“Dreaming In Oceans”



Forever she will wait, her eyes to the sky, dreaming in oceans….
We were chasing the clouds, hearing every whisper the wind made; a voice so loud. Every word engraved upon our flesh. With hours that seemed endless, this was all I had. No ballad for the weary, the faint of heart – this was all she was…
On a cold December day, the trees were set ablaze. The sky was so fictitious, so beautiful. And, oh, how elegant our kiss! This was all I had. I held you in my arms one last time, and dreamt in oceans. The most ravishing of all colors – your eyes.
Then they took you away, and tied me down with their ropes. I’ll never forget that day. Never! That was the day February grew dark, and the frost began to grace everything that ever did love. On that day, that fateful day, we said goodbye; we closed our eyes; we dreamt in oceans. “Sail away with me, my love. Fly away with me, and we will never part again.” And everything went wrong. Now we suffer in what seems like an eternity of endless wondering and waiting. My selfishness and self - pity know no shame.

But as I lay here in the darkness, in this empty, weighted body – motionless, my soul cries out loudly, over my thoughts, over my pulse… and it pierces through the silence of the quiet night. And, yet, I haven’t made a sound. Could it be that my soul is searching for a home, searching for the light and warmth in this bitter world, longing for those arms to hold? Am I longing for that understanding voice to find its way through the tears, the static, and the uproar of raging thoughts and ceaseless fears, to somehow comfort this weary, heavy heart, and bring peace to this tired mind that consumes me? Could it be that I am lost, and maybe I’m just searching for meaning and depth in sorrow? Just a wanderer… Now, I becomes we. We seem to think that blindness is an illness that affects the eyes alone, and we tend to ignore the things that mean the most, and pretend that we cannot see… like, they’re not there… like they’re not real… But, they’re always there. I turn around and see what I’ve been trying to ignore, what I’ve been trying to hide from. My FEAR. This burden continues to grow. Go! Breathe! The pressure… The weight of the world. I can’t break. I can’t fall. My heart beats on. Pulse… Pulse… Pulse… pull the air out from me, it’s all I care about. Shades of gold and a honey orange medicine – so beautiful to cure my pain, but there was no silver lining. And I’m looking at the stars tonight, as the summer breeze is blowing the petals off of the flowers. But this means nothing without some one there to sing me to sleep. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. Like my lungs have wings that were given a bladed kiss. And, I’m floating… Then, everything’s quiet. And it all just fades… until I’m dreaming in oceans…

Then the clouds grow dark…
And ashes fall from our sky. And we can do nothing to stop what used to be our brightly colored world from turning into the deepest, darkest of all grays. But somehow, through it all – the ruins, the distress, the inevitable constant heartache – we still managed to keep our hearts beating in rhythm. And in our dreams, we were at the horizon, waves crashing around us, and we danced. I saw my future. A heaven sent angel, here to answer my prayers – with the sweetest sadness in his eyes. He saw me for everything I was, and everything I am. And he loved me.
And tonight, we’ll dream in oceans…