Pain! It comes from being hurt physically or mentally over and over again. My pain comes from trusting someone that hurts you once. I love this person dearly, but I am still shaken. Thus, I shall put up guards, find the knife of neverlasting Pain. Knife, not too kill, to guard oneself. Enemies shall be upon you no more. My depression surrounds me, wherever I look I see blurring lines. I develop trust issues. Childhood trauma, I can’t escape. Thy shan't hurt me, said person. I am surrounded by blocked sounds. Nothing will hurt me. Nothing surrounds me, my life is nothing but normal.  I shall sacrifice my life, my future, for my families success. I'll never be anything but a sacrifice for others

PT I

self adaptations can be hard, complicated, unexpected. They come suddenly without anyone or anything warning you, ‘Your mindset is going to change, whether it’s your mind physically or mentally deciding. It is natural to feel different. People, bleeding fears coming and never leaving.  There's nothing you can’t change inside you or outside everything is possible if you want it to be. Persecutions, mass murders you experience all of these things no matter if you consider yourself, trans, nonbinary, agender, demigirl, demiboy, etc. We all experience these things. Even if you feel like the gender you were asigned at birth. But, everyday more and more people die, from just being the person they feel they are. Nobody should have to go through such situations. Self adaptation means realizing who you really are, not because everyone of your friends feels different. It's like change changing for someone or something is really toxic, but changing for yourself to benefit not just your signifigant other, etc, but your family as well as you and your friends, that's normal. 

Alife given to me

A life lasts forever if you believe that it does. When my eyes first opened up to the word the only thing that I saw was you. A kind and caring person that would do Anything to protect her baby. Who has now turned into a beautiful young woman. Every step and choice she makes her mother will be right beside her. Love can be a wasted emotion and some people don’t believe in it, but I do always have and always will. Finding myself and finding you has taught me a lot. You taught me how to love, how to live and to be aware of your surroundings. The things  you taught me I feel like you need to recognize yourself. Until change is implemented you will always be a hypocrite.  I would like you to recognize this, because you have a family that adores you, and your twelve year old daughter sometimes doesn’t feel as loved as she could be. I am going to insert a picture of you and I when I was younger, and show you how all the three traits I mentioned matched your personality back then. Your spirit is as hot as the sun. Your rays guided me to you. Loving you is loving myself, without you I’d be a dead soul. Sad, depressed, humorless, rude and vain. You are something I hope I never lose.  Your soul is like a flower set on fire, never being able to be put out. Your life is ongoing, your soul endless. 

My soul kind and pure gave way to this new emotion of love? Love is an emotion that can be given and accepted, but other times love can be abused, used against you or worse faked. The day that my fit and miniature body lay next to yours; I opened up to myself letting a “stranger” into my life. This “stranger” turned out to be my father. The man who would nourish me, believe in my dreams, understand my passion for things, be kind and loving and be the best dad that could ever belong to me. With these words I shall not foreshadow the  past but be present in my emotions and open up about certain doubts. And never let anyone use the word love against me. My death as promised will allow me to meet all my family I’ve never met, make impressions and be able to live with the owner of souls.

I hope that you use my words wisely, love and never ever have to feel forced or insecure about something.