Somewhere,
in a high-clearance government building,
in the middle of Maryland,
there is the Department of School Photography.
For a study made long ago
revealed that teenage egos
are simply much too large.
To make room for the sludge of
dates and equations
essential for future career success,
it is deemed necessary
to un-cramp our skulls from our blimp-like
self-esteems.
Meticulous clerks
concoct foul-smelling Uglification Solutions.
Picture negatives are dipped in
the liquid and are horrifically transformed.
When perfectly nice-looking
boys and girls
open up their school picture packets,
their egos never fail to shrink five sizes.