Strange feelings all day long
And emptiness that cannot be quenched
If I blink long enough, I feel like I am falling
Down into the emptiness
Not to see light again
Until it is over

Everyone tells me that it will be okay
That I will do fine
But I doubt myself all the same
I take deep breaths
In ... out
In ... out
And try to believe them

Only one hour until it begins
And ends
Still that emptiness is inside me
In the car, I open my window
The cold air stings my throat
And flows into my lungs
No longer empty
Just numb
The quick change makes me feel light-headed
In ... out
It is almost over

I get there and barely have enough time
Before we are called to the stage
In ... out

An announcement is being made
The stage is dark behind the curtain
Soft voices and shuffling music
In ...
The curtain raises
... out

The numbness disappears
Now my hands are wet with fear
Wide eyes scan the auditorium for familiar faces
And I find several
If I make a mistake, they will know
They will not forget
The baton raises
We all hold our breath
No sound, only silent breathing
Everyone thinking about the same thing
The music
The baton falls
And it begins

The notes and rhythms swirl around the stage
In beautiful and mysterious colors and melodies
The music consumes me
A foreign language
Each new instrument is a new voice
Adding to the conversation

My part is approaching
After days of dreading it, it is finally here
Psh, no big deal, they said
You'll do fine
In ...
It comes and goes
In a matter of seconds
Hours of fear wasted
Relief spreads through me
... out

Just a small string of notes among many
Can make such a difference

Soon after, the steady flow of notes and rhythms stops
Only silence fills the room now
A few notes linger on the air
Then disappear into the rafters
To be reunited with the stars

Then an audience member begins to clap
The two, then four
And the whole room explodes
I receive the signal to stand
People cheer and whistle as I order my legs to move
I, the soloist, stand tall above the others,
Though our accomplishment is the same

I cannot wipe the smile off my face
I feel silly for letting myself worry
About some silly solo
And I cannot wait until tomorrow
When I get to do it all over again