Feeling incomplete is a broad spectrum to find one’s self in, as there is so much to the sensation that it is incredibly hard to realize what is actually going on. The sense of being incomplete is not something that is foreign to many people. It is quite common, something that occurs in almost everyone’s life. It is actually much more uncommon for someone to feel entirely complete rather than having a sense of incompletion in one way or another as it is impossible to be perfect. While these two words mean something quite broad, that is entirely what I am trying to get across. This feeling is not concise, it is not bent on one thing, it is broad.
There are so many categories for the term, incomplete, to fall into in a person’s life that sometimes it becomes muddled and ignored. Sometimes people need clarity on the situation they are actually finding themselves in. Take me for instance, after living almost half my life outside of my home of Chicago, I was able to realize that this feeling is very evident in most third culture kids.
In this piece there will be four general, more common categories in which I have come to realize students can generally find themselves in, I can honestly say that I have fell into three of the four categories easily. Surprisingly, most have seemed to surface within the last few years. The meaning and personal strings have been dealt with, what does the term, feeling incomplete, really have to do with the general population? The general consensus I have been able to draw is the simple fact that if one feels like they are not really fulfilling their own definition of perfect, they are incomplete. This means that everyone is actually incomplete in one way or another.

Life at School

School is a place to learn. A place to be social. A place to be eaten alive. Being at school certainly is something to admire. The main, general point of school is to be educated, though that is not always the case. Because school is such a versatile type of setting for students, the feeling of being incomplete stretch into so many different categories, which sets it apart from the other larger, more broad categories of this feeling. Throughout my life, school was basically how I spent most of my days. Something that followed me wherever I went was the fact that I would feel quite insufficient and thus feel as if I was missing part of myself. While I was living in Korea this feeling was continuously apparent.

When living in Korea, it is quite hard to feel like one is being successful at what they are doing. Sometimes, being average is not quite enough, but for the 6th grade version of myself, average was a miracle for me, at the time. I was sufficient at all subjects except for one lone subject: math. While the source of this feeling of slight incompetence was not entirely set on my own shoulders, the imperfection I was feeling, the hollowness, it was so degrading. I felt so, as I would put it, incomplete. Though a miracle soon followed, after moving back to Chicago, I was able to surpass my goal with ease.

Straying away from academic incompleteness, this topic relates more to the nomadic students in the world. By moving around quite frequently, many students generally find it hard to connect with a school they are going to be at for one or two years, and the entirety of the time they are there, it is almost like they are detached from their friends, they do not feel like they are part of the school itself, and this topic will be discussed more in depth in a bit.

While so many instances of this general feeling occurs at school, one would have to ask, what are people supposed to do about it? For me, I simply had to push through the feeling of insufficiency and wait for it to change; work harder. Though when it comes to other aspects of feeling incomplete at school, it varies. Sometimes the puzzle piece that has been lost in the scheme of a human can be filled with something entirely different, and sometimes it is possible to mend that gap with the help of an almost mentor figure to help them with their problems as they face school daily. As there are so many reasons to this feeling there is an equivalent amount of solutions, the possibilities are endless. Though, sometimes, only time can mend the broken gaps.


Perception of One’s Self

While the idea of one’s self image is generally focused more on physical means, there is one large counterpart to this physical focus this world has begun to fixate over. A person’s mental state. While this entire aspect of feeling incomplete is determined by a person’s mind, sometimes the realization that one feels incomplete is actually because of one’s own mind as a whole. So the perception of one’s self can create a sense of being incomplete in a physical as well as a mental sort of way.

The fixation people nowadays have on self image is exploding, so it is almost impossible for someone to be completely full and content with themselves. People will always be hungry to try and fill their incomplete puzzle to try and become a perfect sight to see. So of course this sense of being incomplete will follow everyone everywhere. While it may be from not looking ideal, or from thinking they are not at a proper weight, it will follow people wherever they go, as it is hard to escape the mirage the world has created. Now for the mental aspect, the feeling of incompletion of one’s self can sometimes be changeable, though in many cases it is not.

Strangely enough I have been stuck in the bubble of feeling incomplete with myself. After moving from living in Korea for three years back to Chicago for the last quarter of 6th grade, I could easily say I put on some weight. I went from having an average frame to a rounder physique, and it started cracking me internally. Figuratively of course. As the shards of my slight confidence got lost in the folds of myself, I felt so broken, incomplete, it was quite degrading. People would constantly try to help mend the hole but it was quite hard. To put it in perspective, I did not know I had collarbones until the eighth grade and as my older siblings constantly reminded me, I could hide coins in my stomach. Though after the seventh grade and moving to China, I became a completely different person in a way. Yet as it started going away, the façade I put on was showed I was happy with myself, I wanted to become thinner and thinner, which made the hole seem bigger and bigger, until eventually I realized it just could not be done. It was not until some of my friends questioned my intentions, that I realized that enough is enough. Slowly bits and pieces slowly started to come together and tried and mend the hole that was created by how I felt about myself physically.

In terms of self-image, some things are not in our own control as people. While there is always the possibility to change one’s physical appearance to a certain extent and that is in our control. Though there are other things that can be quite degrading for people but cannot be changed. Like physical disabilities, disease, disorders, these things are not in our control, we cannot change genetic diseases; we cannot change the fact that we hate something about ourselves that is not reversible. I know of several people who do suffer from anxiety and they hate it about themselves and want it to change, though it is not entirely in their control so it leaves them feeling incomplete. So for some people it is in their control, though for others, it is not and it has gotten lost in the sea of their problematic experiences, and this seems to throw people off entirely.

