Athletes of the United States of America, male and female, young and old, have been granted equal, indispensable, and unalienable rights under the respectable Declaration of Independence; not given by their guardians, not by their government, but by God himself. Thus, when paid a sufficient amount to train these athletes in order to produce healthy and effective results distinguishable from their peers, swim club coaches are entitled to do so, obligated by the very conditions and financial assets in which been put in by the legal guardians of these adolescents in order for him to sufficiently perform his occupation. However, when such an individual, a particular head coach, abuses his power, taking advantage of his authority by dictating impossible sets in which even swimmers of Junior-Olympic quality will think preposterous of, those of lower level of physique should not be required to meet his unfeasible standards, nor expected to comply with his terms and past offenses as listed below:
1.
He has advocated his misconception of the term “warm-up” and put said misconception into practice, diminishing athletes of all ages and races of their potentiality to ever reach his impossible standards.
2.
He has adjured endurance practices, which calls for over 8 kilometers of continuous and vigorous swimming repetitions. No man should ever be required to undergo such inhumane practices.
3.
He has intended to indoctrinate his proverbs and ethics of motherland Russia into young minds, directly translated from his native tongue and consequently inconceivable to most swimmers, with the exception of individuals whose origins are from Russia, Ukraine, Siberia, or other Eastern European countries that share a common spoken language with him.
4.
He has prohibited the usage of the restrooms during the progression of a set, a clear violation of human rights and sanitary conditions.
5.
He has verbally abused his trainees who fail to perform up to his expectations, dubbing them with the colloquial term “lazy butts” and denouncing their performance level to below that of his grandmother.
6.
He has failed to detect swimmers who deliberately eschew the required sets while simultaneously criticizing those who aspire to make the effort in vain.
7.
He has demanded unreasonable payments that have escalated over the years, as high as a 70% increase of the year prior.
When a trainer has committed such heinous violations as listed above, members of such a swim club have the right to leave the club under such an individual’s supervision and tyranny; thus, these members and their respective legal guardians are then required to assume the responsibility of searching for another private club or school team better suited for their level of performance. Therefore, in the name of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, we formally declare ourselves independent from unlawful, abusive, and unethical athletic trainers, under the divine rule of God himself.