Little Red Riding Hood

Went walking in the wood.

Toting a basket,

Almost blew a gasket

When seven small miners

Appeared between the briars.

One was quite happy

Another rather grumpy.

The third was sleepy

Number four was just dopey

Five was sneezy (achoo!)

Six could’ve been the doc for you.

Seven had a bashful air,

And so, for a while, they stared.

Both parties surprised

Overwhelmed and stupefied

To find each other standing there.

And Little Red, not thinking ‘beware,’

Went with them to their humble abode.

For a while she followed

And when they finally arrived,

She met a healthy and revived

Snow White, who whirled around

But then she frowned,

And asked, ‘Who is she?

What vile girl have you brought to me?’

And Little Red, mighty mad by now

Snarled, ‘It is I, Little Red, you ugly cow.’

Snow White, furious at Little Red,

Said ‘Well it is I that the Prince shall wed,

For I am the fairest of them all,

My hair is ebony, my waist, so small.

He’ll never look twice at you,

You nasty, unsightly shrew.’

And Little Red, about to retaliate,

Was cut off, when, by a strange twist of fate

In dashed Cinderella,

All dressed up in satiny yella,

Missing not one, but two shoes.

‘Oh!’ she cried. ‘Tis true!

Prince Charming has agreed to marry you!’

Tears streamed down Cindy’s rosy cheeks

As she tore her hair and shrieked.

Snow White, stood, haughty and proud,

Until Little Red announced, quite loud,

‘Hey Cinderella, let’s take this fella down.’

And then ensued an epic shakedown.

Prince Charming arrived in the middle of the fight

And covered his eyes at the unseemly sight

Of the jealous three

Rolling around amidst the trees

Hair torn at, punches flying

The screams were quite horrifying.

He covered his ears and shook his head

His heart was filled with dread.

Finally, he yelled, ‘Stop, just stop!

Cinderella…I believe these are your flip-flops.’

‘No!’ Red Riding Hood cried.

‘I shall become your bride.’

Little Red tore the shoes away

As Cinderella looked on with dismay

Snow White, with fire in her eyes

Got on her knees and started to rise

Ready to fight once more.

It was almost a full-fledged war.

All three desired the prince’s affections

Longing for his handsome complexion

But Prince Charming looked quite horrified

At the three insane possible brides.

But, what ho! In came running

Someone quite stunning.

Out of the forest dark,

The dashing Prince of Denmark.

Hamlet declared, ‘To be, or not to be…’

And Charming interjected ‘…with me?’

‘With you?’ asked the fair Hamlet.

‘Oh yes. You’re quite handsome, I must admit.’

And so the princes rode away,

With not one moment of delay.

Into the sunset,

Went the blonde and brunette,

To be wedded in matrimony

The two princes lived

Happily ever after.



Epilogue Part I

Snow White cried,

Little Red cried,

Cinderella cried,

None destined to be bride.



Epilogue Part II

In Denmark the two princes wed

In that beautiful country they said

Their wedding vows

In the first country to allow

Two men to say ‘I do.’


THE END