There has always been this competitive drive within me, and at times it made me seem hot-headed and exhausting to be around. I went through many friendships in my youth. Although it is a great thing to learn and eventually grow apart from other people, for the longest time, I would pick unnecessary fights or just act plain selfish. I never really knew the extent of my behavior until I had lost my elementary best friend. There was never a confrontation, but slowly she drifted away from me, and I would hear what she really thought of me from other people. While we were young, and kids tend to gossip, it really hurt. Once we graduated elementary school, she never spoke to me again, and I experienced my first heartbreak.

At the time, I was around twelve and did not understand the extent of my hurt, but as I got a little older, I realized that I pushed her away as well as many others going into middle school. However, once the coronavirus hit and everyone was trapped inside, I had a lot of time to reflect and reminisce. During these months of lockdown, most people wanted to improve themselves, as did I, and I came to the realization that I was insecure about my personality and especially how I treated others. I never truly felt connected to any of my “friends,” not because they were necessarily bad friends, but because I refused to open up when things bothered me or make them feel comfortable enough to do the same.

I did end up dropping this next group of friends and found comfort in extracurriculars. I have always had an affinity for sports and trying new things, so I tried running with the cross-country team over the summer. Not only did my passion grow, but it also helped me overcome my insecurities, and things just started to fall into place. I grew closer to both my friends and family. I learned I could do a whole lot more than I thought I could, and it motivated me to keep trying new things. I genuinely do not believe I would be as happy or have made much personal progress without running that summer and then joining the team. All the people I met were so wise, not just from the coaches, but these kids seemed to have lived so much more than I have despite the fact that I was older than a lot of them.

Running had always been a way for me to blow off steam, but once I got a sense of community and stability, it became a way for me to make peace with myself and get the opportunity to learn about other people’s lives or possible hardships, which then made me incorporate that into everyday life. Going on an 8-mile long run is bound to get tiring and occasionally boring, but when running with other people who share a common goal, it really allows you to take a lot in from the air you are huffing to the energy and words of the person next to you.