I stared at the sky above
what was once a bright blue,
had faded to a misty grey
but today,
tinted with a rusty orange
that the sun had left behind
in its escape,
saying its final goodbye
as if it knew
I stood, watching the passing clouds
waiting for an answer
that never came
relief came to me after a moment
when I realized this would be my last disappointment
again, came the rippling wave of despair
that caught on my gut
and feasted on what little left I had inside of me
I looked at the busy street below
people pushing, people yelling
people honking their car horns
people bending over to pick up change
people clutching their possessions
people sitting aside as their lives passed them by
this was why I was here
I couldn't cry, I felt too objective
to everything, to the world
I glared down at the busy street
refusing to let myself feel
hate, or disgust
what I was about to do,
I knew no one would forgive me,
or even try
taking the life of a human being is one thing
but taking your own life,
in the lucky minds of the bloated majority
was the ultimate sin
one I could not understand
but one I would commit
for fifteen years I had tried
for fifteen years I had pained myself
only to fail
these overpowering feelings I have
no chemical mixture
or mind tweakers
could ever fix
as if I were always meant to be fixed
as if I were born a mistake
so long I have wasted my life
just to please society
to please my family
but none of them ever asked what would please me
never did they ask what I wanted
and yet they call my act selfish
but only because it isn't what they wanted for me
what a controlling, hypocritical society I live in
where a person cannot even choose their own life
or even if they want one at all
anger possessed me as I neared the edge
I could feel Death blowing cool air on my eyes
and I was ready to be free
I was ready to cry...
but then my thoughts were interrupted
by a single drop of rain that landed on my cheek
I looked up at the sky hopefully,
waiting for more to come
for a reason I should stay alive
and the water started pouring from the sky
I held my hands up and smiled at the blessing
I raised my head, but kept my eyes closed
feeling each drop on my face
they very sign of life itself!
pleading with me to stay
I almost turned and walked away
until I heard the cries below
I looked down, troubled
to see people pulling out their umbrellas
and heading for shelter
cursing the rain for coming
and the rain just poured harder
I fell to my knees
on the cold, cracked stone of the factory roof
where I saw the words of the people, washing away
life erasing their desperate attempt
to free the poor souls from their transparent prison
that's when my decision was made
I screamed up at the sky
cursing all who forced me to live
a single tear rolled down my cheek
before I tumbled, head first
towards the busy street below.