The Bachelor succeeds. More dating productions are necessary to save all the women of the twenty-first century. The Bachelor may be every girl’s last hope of finding love before entering the dark, desolate decade of thirty, and only a mass movement adapting a dating format modeled after The Bachelor will save a generation of modern female singles.