I was at a point in my life where I really couldn’t make firm decisions and I didn’t know what I wanted. It affected my long term plans and that involved my career which was tough because I knew I had to make my decision already because basically, life wouldn’t wait for me.  Life was moving fast around me. We all knew this feeling right? Or mine’s advanced because crisis like this are usually felt at the age of 25 (read it from an article somewhere here on the internet). You see, in that point of my life OR at this point of my life rather, I am considering two things: being practical and if my heart belongs to it but to put it in simpler terms, if I am happy. Being HAPPY, a thing you have to consider the most. 
Before I had my eye on the few courses that were close to my heart, I only focused on one course. The course was Information Technology. Not to brag but just to give a little background, I’m good with computer software; I grew up seeing my dad fix computer problems, until I got curious. Curious enough to ask my dad and learn from him and that’s it. I saw myself excelling and I somehow managed to make a plan. A life and career plan that involved me, working in Google which was my dream job, kahit na maging janitor ako (Just kidding).
‘IT’ is a good course. Like what I’ve said, I already had my eye on that course ever since I started planning my career/life which was labeled as a crazy idea by some of my friends. 2013, the course was starting to get recognized by the tech industry. People were being recruited and assigned in different fields of technology. And as the years went by, the course got more recognized, like a business, it started to boom, like the Nursing course here in the PH, it had millions of students taking it and millions of students graduating from the course.
Everyone knows that Nursing graduates in the Philippines had an opportunity outside our country, especially in the US, not until 2008 (correct me here because this was the last time I heard about US recruiting nurses from the Philippines). Graduates from this course started to increase the unemployment rate in our country. Some were fortunate enough to be employed overseas, some nurses got employed here, but didn’t get to be paid the usual wage since they were just serving their patients voluntarily and some got to be employed but not somewhere related to what they finished in college.
When I started “adulting”, I found myself looking at life in a wider angle. Involved making decisions by yourself, exploring things (May it be good or bad), and seeking wisdom that I will always be thankful for.
I got scared that IT will be like nursing, so onto my second choice which is Biology, for my pre-med course. Didn’t really think of going to med school, but it was necessary for what I had in mind. And that is to become a researcher for the cancer research institute.
Every time someone would ask if what course I will take, I’ll always answer Biology and they would always reply, “Pre-med? Are you going to pursue medicine?” to which I will answer an unsure nod or cowered yes.
So that’s what I have imposed on people who wanted to know about my career plans. Somehow, that had put pressure on me. It was a big dream. A dream that caused my insecurities to rise and tell myself that it was too big for me. Despite of my negative thinking, it’s nice to say that I was able to balance my insecurities and my self-confidence unhurriedly and told myself that I will carry on.
Then, I pursued Bio on my senior year. Though, the students were not classified yet by courses but it’s what I wrote in some info sheets given by my school. First semester, I was already feeling a little unwell about my chosen course; I didn’t know why. It bothered me but it was still tolerable. Second semester entered, I got lost. Lost at my own choices and lost at life (yup, this early). I cried every once in a while because there’s this point where you just don’t know what you are going to do. It did affect my studies; I got lazy for a while. Mostly got lazy to function right at life. Life didn’t really give up on me, it was moving fast. Too fast that I was able to finish the second semester without any problems.
Summer started, I was feeling a little better. Thought of figuring out what I was missing the whole school year and I realized, I wasn’t happy. It wasn’t just my insecurities eating me, but it was my choices I risked because of what I have imposed on myself and to other people. Choices I made because life wouldn’t wait for me.
I had to decide. Whether I’ll pursue my medical degree and just be something I wanted to be in front of other people or pursue another degree (I chose accountancy after admitting and finally accepting what I really wanted to be) that I’ll surely be happy about for the rest of my life…and I know you already know the answer.
It was sudden and surprising but for my peace of mind, for everybody’s peace of mind, I had to do it. You see, the thing about making a decision, you will have to consider the people around you too but what matters the most is if you’re happy. As generic as it would sound, let this be a reminder for everyone that for as long as you are not hurting anybody, then go and enjoy your life.
Since the thought of having someone judge my decisions scared me, I told myself that I don’t have any obligation to explain everything to other people what happened to my “too big of a dream”, for  as long as my loved ones know and support me, then I’m good. If I get to advice other people, that’s what I will always tell them, try to see yourself after many years and if you’re happy and love what you do then you’re good to go and everything else will follow. Other people aren’t fortunate enough to push through what they really want.  These people are left to deal to love the situation they are in and eventually learn to really love the situation; some even unexpectedly makes something really big from their experience.
I still haven’t fully figured things out , like I still want to be a part of a research institute. There’s still a part of me that wants to go to that path but maybe it’s all the part that I want to help people that’s really the main reason why I wanted to enter that field. But who knows , maybe I could be someone who funds the research, a philanthropist, that will definitely help the whole world. My take on this, you will always go back to where you really belong , to where you’re at your happiest , if you learn to love the other thing and be happy , then you do belong to that path, you just didn’t really figured it out back then.
Words couldn’t justify how much I want to express what I feel but I really wanted to share my thoughts. For now, this is enough for everything to be said.
Never forget to seek someone out whenever you’re feeling lost or having a crisis in your life.
Praying is the most powerful thing you can do to sort everything out, so seek Him, always. ?