So is this something that needs to be stressed upon so greatly in modern times? It would be a lie to say it is not true, because then that would signify that everyone would be completely perfect, and that is not how society works. While the hype of achieving perfection is something we, as humans crave, it is the faults we feel we have that help us be ambitious to do better, be better and if our perception of ourselves both physically and mentally was that we were completely perfect. It would have us stuck in one spot without having to be ambitious and achieve bigger and better things.

Personal Lives

Personal lives are quite a broad range of incompletion as one could see. People generally people use the term personal life as a way of talking about a person’s relationships, I will not be talking about missing pieces of one’s relationships and love life because of one large thing. Love is such a controversial and diverse topic. The topic and idea of love has so many answers it would take a book to explain the aspect of love and incompleteness. Take these two quite different, meanings of love for example. Dora Shen said that, “Love means you care about someone or something a lot and show deep affection.” A quite different take on love was expressed by Erin Hwang who said, “the crucifixion of Jesus Christ our lord and savior,” this can just go to show how broad the range of love could really be. Instead, I will be exploring the lives people live at home, the type of families that are living in the world and how that deals with a feeling of being incomplete.


There is still such a large amount of instances that the feeling of being incomplete could apply to this category as a whole. It could go from having an almost, divided family, to having a sense of abandonment. One of the biggest things that can happen in a child’s life is the divorce of their parents. In fact, according to the Mckinley Irving Law Firm, around 50% of all marriages end in divorce, though the percentage of families with children having a divorce decreases by 40%. Though this still leaves many children with estranged mothers and fathers. Though most cases of divorce can be for the better in terms of the parents’ relationships, there are, in certain cases, instances where the children are left confused and sometimes feeling betrayed. And thus, leaves them feeling slightly empty and incomplete. Sometimes some children find the need to recreate a connection with their parent and thus fill in the puzzle piece in the grand scheme of things. Though in certain cases it is best left empty.

As I talked about previously, the aspect of a student’s family and personal life cannot entirely be in their own control. Generally the causes of dysfunctional families are due to problems within the parents themselves and are rarely due to the children themselves. While feeling incomplete is not pleasant, there is not always a way to make it better for anyone else but themself.

Though one thing that someone could easily do if in this situation is to grow from it. By realizing what in fact is causing one’s sense of incompletion, that’s the first step. Though what someone does with is, is what really matters, and this does not seclude itself to the idea of cracks in one’s personal life. By being able to grow from the situation someone would find themselves it, it lets the canvas grow, it lets there be more to paint on, more puzzle pieces to add. Sometimes some pieces may get lost, though many times there is more that need to be added.

Feeling Grounded

To start this off, this does not apply to everyone. The term grounded literally means well balanced and sensible. Though in this case it means feeling secure. Being a TCK, or a third culture kid, it is quite hard to feel as if I fit in the infrastructure of my schools. According to the AARO, excluding men and women serving their country, there are around 6 million US citizens living out of their home country, that being said, many are families with children and many are simply people who want a new beginning, but in this case, the main focus is on the children. With so many people living out of country, a large portion is bound to be children and it is highly likely that many families would be moving around the world. As a result of this it means that the children will have to change schools somewhat frequently. By moving around it is generally hard to feel quite connected with where they live. One large question most TCK’s constantly have to answer is, “Where do you consider home?” This question throws off many who have spent a majority of their lives out of their birth countries, and many times the answer consists of many “ums”, “uhs”, and the occasional, “I do not know”. By not feeling grounded, one loses a large chunk of their puzzle, while they know many who have lived in their house for their entire lives, they need more than one hand to count the houses they have lived in. While many consider it a blessing, it is quite an interesting place to find one’s self in. The experience is one that could never be replaced, though sometimes the many positives bring out an occasional negative.

For my family, the years of 2010-2012 have been a whirlwind. In 2010 my family found out my mother was pregnant. Soon after we had to move back to Chicago from Korea. Then once the 2009-2010 school year was over, my 7th grade year went by quite undeterred, then at the end of the year it turned out we had to move to China on the conditions of my dad’s job. Once we got to China I was starting 8th grade, my mom took a job for the next school year down the road from the city we were just in. So over the course of four school years, I have attended five different schools, in three different countries. Moving is nothing new to me.

The constant moving has taken its slight toll on me, as I have felt like everything was going quite fast paced and during all the moves the connections I have had cracked and pieces fell out, so the idea of staying grounded in one place does seem quite foreign to me. Yet, does not deter me. The missing pieces show my experiences and the fact that I have had a unique life; I have a story to tell. The feeling of being incomplete has its positives but it also has its negatives. When I first moved in the third grade out of Chicago, the only thing I ever wanted was to move back. I would have teary confrontations with myself regarding why I wanted to go back though they always ended up getting lost in the everyday life of a third grader living in Indonesia. But eventually the feelings fade, though the emptiness does not. Feeling incomplete is not always negative; it gives off a negative connotation, though at many times it is in fact a quite neutral feeling to have. Especially as a TCK, feeling grounded is something that is not easy, and it especially will not be easy for my little brother as this he is living in his third city and second country in his two years of existence. By moving around it gives one experience. By meeting different people, it creates valuable qualities like adaptability, responsibility, and independence. While the repercussions may be some lost puzzle pieces, it gives someone time to find them and become a better person by being able to find themselves and add more pieces while finding the one they originally lost.

Altogether this idea of feeling incomplete seems bizarre, but it is omnipresent. It is everywhere, everyone has it, and there is no escaping it. And it is completely normal for a person to have these feelings. Whether they fit into one of these categories, all of them, and possibly even surpassing the possible categories of this incompletion, it is perfectly fine to be in any of them, these sections they fall into essentially define them, it is something to be proud of whether they like it or not. In conclusion, it is impossible for anyone to have a whole puzzle, especially if the puzzle just keeps on growing.